Julianna Margulies / DMX
February 12, 2000

Hey everyone.

I could go into a long rant about how I've been meaning to review past episodes but never got around to it because of my busy schedule and evil homework and school and sleep debt...but I won't.

In case anyone cares, Renee has cured her chronic dozing-off-in-class problem. If you weren't aware that I had this problem, now you do. If you don't care, scroll down.
Renee has an iron deficiency. Renee takes iron supplements now and she feels a whole lot better in general and is a lot more alert. Unfortunately, Renee doesn't know why she's speaking in the third person and figures she'd better stop before it gets dumb. Oops, too late.

Um, yeah, maybe I should get to the review.

OVERVIEW: I have never watched an episode of ER all the way through except for that live episode they did three years ago. I was curious, so I watched it. I caught a bit of one of the episodes earlier this year when Alan Alda guest starred (I'm a bit of a M*A*S*H fan, even though it ended before I was born), but I fell asleep. Most probably due to the aforementioned iron deficiency. No, I'm not proud that I am iron deficient, I'm just happy that I've figured out the problem.
Moving on, I was actually going somewhere with those ER statements: I haven't seen much of Julianna Margulies' work, so I didn't know what to expect. At all. And I didn't know she was leaving ER, but it doesn't matter that much to me since I don't watch it. Anyhoo.

[COLD OPENING] Funny stuff. Ana's Hillary impression has improved considerably. I liked how she was talking about how she's usually been thought of as threatening and dyke-y, and now she has a new hairdo. Okee, never mind. But it was great, and Darrell did a magnificent job stealing the show. I'm really going to miss Darrell's Bill impression. In a way I hope Hillary wins so that we can see more of it, but seriously, what are the odds of that happening?
Not that I should be talking, I don't live anywhere near New York. I live across the fricking country, in peachy northern California. I'd rather be back east, though.
The west coast is evil.
Now that I've sufficiently gone off the topic...

grade: A-

Don Pardo's back and sounds much better! Yay!

[MONOLOGUE] Julianna Margulies
Good monologue. Nice, organized, made sense. Good ER/Law & Order parody. Took me a while to realize that it was Noah Wylie under that mustache, but then again, that's cause I don't watch ER.
What was with those pants, though? Freaky. I have issues with leather pants. No issues with leather, just leather pants. Don't ask.

grade: A

[COMMERCIAL] Litter Critters
I hated it the first time. I have a weak stomach and I'm semi-obsessive-compulsive about hygiene so...good lord, why did they repeat this?

grade: D

[SKETCH] Dinner with the Robins...er, Blakes
Speaking of my weak stomach, I'm surprised I didn't lose my dinner after this sketch. Disgusting as it was, it was also funny.
My dad came in halfway through, saw what was happening, and left shaking his head and muttering "What the hell has happened to this show?" He still has fond memories of Gilda Radner and Dan Aykroyd and John Belushi and all those guys...I think it disheartens him to think that this sketch was produced by the same show that made the "Wild and Crazy Guys" and Roseanne Roseanna-Danna (or however it's spelled).
I don't agree with him. Nasty sketch, but hilarious.
Will nearly choking reminded me of that time Phil Hartman did a Bill Clinton sketch in a McDonalds and ate everyone's food and nearly choked, only to have Rob Schneider save him with a Coke. *sigh*...I have fond memories of a different era of SNL.
Chris Kattan does a good job with those little kids roles.
I give everyone credit for not losing it and cracking up (and choking to death).
However, I can't believe they actually did this.

grade: A

[SKETCH] E! Fashion World
Not bad. The Will & Cheri combination has really started to irritate me to death. No matter what it is, The Spartans, The Morning Latte hosts, whatever, if it's the two of them together, it's annoying as hell.
Not that they're not annoying individually, what with the way they play every single character the same way. The only decent thing I've seen come out of either of them is Cheri's Barbara Walters.
That being said, this sketch was okay. Molly's Donatella Versace was okay, Julianna's Liz Hurley was really good (sounded just like her) and Horatio's Elton John had me laughing hysterically.
However, Molly/Donatella started to scare me, Julianna, while she sounded like Elizabeth, looked more like Just Shoot Me's Laura San Giacomo with that brown straight hair. And Will and Cheri annoyed me. So...

