Andy Roddick / Dave Matthews
November 8, 2003

By Rattler and Troll Doll 311

Pre show thoughts: 
The Rattler Thoughts: Andy Roddick plays tennis. Lame corny high school teacher joke begins. Andy Roddick should serve up a great show tonight. I think he will ace every sketch. Lame corny high school teacher joke over. Anyways, athletes usually do not make greats hosts, but if you think about it, do you really need a talented actor or comedian to have a good show? If you have good writing and a talented cast around the host, it will be a great show no matter who is hosting. This is a talented cast with good writing, so I am expecting a good show. I am not a big fan of David Matthews. Maid Marion listens to Dave Matthews. And if you are keeping track, that is inside joke number 1 of the review.

The Troll Doll Thoughts: My pre show thoughts are simply this: Andy Roddick is really hot. Yes, shallow thoughts galore. His hotness helping this, I thought that he would actually do a great job hosting. I saw him on Conan a while ago, and he seemed like a funny, friendly guy. As for Dave Matthews, I didn't really care. I normally don't pay that much attention to the music guest unless I am a fan. And Dave Matthews, sorry buddy, but I've seen better. 

Rattler says to self, "Self, who could be better than Dave Matthews? Hmmm. You know, when I was in fifth grade, there was a band formed by my fellow peers that was better than Dave Matthews. Yea, they used their arm pits as instruments, and they were much better than Dave Matthews." 

Barbara Walters: C
Rattler: After seeing this, I miss Cheri and Ana. I like Rachel and Amy, but I'll just leave it at that. Hey, at least it wasn't a political opening. 

Troll Doll: Not the best impression by Rachel, but hey she tried, and I think she got her point across. As for other impressions, I personally liked Ana's Martha Stewart better than Amy's. This opening sketch was okay, I didn't laugh that hard, but then again, I never really do with opening skits unless of course it's Ferrell being Bush. Anyway, some of the words that Barbara used to describe Martha were pretty funny. Obviously not funny enough to recall what they were though. And to get off topic, oh no, Martha and Barbara are extremely OLD names. They certainly fit those two old women.

Rattler says to Troll Doll, "Hey, you know what else is an old name? Blanche."

Troll Doll says to Rattler, "Wow. WOW. Old."

Inside Joke Talley: 2

Monologue: B
Rattler: I like how JB and Paula are like a "couple" on the show. Quite humorous indeed. I like Finesse's Andre 3000 performance. That was cool. Finesse managed to impersonate some bad rapping just like the real Andre 3000. Also, lets note that Tina Fey was one of the dancers. My comments seem off tonight. I need a mocha frap. Starbucks just built a location inside my living room, so I'll be back in a second.

Troll Doll: Similar to my pre show thoughts. Andy Roddick is hot. Anyways, I thought this was a good monologue. Our first glimpse at John McEnroe. That was exciting. So yes, it was a good monologue, even though the good part didn't really include poor Andy. Finesse did an awesome job of being Andre 3000 or whatever that guy's name is. Looked just like him. And the dancers, the girls of SNL have it all, don't they? Looks, humor, dancing talent? Awesome. I thought that was great.

Cryogenix Commercial: C
Rattler: Yea, alright. I laughed but not in an L-O-L kind of way. I laughed in a This-Is-Not-Funny kind of way.

Troll Doll: This commercial didn't really get any laughs from me until it mentioned the part about how you will be decapitated and your head will be put into a bag or something like that. It didn't really seem to get that many laughs from the audience either. It was one of their commercials that could have used a little work. You know, perhaps a different subject all together? Hmm....

Radio Station Thing: A
Rattler: I love Jimmy Fallon. He will truly be missed when he is gone. Jimmy kind of sounded like Harey Carey. I liked the song parodies Jim did with the Smashmouth and Sir Mix A Lot songs. Speaking of Smashmouth, he was in a bunch of Mervyns' commercials over the summer. Sarcasm begins. That's when you know your career is going in a positive direction. Sarcasm over. Just out of curiosity, which coast does Sir Mix A Lot represent? Is he cool enough to represent a coast?

