February 10, 2001
"Hi I'm Tina Fey."
"And I'm Jimmy Fallon. And
here are tonight's top stories..."
CO-ANCHOR JIMMY FALLON: "Wednesday, Bill and Hillary Clinton
returned some twenty-eight thousand dollars worth of furniture
that they took with them when they left the White House. The
ex-President stressed that the dollar amount was actually much
lower, as many of the items were, quote, 'stained.'"
CO-ANCHOR TINA FEY: "It was announced this week that
Elton John and Eminem will perform a duet at this month's Grammy
Awards. When asked if he felt conflicted about working with the
obviously gay performer, Elton John said, 'I don't have a problem
FALLON: "On Friday's '20/20' Jane Fonda said that
she lives alone, will probably never make another movie, is finished
with men and never exercisesI'm sorry. That quote was from Louie
Anderson. Jane Fonda's fine."
FEY: "The General Services Administration yesterday
refused to pay the eight hundred eleven thousand dollar rent
on Bill Clinton's Manhattan office space. Clinton says he will
be forced to go with his second choice for office space, the
champagne room at Scores."
FALLON: "A Pennsylvania woman who has been convicted
for shoplifting has been sentenced to wear a badge that reads
'Convicted Shoplifter.' However, her lawyers hope to plea bargain
down to a bumper sticker reading 'I'd Rather Be Stealing!'"
FEY: "Later this month, George W. Bush will make
his first European trip as President, visiting Prime Minister
Tony Blair in London. Hoping to make a good impression, Bush
has spent the last week trying to learn a few English words."
FEY: "Citing the high cost of the series and low
ratings, syndicator Pearson Television has cancelled 'Baywatch.'
Now viewers who love big fake boobs will just have to watch 'VIP,'
'Jerry Springer,' 'Jenny Jones,' 'Search Party,' 'Extra,' 'MTV
Spring Break,' 'MTV Making the Video,' 'Wild on E!,' 'Howard
Stern,' 'Silk Stalkings,' 'G-String Divas,' 'The Man Show,' 'Unhappily
Ever After,' 'Blind Date,' 'Bowflex' Infomercials, 'Cleopatra
2525,' the XFL, the NFL, 'Sabado Gigante,' 'Temptation Island,'
'Charmed,' wrestling, Cinemax, Showtime or commercials."
FALLON: "A San Francisco woman is claiming that 'Nash
Bridges' star Don Johnson groped her while exiting a restaurant
bathroom. The incident was reported by the men's room attendant,
Philip Michael Thomas."
FEY: "It was announced Monday that Kelly Ripa
will be Kathy Lee Gifford's permanent replacement on Regis Philbin's
morning talk show. Producers say the two women are very different;
Kelly Ripa is a long-time soap opera actress and Kathie Lee is
a hateful bitch."
FEY: "Hundreds of people are vying to get one
of only eight spectator seats at Timothy McVeigh's upcoming execution.
Said one ticket hopeful, 'It's so lame, 'cause you know the whole
front row is gonna be industry.'"
"Good night and have a pleasant