grade: B+

[SKETCH] Simmuhduhnuh at Augusta General
It's official. I hate Cheri Oteri.
I hate this character. I hated this sketch.
Not funny the first time, worse the second time.
This is a combination of David Spade's Dick Clark receptionist's "And you arrrre...?" and his flight attendant's "Buh-bye" sketches. Ya know, it's like the "And you arrrre...?" in that she is a receptionist with an annoying catch phrase and she won't let anyone in, and it's like the "Buh-bye" in that she keeps on finding different ways to say her annoying catch phrase. Yes, I'm saying Cheri Oteri ripped off David Spade.
But not really. See, those two of David's characters actually made me LAUGH. This sketch made me bury my head and cry. It was so bad. And I'm not just saying that because the Farley/Spade/Sandler/Rock/Carvey/Hartman/Myers/Nealon/etc. SNL era was my favorite. I'm saying it because it's true.
Bad bad bad bad bad bad bad.

grade: C-

[SKETCH] Crocodile World
Not bad. Chris' goofy accent worked, somehow. This sketch, however, was random and kinda pointless. It had it's moments, but for the most part it was random.
A little too much blood in this week's SNL episode. Not good for the aforementioned weak stomach. Maybe this is why I don't watch ER. Anyhoo...
Once again Julianna looked like Just Shoot Me's Laura San Giacomo...it's that brown straight hair with the bangs. It's getting freaky now. I've got it: Julianna and Laura have similar faces, just different hair. I feel so smart.
Now I figure that either of two things have to happen:
a) Julianna has to stop wearing those brown wigs
b) I have to stop watching so much Just Shoot Me...which is impossible, because I am an incurable David Spade/Wendie Malick/George Segal fan.
So, Julianna, it's up to you.
I'll shut up now.

grade: B

[WEEKEND UPDATE] Weekend Update
"Simmuh da na." Ha ha, very funny, Colin. *beats head against desk*
Don't do that again Colin. Don't ever quote that sketch again. I will lose all respect for you.
Other than that, this was a good update. I liked the crack about Keith Richards being the world's largest drug company. Hee hee hee.
And I liked Cheri's bit. I hated Cheri and her character and her voice, but the stuff she was saying was funny. That vibrating hoagie had me on the floor choking with laughter.
Now if only it wasn't Cheri doing that bit...

grade---Colin: A
Cheri's bit: A
Cheri's character, voice, and overall presence: F (I'm mean and I know it)

Why is this considered music?
Why do they even invite these rappers on the show?
Who the hell listens to this crap?
What the hell was he saying? I didn't understand a word.
I muted it about halfway through and went to get something to eat.

grade: I should say N/A since I didn't hear it all the way through, but then again I didn't need to, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out how to grade this: F

[SKETCH] Ad for Erectile Dysfunction...or Tootsie Rolls
I've always wondered about those actors in the Viagra/Pfizer ads...do they really want to be associated with impotence?
Except Bob Dole...man, I respect the guy for having the guts to appear in those commercials, but I really didn't want to know that much about him and Liddy's sex life...
Funny commercial. I liked Will facial expressions. (That doesn't mean that I like Will that much, though.) I liked Chris Parnell's voice-over. I liked Will's humiliating beach story. I liked how easily Julianna agreed to go out with the voice-over guy. I liked the different film quality they used for the commercial shots. And I liked how it turned out to be a Tootsie Roll commercial.
I just liked the sketch.
Good sketch.

