Jack Black / John Mayer
October 4, 2003

By PSi

SNL After reading reviews for the better part of the past two seasons, I have learned that 95% of the reviews out there are absolutely insane. It's as if Paula Abdul is reviewing these episodes. "It was the worst sketch I've seen all year....6.5." What? Does the cast get 5 points for just showing up? I've been searching far and wide reviews that aren't graded on a curve. So I have decided, like the California gubernatorial race, what's one more?
Here are some things that I believe-
-Tina Fey is NOT funny. She has no delivery, she laughs at her own jokes, has private conversations in the middle of the story, and likes to use private jokes.
-The crowd has to either be a) drunk off their asses or b) on loan from the Rainbow House (as seen in Rat Race). They laugh at every little thing.
-Last Season was the worst overall season since...1985-6 is too far back, but...last year was horrible.

So, I will write reviews. This, as always, is a work in progress until I find a formula that I like for reviewing. Everyone has their own little thing. So here I go.

New season, dead weight (Kattan) is gone. Jack black was funny last time (Russell Putnam: Investigative Reporter). Can't be any worse than last year's opener with Matt Damon, right? Right?

Who the hell is that? Richards? Forte? It can't be Darrell Hammond. It's too bad. It is like he is doing an impersonation of Christopher Walken doing Arnold. It's not deep at all. If this is a precursor for the show and the season in general, Oi. One thing, I did not know that Arnold spoke like Bill Cosby. So sad.

BEST LINE: "I am against the criminals with the murder and the robbery and the arson for hire and the impersonating of the police officers and things of this nature."

Length: 4:25
RATING: 2/10


New Opening and New Set. Ok. Here we go. . .

Jack does a song and dance routine. The beginning is a little hard to look at because my attention keeps getting diverted to the upper right corner and the saxophone player with his Flock of Seagulls haircut. Jack sings about how much better he than everyone, but hasn't gotten a big head. Cameos by KG and Will Ferrell. Digresses into a gap ad halfway through it. Ends with some scatting. It was decent, but not what I really exptected


BEST LINE: Jack: Hey you're the new dudes, what's your names? Like I care.
ACTORS: Everyone.
LENGTH: 3.55
RATING: 6/10

HUGGIES THONG: Looks good but has no substance at all. Hmm...can we parallel it to the show perhaps? Ending with a pun....But is it a laugh track or do people actually think that this is funny? Seriously. Thank God its an ad and not a sketch.

ACTORS: Mya, Rachel
BEST LINE: we can't go thong
RATING: 2.5/10



I don't get the Queer Eye show in general. But that's me. Tina has lost some weight and is looking very good in her pink outfit. The sketch wasn't that great, but I did laugh when Amy threw a softball at Tina. I was waiting for her to say "That's for all those bad jokes on WU" But alas, nothing. The magazine quotes were ok, but I liked People's which said : "Untelegenic and weirdly humorless" Can we say that about this sketch and episode in general? The fashion part was funny. Flannel's for every occasion. 


ACTORS: Dratch (fahion), Black (Interior), Mya (Culture), Some writer (food and wine), Amy (Softball), Tina (Straight Girl). Parnell (VO)
LINE: Black: Where are the dildos? Fey: You guys would know about tearing up carpet.
LENGTH: 2.35
RATING: 5.5/10



I absolutely loathe this show. A show of fashion rejects whose life ambitions include being a backup dancer. The show is painful to watch, so why would this sketch be any better. I know the purpose of the sketch is to show how truly bad the show is, but do we need something that goes on waaay too long to tell us that. Amy does her dance then says "you can keep those three fingers." But yet has all 10...so much for continuity. Black looks like a bad Matt Damon with his wig. This sketch went on 3 minutes too long, the only thing that really saved it was Black's dancing skills.


ACTORS: Seth (Wade) Finese (Boogie) Mya (Dancer 1), Amy (Dancer 2), Black (Dancer 3)
BEST LINE: Black: Is Police Lineup decoy a kickass job? I rest my case
LENGTH: 6.45

Justin Timberlake hosts/sings next week... Great. I cant' wait for all the 17 year old girly screams.


I don't really understand the purpose of this sketch. Cooking for one dimensional character flaws. What is the audience laughing at? Dratch plays a lactose intolerant jewish woman. Armison the lady's man, Parnell the nagging husband who doesn't understand why he's here, Horatio as the mental midget. They go back and forth...crowd laughs more than what its worth. Too long.


