Drew Barrymore / Garbage
March 20, 1999

Today I don't particularly feel friendly towards society.If you are offended by something I say, don't take it personally.It's just me.If you were to meet me next week, I wouldn't say anything.
Do not ask questions, please.


[OPENING] E! Oscar Pre-Show with Joan and Melissa Rivers
The portraying of Joan Rivers as the devil was hilarious, as she is old and rotting inside into a disinegrating pile of Rivers dust, and Melissa will soon follow. I disagree with the fact of them quoting that Blanchett (spelling, not sure, one of those wierd names) is a slut.She is not,she is an incredible actor. I had no idea that Drew was so healthy, if you catch my drift."I am a star!And I'm pretty!!I am pretty!". There's self-esteem for you.If I were Melissa Rivers, I would say "I am an idiot!And I'm stupid! I am stupid!!!".Flying Ana, very funny.I give it a lower grade because I didn't feel right when I saw this sketch, and even if I give it a lower grade, it wasn't what I felt when I first saw it.B


[MONOLOGUE] Drew Barrymore
Wow, Drew is very,very healthy.Robust and A little bit of Fat.(excuse my straightforwardness, she's just very healthy.)She can sing, in a way. Catchy song.A pretty funky hand to Miss Drew Barrymore.I mean that.This wasn't funny much, but the song was nice.A-


[SKETCH] Celebrity Jeopardy
I was wondering, how would $8 happen?Month's that start with 'Feb'.Amusing.Febtober, smart. "She said 'turd'!!" Will it really mightly his genitals, man? How would you lose your podium??Walked away, I guess.I hate it when teachers ask you for homework, and you say you don't know, and they say "Well, it didn't just get up and walk away, now did it?"like they're all smart."The pen was too heavy."Poor thing, malnourished because she thinks she's ugly.Buck Futter...I didn't get it at first, I was like "What's a futter?"...stupid me.A

[SKETCH] "How are you doing?" in Banana Republic
Ok, wait, business first...
Have you seen those Banana Republic commercials for Chino?They're scary.Some weird, half foreign music, and then they take pictures of toasters, and eggs... scary.And now SNL is doing a skit with scary employees who actually care how you are...that's why I shop at the Gap.Oh my gosh, they don't know how he's doing.Stupid pants.I like this one a lot.A-


[COMMERCIAL] VH1 Behind the Music: Captain and Tenille
Stop with the VH1 promojigs.Please, stop.This one, I didn't get.She was just talking about captains, and I don't even know who that other dude was.C+


[SKETCH] The How Do You Say? Ah Yes, Show
Where did Horatio go??Antonio eBanderas, he is actor.Like that door on Star Trek.Did you ever notice the real Antonio talks like a spanish immigrant, so...then... maybe he's,an...illegal alien!!!YAY!!!!!!! "Miami man with the Johnson" sucks.I hate Miami Vice.He had trouble with his pants.Haha.Notice the Z underwear. B+


[TV FUNHOUSE] Fun With Real Audio: Oscar Highlights
I don't understand this cat reference.What does a cat have to do with anything?On a related topic, ANIMAL CRUELTY!!!!!!!!ANIMAL CRUELTY!!!CRUELTY TO ANIMALS!!!!!!Very sick TV Funhouse.But it was pretty good.If you listen, the audience was both Awwing and Booing.Poor vomity cat.B+


[WEEKEND UPDATE] with Colin Quinn
Colin,Darrell,and Chris seemed very tired.They had an "I WANT TO GO HOME!!!!" look on their faces.This WKUP was very long, so long I had to cut my notes so it wouldn't be so long for you to read.Cute commentary on "Believe".I always thought it was a guy singing.True,that song sounds like electronic angels and flying.Chris made it sound like a cult of some sort. Surprising.He jumped on Colin,so happy that he believes.B+


I took a liking to that fat bald dude.He's amusing.This music, was like a mix of... Fleetwood Mac, Smashing Pumpkins, Fiona Apple, and something else I can't put my finger on.I didn't like the music, but the lyrics were well written and morbid.Special is a funny word.B


[SKETCH] Dog Show
I like the dogs, and I hardly ever like animals.Especially Mr. Bojangles, and he's not even real.A show of mixed sexes and whatnot, like a Jerry Springer, that's much nicer,and more tasteful.Rocky Balboa can do tricks, wow."That's because you're gay.' ' Maybe I am and maybe I AM.".Proud of being gay.Drew looked scary.They use terry cloth because it absorbs.Terry cloth has always made me feel weird.Men probably got a kick outta Drew and Molly's wonderful little happening.A


[COMMERCIAL] VH1 Behind the Music: Def Leopard
Funny.Very.He, he had no hand, but he did, and the dude,he, he said he wasn't the dude that the dude, was,like supposed to be, and then, he, like, ran away.Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.B+
For you smarties, I meant to sound stupid.


[SKETCH] Terrance Maddox models for art class
Hippie-hobo-bums.He had trouble with his robe."It's the seat who will have me."That chinese, japanese eye thing was racist.But who cares.Drew looked all bummy and scary."Don't be a Yoko." Killing with bricks, such a new art.B


Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba Ba.Many Ba's.I like their style.All mean and horrible and morbid.B+


[COMMERCIAL] VH1 Behind the Music: Fred Schneider
Best of the night.Hard to believe,but it was.Very funny,and doofusy, and gay.Rock lobster.Balloon foot tiger,man.Swab,fish eyes.Popsicle tanks.Glass monkey face.Uncle Dave's Bag of Fat.Wee! A+


This show was one of amusing consistency.Here are a few:
The consistency of Drew being scary
The consistency of Chris Kattan being awful frequent here.
Consistency of Garbage's 2 performances
Consistency of not being able to get various things off (robe,pants)
Consistency of pants (Banana Republic, How Do You Say Ah Yes Show)
Consistency of the word 'Ba' in second musical performance.
Consistency of Gay people
Consistency of VH1

Episode Review written by StuffSM21

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