grade: A

[SKETCH] Savin' It with Jessica Simpson
This was fricking hilarious.
I loved how Will kept breaking the glass.
I loved how Will and Jimmy were so frustrated and...repressed...that they were shaking. I just love Jimmy in general.
Okee, I won't go into a whole "Why and How Much I Love Jimmy" rant now.
Back to the topic. Funny funny sketch, even though Cheri just sounded like herself and not anything like Jessica Simpson. Not that I know what Jessica sounds like. To tell the truth, I've only just heard of her three days ago or so. And I've only heard one of her songs. And she's another of those no-talent pathetic manufactured stars that belong in the Brittany Spears/Backstreet Boys category.
Anyhoo, this was a great sketch. Funny funny funny.
I just love Jimmy! I can't help it.
Jeers to the writers, though. Monty Python's Flying Circus is the best! Jeers to them for saying that only people like Rachel's character (I know many people like her) like Python. As Mark Polishuk said, there would be no SNL without Monty Python.
Damn writers. It's time to pull out the Holy Hand Grenade...
Julianna was wearing a brown wig, but she didn't look like Laura San Giacomo. Yay! However, since she was kind of losing her voice and had a similar hairstyle, she reminded me of Kirstie Allie in this sketch. Not the greatest thing.
Ana looks way too old for Jimmy.
Will looked constipated (sorry, it had to be said).
And the final thing about this sketch: Hilarious ending when Jimmy and Will and Rachel went at each other.
I love Jimmy! Sorry.

grade: A

Since when is this considered a good idea for a musical guest? Who does the SNL musical bookings? What the hell is wrong with them? Who actually wants to hear DMX yell random things into a microphone? Who couldn't do exactly what he's doing at home? The only difference is that they wouldn't have the "celebrity status" and the contract. Hell, I could do this, and I'm not particularly musically gifted. Not that it would matter in this case.
I muted this yet again and pondered why people consider this crap worth listening to.

grade: I didn't listen to all of it again, and I'm going to give it an F again

[SKETCH] The Bloater Brothers try to pick up.
Mildly amusing, yet slightly annoying.
It's Jimmy again! Not the greatest sketch, but hell, I got to see Jimmy!
Better than most 10 to 1 sketches.
I think we need to introduce the Bloater Brothers to the Roxbury Guys...who's with me? Ya know, what with their absolute ineptness with members of the opposite gender?
Well, I thought it was a good idea.

grade: B+


[SKETCH/COMMERCIAL] William Shatner for Priceline.com
I've seen the real commercials, and they're funny. This, however, wasn't. Darrell sounded more like a combination of his Phil Donahue and Regis Philbin impressions rather than Bill Shatner.

grade: C

Good show. I didn't know what to expect, as previously mentioned, since I don't watch ER, but it was a fairly solid show. Most of the sketches were pretty good. And Julianna proved herself to be a good host. DMX ruined it, though.
Next week is Ben Affleck and Fiona Apple. Fiona's "Fast As You Can" is now getting on my nerves as it's heard nearly once an hour over here. Ben should be funny. I saw him on Conan O'Brien during that week when Conan was in LA, and he was absolutely hilarious. Looking forward to that.

On a sadder (and unrelated) note:
I was a major "Peanuts" fan when I was younger (and I still am, but not nearly to the same extent). I don't live too far away from Santa Rosa, CA, where Schulz lived (although that's a coincidence). I have so much Snoopy and other "Peanuts" merchandise it's not even funny. And I highly identify with Charlie Brown. :)
The news that Charles M. Schulz died caught me off guard. I was watching Nick at Nite cause they were showing some "Peanuts" TV specials in honor of the strip retiring. At 11:30 I flipped to NBC to watch SNL and the local news was just finishing. And the news anchor said, "A quick recap---Charles Schulz has passed away from colon cancer." I have never been more shocked.
Oh, the irony of him dying the night before his last "Peanuts" strip appeared in print.

Charles Monroe "Sparky" Schulz---we'll miss you.

A quick thanks to Mark Polishuk. Why? Because I used his list of this week's sketches from his review to type up my review. So...thanks. Yay.

Until next week (if all goes well and I'm actually able to pound out a review)...au revoir, mes chous.

Episode Review written by Renee Epstein

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