November 1, 2003
"Hi I'm Jimmy Fallon."
"And I'm Tina Fey. And here
are tonight's top stories..."
CO-ANCHOR JIMMY FALLON: "Siegfried
announced Thursday that his partner Roy is continuing to recover.
Apparently his condition has been upgraded from critical to fabulous."
FALLON: "Whitney Houston
is releasing her first album of Christmas songs, called "One
Wish". Houston's one wish? More Crack."
CO-ANCHOR TINA FEY: "In
an interview, Paris Hilton said of her and her sister, "people
love to hate us. But, when you know us, you love us." And
if you really get to know us, you get gonorrhea."
FEY: "While speaking at
a Christian Youth Center in Dallas, President Bush said that
religion helped him overcome his heavy drinking and rowdiness.
But it was good old fashioned Texas will power that got him off
FEY: "It has been reported
that Britney Spears is now dating actor John Cusack. The two
have a lot in common: She wants to pursue an acting career and
he wants to bone Britney Spears. Things were apparently going
really well with the couple until Jeremy Piven demanded a supporting
FALLON: "Gary Turner, an
English man, set a Guinness world record for having 135 clothespins
attached to his face. This explains his nickname, "The Human
"Good night and have a pleasant