Jack Black / John Mayer
October 4, 2003

By ChazztheSpazz

Hey everybody,
Chazz the Spazz here to review the season premiere for the brand new season of SNL. The summer was wonderful. I reviewed episodes last season, but it was about the second half of season. But have no fear people because I am here for the entire season. (If the reviews are posted that is.) You know I am going to do different rants like other people do, I am going to get straight to what everyone wants to read and that is the SNL review. But before that happens I am going to go to the Deep Thought of the Day. I did this last season before any review and I decided to continue it since they seem to be so popular.

Deep Thought: I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals.

The season premiere is hosted by Jack Black, which ought to be a good show. I love Jack Black he is one of my idols, when I am a famous actor I am going to be a cross between Jack Black, Jim Carrey and Will Ferrell. I saw SCHOOL OF ROCK and it is totally Rockin. Last time Jack hosted it was just an okay show, there was nothing outstanding about it. Hopefully it will be good, but I doubt it considering that most of the good cast is off the show. Anyway, it appears that I did rant like I said I wouldn't so I am going to stop right now and move on to the SNL. Oh and quickly if anyone has any SNL related questions or questions in general you can email me at Chipofftheoleblock@hotmail.com. Ok enough with that.

Opening: Ah-nuld for governor (Darrell Hammond)
They couldn't have thought of something else for Hammond to do. SNL seriously needs to let him do more. Sadly, I think that Darrell should have let when Will did. Darrell has been this show for so long, let's hope that he didn't sign a lifetime contract. This had the potential to be so much better than it was. I mean Hammond's impersonaion wasn't even a good one. If you want to see a great impersonation (and by great I mean so horrible that is hysterical) watch Conan O' Brian. Anyway this was really lame, and they could have made it funnier by having Darrell talk about Ah-nuld groping women, or engaging in group sex or even admiring Hitler. Since it was lame and Darrell wasn't even trying this gets a 4/10.

Opening Montage
You know I am liking this new montage. Why Fred Armisen is still a Featured player is beyond me. He was one of the best new castmembers last season. At least my other fav Will Forte got promoted. So hurrah for him. Why must Seth Meyers get promoted, he should either stay as featured player or be kicked off the show. I noticed that Dean was missing, so here's hoping that the two "token" black guys for SNL will be more successful than he was. The montage along with the set gets a 10/10 (This is not tabulated into the final grade)

Monologue: Jack Black (Jack Black with appearances by entire cast minus Hammond plus a cameo by Kyle Gass and Will Ferrell)
I was so hoping that Jack Black would come out and deliver an awesome monologue and boy did he do just that. It was beyond awesome. Jack Black took a page out of Christopher Walken and Mike Myers book and sang a little song. But the song was awesome. I loved how Jack went around dissing everyone, it was so freakin' hysterical. Seeing Kyle Gass made me smile at least Jack's buddy also gets some tv time. This was monologue was great even before Will Ferrell. Will Ferrell just put it over the top. Perhaps Will was there negotiating a hosting deal to promote his movie ELF. The only thing I didn't like was Jack bringing out Horatio to scat with him, he should have gotten Will Forte or Fred Armisen for that. But the monologue plus Will helped this recieve a score of a perfect 10/10.

Commercial: Thong Huggies (Maya Rudolph Rachel Dratch)
I have heard of girls start wearing thongs when they're younger but this is rediculous. I really loved this commercial even though it was really disturbing. What disturbs me more is that stores are making thongs for 6,7,and 8 year olds now with things like HOT STUFF on them. That is just wrong. Anyway getting back to the commercial. It would totally suck to be the one to clean up all the tea that spills on the floor. I am giving the commercial an 8/10 simply for the sheer ridiculousness of it.

Sketch: Queer eye for the Straight Gal (Tina Fey, Rachel Dratch, Jack Black, Maya Rudolph, Amy Poehler)
Yes, folks you heard that right Jack Black is in this sketch. So if you ever wondered what Jack would look like as a lesbian you got your answer. This sketch gets higher than it would have gotten because they used Tina Fey and anytime Tina Fey is used in a sketch it just so totally awesome. Everything else was pretty lame. The only two good things were Jack Black as a lesbian and Tina Fey. So this sketch gets a 6/10 simply because Tina was in the sketch.

Sketch: The Horrible Dance Contest (Seth Meyers, Finesse Mitchell, Jack Black, Amy Poehler)
You know it's funny seeing Seth try to be all hip and cool because he so is not. I wish that Finesse had beaten him up, that would have made my day. And may I just say that Finesse is a pretty wicked name. I at first thought it would be a female before I realized that he was in fact a guy. You know I like seeing good dancers but I love seeing bad dancing even more. Amy and Maya were pretty bad. But then Jack came out and everything changed. Jack's dance moved were awesome, the funny thing is that I can do all of the moves that Jack Black does. (Maybe that isn't a good thing, since he was on a bad dance show.) You know what I love dancing the way I do, it is so much fun. It was crap that Jack's character didn't win he had the best dancing out of all three. However, since Jack did do some great dances I give this an 8.5/10.

