Justin Timberlake
October 11, 2003

By Jack and Jill

Jack: Hello everyone, welcome to our reviews. I am Jack and my partner-in-crime sitting next to me, is Jill.
Jill: Hey y'all! I am so excited for two reasons: my parents [finally] bought TiVO and the other, Justin Timberlake.
Jack: I thought you LOVED Jimmy Fallon.
Jill: Oh I love Jimmy, but I also love Justin...and Nelly...and Colin Farrell...and Orlando Bloom...and...
Jack: ENOUGH! Did SNL call you yet?
Jill: No but I can't wait until they do! I can't hardly wait! Did you see Kill Bill yet?
Jack: Yes, and I saw Vivica A. Fox, whose name is synonymous with what she is-a SEXY fox....grrrr....
Jill: God, that was really bad.
Jack: Let's not talk about what you did last week, ok? On with the reviews!

our THOUGHTS BEFORE the SHOW:
Jack: As I mentioned last week, I hope that Justin does NOT sugar coat this show. Certain pop stars that hosted in the past either were good or they sucked. Also hosts that suck: SPORT CELEBRITIES!! [unless if anyone knows a good one, tell me]
Jill: I doubt he'll sugar coat the show, but all of the above is true. I think that there might be a WUWF [Wakeup Wakefield] because Megan was infatuated with JT.
Jack: Yea, I remember that...that Jennifer Garner episode.
Jill: I wish I was there...
Jack: I wish you were there too.
Jill: Shut up.

COLD OPENING...HARDBALL:
Ji: This was pretty funny, what did you think?
Ja: Keenan's Gary Coleman was funny, along with Amy's character-I forgot her name-retaliating back CM's comments.
Ji: I liked this sketch, and I hope Darrell makes more later on...I give this a B.
Ja: I give a B+...CM's comments/disses were so funny.
FQ
"President Bush's approval ratings are going down faster than Paris Hilton in the back of Limp Biskit's tour bus."
"I would call you a media whore but I fell like that will be offensive to whores."
"In the future, Gary Coleman will be cleaning a public office."
"Why should we vote for you, Webster?"

MONOLOGUE:
Ji: Is it me or did they change the montage layout for this thing? I don't recall seeing a girl wearing pink after Rachel goes into her bag, and Jimmy's and Seth's [BTW: HI SETH!! lol] facial expressions seem...uh...different?
Ja: Maybe it's you, but we can check after.
Ji: This was a funny mono, esp. when the father [I think that was Dan Aykroyd] sang along with Justin.
Ja: That was Dan Aykroyd.
Ji: Are you sure?
Ja: Positive. And it was a good mono, it sorta reminded me of a back-in-the-day-sketch with MC Hammer...how he went from the mono to rapping. Justin, however, went from the mono to singing...I give this an A.
Ji: I give it an A too.
FQ
"I watched this show...way, way, WAY back in the day...when Molly Shannon and Chris Kattan were on the show..."
"I don't sign dude's breasts."

PUNK'D BARELY LEGAL DVD:
Ja: Oh God, this was funny!
Ji: Yes it was, esp. Fred Durst [Jeff] saying, "I'll touch your wiener" and his facial _expression afterwords.
Ja: Finesse's 50 Cent was funny...I liked this and I knew, for some reason, he was going to get back at Ashton after making him look like an idiot on national TV. An A.
Ji: Ditto.
FQ
"I'm Ashton Kutcher...I'm AWEsome!"
"We switched out your birth control pills."

