Gwyneth Paltrow / Barenaked Ladies
February 6, 1999

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages. Sean Bradley is proud to present to you the SNL RE-viewing CHAM-pion of the WWWWWWOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRLLLLDDDDDD......... "Pollywood" Mark Polishuk!

How's everybody doing? Man, it seems like a lot longer than two weeks between new SNLs. With three straight weeks, though, it'll give me a chance to get back in the groove. I'll be putting out the same quality reviews (Editor's Note HAHAHAHAHA) that I'm famous for and set the world on it's ear. I've added a couple of new wrinkles for 1999. Some of you might wonder why I'm adding these a month into the year, but I just thought of them now, okay? GET OFF MY CASE. Anyhoo, I will be adding a Kattanometer to measure how many sketches that Chris Kattan appears in. Several other reviewers are always bitching that he doesn't appear in enough skits, so consider this a service to them.

I'd like to thank all...two of you who participated in my survey last week. Come on, people! Certainly a lot of you have to have your all-time WORST casts of Saturday Night Live. I'll keep it going for a couple more weeks. What you do is send in ten past or present cast members (six men, four women) that you think sucked the most on the show, for whatever reason. And, if you put why you dislike the actors so much, the best comments will be written up in a future review.

As far the normal trivia question, Tom Heald knew that Andy Kaufman was on SNL thirteen times as a "special guest." Good work, Tom. Your chick is in the mail. No, that was not a spelling error.

Denver won the Super Bowl, and pretty easily too. I picked Atlanta, and so I'm pissed at Eugene Robinson. This moron gets himself busted for trying to solicit a prostitute (who was really a cop) on the eve of the biggest game of the year. This also came a day after winning an award from a Christian group. What a total fool. I'm glad Green Bay ditched the hypocritical bastard.

Lez begin.


[OPENING] Clinton is too big to gloat

This was great. Nothing is better than gloating while acting contrite. Try it sometime. A lot of real subtle hilarious moments, like Monica being the only one sucking on a bottle and the picture of the horse's ass for Henry Hyde. Tracy's dance was pretty funny too, as he made the most of his one appearance of the night. I don't know why I liked this so much but I did.

RATING: 8.5/10


[MONOLOGUE] Gwyneth Paltrow

Wow. Brad Pitt is an IDIOT. Ben Affleck is also an idiot, but an idiot with stones because who else would come out and do a bit with their ex-girlfriend on national TV? Props to Affleck. The whole British accent bit was forgettable, and since when is being an American actress bad? What about Meryl Streep? Jodie Foster? Susan Sarandon?

RATING: 7/10


[SKETCH] E!Now at the Impeachment Hearings

It may be a while before Sharon Stone hosts SNL again. A really long while. Kattan is dead-on as Andy Dick. This sketch had the line of the night, but that's not until later. New wrinkle!

RATING: 8/10


[COMMERCIAL] VH1 Behind the Music with Joan Jett

Meh. Not bad, but you might have to be a bit more up on the Blackharts for this to be funny.

RATING: 6/10


[SKETCH] Mary Catherine Gallagher

Your average MCG skit. Who watches these old TV movies to get the monologues from them? Who would want to? This was really the only
sketch of the night that Gwyneth looked kind of uncomfortable in. GREAT LINE ALERT: "Wow, wait until my Babylon 5 chat room hears about this!"-- Chris Parnell

RATING: 7.5/10


[COMMERCIAL] VH1 Behind the Music with John Oates

This was pretty good. Even casual fans know that John Oates is junk, so this one worked better.

RATING: 7/10


INTERLUDE: Right now, on MadTV, pro wrestler Bret "The Hitman" Hart is

beating the hell out of cast member Will Sasso. Sasso is a fat man, so seeing him get beaten is kind of funny, but the audience was silent, perhaps thinking the assault was actually happening. The moral of the story is that MadTV sucks.


[SKETCH] Mindy and Sky

Average. The funniest part was probably Sanz at the beginning telling the anarchists to change their meeting time.

RATING: 6.5/10


[CARTOON] X-Presidents

Smiegel is back! Lots of good stuff here. A good jab at Ted Kennedy and a HUGE slam of Thurmond (about the slaves). He showed George Bush banging Barbara again, so it's another month of nightmares for me. Man, the stuff Smiegel gets away with. GREAT LINE ALERT: "You have the right to bear this, bitch"-- Gerald Ford

RATING: 9/10


[SKETCH] Staten Island Nurses

An okay premise, but not well executed. Audience reacted like Bret Hart just walked on and beat somebody up.

RATING: 6.5/10



I guess they ditched the stand-up bit. Some good jokes, the best of which probably being the one about Al Gore trying to hurry along the impeachment procedings. The whole bit with Tim as Vernon Jordan was good, but weird.

RATING: 8/10


INTERLUDE: Right now, on Howard Stern, some woman in her underwear is licking maple syrup off the legs of some guy in boxer shorts. Needless to say, I didn't even stick around to find out what the hell they were doing.


[MUSIC] Barenaked Ladies "It's All Been Done"

It's funny, with the Ladies having all this success. They were huge up here in Canada about six years ago, then the novelty wore off. Now the Americans love them, and the Canadian music stations are doing some big time sucking up. They've got a lot of energy, I'll give them that. An okay song, but the lyrics make no sense. Only one song? Hmm.....

RATING: 7/10


[SKETCH] The Voice Family

The voices got old fast, but since that was the joke it was okay. Horatio really does look like Belushi, if you look hard enough.

RATING: 7/10


[COMMERCIAL] VH1 Behind the Music with Colin Hay

Come on. At least feature a singer who's done something in the past fifteen years.

RATING: 5/10


[SKETCH] A & E Biography on Harry Smith

I hope whoever does the Harry Smith impression is as funny as Hammond. GREAT LINE ALERT: "Harry Smith was born in 1942, the only offspring of Adolf Hitler and a chimpanzee."--Darrell Hammond

RATING: 7.5/10


[SKETCH] Rehnquist tries to break the impasse

Pretty good. Darrell is really getting his mileage out of that Trent Lott impression tonight. Somebody on the writing staff seems sore at Tracy Ullman....even though she is overrated.

RATING: 7.5/10



The thought of Gwyneth Paltrow in a sketch about porn got me excited for a second, but this wasn't that great. Maybe it would have been better on a show with an older host. Could you imagine Bill Murray or somebody doing this?

RATING: 7/10


SKETCHES OF THE NIGHT: Clinton is too big to gloat; X-Presidents
LINE OF THE NIGHT: "Isn't he scary?"-- Gwyneth Paltrow as Sharon Stone, talking about her new husband
KATTANOMETER: Three sketches

OVERALL: An okay show. It got off to a great start, but the last few skits were nothing special. Paltrow was good as the host, and the Barenaked Ladies were also fine. Next week is another new show, with Brendan Fraser was the hosting and the crap that is Busta Rhymes as the musical guest.


Episode Review written by Mark Polishuk

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