Heather Graham / Marc Anthony
October 16, 1999

Hi, people. What's new? Not much over here. Anyhoo, Heather Graham, huh? Well, the only things I remember her from are "Bowfinger" (which I never saw but everyone is telling me I should have) and "Austin Powers 2: The Spy Who Shagged Me" (which I did see, with my very best friend, and we both agreed that the first Austin Powers was better). So...why was she hosting? No <<beep>>-ing clue. As for Mark Anthony...haven't really heard of him, either, except for that one song, "I need to know" (or something to that effect). So...yeah, not really sure what to expect. Anyhoo.

[OPENING] Al W. Bush Gore
Fairly funny. I liked when Clinton left the room since he was so bored by Gore. That was hilarious. Not bad, overall. Certainly better than the cold opening from the Seinfeld show.

grade: B+

[MONOLOGUE] Heather Graham
This cracked me up, but didn't they do something really similar to this back when Sarah Michelle Gellar was hosting? I thought so. Loved the little "incident" with Chris Parnell, though.

grade: B+

[COMMERCIAL] Litter Critters
Oh my god, this was so disgusting. I liked the Home Security Systems commercial from Jerry's show better than this one.

grade: C

[SKETCH] Sex crazed couple on a plane
This sketch is being stretched too far. I'm getting sick of them. I think the best one with this couple was the Brendan Fraser one. It's getting pointless now. Oh, and how much do you want to bet that Chris Kattan REALLY enjoyed kissing Will? Anyhoo, despite all I just said a few seconds ago, this did make me laugh a bit. I'm sick of it, but I laughed.

grade: B

[SKETCH] Ladies' Man
Is it just me, or has Leon Phelps' hair gotten BIGGER? I knew it wasn't just me. Anyhoo, this was pretty funny, but I just like it better when he takes phone calls. I wonder how they're going to make this into a movie?

grade: A-

[SKETCH] Hans and Franz: Where Are They Now?
Oh my god, Hans and Franz. You have no idea how much I miss these two. Seriously. I am a big fan of that era of SNL (and the era after it, with Spade and Rock and Sandler). And I loved these guys. They never failed to crack me up. This was a pretty clever idea, showing what happened to them. And it was funny. I laughed hysterically. More than I laughed at any other sketch. I mean, I really laughed out loud. "We just want to pump <<CLAP>> you up!"
Damn it, I miss these guys.

grade: A+

[SKETCH] VH1 NetAid coverage
This was farily pointless and unfunny. The highlight of this was Jimmy as David Bowie, dressed exactly the way he was on the Seinfeld show. Heather's Jewel impression was fairly inaccurate, but I appreciated the audience heckling her. Can't stand her.

grade: B-

[WEEKEND UPDATE] with Colin Quinn
This was really really good. I absolutely LOVED that bit he did with the little girl. That cracked me up. I got the hiccups. Oh my god, that was funny. The spanish bit at the end was sort of funny, but kinda random. All in all, great update.

grade: A

[MUSICAL GUEST] Marc Anthony
Catchy song. Was stuck in my head for days afterwards. But not bad. I like him better than Ricky Martin.

grade: I never know how to grade the musical acts...um...A...I guess

[SKETCH] Dog Show
Good lord. Not this again. This isn't funny. It never was funny. It never will be funny. I HATE THIS SKETCH!!! WHY THE HELL DO PEOPLE LIKE THIS CRAP???!!! This was sooooooooooooo stuuuuupid! Oh my god. Who the hell came up with this concept? It is sooooo BAAAAADDDD!!! I have ranted about this before, but I'm about to do it again. I don't understand what is so funny about this. I really don't. And you know why? BECAUSE IT'S NOT FUNNY!!!!!! It's sketches like this that prevent SNL from being as good as it used to be. I mean, you have to admit it, the show used to be a hell of a lot better. But it's because of sketches like these the show has gone down and lost a great deal of my respect. I mean, don't get me wrong, I still love SNL, but not as much as I used to, like, back in 1992. Anyhoo, back to the topic...oh yes...BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD BAD!!! Sooooo not funny. Stupid. Bad. Horrible. Pointless. Pathetic. This one should have been cut after the dress rehearsel.

grade: F

[SKETCH] 'Blair Witch Project' Spoof Foundation
And this was a really STUPID sketch, too. It wasn't funny. It was slightly funny the first time when they "didn't" do a Blair Witch spoof, but then they had to go drag it on and on and on and it wasn't funny. That's the case with a lot of sketches lately. Case in point: The "...And a Pizza Place" sketch from two weeks ago.
I'm really pissed off now.

grade: C

[MUSICAL GUEST] Marc Anthony
I like him. Catchy songs, get stuck in my head for ages, but I still like him better than Ricky.

grade: ummmm...A?

[SKETCH] Post-threesome discussion
Not bad for the last sketch of the night. Not bad at all. Nope. I'll be nice to it.

grade: A-

Okay, well, overall, disappointing. I think Jerry Seinfeld's show was funnier than this one. Heather started to get on my nerves, the was she played every single character in every single sketch the same way. I mean, she played Jewel the same way she played a porn star in the "Ladies Man" sketch. That's a bad sign. Irritating as hell. And...yeah. Truthfully, the highlights of the show for me were Update, Mark Anthony's songs, and the Hans and Franz "Where are they now?" segment. The rest of it, I think could have been a lot better if they had just thought it through more. Except that damn Dog Show sketch. That one should have been cut. FOREVER. But I won't get started on that again.

Oh, and before I go, here's another rant from me: The "Best" of 98-99? Not that great. That compilation show was a huge disappointment, too. The only one I seem to remember thinking belonged was the Jingleheimer Junction sketch, and all of Colin's Update quips. The rest of it wasn't so great. The two sketches I thought were really missing were that Mango and Kiwi sketch with my beloved David Spade (you have to admit, that was hilarious), and of course, The Delicious Dish with Pete Schweddy (with my also beloved Alec Baldwin). Why they hell weren't they there? I mean, I might be able to see why they'd pass up Mango and Kiwi, but Pete Schweddy? What the hell? Who didn't love that sketch? I rest my case.
That's it for now. Until next time, remember, "I know when I'm not wanted. And that's when I'm needed the most."

Episode Review written by Renee Epstein

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