CNN-SCHWARZENEGGER PRESS CONFERENCE:
Ja: This was pretty funny...at some cases.
Ji: I thought so too, but the Q & A dragged on too much. The subtitles at the bottom [almost like last week's], repeating what he said was funny.
Ja: Boring...I give this a B-.
Ji: I give it a C for effort.
FQ
"My policies don't make any sense."
"After spending the last 4 days in the capital...I have no idea what I am doing in this job."

a MESSAGE FROM NICK LACHEY & JESSICA SIMPSON:
Ji: Jimmy as Nick and Justin as Jessica, whodathunkit?
Ja: This was funny, esp. Justin and Jimmy's kinetics.
Ji: This may seem like a "dumb blonde" moment but what are kinetics?
Ja: Body language...you forgot?
Ji: I guess I did. Anyway, Jessica's rants were so funny and I give this an A.
Ja: The whole entire piece was funny, and THANK GOD that Jimmy didn't laugh. I hate that...I also, give it an A.
Ji: I love that.
FQ
"Hi, I'm Nick Lachey, formerly of 98 and currently of...well...nothing."
"Awwww, the ham is sick?"
"So what if I thought Chicken of the Sea tuna was actually chicken, or that I thought Buffalo wings were actually made out of buffaloes. So what if I cried for 3 whole days when I thought Peter Pan was ground up to make peanut butter."

NEXT WEEK:
HALLE BERRY and BRITNEY SPEARS [10/18]


BENNY'S vs OMELET-VILLE:
Ja:This was funny, esp. Justin's dancing and singing antics.
Ji: Yea, I thought so too-they look like rejects from the California RaisinsÆ.
Ja: Ye-ah, I don't see it but ok. I still can't believe he made fun of "I'm A Slave 4 U" and did the dance-he gets props for that. I give this an A.
Ji: Some parts had me going and some parts had me think, "WTF?" I give it a B.
FQ
"Good idear!"
"I was doing this when you were trying to find your knob...at least I found mine!"

DIRECT TV COMMERCIAL:
Ji: Oh God, it's Mr. Ed...better known as Gary Busey.
Ja: LOL!!
Ji: I hate those Direct-TVÆ commercials but now seeing this one, it makes it worse.
Ja: The butterscotch fart reference was funny...I give this a B+ for effort.
Ji: Whatever-I give it a B. Can you imagine Gary going down on some chic with those teeth? "OOH...DAMN.....OUCH!! GARY, STAY AWAY FROM MY PUNANNY!! YOU'RE HURTING ME!!"
Ja: LOL!! Jill that's REALLY funny...and too graphic.
FQ
"My farts smell like butterscotch. It's not a joke, they either smell like butt or scotch."

the BAH-STON TEENS:
Ja: Her boobs are about to fall out, boy I would love for that to happen.
Ji: Calm down cowpoke. It's not that serious. Usually this is funny, it's missing something. I give it a B- because a few quotes saved it.
Ja: I thought it was funny...and I give this a B for effort. Maybe it had to do with Sully chanting, "Go Boston!"
Ji: Maybe...
FQ
"Call me Da-doo!"
"I'll take you down like Don Zimmer!"
"You clearly don't know the proper way to eat out."

MUSIC: JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE SINGS...SE-ORITA & CRY ME a RIVER

WEEKEND UPDATE:
Ji: Ok, wtf...WHY THE HELL WAS THIS SHORT!?!?!?!?
Ja: That's what I'm trying to figure out. This was funny, esp. with the Dutch "words" for female positions/body parts. A B+!
Ji: Shoot, I give it a C-TOO FREAKING SHORT! But I liked the Pamela Mackey rant, that was hilarious so forget the "C"...a B.
FQ
[FALLON]
For the first time, the annual event, gay day, in which homosexuals gather at Disney Land, was held at Euro Disney in Paris. It was that largest gathering of gay men in Paris since...the day before.

A Harlem man, Antoine Yates, is recovering in a hospital after being mauled by pet 400lb. tiger which he was keeping in his apartment; thus delaying the opening of the new Las Vegas show, Siegfried and Antoine.

[FEY]
In an effort to improve her image, Shannon Doherty has signed on to produce and act in a new sitcom about a young woman with a reputation for being difficult and mean, but who is really kind at heart. Doherty will play that woman's bitchy friend.

