Black / John Mayer
October 4, 2003
down to the review
Hey everybody and welcome to
my 4th year of reviewing Saturday Night Live. I intend to review
all 20 episodes this season like I did last year and have them
up in a timely fashion for you. There is one exception though.
Come March my review may be a
bit late- because I'LL BE GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA XX!!!!! Yes-
Section 40 Row L- I'll be there.
Now let's get down to business-
New Orleans Saints- Hey guys-
it's not December yet. You're not supposed to suck. A 1-3 start
is just disgusting and in a tough division like theirs- it's
not going to work out. This week is a tough road game against
Carolina and is a must-win.
Atlanta Braves- Talk about a
terrific series- The Braves v. Cubs series has been fun to watch.
I hope to God they can win Game 5 but win or lose- it's been
fun to watch.
After today's heart attack inducing
game I after tip my Braves hat to John Smoltz. The guy went in
there hurt already, he got off to a rough start and then composed
him. The greatest player in Cubs history (and the tying run)
was up at the plate and with his arm seemingly falling off Smoltz
was able to get him out and showed the heart of a champion. Unlike
a certain greedy little bastard who ran to a team and had his
worst season while being on a first place team- John Smoltz has
remained loyal to Braves fans for a long time- and he showed
everyone a lot yesterday.
Gary Sheffield has also shown
how much a waste he is. Looks like we have a new Mr. May on our
hands. I hope the Braves don't bring him back if he continues
to do nothing.
I like your reviews, mainly because
you are a consistent contributor
Review sites and you are fair. I have to say though, that Beyonce
not lip-synching during her performance. For a moment, I thought
I almost made a note of this in my review. But for the song,
different layers of her voice. She was singing the main part,
part during the song where two voices were going at once, like
a CD. She was singing the main part, but background part (her
prerecorded) was singing the other part. The only thing she did
trying to lip-synch to the background part, after the part she
had stopped momentarily. If she would have just danced or something,
have been better. Instead it looked like for a few lines of the
lip-synching. Once again, she was lip-synching, but only the
she didn't have to sing to.
Oh, and nice work on the season summary. Always good to hear
opinions on SNL.
Okay- I'll take your word for it. In the end the bigger question
is- why was I was staring at her lips when she was shaking her
ass and dancing across the stage? Thanks for the kind words as
Kelly Fallon writes-
You can't have the best of "Barron"
especially when you're not funny enough... good try though...
joke or no joke it seems cocky, and again you're not funny enough,
sorry! But nice try... you're no Mark Polishuk.... thanks for
trying though it's been a hard year without him... keep up with
your "work" and at least you're a Saints Fan
Someone named 'Fallon' saying I wasn't funny is hilarious in
itself. Technically the Best of Barron wasn't a collection of
my funniest statements- it was what I thought was my 'best' comments
regarding all things SNL. There's nothing funny in my tale of
Jimmy getting hit by a bus- but I thought it was one of my best
I also take it you frown on the
Emmys and Oscars as well.
And yes- being a Saints fan does
not exclude you from ridicule- so be warned!
THAT SONG WAS GREAT THAT HE SANG.......ONLY
PROBLEM IS I DON'T KNOW THE
OF IT........CAN YOU TELL ME WHAT IT WAS..........THANKS
The song he sang was "Get
hey, you put me on your best
of mailbag thingy. You said I was an Avril/hockey hater. But
Im not. I love hockey, and hate avril. I was serious about the
whole drinking and yelling thing. The game was shitloads of fun,
and I am an avid fan now.
PS just thought i'd let you know
Your first hockey game involved
Tampa Bay and you became a fan? I'm impressed-wait till you see
a team that has actual talent- like the Canucks. I apologise
for labelling you as a hockey hater- even though you should come
around on Avril. And another tip- don't watch any Bruins games
if you want to remain a fan.
Sean Hoagland writes-
Hey dude, its Sean from the Voy
Board. What are your
thoughts on the Cup Finals? The Devils kicked ass the
first two games and then let the Ducks get back into
it last night. I do think the Devils are gonna win
though. There is no way Brodeur allows fluke goals
for a second straight game. What do you think?
