EPISODE REVIEWS


Christopher Walken / Christina Aguilera
April 8, 2000


Hi there one and all! My name is Melinda and I am a virgin to all of this, so please be gentle(and call in the morning or you'll make me feel insecure.)

Anyway, I have been reading a lot of your reviews and they are quite humorous(esp. Jordan Davidson's and Mark Polishuk's) I thought I would try out and see how it goes. I guess I should tell you a little about me. I live in Idaho, ah yes, this barren wasteland. I think Canadians are the friendliest people and also the funniest(example:Mark Polishuk and Jordan Davidson, gee, guys, can I sign up for your fan club?)
Well, I'm 21 which means I can legally go into bars without showing my obviously fake i.d and I go to school and work at that capitalist whore I like to call The Gap. Yay me.
Anyway, this reviewing thing is harder than it looks, but here goes:

 

I am soooo happy that Christopher Walken is hosting. I am such a huge fan, plus I think he is very sexy!! Yeah, yeah, I know he's older than dirt, but he looks good for being older than dirt.
OPENING:
-- I knew a cameo from Dana Carvey was inevitable. I'm not a huge fan of Dana's but it was interesting to see him interact with Jr.(a.k.a Will).
-- This was better than most of the openings of past shows. The chemistry was really there and they had some good lines(ex. "Never underestimate the Bushes, we're SNEAKY!!) Ain't that the truth, sorry, but I am a hard-core Democrat, and I truly believe this what the Bushes are really like. RATING: 9.5/10

MONOLOGUE:
-- Well, since Christopher is starring in a Broadway musical, he just had to show off his singing talents once again. (sigh) Oh well.
-- "Having just turned 39..." HA!! Chris, baby, you don't look a day over 38.
-- I sort of look like Cheri while singing keroke after two margaritas, yeah, scary!!
-- Obviously they put the KISS method to use, "Keep it short and stupid." RATING:5/10

BEHIND THE MUSIC:
-- Hey, I used to like Blue Oyster Cult, jesus, I'm old...
-- Christopher as Bruce Dickinson...WTF!?! Looks nothing like him, oh, BTW Bruce has a British accent.
-- "I could've used a little more cowbell" Oh, I was rolling...ha,ha,ha,ha,ha!!!
-- The way Will was moving strangly turned me on..oh, um, er, yeah, never mind.
-- What the hell was up with Jimmy?
-- And what was the point of this sketch?
RATING:4/10

INTERLUDE: Hey, that's J.Mascis from Dinosaur Jr. Where the hell has he been? Oh yeah, the guitarist standing next to him is mighty fine, yum!

ELIAN:THE MUSICAL
-- I could tell it was going to be crappy before it even started.
-- OMG, Walken as Castro, brilliant!!
-- Isn't it kind of scary how good Rachael can play a 6 year old boy?
-- Ah Janet, where have you been? I miss your Dance Party!
-- What's up with Will and Chris making out all the time? Which brings up the question, what guy hasn't Kattan made out with?
RATING:4/10 , 9/10 for Chris and Will

THE CONTINENTAL:
-- Was that Phil Hartman's voice I hear? Spooky.
-- Oh, I love this sketch!! It always seems like Christopher is talking directly to me. Sigh! Have I mentioned how sexy he is?
-- He's seems excessively skeezy in this one.
-- "I have a stack of magazines under my bed you'd be perfect for.." Har, Har
-- The telescope was cute as was the painting from Target.
-- The obvious cue card reading was bothersome.
-- Overall, a little weaker than other Continental sketches. RATING: 8/10

IT'S FALLEN, AND HE CAN'T GET IT UP:
-- This was hysterical! The way Viagra commericals should be shown. It always bothered me how, in the actual commercials, they portray people as a bunch of middle-age couples gazing lovingly in each others eyes while they're bike-riding, or gardening, or playing chess. Please, it is all about getting it on, so don't try to sell it otherwise!
-- I wonder if Christopher really does take Viagra. RATING:9/10

JENNY JONES:
-- Ya know what's sad about this, this is what the Jenny Jones show is really like.
-- Holy Shit!! Molly's before picture was butt fugly!
-- "It looked like someone sewed your ass to your chest!" Oh, man, I could not stop laughing after I heard this.
-- Cheri looked like the ultimate slut. She plays white trash well.
-- Ooh, Parnell looked good in leather! I wonder what happened to his gut.
-- It's about time we see Tracy!
-- Is it just me or does hearing Christopher say,"Player Hater" sound weird coming out of his mouth?
-- "A crappy local band play us in to commerical." HA, so true! RATING:9.5/10

WEEKEND UPDATE:
-- I know a lot of you are fans, but this is my least favorite part of the show.
--Did Colin have too much coffee? He seems excessively speedy.
-- Good one about Mariah! I used to be a fan before she skanked out.
-- Oh, quit picking on Angelina Jolie and her bro. I thought it was sweet.
-- Oh, again with Jacob Silj??? It's was dull the last time. RATING:5.5/10

MUSICAL GUEST:
-- Wow, is crimping back in style?
-- Man, she can defintely sing(better than that Britney skank.) I still say Macy Grey was robbed of Best New Artist.
-- BTW, Christopher said her name wrong
-- Oh lord, what the hell is she wearing? Not only does Christina sound a lot like Mariah, she is starting to dress like her as well.
-- Four words for you, Christina: "Eat a freakin' cheeseburger!"

THE CENSUS:
-- Oh, man, this was too much. I almost peed my pants!
-- Hmm, surprisingly Tim held it together in this sketch.
-- "I have dual citzenship. I'm a citizen of the US and Florida." Oh my!!!!!!
-- With all that Viagra Chris is taking, it should come as no surprise that it would extend into animals, eh? RATING:9.8/10

BEAUTY PAGEANT:
-- Christopher said it best, "Very Disturbing."
-- Everything was going well, then that bitch Sally O'Mally had to show up. Why,oh,why do they insist on making this a recurring character?
-- Sally, honey, you don't look a day over 49.
RATING: 2/10

MUSICAL GUEST:
-- Oh no, she ripped off Etta James, not only that she desecrated it by jumping into "What a Girl Wants." Aw, man, she's going DOWN!!
-- Christopher said her name right this time.
-- Still, the girl can sing

So, that's how they ended the show, eh? Where the hell was Darrell? It was an okay show. A little less than I expected, but entertaining. Man, this reviewing is hard to do, but I had fun. Can't wait for next week's show with Tobey Maguire(hottie) and Sisqo(eh, so-so). I hope he sings The Thong Song. I love that song which disturbs a lot of my friends. Oh well, different strokes for different folks.

Bye-bye and sweet dreams!!!


Episode Review written by Melinda Vasquez


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