October 21, 2000
"Hi I'm Jimmy Fallon."
"And I'm Tina Fey. And here
are tonight's top stories..."
CO-ANCHOR TINA FEY: "With election day approaching,
the Presidential candidates stepped up their TV appearances.
This week Gore and Bush were on 'Letterman,' 'Regis,' and 'The
View.' Meanwhile, Ralph Nader was a plaintiff on 'Judge Joe Brown'
and Pat Buchanan appeared on a security camera at Walgreens."
FEY: "The Chevron Corporation has reached a deal
to buy Texaco. The forty-five billion dollar deal will give Chevron
full control of Texaco, the Caltex Corporation, and George W.
CO-ANCHOR JIMMY FALLON: "Al Gore is on the cover of 'Rolling
Stone' this month. Hey, Al, that's some tight khakis you got
on there buddy. Are those Wranglers or stranglers? I don't know
whether to vote for you or hang my coat on you."
FEY: "Scientists in the U.S. this week announced
they have revived a two hundred and fifty year-old bacteria believed
to be the oldest living creature ever found. And earlier today,
the scientists revealed that the organism is engaged to
Anna Nicole Smith."
FEY: "It was announced this week that Whitney
Houston and Bobby Brown will perform a show together at the Aladdin
casino in Las Vegas. Tickets are one hundred and fifty dollars
two hundred if Whitney and Bobby actually show up. The
concert will be sponsored by Snapple and cocaine."
FALLON: "This just in: New York City police have
reportedly apprehended the person who 'let the dogs out.'"
FEY: "Donna Hanover, the estranged wife of New
York Mayor Rudy Giuliani, made her debut in the play 'The Vagina
Monologues' this week in which she talked about orgasms and lesbian
sex. In response, the Mayor has already made plans to have Hanover
torn down and replaced with a Disney store."
"Good night and have a pleasant