Well the Cup Finals are over
but I think they turned out to be fantastic. Had the Devils blown
it I think I would've become completely grey haired.
David Davis right-
Hi! My name is Dave and I just
wanted to let you know that I really enjoy reading your SNL reviews.
I've been watching SNL since it first started )I'm 38) ... I
discovered the S-N-L site one night last week at work... I'm
a switchboard operator and I work the swing shift, where it gets
very slow sometimes...we're allowed to access the internet on
our terminals. Reading those reviews makes the time go by so
fast and is never boring. I really enjoy your writing style.
I did want to mention that I remember someone asking if an audience
member ever disrupted an SNL monologue, and the reply included
Andrew Dice Clay (who I just saw at the supermarket; he dyes
his hair black now) -- but I also seem to recall Sharon Stone
getting heckled during her "Basic Instinct" monologue.
Apparently,there were some militant lesbian feminists in the
audience who were protesting her portrayal of a lesbian as an
evil psychopath. Of course in the repeat,the heckles were deleted.
Another thing, do you remember when Mary Tyler Moore hosted
back in 1989? Don Pardo had laryngitis that night and for some
reason,they did not replace him and the intro's sounded hideous!
he could barely croak out the names. Thank goodness they had
the sense the re-record it when his voice returned for the reruns.
Also,on Comedy Central,MTM's sketches were aired in reversed
order,which was a good thing since the first few sketches were
horrible and the audience was dead quiet.
II'm a huge Mary fan and I publish a fanzine on her called "Mary")
Also, I wish there was a video or DVD with all the skits that
were cut out of original episodes and not included in reruns...
I never got to see the Tobey Maguire skit mocking Angelina
Jolie and her brother's offspring. And wasn't there a skit
with Chris Farley and other male cast members exiting
a space-ship practically naked? Never got to see that either
and it was never rerun.
Did you see either of these? Were they so offensive that they
had to be cut?
Anyway, I look forward to next season and more of your wonderfully
written reviews. keep up the good work
Best Wishes, DAVE
Paragraph 3 just about sums that
whole letter right there. Even though the theme to the Dick Van
Dyke show rules all.
Chad Ruffner writes-
What a absolutely terrible follow
from last week. Did they use Austin's absence as an
excuse to put on a show like this? Is It any wonder
why the crowd did't make a sound all night? What's
worse Is that all the matches were shitty as well.
Horrible Show, as I found nothing even remotely
Interesting to make me want to tune In next week.
What else Is new, huh?
That RAW wasn't too bad. Gail Kim (RYERSON REPRESENT!~) won a
title and Christian v. Booker T was decent even though I will
admit the rest of the show was the usual RAW junk.
But remember- Stone Cold not
being on a show can only make it better.
Hey there. My name is Katie,
and I read your reviews every week for snl. I also know that
it is summer and there hasn't been a new review for well over
three months. But anyway, I knind of need to know about the standby
line and how it works, I figure since you have done it a number
of times, you would be the one to email and ask. I'd like to
try to do the standby line to get to the dress rehersal sometime
in the fall and like I said before, you would be the one to ask
I guess. So I basically know what its about...you get there and
you wait in line but what time? What entrance do you wait at?
What's the two hour standby rule? What should I bring? If you
could answer these, that would be great. Oh, and I realize to
that 1. Its summer, so you might not answer your email and 2.
You don't know me, but like i said I really need to know!! Thanks
so much (your reviews kick ass!), Katie
For everyone- here's my answers-
The timing thing is really up
to you. I've been #1 and seen 54 other get in- so you just gotta
show up and pray.
You wait outside the 50th st.
entrance at 30 Rockefeller Centre. The two hour standby rule
is that you can't leave the line for more then 2 hrs. So you
can go to McDonalds and chill for awhile if need be. I don't
know if I'm the best person to ask for what to bring- since I
never really bring anything. But for the sensible person I'd
A chair, a jacket (it gets COLD),
a good amount of spending money, something to keep you amused
and most importantly- a big sense of humour.
And thanks for the kind words.
Can you tell me what is Saturday Night Life? Is it screenplay
(very funny I think)? Excuse me for this strange question, but
I really don`t know about SNL.
