October 11, 2003
Jack: Hello everyone, welcome
to our reviews. I am Jack and my partner-in-crime sitting next
to me, is Jill.
Jill: Hey y'all! I am so excited for two reasons: my parents
[finally] bought TiVO and the other, Justin Timberlake.
Jack: I thought you LOVED Jimmy Fallon.
Jill: Oh I love Jimmy, but I also love Justin...and Nelly...and
Colin Farrell...and Orlando Bloom...and...
Jack: ENOUGH! Did SNL call you yet?
Jill: No but I can't wait until they do! I can't hardly wait!
Did you see Kill Bill yet?
Jack: Yes, and I saw Vivica A. Fox, whose name is synonymous
with what she is-a SEXY fox....grrrr....
Jill: God, that was really bad.
Jack: Let's not talk about what you did last week, ok?
On with the reviews!
our THOUGHTS BEFORE the SHOW:
Jack: As I mentioned last week, I hope that Justin does NOT sugar
coat this show. Certain pop stars that hosted in the past either
were good or they sucked. Also hosts that suck: SPORT CELEBRITIES!!
[unless if anyone knows a good one, tell me]
Jill: I doubt he'll sugar coat the show, but all of the above
is true. I think that there might be a WUWF [Wakeup Wakefield]
because Megan was infatuated with JT.
Jack: Yea, I remember that...that Jennifer Garner episode.
Jill: I wish I was there...
Jack: I wish you were there too.
Jill: Shut up.
Ji: This was pretty funny, what did you think?
Ja: Keenan's Gary Coleman was funny, along with Amy's character-I
forgot her name-retaliating back CM's comments.
Ji: I liked this sketch, and I hope Darrell makes more later
on...I give this a B.
Ja: I give a B+...CM's comments/disses were so funny.
"President Bush's approval ratings are going down faster
than Paris Hilton in the back of Limp Biskit's tour bus."
"I would call you a media whore but I fell like that will
be offensive to whores."
"In the future, Gary Coleman will be cleaning a public
"Why should we vote for you, Webster?"
Ji: Is it me or did they change the montage layout for this thing?
I don't recall seeing a girl wearing pink after Rachel
goes into her bag, and Jimmy's and Seth's [BTW: HI SETH!!
lol] facial expressions seem...uh...different?
Ja: Maybe it's you, but we can check after.
Ji: This was a funny mono, esp. when the father [I think that
was Dan Aykroyd] sang along with Justin.
Ja: That was Dan Aykroyd.
Ji: Are you sure?
Ja: Positive. And it was a good mono, it sorta reminded me of
a back-in-the-day-sketch with MC Hammer...how he went from the
mono to rapping. Justin, however, went from the mono to singing...I
give this an A.
Ji: I give it an A too.
"I watched this show...way, way, WAY back in the day...when
Molly Shannon and Chris Kattan were on the show..."
"I don't sign dude's breasts."
PUNK'D BARELY LEGAL DVD:
Ja: Oh God, this was funny!
Ji: Yes it was, esp. Fred Durst [Jeff] saying, "I'll touch
your wiener" and his facial _expression afterwords.
Ja: Finesse's 50 Cent was funny...I liked this and I knew, for
some reason, he was going to get back at Ashton after making
him look like an idiot on national TV. An A.
"I'm Ashton Kutcher...I'm AWEsome!"
"We switched out your birth control pills."
CNN-SCHWARZENEGGER PRESS CONFERENCE:
Ja: This was pretty funny...at some cases.
Ji: I thought so too, but the Q & A dragged on too much.
The subtitles at the bottom [almost like last week's], repeating
what he said was funny.
Ja: Boring...I give this a B-.
Ji: I give it a C for effort.
"My policies don't make any sense."
"After spending the last 4 days in the capital...I have
no idea what I am doing in this job."
a MESSAGE FROM NICK LACHEY & JESSICA SIMPSON:
Ji: Jimmy as Nick and Justin as Jessica, whodathunkit?
Ja: This was funny, esp. Justin and Jimmy's kinetics.
Ji: This may seem like a "dumb blonde" moment but what
Ja: Body language...you forgot?
Ji: I guess I did. Anyway, Jessica's rants were so funny and
I give this an A.
Ja: The whole entire piece was funny, and THANK GOD that Jimmy
didn't laugh. I hate that...I also, give it an A.
Ji: I love that.
"Hi, I'm Nick Lachey, formerly of 98 and currently of...well...nothing."
"Awwww, the ham is sick?"
"So what if I thought Chicken of the Sea tuna was
actually chicken, or that I thought Buffalo wings were actually
made out of buffaloes. So what if I cried for 3 whole days when
I thought Peter Pan was ground up to make peanut butter."
HALLE BERRY and BRITNEY SPEARS [10/18]
BENNY'S vs OMELET-VILLE:
Ja:This was funny, esp. Justin's dancing and singing antics.
Ji: Yea, I thought so too-they look like rejects from the California
Ja: Ye-ah, I don't see it but ok. I still can't believe he made
fun of "I'm A Slave 4 U" and did the dance-he gets
props for that. I give this an A.
Ji: Some parts had me going and some parts had me think, "WTF?"
I give it a B.
"I was doing this when you were trying to find your knob...at
least I found mine!"
DIRECT TV COMMERCIAL:
Ji: Oh God, it's Mr. Ed...better known as Gary Busey.
Ji: I hate those Direct-TVÆ commercials but now seeing
this one, it makes it worse.
Ja: The butterscotch fart reference was funny...I give this a
B+ for effort.