Next month, a flawless $10 million dollar diamond that's the size of a walnut, will go on auction at Sotheby's-and just in time because Kobe Bryant's wife has a birthday coming up.

Last weekend, a couple hiking on a remote mountain in Sweden, found 70 pairs of shoes; all filled with butter. To see something like that here in America, you will have to travel all the way to Star Jones' closet.

the SHARON OSBORNE SHOW:
Ja: Amy does a killer SO...
Ji: And Fred does a killer QT. This was pretty funny, esp. when the dog pooped on QT. Is that a real dog [Minnie]?
Ja: Yea that's a real dog. Why you say that?
Ji: That dog looks fake, the only thing moving is the head and its eyes, I liked this, and Justin's MB...a B+.
Ja: Ditto.
FQ
"Mrs. O is in the house!"
"We've got famous people and normal people..."

JUSTIN & KERMIT SING...
Ja: What's up with Kermit's neck? Looks like Justin's neck.
Ji: LOL!! It does!! This is so funny, esp. when Kermit called Justin a douche bag...or should I say Will...or whoever...this was funny, an A.
Ja: You took the thoughts straight out my mouth, along with my grade.
FQ
"Maybe you, me, and P.Diddy should cut an album."
"Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection...for lovers, the douche bag, and me!"
"And Justin, can you say sorry to Bill for being a douche bag?"

CARL WEATHERS for GOVERNOR:
Ja: Wow, Carl Weathers!! Sweet. Can you imagine if this was true?
Ji: Don't say that-although it may be cool-I'm sick of celebrities and government all together, except Bono. His reasons to make things better for everyone makes sense. I liked this though, a B.
Ja: I give it a B too and the "black guy" references so people would know who he is.
FQ
"I'm the black guy from Predator."
"I'm a man of action-JACKSON!"

SNL LADIES love JUSTIN:
Ji: Ehhh, this was all right. The only thing that seemed funny was Amy laughing at Justin's "jokes." I give it a C.
Ja: Dit-to. Amy looked like a female version of Lucky from Lucky CharmsÆ.
FQ
"God can you imagine that...no really, can you?

the BARRY GIBB SHOW:
Ja: I am so glad Jimmy and Horatio didn't laugh but Justin almost spoiled it by laughing.
Ji: Oh come on, it was a little bit. Somewhere in heaven, Maurice is laughing.
Ja: Or nodding off...this was pretty funny, esp. when they were talking and singing simultaneously. God this almost looks like a scene in Idiot Boyfriend or something, a B-.
Ji: I give it a B also, Jimmy was funny in this one!
FQ
"I'm glad you lose the election, a-AAH-ah."

oh WHAT a NIGHT:
Jack: What did you get, as a score?
Jill: Before I do, I just want to make a retraction from last week's episode, Jack Black's grade was not between a B/C, it was B/B+. Anyway, the final grade for this one is an A/B+ average. Not bad, and there was no sugar coating in this episode. Who were tonight's MVP, MVR, and MCUP?
Jack: Here are the listings...if I am not mistaken, below...

MVP [besides the host...]
Jimmy*
Chris*
Horatio*
Jeff*
Amy*

*=tied

MVR[ookie]
Keenan, the second time this week with only 2 appearances.

M[ost]C[complete]U[seless]P[erson/eople]
There was a 5 way tie-Tina, Will, Fred, Seth, and Shampoo [Finesse].

Jack: Is that what you have too?
Jill: Yup, exactly. This was a good show, I can't wait for Halle and Britney.
Jack: Neither can I.
Jill: Ewww, that's nasty Jack.
Jack: I was being serious.
Jill: That's what you said about the ReneÈ Zellweger/Eve episode.
Jack: Actually it was the J.Lo episode-sorry to disappoint you...although I love Eve...ReneÈ's too...weird looking...but she can be pretty...sometimes...?
Jill: Whatever, I'm tired so on behalf of Jack and I, I am Jill. Goodnight/bye everyone! See you next week!

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