Troll Doll: Yay! It's Jimmy Fallon! His voice kind of reminded me of his Pat O'Brien impression though. Oh well. I thought that this was a hilarious skit. Jimmy doing all the different voices, awesome. "And we're back!!" "Ew you guys!" "Hell nah!" Yep, good stuff indeed. I'm not sure about the blonde wig and the blonde eyebrows though. Andy did great portraying himself. Maybe he won't be so bad at sketch comedy after all. Hell, he can act as himself.

Editor's Note: The radio DJ was a mix of Pat O'Brien and Harry Carey. Think Harry Carey with crumpets shoved up his nose.

Be Right Back.

"And we're back!!!!"

Battle of the Sexes II: A
Rattler: This was quite hilarious. Darrell Hammond made his one appearance as Bud Collins. Way to go D. Anyways, Armisen was hilarious as Billie Jean King. John Mac is bac. Man, I'm so lame. Maybe Troll Doll should do these reviews alone. What do you have to say Troll Doll?

Troll Doll: You know, I have to say it again. Andy is good looking. Okay, moving on. We all knew that they were going to do a tennis sketch of course. Billie Jean King, I don't really follow tennis, so I didn't really know/care who that was. But it was Armisen, and I'm happy when he's in anything so that pleased me. It didn't get me laughing until they actually started playing tennis. Reading a magazine, lounging in a chair, drinking mixed alcoholic beverages, and such, while she tries her hardest to do poorly. Good times. It's always funny watching old, strange women fail. And the second appearance for McEnroe. Is he co-hosting or something?

Governess: A
Rattler: Rachel Dratch does have a knack for producing good characters. This was, yet, another sketch where Rachel produces another great character. Parnell shows up at the beginning of the sketch and makes his appearance after the sketch is ended. I guess he wants everyone to remember that he is still, in fact, a castmember. Anyways, I loved Rachel in this. She rocks.

Troll Doll: Oh no what have they done to Andy's hair? He looks like James Van Der Beek. Anyway, when Rachel came in as the governess, I laughed really hard. She's so funny. I don't think there is a character that Rachel does that I don't like. When she was singing the song, picking up his "toys", the dirty magazines, alcohol, and a bong. Good stuff. I thought this skit was really great. When he got into his pajamas and said, "I look like a DICK," that was awesome. After the sketch, we have a brief commentary by Parnell, and that's right, you guessed it, McEnroe. Third appearance. Oh but he assures us, he's funny, so he should host soon too. I think we've seen just about enough of him now; we don't need him for a full episode. I would also like to add how I thanked my lucky stars when Parnell left the room, and then after the skit, there he was again. He's like a bad, recurring nightmare. He never goes away even though I want him to!

Rattler: Speaking of bad recurring nightmares, I turn around and see Classic SNL with Billy Crystal. Can't classic SNL be the 96-97 season?

This week's classic SNL is the episode with Michael McKean as host and Chaka Khan is the musical guest. Unlike the 94-95 season where McKean was a castmember, he is featured in more than two sketches in this episode. 

A lot of people think Pink will suck as musical guest in a few weeks. Well, Chaka Khan was the "Pink" of her generation. Oh, I can feel the hate e-mails coming now. You know, comparing Pink to Chaka Khan.

I never realized how UNfunny Jim Belushi was. Then I remembered K-9.

Hall and Oates: B
Rattler: This was a nice little musical sketch with the singing talents of Fred Armisen and Will Forte. I found this to be quite amusing. There is a reason why Forte was promoted over the summer. He is the next big thing.

Troll Doll: Aww Andy's in a suit. And he's introducing, oh no, Hall and Oates. But, yes! It's Forte and Armisen! I thought that this sketch was hilarious. Especially at the end, "here's another plaque." This was great indeed, I was happy to see Will and Fred together.

