Bill Paxton / Beck
January 9, 1999
Okay, gang! It's time to party like it's 1899!...oh, sorry, I've got an advanced version of Y2K.
Hope everyone had a good holidays. I still have a few resolutions that I haven't broken, yet. I tell you what, no new SNL over the break is rough. Even though NBC showed good repeats, it can't beat the real thing (to quote Coca-Cola).
My beloved Green Bay Packers have started off the year in a bad way. They got SCREWED out of the playoffs. Jerry "Overrated" Rice fumbled the ball, but the damn referees blew the call, which led to San Francisco scoring on the final drive. The NFL can't bring back instant replay soon enough.
I want to thank the nine of you who participated in my SNL poll over the holidays. Here is the way the voting went down;
7 votes-- Gilda Radner
6 votes--- Phil Hartman
5 votes-- Dana Carvey, Jan Hooks, Victoria Jackson, Eddie Murphy, Mike Myers, Adam Sandler
4 votes-- Dan Ackroyd, John Belushi, Chris Farley, Jane Curtin
3 votes-- Laraine Newman
2 votes-- Will Ferrell, Jon Lovitz, Cheri Oteri, Chris Rock, Molly Shannon, Julia Sweeney
1 vote--Chevy Chase, Billy Crystal, Nora Dunn, Ana Gasteyer, Mary Gross, Melanie Hutsell, David Koechner, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Mark McKinney, Bill Murray, Kevin Nealon, David Spade
Non- SNL cast members recieving votes-- Al Franken, Tom Hanks, Steve Martin
Hence, your all time SNL cast would be Gilda Radner, Jan Hooks, Victoria Jackson, Jane Curtin, Phil Hartman, Dana Carvey, Eddie Murphy, Mike Myers, Adam Sandler and either Ackroyd, Farley or Belushi. I'd assume those three would fight it out in a three-way brawl, with Farley being eliminated first because the Blues Brothers would team up on him. Ackroyd and Belushi would then slug it out for about fifteen minutes, when David Spade hops up on the ring apron to distract the referee. The vengeful Farley would then return and clock Ackroyd with an illegal object, giving Belushi the win. Fat guys always stick together.
This week's trivia; the Muppets have been special guests on SNL a record 13 times (special guest is defined as a guest that is not a host or a featured player). What (human) performer has been a special guest 12 times?
Let's start off the first review of the new year;
[OPENING] Gingrich and Livingston drown their sorrows
Good opening, a difference from their usual political opening. Prediction; Chris Parnell will be the first of the featured players to become an official cast member. GREAT LINE ALERT: "What the hell happened?!"-- Will Ferrell (as Bob Livingston)
[MONOLOGUE] Bill Paxton
I swear, this is a true story. I mentioned to my folks I was going to stay up to watch SNL with Bill Paxton, and my mom said "Oh, we just saw a movie with him in it." The movie was Zero Effect, starring Bill PULLMAN. Weird. By the way, rent Zero Effect, it's really good. This monologue was not really good, only okay (how's that for a segway?). Why was Darrell doing Will's hair?
[SKETCH] The View
Debbie Matenopoulous (sic) is a really good sport to come on SNL after the many, many jokes that have been made about her. GREAT LINE ALERT: "If brains were a crime, you'd never do time."--Tracy Morgan (as Star Jones)
[SKETCH] The Kulps at United Airlines
The Kulps always entertain, if for no other reason than to hear Ana Gasteyer sing. GREAT LINE ALERT: "Get ready to experience some bumpy funkulance!"-- Will Ferrell (as Marty Culp)
[SKETCH] The Alternate Ending to Titanic
I had forgotten that Bill Paxton was in that movie. Horatio looked exactly like the fat guy with the smiley face shirt. Good to see James Cameron poke some fun at the movie. GREAT LINE ALERT: "I just thought it would be cool to see an old woman get brutally beaten." --James Cameron
[SKETCH] Behind the Music with Fat Albert
Really, really funny. I was laughing my guts out at this sketch. GREAT LINE ALERT: "It all started when Buh-Buh found some crystal meth."--Tracy Morgan (as Fat Albert)
[WEEKEND UPDATE] Colin Quinn
An okay news portion, Liz Dole sketch fell a bit flat. Yet another DeGeneration X sighting on SNL (with 'suck it' on the Lincoln Memorial).
