Black / John Mayer
October 4, 2003
SNL After reading reviews for
the better part of the past two seasons, I have learned that
95% of the reviews out there are absolutely insane. It's as if
Paula Abdul is reviewing these episodes. "It was the worst
sketch I've seen all year....6.5." What? Does the cast get
5 points for just showing up? I've been searching far and wide
reviews that aren't graded on a curve. So I have decided, like
the California gubernatorial race, what's one more?
Here are some things that I believe-
-Tina Fey is NOT funny. She has no delivery, she laughs at her
own jokes, has private conversations in the middle of the story,
and likes to use private jokes.
-The crowd has to either be a) drunk off their asses or b) on
loan from the Rainbow House (as seen in Rat Race). They laugh
at every little thing.
-Last Season was the worst overall season since...1985-6 is too
far back, but...last year was horrible.
So, I will write reviews. This,
as always, is a work in progress until I find a formula that
I like for reviewing. Everyone has their own little thing. So
here I go.
New season, dead weight (Kattan) is gone. Jack black was funny
last time (Russell Putnam: Investigative Reporter). Can't be
any worse than last year's opener with Matt Damon, right? Right?
Who the hell is that? Richards? Forte? It can't be Darrell Hammond.
It's too bad. It is like he is doing an impersonation of Christopher
Walken doing Arnold. It's not deep at all. If this is a precursor
for the show and the season in general, Oi. One thing, I did
not know that Arnold spoke like Bill Cosby. So sad.
BEST LINE: "I am against
the criminals with the murder and the robbery and the arson for
hire and the impersonating of the police officers and things
of this nature."
New Opening and New Set. Ok.
Here we go. . .
Jack does a song and dance routine. The beginning is a little
hard to look at because my attention keeps getting diverted to
the upper right corner and the saxophone player with his Flock
of Seagulls haircut. Jack sings about how much better he than
everyone, but hasn't gotten a big head. Cameos by KG and Will
Ferrell. Digresses into a gap ad halfway through it. Ends with
some scatting. It was decent, but not what I really exptected
BEST LINE: Jack: Hey you're the
new dudes, what's your names? Like I care.
HUGGIES THONG: Looks good but
has no substance at all. Hmm...can we parallel it to the show
perhaps? Ending with a pun....But is it a laugh track or do people
actually think that this is funny? Seriously. Thank God its an
ad and not a sketch.
ACTORS: Mya, Rachel
BEST LINE: we can't go thong
QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GIRL
I don't get the Queer Eye show
in general. But that's me. Tina has lost some weight and is
looking very good in her pink outfit. The sketch wasn't that
great, but I did laugh when Amy threw a softball at Tina. I was
waiting for her to say "That's for all those bad jokes on
WU" But alas, nothing. The magazine quotes were ok, but
I liked People's which said : "Untelegenic and weirdly humorless"
Can we say that about this sketch and episode in general? The
fashion part was funny. Flannel's for every occasion.
ACTORS: Dratch (fahion), Black
(Interior), Mya (Culture), Some writer (food and wine), Amy (Softball),
Tina (Straight Girl). Parnell (VO)
LINE: Black: Where are the dildos? Fey: You guys would know
about tearing up carpet.
WADE ROBSON PROJECT:
I absolutely loathe this show.
A show of fashion rejects whose life ambitions include being
a backup dancer. The show is painful to watch, so why would this
sketch be any better. I know the purpose of the sketch is to
show how truly bad the show is, but do we need something that
goes on waaay too long to tell us that. Amy does her dance then
says "you can keep those three fingers." But yet has
all 10...so much for continuity. Black looks like a bad Matt
Damon with his wig. This sketch went on 3 minutes too long, the
only thing that really saved it was Black's dancing skills.
ACTORS: Seth (Wade) Finese (Boogie)
Mya (Dancer 1), Amy (Dancer 2), Black (Dancer 3)
BEST LINE: Black: Is Police Lineup decoy a kickass job? I rest
Justin Timberlake hosts/sings
next week... Great. I cant' wait for all the 17 year old girly
ART OF ITALIAN COOKING
I don't really understand the
purpose of this sketch. Cooking for one dimensional character
flaws. What is the audience laughing at? Dratch plays a lactose
intolerant jewish woman. Armison the lady's man, Parnell the
nagging husband who doesn't understand why he's here, Horatio
as the mental midget. They go back and forth...crowd laughs more
than what its worth. Too long.