ACTORS: Dratch, Fred, Black (Gerald O'Shay, cook) Parnell, Horatio
BEST LINE: Sanz: The freaks come out at night (?) I don't know...this was painful
LENGTH: 5.20


CARTOON: Yankee Superheroes.

I don't know if I should comment on cartoons or not...for now I won't. It was pretty funny...I guess it'd be hilarious if I were actually a Yankees fan...

LENGTH: 3.05
RATING: 6/10



Can I take a brick upside his head? I can't stand him...and many people I know share my sentiments But I won't go into that.




The cornerstone of SNL. Everyone seems to love this part of the show. I, however, disagree. I think its overrated....but I have to admit, this episode's was better than anything last year only because Tina Fey didn't laugh at her own stupid jokes....the same jokes the crowd doesn't laugh at and gives that look "come on, I'm trying." I think she has good content, but no delivery, killing everything going for her, much like Colin Quinn. Just deliver the joke and soak in the brief glory, don't have conversations with yourself. The new guy, Finesse, reminds me a lot of David Allen Grier. But he's gotten a fairly large role for a first year guy on his first night. Fairly funny, but a joke or two could have been cut out. Strong performance from the rookie. 
Fallon had a couple of jokes fall flat on its face. But I don't think he's that good. Tina...had it going until the "he is expected to plead crazy bread." This is my point. She then mutters to herself "that was my favorite." Unnecessary. Kenan gets some time as Bill Cosby. Good impersonation (no jell-o references though) but he looks too young...he's 25..at least give him some makeup to make him look 60.

The pencil toss, low and to the right

ACTORS: Fey, Fallon, Richards (Rush), Finese (entertainment reporter), Mya (Wanda Sykes) Kenan (Bill Cosby)
BEST LINE: Candidate Rev. Al Sharpton continues to eat and be Nutrageous.
LENGTH: a little under 12.00
RATING: 7.5/10 (bill/review went a little long, but solid..)



Cheers references, eh? Over and over and over. Is shelly long really that annoying? Good interaction between Horatio and Black. There isn't many things I can say about this other than it was probably the best sketch of the night. Good lines, it flowed, well written. I can't say anything more


ACTORS: Black (singer), Kenan, Richards, Mya, Dratch, Horatio (father), Amy (shelly long)
BEST LINE: Horatio: He had Lou Gherig's disease! & Horatio: I was dressed as Abraham Drinkin!
LENGTH: 4.30
RATING: 8/10 (would've been a 8.5-9 if they took out a lot of shelly's "I was on cheers" quips)

PERFORMACE 2: John Mayer.

Shoot him already.



Lets call this the- how many times can we spit in Seth's face sketch. Black drinks the wine, spits it out, right on Seth over and over and over....and over and over. Total Count: 16 (15 from Black, one from Sanz) This reminded me a lot of the old Abbot and Costello bits, so credit goes for that. Slapstick humor...not bad.


ACTORS: Dratch (Grandmother), Mya, Horatio (father) Seth, Black (wine taster)
BEST LINE: Black: My mouth is like an open sore.
LENGTH: 5.30
RATING: 6.5/10


A song about the end of telemarketing....eh. Decent song...not funny. Also, they cut off the end of it. What was supposed to be funny?

ACTORS: Amy, Forte, Black, Kenan, Parnell, Sanz, Mya
LINE: Forte: With my Cocaine addiction, it's the only job I can do
LENGTH: 3.50
RATING: 4.5/10


...and they even cut off the goodbyes at 12.58. They weren't even running long. Got to get in another fear factor ad I guess.


OVERALL: Maybe because it was the season opener, I expected more, but it seemed to be a little flat. Jack Black is known for his overacting, and seemed to do very little of that here. All I can really say is that expectations were not met...yet again.

OVERALL RATING:53.5/110 (4.8)
FELT LIKE: 5-5.5

WORST PERFORMER: Whoever did that Arnold impersonation...Maybe it was forte...
LINE OF THE NIGHT: Horatio Sanz: I was dressed as Abraham Drinkin'!

Mya  8
Dratch 6
Amy 5
Horatio 4
Kenan 3
Finesse 3
Parnell 3
Richards 3
Seth 3
Tina 3
Fallon 2
Armison 2
Forte 2


Well, this will develop. You don't hit a homerun at your first at-bat...so hopefully, my reviews..and the show, will get better.

Comments- PSiX0@lycos.com