I live very far from NY:)
I think this is a perfect email
to end the mailbag with.
Wanna be in the mailbag???????
Email me at email@example.com
No- I am not a stalker-
Living in New York affords me
great opportunities. I can see a Broadway play, go to the Empire
State Building and get raped by a big black man. It also affords
me the opportunity to meets lots of celebrities. So here is the
Avril Lavigne: Now you guys know that I love Avril
to death so this was awesome. I had seen her in concert at the
Nassau Coliseum the night before and was ecstatic when I found
out she was on David Letterman. I had never done Letterman before
but was informed that all celebs enter through the same door
and since it's outside- there are people there waiting for them.
I got to Letterman and found that there were barricades up and
people were waiting behind them to get autographs and what not.
There were lots of people there and it didn't look good. Avril
soon came out of her car and the race was on. I was too far back
and had no chance of meeting her. She quickly ran in and ignored
all but two autograph seekers. Avril being a complete bitch ended
up being a blessing in disguise. Lots of disgusted autograph
collectors left and I found myself in the centre of the barricade-
and the waiting game began. I took out my bible and prayed for
the best. A long time later- Avril came out. I was pushed against
the barricade and completely buggered my knee but I had to get
this autograph. As Avril was walking by (once again ignoring
everyone) she looked over at me and my friend and stopped. She
then walked right over and signed my picture and acknowledged
me when I said "You rock." For a while I didn't know
why Avril only stopped for my friend and me until I saw her MTV
special and she said how she doesn't like signing for asshole
autograph collectors and will only sign for kids.
That night I thanked God for
making me look like a twelve year old.
Sean Hayes: I met Hayes the same day I met Avril.
He signed for a few people (including me) going in and promised
everyone on the way out he would sign everything. On the way
out Sean Hayes ignored everyone and walked to his car.
Renee Zellweger: Ah- Renee- she completes me. The day
after meeting Avril I was pleased to know that Renee Zellweger
was also going to be on Dave Letterman. But first she was doing
the View. After being roused out of bed too early I got down
to ABC only to find out that the View sucks for meeting celebs.
Basically at the View- they get driven into a blocked off parking
lot and then walk into a door that takes them to Star Jones.
So what have you to do is hold up what you want signed as the
car drives by and hope Renee is nice enough to roll down her
window and sign her stuff.
Renee's car drove by and despite
me and my friend holding up our stuff- she did not stop. (This
becomes important later) After refusing to run into the middle
of the street and chase after her (I mean have you seen A
Price Above Rubies) I was resigned to the fact that she'd
be on Letterman later that day.
::later that day::
I arrived at Letterman and saw
TONS of people at the barricades. As I remembered how much money
A Price Above Rubies made I thought how this must be some
sort of mistake- and thank God it was. It turned out they were
a bunch of tourists and they left shortly thereafter. Renee came
by and like Avril she quickly ran in. But unlike Avril she assured
us she would sign when she came out. While we were waiting for
her to come- her limo driver recognised me and my friend from
earlier in the day at the View. He informed us that Renee didn't
sign for us earlier that day because there were asshole autograph
collectors there who she had signed for earlier in the day. Bruce
Almighty, as he came to be known, kept us entertained throughout
the wait for Renee and even backed up his limo so Renee would
be forced to walk by us. Our luck seemed doomed as it looked
like it was about to rain and what celebrity is going to want
to sign for people in the rain? I was nervous as the minutes
ticked away and I again prayed to my bible. Renee came out and
she was amazing. She signed for EVERYONE and then as she walked
by I said "Renee- you're my favourite actress." Renee
"That's a very nice thing to say." Meeting Renee was
better then meeting Avril because I didn't kill my knee this
time. Renee Zellweger ranks #2 in nicest celebrities I met this
DL Hughley: Poor DL. His car pulled up and everyone
thought it was Renee. When they saw it wasn't- you could hear
the loud audible groan.
Paul O'Neill: Paul O'Neill drove by the Letterman
line while we were waiting for Renee. He stuck his head out and
asked who was on the show. Instead of saying what I wanted to
say (which would violate my no expletives rule) I yelled back
"Renee Zelwegger". He thanked me and drove away.