Ji: Whatever-I give it a B. Can you imagine Gary going down on
some chic with those teeth? "OOH...DAMN.....OUCH!! GARY,
STAY AWAY FROM MY PUNANNY!! YOU'RE HURTING ME!!"
Ja: LOL!! Jill that's REALLY funny...and too graphic.
"My farts smell like butterscotch. It's not a joke, they
either smell like butt or scotch."
the BAH-STON TEENS:
Ja: Her boobs are about to fall out, boy I would love
for that to happen.
Ji: Calm down cowpoke. It's not that serious. Usually this is
funny, it's missing something. I give it a B- because a few quotes
Ja: I thought it was funny...and I give this a B for effort.
Maybe it had to do with Sully chanting, "Go Boston!"
"Call me Da-doo!"
"I'll take you down like Don Zimmer!"
"You clearly don't know the proper way to eat out."
MUSIC: JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE SINGS...SE-ORITA & CRY ME a RIVER
Ji: Ok, wtf...WHY THE HELL WAS THIS SHORT!?!?!?!?
Ja: That's what I'm trying to figure out. This was funny, esp.
with the Dutch "words" for female positions/body parts.
Ji: Shoot, I give it a C-TOO FREAKING SHORT! But I liked the
Pamela Mackey rant, that was hilarious so forget the "C"...a
For the first time, the annual event, gay day, in which homosexuals
gather at Disney Land, was held at Euro Disney in Paris. It
was that largest gathering of gay men in Paris since...the day
A Harlem man, Antoine Yates, is recovering in a hospital after
being mauled by pet 400lb. tiger which he was keeping in his
apartment; thus delaying the opening of the new Las Vegas show,
Siegfried and Antoine.
In an effort to improve her image, Shannon Doherty has signed
on to produce and act in a new sitcom about a young woman with
a reputation for being difficult and mean, but who is really
kind at heart. Doherty will play that woman's bitchy friend.
Next month, a flawless $10 million dollar diamond that's the
size of a walnut, will go on auction at Sotheby's-and just in
time because Kobe Bryant's wife has a birthday coming up.
Last weekend, a couple hiking on a remote mountain in Sweden,
found 70 pairs of shoes; all filled with butter. To see
something like that here in America, you will have to travel
all the way to Star Jones' closet.
the SHARON OSBORNE SHOW:
Ja: Amy does a killer SO...
Ji: And Fred does a killer QT. This was pretty funny, esp. when
the dog pooped on QT. Is that a real dog [Minnie]?
Ja: Yea that's a real dog. Why you say that?
Ji: That dog looks fake, the only thing moving is the head and
its eyes, I liked this, and Justin's MB...a B+.
"Mrs. O is in the house!"
"We've got famous people and normal people..."
JUSTIN & KERMIT SING...
Ja: What's up with Kermit's neck? Looks like Justin's neck.
Ji: LOL!! It does!! This is so funny, esp. when Kermit called
Justin a douche bag...or should I say Will...or whoever...this
was funny, an A.
Ja: You took the thoughts straight out my mouth, along with my
"Maybe you, me, and P.Diddy should cut an album."
"Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection...for lovers,
the douche bag, and me!"
"And Justin, can you say sorry to Bill for being a douche
CARL WEATHERS for GOVERNOR:
Ja: Wow, Carl Weathers!! Sweet. Can you imagine if this was true?
Ji: Don't say that-although it may be cool-I'm sick of celebrities
and government all together, except Bono. His reasons to make
things better for everyone makes sense. I liked this though,
Ja: I give it a B too and the "black guy" references
so people would know who he is.
"I'm the black guy from Predator."
"I'm a man of action-JACKSON!"
SNL LADIES love JUSTIN:
Ji: Ehhh, this was all right. The only thing that seemed
funny was Amy laughing at Justin's "jokes." I give
it a C.
Ja: Dit-to. Amy looked like a female version of Lucky from
"God can you imagine that...no really, can you?
the BARRY GIBB SHOW:
Ja: I am so glad Jimmy and Horatio didn't laugh but Justin
almost spoiled it by laughing.
Ji: Oh come on, it was a little bit. Somewhere in heaven, Maurice
Ja: Or nodding off...this was pretty funny, esp. when they were
talking and singing simultaneously. God this almost looks like
a scene in Idiot Boyfriend or something, a B-.
Ji: I give it a B also, Jimmy was funny in this one!
"I'm glad you lose the election, a-AAH-ah."
oh WHAT a NIGHT:
Jack: What did you get, as a score?
Jill: Before I do, I just want to make a retraction from last
week's episode, Jack Black's grade was not between a B/C, it
was B/B+. Anyway, the final grade for this one is an A/B+ average.
Not bad, and there was no sugar coating in this episode. Who
were tonight's MVP, MVR, and MCUP?
Jack: Here are the listings...if I am not mistaken, below...
MVP [besides the host...]
Keenan, the second time this week with only 2 appearances.
There was a 5 way tie-Tina, Will, Fred, Seth, and Shampoo
Jack: Is that what you have too?
Jill: Yup, exactly. This was a good show, I can't wait for Halle
Jack: Neither can I.
Jill: Ewww, that's nasty Jack.
Jack: I was being serious.
Jill: That's what you said about the ReneÈ Zellweger/Eve
Jack: Actually it was the J.Lo episode-sorry to disappoint you...although
I love Eve...ReneÈ's too...weird looking...but she can
Jill: Whatever, I'm tired so on behalf of Jack and I, I am Jill.
Goodnight/bye everyone! See you next week!
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