Richard Williams deal: N/A
Rattler: I like Kenan. This was somewhat amusing. The shirt Kenan had on with the William's sisters was very funny because it's true. Let's get this straight. Kenan plays Serena Williams and Richard Williams. That is called talent, huh. Anyways, I love Kenan's energy and enthusiasm, and I am hoping he will be in more sketches in the future.

Dave Matthews:
Rattler: What was up with those noises at the end of the song? Calm down Dave. Calm down. 

Troll Doll: I don't remember what this was like at all. It was soothing music to listen to while I did my homework.

Weekend Update: A (because of Tim Calhoun's triumphant return!)
Rattler: This was a very amusing weekend update. I love Tim Calhoun. Everyone loves Tim Calhoun. "There is nothing on this card." Classic stuff. A character like Tim Calhoun is what makes castmembers legends. Think Will Ferrell as Frank Henderson in his first season or Terrence Maddox later on. Horatio was Rosie O'Donnell. Jimmy loses it. Horatio loses it. Rattler loses it. This was a solid weekend update. 

Troll Doll: "75% of women are ashamed of their vaginas. And from what I've seen, they should be." That was a classic Tina joke. She always makes me laugh. And just to comment on both Jimmy and Tina's hair, Tina's looked cute, and Jimmy's needed some work. Anyways, let's move on to the relevant stuff. TIM CALHOUN!!!!! "There's nothing on this card." Forte is so awesome, and I love this character! "I've only been in jail, 1, 2., 31 times." I would totally vote for Tim Calhoun if I could. Moving on to the two sides of Rosie O'Donnell. Jimmy's enthusiasm amused me. I liked when Rosie slapped Tina in the face. "For weekend update, that's been Tina Fey, and I've been Jimmy Fallon. Good night and have a pleasant tomorrow" Should I quote some more?

Tennis Talk: A
Rattler: This was my favorite sketch of the night. Maya used a David Spade formatted joke. "By the way Patrick Swayze called, he wants his hair back." Very funny and very true. When you are in a comic slump, use the David Spade format. I loved the different versions of Andre Agassi. The different Andre's are fighting over Brooke Shields. I guess if you like a bad actress who has done forgettable TV shows and movies, then Brooke Shields is the girl for you. Anyways, I was doing a little research. Brooke Shields was chosen by Time magazine as "the face of the 80s." So I guess that's why she married 1992 Agassi aka "the hair of the 80s." Please laugh at my "jokes" people. Please.

Troll Doll: Oh good. I knew they were going to do this. Maya is so weird looking. Her feet look really big. Anyway, so the three Andre's eh? Seth from 92, Andy from the present, and a silver Will Forte as the future Andre from 2008, where we have space wars, and he is the president. This was a funny sketch. Bragging about being with Brooke Shields? Oh, come on.

Merv the Perv: F
Rattler: Chris Parnell is Merv the Perv. You know, Lorne is probably not thinking, "This would make a great SNL movie." He is probably thinking, "And why did I bring Parnell back?" Anyways, my house was dead silent throughout the whole sketch. Even the crickets were silent.

Troll Doll: Andy Roddick is hot. So we've got Andy, Amy, Rachel, and Maya. Everything is going good, but oh wait no, Parnell just walked in. Great. This skit is ruined for me. And even more fabulous, it's Merv the Perv. One of the most disturbing things I've seen in a long time, Chris Parnell in a Speedo. Come on now, was that really needed? Obviously it was, but it really gave me unsettling thoughts. And then, Andy walks out with his shirt off. Life is good again.

Dave Matthews: I'm too tired to comment. 

Jock Talk: B
Rattler: This was pretty funny. John McEnroe is in this sketch too. I think John McEnroe is going to put tonight's SNL appearance on his resume for Survivor 5,454,232,234,123: The LA Traffic. Anyways, I love Jeff Richards. It is pretty cool to see him do a character than his impressions, but his impressions make him great. I got a good grizzly chuckle out of this sketch. It wasn't really a full-blown laugh. It wasn't it a little snicker. It was in the middle, thus the term, grizzly chuckle.    