ACTORS: Dratch, Fred, Black
(Gerald O'Shay, cook) Parnell, Horatio
BEST LINE: Sanz: The freaks come out at night (?) I don't know...this
CARTOON: Yankee Superheroes.
I don't know if I should comment
on cartoons or not...for now I won't. It was pretty funny...I
guess it'd be hilarious if I were actually a Yankees fan...
PERFORMANCE: John Mayer
Can I take a brick upside his
head? I can't stand him...and many people I know share my sentiments
But I won't go into that.
The cornerstone of SNL. Everyone
seems to love this part of the show. I, however, disagree. I
think its overrated....but I have to admit, this episode's was
better than anything last year only because Tina Fey didn't laugh
at her own stupid jokes....the same jokes the crowd doesn't laugh
at and gives that look "come on, I'm trying." I think
she has good content, but no delivery, killing everything going
for her, much like Colin Quinn. Just deliver the joke and soak
in the brief glory, don't have conversations with yourself. The
new guy, Finesse, reminds me a lot of David Allen Grier. But
he's gotten a fairly large role for a first year guy on his first
night. Fairly funny, but a joke or two could have been cut out.
Strong performance from the rookie.
Fallon had a couple of jokes fall flat on its face. But I don't
think he's that good. Tina...had it going until the "he
is expected to plead crazy bread." This is my point. She
then mutters to herself "that was my favorite." Unnecessary.
Kenan gets some time as Bill Cosby. Good impersonation (no jell-o
references though) but he looks too young...he's 25..at least
give him some makeup to make him look 60.
The pencil toss, low and to the
ACTORS: Fey, Fallon, Richards
(Rush), Finese (entertainment reporter), Mya (Wanda Sykes) Kenan
BEST LINE: Candidate Rev. Al Sharpton continues to eat and be
LENGTH: a little under 12.00
RATING: 7.5/10 (bill/review went a little long, but solid..)
Cheers references, eh? Over and
over and over. Is shelly long really that annoying? Good interaction
between Horatio and Black. There isn't many things I can say
about this other than it was probably the best sketch of the
night. Good lines, it flowed, well written. I can't say anything
ACTORS: Black (singer), Kenan,
Richards, Mya, Dratch, Horatio (father), Amy (shelly long)
BEST LINE: Horatio: He had Lou Gherig's disease! & Horatio:
I was dressed as Abraham Drinkin!
RATING: 8/10 (would've been a 8.5-9 if they took out a lot of
shelly's "I was on cheers" quips)
PERFORMACE 2: John Mayer.
Shoot him already.
Lets call this the- how many
times can we spit in Seth's face sketch. Black drinks the wine,
spits it out, right on Seth over and over and over....and over
and over. Total Count: 16 (15 from Black, one from Sanz) This
reminded me a lot of the old Abbot and Costello bits, so credit
goes for that. Slapstick humor...not bad.
ACTORS: Dratch (Grandmother),
Mya, Horatio (father) Seth, Black (wine taster)
BEST LINE: Black: My mouth is like an open sore.
A song about the end of telemarketing....eh.
Decent song...not funny. Also, they cut off the end of it. What
was supposed to be funny?
ACTORS: Amy, Forte, Black, Kenan,
Parnell, Sanz, Mya
LINE: Forte: With my Cocaine addiction, it's the only job I can
...and they even cut off the
goodbyes at 12.58. They weren't even running long. Got to get
in another fear factor ad I guess.
OVERALL: Maybe because it was
the season opener, I expected more, but it seemed to be a little
flat. Jack Black is known for his overacting, and seemed to do
very little of that here. All I can really say is that expectations
were not met...yet again.
OVERALL RATING:53.5/110 (4.8)
FELT LIKE: 5-5.5
BEST PERFORMER: Horatio Sanz
WORST PERFORMER: Whoever did that Arnold impersonation...Maybe
it was forte...
LINE OF THE NIGHT: Horatio Sanz: I was dressed as Abraham Drinkin'!
APPERANCES IN SKETCHES (host
Well, this will develop. You don't hit a homerun at your first
at-bat...so hopefully, my reviews..and the show, will get better.