Donald Trump / Toots and the Maytals
April 3, 2004

By Dirty Centaur

For the SNL fans that don't watch The Apprentice it probably wasn't that great of an episode. Lorne still needing to fill his high ratings/poor host selection addiction seemed to bend over on this one. It wasn't even SNL. It was Donald Trump Live with special guests the cast of SNL. Anyway I have watched this HUGE show so all the Apprentice jokes didn't fly over my head like the term 'f-bomb' did for The Donald. Good jab at Frasier (4 years too late Kelsey)

The Apprentice
George and Carolyn get involved and it was a pretty good start, Finesse gets some rare screen time and is actually the subject of conversation. Suprised Jeff Richards' name wasn't brought up. 'Lorneo' makes another appearence and fires Jimmy who makes his depature in a taxi ala The Apprentice. Carolyn gets to say the famous line LFNY. Lorne should trademark that if it isn't already.

Trump of course doesn't run from the door like most guests, talks about his life and then introduces Darrell who is also in Trump-mode. "You're fired. Jeff Zucker does a unannouced pop in and then is fired. Not the worst not the best, you would think that would be it as far as The Apprentice goes but sadly no.

Fear Factor: Junior
Don't give them ideas! Fred with a great Joe Rogan impression.

Live with Regis and Kelly
Donald of course is a guest as himself and many a boy are jealous that Darrell gets to wear Amy everytime this sketch airs. Rachel Dratch subsitutes for Kattan as the questionable Gelman. Dress was a nice touch, she did a decent job. The 3 cameras on Kelly was a funny idea.

The VIP Seats
Poor Tracy Morgan. His NBC sitcom is doomed and his Star Jones impression well actually he stil has the best one. Kenan's impressions of black women all seem to be the same. No matter who it is they all sound the same. Short and sweet.

Donald Trump's House of Wings
Donald can dance, and the chicken dancers.... do they have no self respect? I know the current MADTV performers don't but c'mon. Only positive thing was the map with the previous unlikely establishements. I'd probably eat at The Donald's.

Weekend Update
Should've went with the Trump Date dealy, I mean why brake from the tone the show has already set.That being huge ass kiss to Donald. Anyway, Tina covers up but she isn't wearing a shirt so it looks like she's trying out for the Naked News or Weekend Flash with her panty holding and flashing at the end. Maya did her best of the night as the evil Omarosa. The barrage of items falling on her head was just right. The Details magazine line was great.

The Prince and the Pauper
Ah the usual host plays different character but makes fun of his real self sketch. Slow at times, but good ending and weird seeing Trump out of a suit. At this time I'm wondering where the hell is Forte? Someone poison his bottle of Trump Ice?

Fathers and Sons
Trump didn't crack up like the other three (Seth briefly). Fallon picking up Sanz -Anyone get deja vu of Farley picking up Spade? This needed something, besides people who can't stop laughing when they're supposed to be sad. Nice line by Seth to cover. It's after WU so nothing is supposed to be that good.

9/11 Hearings
They tried. Burried under all the Trump sketches was a possible cold opener. The part about Cheney was funny should've continued there. Lacked comedy. Maybe next week Forte will return as Bush.

The Apprentice Band
This was the best idea of the night. When Trump mentioned the battle of the bands, funny. It wasn't the funniest sketch but I'll give credit with coming up with a idea like this. Shame that this is the 8th segment of the night with Trump/Apprentice references. Maya as the bitch Katrina joins the band. If you were to combine Amy Henry and Rachel Dratch you would bulid the most perfect woman. Okay exaggerating but someone give Donald the Marty Kulp keyboard so he doesn't appear retard in front of that thing. The soundcheck was the best part.

Apparently Forte was visible, but all I could see was Trump, Carolyn, George and the musical guests.

Read @ SNL Transcripts:
The Apprentice, WU, The Apprentice Band, Regis and Kelly

Performers of the Night: Darrell, Fred & Amy

Could've watch Centaur Porn during: 9/11 Hearing, Fathers and Sons
Watched actual porn during: Toots & The Maytals performing

Jerry, the janitor: Looks like you killed a squirrel to me and put it right on top of your head.
Donald Trump: You're one to talk. Your hair looks exactly like mine.
Jerry, the janitor: Yeah, except my hair's supposed to look like this. I'm a janitor.

RANKINGS rough estimate

Ben Affleck
Elijah Wood
Alec Baldwin
Megan Mullaly
Donald Trump
Andy Roddick
Justin Timeberlake
Kelly Ripa
Rev. Al Sharpton
Jack Black
Christina Auguilera
Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey
Drew Barrymore
Halle Berry
Jennifer Aniston
16. Colin Firth * didn't watch*
17. Janet Jackson *is that the four horsemen*
18. Lindsay Lohan *i think I hear them*
19. Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen *yep, i can see them now*