Sarah Jessica Parker: Even though I hate her guts I still
am a Sex and the City fan at heart so I wouldn't pass up the
chance of meeting Carrie Bradshaw even though I felt she owed
me the 90 minutes of my time that I wasted watching If Lucy
Fell. I ended up meeting SJP twice even though neither meeting
was very eventful and pretty much was the same thing. Thanks
to someone really cool who can't spell their name correctly-
I wound up finding myself on the Sex and the City set while they
were shooting 'Hop, Skip and a Week'. She walked out of her trailer
and said hello as she walked by. I was having flashbacks to 'Change
of a Dress' and mouthed a naughty word to her as she walked by.
For some reason I was invited
back to the Sex and the City set and met SJP as they were shooting
"Boy Interrupted". Again I saw her coming out of her
trailer to go to another trailer and I watched as she spent 5
minutes trying to get this trailer open. I had a good laugh.
Since she was in a rush she told the guard to have us write down
our names and give him our stuff and she would sign it and give
it back. I may not like her but I will admit that was a very
nice thing to do. And thus SJP became the first main castmember
to sign my magazine.
Willie Garson: The same day I met SJP for the second
time I also met Willie Garson a.k.a Stanford from Sex and the
City. He was really cool and signed and took a picture.
Sean Palmer: Before anyone says who- he's the actor
who plays Marcus on Sex and the City. I got a picture with him.
It's the actor who plays Marcus- you expect an essay?
I also ended up meeting most
of the WWE/ROH roster. So here's the WWE guys:
A-Train: He's a dick. He wouldn't sign for anyone (didn't
even say no- just kept walking).
Big Show: Dick. Wouldn't sign or acknowledge anyone.
Kidman: He was nice- He came with Torrie and signed for
Brock Lesnar: Brock is HUGE! I'd piss my pants if
I ever saw him on the street late at night. He wouldn't sign
but I can understand that since he would've gotten mobbed.
Charlie Haas: Very nice guy. Came out a few times
to sign stuff for the fans.
Chris Benoit: I saw him at Smackdown! but he was
carrying two bags and looked to be in a hurry so no one bothered
Chuck Palumbo: He wouldn't sign but was very nice
about it. He told me he was in a hurry and he had two bags with
Danny Basham: Nice guy, signed for me.
Doug Basham: Really nice. He signed for a very long
Dawn Marie: Another nice person. She got mobbed
but signed for everyone. She is very hot in person.
Eddy Guerrero: Eddy signed for a few people but security
was being dicks so he didn't sign for me. Nearly knocked into
Jamie Noble: He was filming a vignette with Nidia
when I saw him. When he was done he came over and signed for
everyone there. He signs 'Jamie Noble Boy'.
John Cena: He is so awesome. He signed for everyone
and was talking to people. A guy challenged him to a freestyle
battle so in the middle of the street- John Cena and this random
guy did some freestyling to each other. Cena won but he gave
the guy free tickets. He went shopping for throwbacks and a bunch
of people followed him- He still signed and talked to everyone.
Johnny Stamboli: He travels with Mike Chioda. Nice guy.
Kurt Angle: Kurt signed and took photos for everyone-
despite being mobbed. He told me his neck is feeling good.
Nidia: She signed for everyone after the vignette they
did- just like Noble. Pretty attractive in person.
Rey Mysterio: He doesn't wear the mask in public.
He signed and took photos for a few people but I couldn't squeeze
in to get one.
Rhyno: Nice guy.
Sable: She wouldn't sign (She was carrying a lot of
luggage) but profusely apologised it every 5 seconds so I'd consider
Shelton Benjamin: Nice guy.
Sean O'Haire: He's a dick. He wouldn't sign for anyone
and seemed to be in a foul mood. Has a hot girlfriend.
Spanky: Spanky was wearing a Zero One shirt while reading
WCW magazine- truly a man of all promotions. Nice guy who signed
Tajiri: Tajiri can speak and understand English. He travels
with Cena. I asked him to mist Piper in his match and he did
Torrie Wilson: Signed for a lot of people- wears a
lot of makeup.