[MUSIC] Beck "Nobody's Fault"
Okay song, if repetitive. Always fun to see sitars on SNL.
[SKETCH] MSNBC Newsforce
A bit to clear up. The sports ticker said the Toronto Maple Leafs lost to Boston, 10-2. Hardly. The Leafs STOMPED Boston, 6-3. Stanley Cup, baby! A good sketch, even though the premise was quickly established, then got old. GREAT LINE ALE...aw hell, this is getting old.
[COMMERCIAL] KCF Shredders
In my first review of this commercial, I called it pointless. It still is, but after a second viewing, it's not that bad. The Stella action figures got a chuckle out of me. This is no longer the year's worst commercial, the Hilary Clinton/Ken Starr Gap ads get the nod.
REVISING RATING: 6.5/10
[SKETCH] Overnight Male Delivery Service
A good, simple premise, delivered well. A good, clean sketch about male strippers.
[SKETCH] Fantastic Voyage
There have been a lot of sketches with the same premise this season. Characters spend most of the time thinking up unique ways of describing other objects. For example, the Witch's Brew sketch in the season premiere. My personal laugher was the Rumpelforeskin, but the rest of it got old. Nice touch with the freeze frame at the end.
[MUSIC] Beck "Tropicalia"
Good song. The sonic grind at the end still sounded kind of musical, oddly enough. And now...without further ado....
Therapist--Okay, Mr. Cherry. You've made great progress over the
holidays. Neneh's idea to get you these sessions for Christmas was a good
idea, don't you think?
Eagle-Eye Cherry-- Yes, doctor. It's taken a load off my mind. I mean, I didn't think I was having rage problems, but now I see what my sister meant. Of course, what's she got to worry about? When she was on the show, she got TWO FREAKING SONGS! BUT NOT ME! NOT POOR LITTLE EAGLE-EYE! THAT #(*&#%*(#&%*# LORNE MICHAELS! I'LL KILLHIS #(*%#&*(#&%*#& ASS YET!
Therapist--Oh dear. Now, Eagle-Eye, check yourself before you wreck yourself. Just calm down. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts. Remember your resolution not to snap?
Eagle-Eye--I'm sorry, doc. I don't know what came over me. I just get really upset when I see SCRAWNY LITTLE TWERPS LIKE BECK GET TWO SONGS AND A SKETCH TOO! HELL, I WOULD HAVE TAKEN A SKETCH! I'M A GREAT ACTOR! DIDN'T YOU SEE MY VIDEO??!! THAT WAS NOT EDITED! I HAVE THE ABILITY TO BE IN SEVERAL PLACES AT THE SAME TIME, BUT DID LORNE MICHAELS CARE?? NO! HE CUT ME OFF FOR A DUMB SKIT ABOUT LAURA SCHLESINGER! I HATE THAT %(*#&#*)%#* LORNE MICHAELS! (At this point, Eagle-Eye jumps up, and leaps out the office window.)
Therapist--Oh dear. Maybe I should call in another doctor. Perhaps Dr. Smalley....
[SKETCH] Extreme Hunting
Chris Kattan was born to play The Artist Who Formerly Had Some Talent. Darrell was particularly good in this skit. A new character?
OVERALL: Really good show. Good start to the new year. No cue cards for Paxton, who did a good job. Beck was good, and I predict that he will one day appear on the show as host and musical guest. Next week is Woody Harrel...whoops, no. It's the kid from Dawson's Creek, James Van Der Beek. Okay, the musical guest will be Whitne....huh? Everlast? Who? Next week went from a potentially really good show to a head-scratcher. Oh well. Sometimes the best shows are the ones with unknown guests. By the way, did Don Pardo have laryngitis or something? His voice sounded really different tonight.
OVERALL RATING: 8/10
Episode Review written by Mark Polishuk
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