Wood / Jet
December 13, 2003
Episode VIII: Elijah Wood and
<B> Opening Words </B>
Jet sucks. Listen to classic
rock instead. It's the same stuff. Really. I don't know. I hope
it's a good show. I don't know what to expect, so who knowswhich
I guess is a good thing.
<B> Beforehand </b>
nothing. I got nothing. Celts
got a nice winning streak going though.
<B> Cold Opening </b>
Finally, Hammond goes back to
what he does best. I always like this sketch, and was not disappointed
there. But it seems like Amy always plays the same type of character.
*shrugs* More of the same with Hammond bashing the others. A
bit long for my taste though especially for the cold opening.
Actors: Hammond, Parnell, Amy,
Best Line: Hammond: ..Is an actual candidate who has about as
much chance to win the white house as Carol Mosley Brawn. Here's
Carol Mosley Brawn.
<B> Monologue </B>
What a surprise, Kattan returnshis career is sure taking off.
I think I'm the only person in America who hasn't seen any of
the Lord of the Rings movies, so the character is a tad bit lost
of me, but I know enough to say that Kattan forgot how to do
the voice as he just slipped into his goth character voice. The
voice was better during the super bowl halftime special, the
acting was better during the super bowl special. Eh. But I did
like the sitcom scenes. A couple points of that
Notice how its 2 shows since a regular cast member was in the
monologue. Also, why would gollum say that Tina Fey is the only
good cast member? She's not even a real cast member. All she
does is Weekend Updateand not very well I might add.
Best Line: -- the best part was the sitcom promo.
And they spare us the commercial,
because it's probably from 2 years ago
<B> St. Paul's Holiday
Choral Concert </B>
Wow, Will gets the first sketch
This seems to have Slovin and Allen written over this. ..but
the premise seems vaguely similar to that of the Alec Baldwin
zinger sketchhmmma sing off? I have that déjà vu
feeling. It was funny when they did the high voices, but then
kept going, then you figured out what would happen after the
first time after a while. But the kept dragging it out. Then
it lost its appeal, and kept going and going and going. I actually
expected it would be Forte who would lose his voice, but
Actors: Kenan, Forte, Jimmy,
Best Line: Jimmy: Thanks to this voice I get all the tang I want
and of the poon variety.
1/10/04 Jennifer Aniston and
Black Eyed Peas
<B> Queer Eye for the Straight
I, like many, am not a fan of
this show. I, like others, were very squirmish when I saw Horatio
and Jimmy together. I, like others, was amazed that they didn't
laugh at each other. Hopefully they're over it. Jimmy's gay guy
sounds a lot like his Access Hollywood's O'Brien. And I can only
hope that I, like others, thought this wasn't good at all.
But it was one of things where the premise was good, but failed
miserably in execution.
Actors: Seth, Fred, Chris, Jimmy,
Best Line: Kid: You're not santa, you look like Kathy Bates
<B> Fun with Real Audio
Isn't the last time we saw a
smigel cartoon was the first episode? I wonder why the big layoff?
Busy being Triumph I guess. Either a) the guy who was in charge
of dubbing the laughter went overboard or b) the crowd was watching
something completely different than I. It wasn't particularly
good, but it fit the mold of all the other Fun with Real Audios.
So I guess continuity gives it a solid 6.
Best Line: n/a
<B> Wake Up Wakefield </B>
It was only a matter of time
before they dug this sketch up. It seems different this year.
It seems more public access with the seemingly more dead silence
and stumbling over wordswhich for once seemed to be part of this
sketch. The pacing was really dull on this one. Maybe its the
layoff, maybe its that I think this bit is overrated. *Shrugs*
Wasn't that bad, but it isn't deserving of the 9's I'll probably
be seeing. And waay too long.
Actors: Maya, Dratch, Horatio
Best Line: Maya: Whoa, that [trumpet sound] sounds like a real
horse. (wasn't really anything good from this IMO, but the timing
was down on this one.)
<B> Performance </B>
Jet sucks. They're not original.
Not in the least. I know a person who likes them, but not Creedence
and Skynyrd. How? It's the same thing. All I have to do is go
"oh, check out the Skyn. They kick ass." Maybe a month
ago, I remember the local radio station began to play them. One
DJ said "hey, coming up next we got a new band, Jet. They
sound like the strokes, but they're from Australia, so I guess
that makes them different." Need I say more?
Why don't they just call Fear
Factor 'who wants to eat some weird shxt' because is it really
<B> Weekend Update </B>
I read somewhere that if you
pick up on things you more you obsess about it, because its so
apparent to you. Like Tina Fey laughing at her OWN STUPID JOKES.
Some people like it. Jimmy does a John Mayer holiday song bit.