Orlando Jordan: I don't think he was used to getting
Chris Kanyon: Super nice guy. He signed for tons
of people. Security tried to get him to go inside but he ignored
them and kept signing and talking to people.
Billy Gunn: Dick- Said he would come right out
and sign- Never saw him again.
Ultimo Dragon: Nice guy- He signed for a lot of people.
Wears the mask in public. He was being followed by the Japanese
Mike Chioda: He promised us there would be no Dusty
finishes in the main events. Had a hot girl.
Dean Malenko: He wouldn't sign for anyone and ran
into me when I met him the first time. He's one of my all time
favourites so I didn't mind.
Sgt. Slaughter: Nice guy.
Gerald Brisco: Seemed impressed that I knew of his
Starrcade 83 match.
Dr. Tom Pritchard: Cool guy. He told me the doctorate
is in 'a little bit of this and a little bit of that'. He gave
me the whereabouts on Jimmy Del Ray and Stan Lane and told me
Sunny was "sometimes" cool to work with.
Bruce Pritchard: Dick- wouldn't stop for anyone.
Ernest Miller: Very funny guy. I asked him about Mrs.
Jones and he called me a pervert. Told me he would be calling
his mama tonight.
Pete Gas: Nice guy.
Jessie from TE 2: I don't think she figured people still
remembered her but she was nice.
Al Snow: Weird guy. He kept telling us he would sign when
he got back from wherever he was going. I asked him if he would
come back in the Avatar mask and he threatened to punch me. When
he confirmed there would be TE4 I told him I'd like to train
with him so he put me in a headlock.
Booker T: Very nice guy- signs for everyone. After I met
him I ran into
Sharmell Sullivan: She still travels with Book despite
not working for the company. She was very nice and was just watching
Booker get mobbed.
Bubba Dudley: The minute he got out of the car he
made sure there was security around him so no one would approach
Chris Jericho: He was cool. He got mobbed by everyone
so he wasn't able to sign for me. He was very polite about it.
Chris Harvard: Said he would come back out and didn't.
Christian: He was nice- He signed for a few people
and I was one of them.
D-Von: Nice guy.
Eric Bischoff: He seemed to be in a hurry when I met
him so he didn't sign.
Jackie Gayda: Extremely hot in person. She looks
so much better now. Signed and took photos for everyone.
Lance Storm: He was cool. I told him that I hate
Amy and he said: Good- I do to. I don't think she's too happy
about it. He told me he didn't know if he wrestling that night
so I said "I hope you get longer then 1:08". He seemed
to like that I read his commentaries.
Lillian Garcia: Extremely nice. She signs for everyone.
I flew on the same plane as her once.
Maven: Wouldn't sign.
Randy Orton: Great guy. He spent a long time out
there signing for EVERYONE who asked.
Rene Dupree: Dick.
Rob Van Dam: Total pothead. He left MSG three times
to go smoke up as he kept coming back more stoned then ever.
He was nice though and signed for a few people.
Rodney Mack: Nice.
Rosey: Very nice guy- Spent a long time talking and
signing for fans.
Stacy Kiebler: Dick- wouldn't sign.
Test: Major dick- although I heard he kayfabes when
he's a bad guy. He was also mean to Stacy but again- don't know
if it was kayfabe.
Hurricane: He's a cool guy. He's always joking
around with people. The day after RAW someone said he was awesome
and he replied: What are you talking about? Me and Slaughter
got our asses kicked.
Val Venis: Dick.
Victoria: The nicest person on the RAW roster. She spent
such a long time talking to people that I was afraid she would
be late. Very attractive.
Gail Kim: Very hot in person. She thought it was cool that
I go to the same college as her.
William Regal: I met him twice in one week but he
seemed to be in a hurry so I didn't try to get an autograph.
I got a chance to tell him he was my favourite which is all I
really wanted to say to him.
Garrison Cade: Nice guy.
Jeff Hardy: Nice guy but very quiet.
Bradshaw: He wouldn't sign for anyone. He also no sold
my request for a stock tip.
Earl Hebner: He signed for everyone.
Fit Finlay: Wouldn't sign but he was happy that
I said his Uncensored match v. Regal was a MOTYC.