Sketch: Cooking Show (Jack Black, Fred Armisen, Horatio Sanz, Rachel Dratch and Chris Parnell)
When this sketch first came on I was happy because I got to see Fred Armisen. But then I got disgusted real quick when I heard Rachel saying how dairy makes her crap. That was not needed. Fred was great in the sketch, Jack was just okay. Fred was the best part of the sketch. If any of you are curious as to what Jack Black would look like with long hair the answer came in this sketch. This sketch gets a 5/10 because after seeing SNL this was Fred's only sketch and he should have been in more.

Cartoon: New York Yankees
Maybe it's because I am not a New Yorker or a big baseball fan. But I did not find this funny in the least. I thought it was horrendous. Robert Smigel should go back to doing Ambigously Gay Duo as that is his best cartoon that he does on SNL. He should also continue working on SNL as the guy who talks for the celebrites on the tv when Conan interview them. Since this was horrendous it gets the bomb of the night with a 1/10.

Musical Performance: John Mayer
Anyone else notice Jack Black mispronounce John's name. That was humorous but otherwise the music was just okay. I just wish that SNL would invite Tenacious D to perform as musical guest when Jack Black performs. Sadly that won't happen as Tenacious D has to much bad language in their songs. I do not grade music.

Weekend Update: (Tina Fey, Jimmy Fallon, with appearances by Keenan Thompson, Jeff Richards, Maya Rudolph)
You know, I noticed that the rest of the SNL set got a makeover (perhaps that was Queer Eye's doing.) So shouldn't Weekend Update get one too. I mean they have had the same set for what about 3 years now, ever since Tina and Jimmy have been the anchors. Probably next year will be the year, because I sense that there will be a new anchorperson(s) next season. They should bring back Norm Macdonald because he was one of the best WU anchors ever. I liked the AOL Latino joke or as I call it AOLL. Jimmy actually delivered a funny joke for once and didn't mess it up. Good for you Jimmy. That's once in the past three years that you haven't messed up a joke while doing WU. The Heroin joke was also a good one, but I believe that Jimmy messed that one up. The best joke of the night though goes to Tina Fey which was the Colin Farrell fag joke. Wasn't a big fun of Jeff's Limbaugh, I did like the prop hammer though. Finesse talking about movies was cool. He probably could have talked about newer movies though. The weirdest segment on WU would have to be the twins joke and then Jimmy putting on the moustache, I had no idea what that was supposed to be. The Bill Cosby was just okay. I used to like Keenan Thompson and Nickelodeon but I am not sure how he will fit in SNL. You know Finesse and Keenan both have had more screen time individually than Dean had his entire SNL run. Anyway the first WU of the season starts out strong and gets a 9.5/10.

Sletch: Bar fight (Jack Black, Horatio Sanz, Amy Poehler, Keenan Thompson)
Any skit where Jack Black plays a guitar and sings will automatically be good. Jack singing "Cats in the Cradle" is even cooler. You know Horatio was fine as Jack's dad but it would have been awesome if they had Kyle Gass play his dad or even Will Ferrell in a cameo as his dad. Amy was just okay as Shelly Long. I did like it though when they sang the Cheers theme song. I go to a place where everyone knows my name, it's called home. Anyway this is gonna recieve a passing grade. The passing grade is an 8.5/10.

Musical Performance: John Mayer
Once again Tenacious D should have totally performed but I digress.

Sketch: Wine Critic (Jack Black, Seth Meyers, Horatio Sanz, Maya Rudolph, Rachel Dratch)
Jack Black in an ascot is priceless. I think Seth has finally found a role that is good for him. In all sketches he does he should just be the spit collector because that is the one thing he is good at. Jack's outfit and bad accent was totally great. What is weird is how great this sketch was but how far back on the show it was. Usually the worst sketches are at the end while the best are at the beginning, this was kind of reversed because this was a pretty awesome sketch. 9.5/10.

Sketch: We are Telemarketer's (Jack Black, Will Forte, Keenan Thompson, Horatio Sanz, Chris Parnell, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph)
Once again this is an awesome sketch and somehow they put it on at the end. What was Lorne thinking. He should have put this and the Wine Critic at the beginning and moved the QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GAL and the COOKING SHOW sketch to the end of the show. The only problem with this sketch is that it was Will Forte's only appearance in a sketch. Which is not cool with me. But even though he was only in this one sketch he had a wonderful line about his cocaine addiction, which was the single best line in this sketch. That alone gives this sketch a 9.5/10.

BEST SKETCH: WINE CRITIC, TELEMARKETERS SONG
WORST SKETCH: CARTOON
PLAYER(S) OF THE NIGHT: Rachel Dratch, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph and Will Forte for his one line anout cocaine
TOTAL SCORE: 79.5
Final Thoughts: Well the season premiere is over and done with and it was just an average episode. Fred and Will could have been used more and Keenan and Finesse got more air time than Dean ever did. Next week Justin Timberlake hosts and sings. I am not really sure how I feel about that, I think he is the kind of thing that is taken best in small doses. But we'll see how it goes. Now before I am off it is time to leave you with the words of wisdom.

Words of the wisdom/Quote of the day: "With God, even when nothing is happening - something is happening."
- Rev. Reubin Welch, "In the Arms of God" by Dr. James Dobson