Good thing Jimmy points out that all he does is make incoherent
noises, but regardless, I want to bash his head in.
Tina goes on a American Corporations rebuilding Iraq tiradewhich
doesn't make any sense because if you're a CEO in any country,
you're going to be all high and mighty. Yeah, Helmut Shmidt was
on the front lines freeing the Iraqis. Argh! Stupid Tina! Learn
what you rant about.
The Morning after pill bit was funny, but not the Jimmy explains
what you've done. Maya comes out as Whitney, Kenan as their daughter.
They sing, Whitney steals the spotlight, Finesse comes out as
BobbyI expected more from that.
Jimmy's pencil curves big time to the right, and he knew he missed
I don't know. I wasn't overly impressed with this week's WU,
usually the score that brings up the ratings, just didn't have
the oomph that it usually has going for it.
But seriously, just shut up Tina. Save us all some troubleor
think about what you're going to rant about.
Actors: Fey, Fallon, Maya, Kenan,
Best Line: The OTC morning after drug interaction between Tina
<B> Donatella Versace </b>
Donatella sells her Egg Nog.
The premise was rather thin. Horatio stumbles over his one line.
I find that the Versace sketches are a crapshoot, no middle ground.
This one leans towards just plain bad as it seemed almost thrown
together at the last minute. No great one liner and than thatit
just wasn't that good at her usual show sketchesjust look back
to the hot pockets skit from last year. But an extra point for
Elijah's boy george nog singing and a point for Horatio downing
all that nog.
Actors: Maya, Horatio
Best Line: --
<B> Dean for President
Hammond goes back to another
impersonation that he can do. Please stay away from anything
Republican. This bit wasn't that funny. Ok, Gore's over the top
and Dean's trying to backtrackha ha ha ha ha. Yawn. Nothing special
for this one. Way too long.
Actors: Hammond, Richards, Parnell
Best Line: Hammond: Why shouldn't gays marry? They let people
like George W Bush can marry. (that's what he said)
What a tease. They showed his
graphic then back to another commercial break. Very tricky SNL.
Ok, who wasn't ready? Horatio and Jimmy, I'm looking in your
direction. I wonder why? I don't even know if you're in the next
sketch, I just have that hunch.
<B> Rialto Grand Casino
Kattan comes back for Buddy Mills,
arguably the worst of his mostly awful characters. I guess Chris'
career is really taking off if he's back for a second time. I
wonder who's rustling around behind the curtains. Why is everyone
laughing at this drivel? Maybe everything is funnier at12.45AM.
As for me, I don't get slaphappy at this hour, I just get bitter
and tired. Right when I begin to think I could find this funny,
I lost the feeling again. Ok, I did crack a smile at the drum
bit after Elijah said he loves his mom. So a point for that.
That's it. I know I said way too long for a lot of things, but
this could have done without 2 or 3 minutes.
Actors: Jimmy, Fred, Dratch,
Amy, Maya, Tina
Best Line: Kattan: My wife tried to wear a thong. It looked like
a book mark in war and peace
<B> Performance 2 </B>
the lead singer of jet does his
best to look like Liam Gallagher or Oasis. Wonnn-derrr-wall.
Is the rhythm guitarist wearing a girls shirt? Ugh. Ok, you're
at 12 minutes jet3 more minutes then go home and hang out with
the other one hit wonders, which are too many to name.
And that takes us to 12.56I doubt
they can fit in a commercial break, a sketch, and a cutoff ending.
They need to plug fear factor more. I'm kind of disappointed
with them ending with Jet's crappy alternative performance.
And they end the show with them
skatingI did not expect that at all, bu tit is funny to see that
Finesse can't skate at all. Ok, that's nice and all, butehThere
goes seth falling and oh, poor Finesse.
And wow, we get all the credits. . . and no fear factor or friends
commercials at the end. Sweet.
<B> Overall </B>
This was not a memorable episode
either way. It only had 10 sketches total with one being a cartoon
and no current cast members in the monologue. A Lot of the sketches
were long. No commercials. Wasn't much of anything. It's not
that they phoned it in like so many other episodes this year,
it was just blah. I doubt this will be winning any awards at
the end of the year. Look at all the ratings, they're were all
4-6's. Usually it's a couple of 8's and a couple of 3's. Just
<B> Overall Rating: 50/100
Felt Like 5
Performer of the Night: Kenan
stepped it up yet again. Very impressed. Plus its sad that a
'featured' member has been in more things than four fulltime
cast members (Tina does not count)
Worst of the Night: Seth Myers. Not only did he not do much,
but his one line in Queer Eyewasn't that good.
Appearance in sketches (this
Final Words: Happy Holidays everyone.