Dave Hebner: Promised he'd sign for me and then
ignored me when he came over.
Harvey Whippleman: I don't think he liked that I kept
asking him where guys like Kim Chee, Giant Gonzalez and Well
Brooklyn Brawler: Nice guy
Tony Garea: Nice guy. He told me his favourite
tag partner was Rick Martel.
I also went to three ROH shows
and met the following guys. Everyone on the ROH roster was extremely
nice and always signed and took photos with anyone. Here's who
Low Ki, Special K (the stable),
Matt Stryker, Hotstuff Hernandez, Rudy Boy Gonzales, Justin Credible,
Loc, Devito, John Walters, Tony Mamaluke, Outcast Killahs, Doug
Williams, BJ Whitmer, Homicide, Julius Smokes, Allison Danger,
Colt Cabana, Danny Maff, Mikey Whipwreck, SAT, Jeff Hardy, CM
Punk, Raven, Gary Michael Cappetta, AJ Styles, Amazing Red, Samoa
Joe, Chris Daniels, Alexis Laree, Sumi Sakai, Lucy, Prince Nana,
Dunn and Marcos, Xavier, Slyk Wagner Brown, April Hunter, Jonny
I also met D-Lo Brown, Chris
Sabin, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Jim Neidhart, Tracy and Synn at another
A special thanks goes out to
Paul London who after his last match in ROH stayed behind for
40 minutes and talked to everyone who came to see him one more
Now back to people who don't
Artie Lange: I happened to run into Artie in the
middle of the street. I heard a guy talking on his cell phone
and I thought "Hey- that voice sounds familiar" and
I turned around and it was Artie! I didn't want to bother him
too much so I just told him how much I loved Dirty Work and we
talked about Norm's new show.
Dan Aykroyd: I had missed Dan Aykroyd when he hosted
SNL but I found out him and Belushi were doing an album signing
at FYE. Thanks to the fact that no one was there I was able to
stand there and wait for them to finish signing for the suckers
who actually bought their CD. Aykroyd was really cool and didn't
mind at all that I didn't buy the CD. He told me that Fred Garvin:
Male Prostitute was cut in favour of Dog Restaurant.
Jim Belushi: He didn't seem to like the scam I had
perpetuated so he wasn't very nice.
Jewel: Jewel was also signing at FYE so I decided to
see if I could pull off the same scam. Jewel had more security
then Aykroyd and Belushi so it was a bit harder to do what I
wanted to do. I ended up finding a guy who agreed to let me come
in with him. So once again- I met the artist at an album signing
without buying the CD. Thankfully I got to meet Jewel during
the 'crack whore' phase of her career.
David Eigenberg: David Eigenberg is Steve Brady from
Sex and the City. After an unexpected run-in with Mrs. Eigenberg-
I found out that Steve was in the Broadway play 'Take Me Out'.
Broadway plays are ridiculously easy in terms of meeting people
and this was no exception. Eigenberg is extremely nice and very
talkative. I learned that Dennis Rodman is a sex addict and that
Eigenberg has never watched an episode of Sex and the City. I
informed that he was missing a pretty good show but apparently
it's some superstition. Whatever.
Rowan Atkinson: Mr.Bean was going to be on the Daily
Show which was in the middle of nowhere yet there were still
asshole autograph collectors there. Everyone kept telling me
how Rowan was not a nice guy (apparently most of the Brits aren't)
but I shrugged it off- I mean how can Mr. Bean be mean? Anyway-
Rowan finally pulled up and was more then happy to sign for anyone
and thanked me when I showed I was a true fan by saying how much
I loved Black Adder. Here's a tip: Asshole autograph collectors
like to lie.
Denis Leary: Denis was also on the Daily Show. Because
there was a huge rainstorm I was the only one there. Denis was
cool- his intimidating persona is the real Denis. I asked Denis
if he had found any coffee flavoured coffee but unfortunately
the answer was no.
Dave Navarro: I asked Dave what Jane was addicted
to. The answer: Heroin.
Biff Henderson: Biff is a really cool guy and we ended
up becoming friends thanks to my trips to Dave. I told him that
I think the Tonight Show sucks ass. If you do go to Letterman
say hi to Biff- he's cool.