Inside Joke Talley: 3

Troll Doll: Sup? Sup? Sup? Wow. Okay, so Jeff, whose character mumbles like Drunk Girl, actually does look like a stereotypical jock: big and muscley. Except the good-looking part was missing. Seth and Andy were much too skinny looking I think. Anyway, the ending was great when they were dancing to Kelly Clarkson, and it looked as if Seth was whackin' off to them even though he was simply shaking a protein shake. Oh yes, and yet another time we see McEnroe. I think I've had it with this guy intruding on Andy's show. Rar.

Rattler says in a sarcastic tone, "Apparently 'muscley' is a word." 

Anyways, I'm glad you said that because this actually leads me into my Rattler Rant. I was debating whether to do this again because I didn't want to include the latest rant I wrote on Wednesday night. However, I was watching the local news, and there was an interesting small story on it. In the latest Merriam-Webster dictionary, they included the term "McJob." McJob is defined as "low paying and dead-end work." The McDonald's McCEO is upset that this is now a real word because the secret is now out. Now, everyone will look at these McDonald's employees as low paid workers that are going nowhere. I hate to break it to you, Mr. McCEO, but we already knew that. Whenever I go into a McDonald's I don't see smiles on these people's faces. I see frowns. Lots of frowns. Mr. McCEO added that more than a thousand of the McDonald's owners and operators started out working behind the counter. Yea, I sprayed shoes at a bowling alley when I was 16. Your point? These guys realized that if they didn't get an education, that they would be working at their McJob's until 10 years after they die. So Mr. McCEO, as you count your millions of dollars and do a round of golf, if you don't want the term "McJob" to be discriminating against your employees, try giving them a raise. How about instead of starting them off at $5.15 an hour, they start off at $6.00 an hour. They deserve it. I mean, these employees have to field complaints about how bad the McRib sandwich is. So do us all a favor Mr. McCEO, and give these employees a McRaise. 

On a side note, I think it is pretty cool that the dictionary is now mixing in a little pop culture and urban slang into the vocabulary. The next edition, we should be looking forward to the term McRip-off. Use it in a sentence, you ask? The Big Mac is a huge McRip-off. This wraps up the Rattler McRant for this week. Thank you. 

Action News: A
Rattler: This is, yet, another solid closing sketch. This sketch was so funny that I woke up the hobo that is sleeping on the couch in the living room. They probably showed this sketch at the end because it was more of an experiment. This experiment was a huge success. Even in a non-speaking role, Will Forte is awesome. If you are all counting, every closing sketch except the Kelly Ripa episode has been very good.

Troll Doll: Haha this skit was funny. Didn't let Forte talk enough though. I guess I could relate to it, because I hate all that dumb music that plays before the news. Drives me insane. This was a decent closing sketch. It made me laugh. Well done.

Overall: B+
Rattler: Will Forte was the star of the night. Every sketch he was in was brilliant. Andy Roddick wasn't too bad for an athlete. He didn't ruin any sketches, and he had John McEnroe with him the whole night. I'm not sure why John McEnroe had to be in most of the sketches. Did he give Lorne an undisclosed amount of money to get on so many sketches? Maybe Kenan and Finesse should hold a fundraiser, gather money, and bribe Lorne to get some spotlight. I want to see what they can bring to the talent. I can tell they are high-energy guys, but I haven't seen much of them. Anyways, I got a laugh out of all of the sketches except Merv the Perv. And in case you all were wondering, John McEnroe made more appearances in sketches than we made inside jokes. 

Troll Doll: I thought this was one of the best episodes this season. This episode and the Timerberlake one. Andy was everything I thought he was going to be. He did great. I was expecting a Jarrett's Room, so I was a little disappointed when I didn't see that, but the whole episode made up for it. I saw a lot of Forte, and that was good. Not enough of Fallon though. And plenty of Parnell, maybe a little too much. Okay, maybe I should stop bashing on the guy. Anyway, yeah, this was a great episode! Go Andy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!