Paul Shaffer: Paul's just like he is in real life-
an odd duck. He just seems weird about signing for people. I
also think he was freaked out by the stuff I said to him. The
first time I met him I said "Congratulations on being the
first guy to say 'fuck' on TV." The second time I saw him
I said "Blues Brothers 2000 totally kicks ass!" Yea-
I could see where I would creep him out.
Mick Foley: I met Mick when he was on Conan O'Brien-
this way I would avoid a book signing where I would have to buy
the book. I was inside the lobby when Mick happened to come on
the opposite side. Not wanting to take a chance I ran into the
centre of the lobby to meet him. Apparently this is some big
NBC no-no- kind of like mentioning the XFL. I got Mick's attention
and he was about to sign for me when security had a conniption
and started yelling at me to get the hell out. Mick could've
easily said sorry and walked off but he told me we should walk
across the lobby where security would not have a conniption.
We talked for a few minutes, he signed my book and I was a very
Kim Cattrall: Kim Cattrall was on my favourite celebrity
stomping grounds: The Daily Show. For some reason there were
a lot of guys there. This puzzled me since I don't really see
how Kim Cattrall is attractive. Kim was the least nicest of the
SATC 4- she just came off as the least personable and approachable.
She was still accommodating though and signed the same magazine
Cynthia Nixon: I love Jon Stewart. Cynthia Nixon was
booked on the Daily Show right after Cattral. Meeting Nixon would
mean I would've meant all 4 of the SATC girls and I was very
excited at achieving such an important feat. I got to the Daily
Show and found out that Nixon had gotten there really early (Well
what else was she gonna do) but she hadn't left so I kept hope
alive. Unfortunately it took a LONG time for Nixon to come down
and by the time she did the audience for the Daily Show had left.
Nixon immediately redeemed herself by wearing a low cut dress
and leaning over constantly to sign autographs. I asked her if
doing Baby's Day Out prepared her for Brady on SATC. The response?
Yes. She also signed the magazine that SJP and Kim Cattral did.
Dustin Diamond: Yea- I met Screech. He was set to appear
at a wrestling show I was going to. Why anyone would associate
with Screech with- Okay my head is hurting but the bottom line
is- Screech was going to be at the same wrestling show I was.
What's scary is that everyone was there just for Screech- and
boy did they get ripped off. After a little bit of wrestling
(featuring a really good Chris Sabin match) it was main event
time! Screech was in the corner of Jim Neidhart and Jim Duggan-
now if his first name was Jim it would make sense but it isn't
so it didn't. He got on the mic and proceeded to cut a promobut
the sound system was horrible and no one understood a word he
said. Then he walked to the back.
So a crowd of 500 people spent
2 hrs of their life waiting for Dustin Diamond to come out and
After that Dustin stayed and
signed autographs for people. Girl: Sorry Dustin- I don't have
any money- can you just sign this piece of paper? Dustin: But
you're the future of America!!! Ummm I mean Canada. I had Dustin
sign an envelope and told him that the moment where Belding said
'I'd wear the blue ones cause they'd match your eyes' is the
greatest moment in TV history.
Kristin Davis: I decided to save my favourite and the
nicest celebrity for last. Ever since I began watching Sex and
the City I had been taken by Charlotte York and her character
as well as Davis' portrayal made me an instant fan of the show.
Soon I came around to the other characters and became a full
fledged fan of the show but I always had a soft spot for anything
Kristin did and she soon was on my list of 5. Who didn't love
Take Me Home: The John Denver Story?
Anywho- thanks to my incorrect
spelling friend I found myself on the Sex and the City set for
"Hop, Skip and a Week." Thanks to some good investigative
journalism we found a bunch of trailers and one was labelled
'Coco'. Using logic we figured Coco=Charlotte=Kristin. We waited
outside the trailer for a good while (avoiding SATC security
of course) until Coco opened her trailer looking suspiciously
like Kristin Davis but with rollers in her hair. I saw her and
I FROZE. I just stood there watching her in all of her rollerness.
I soon got up some courage and began following her trying to
figure out what to say. I was finally able to piece together
some words and I asked Kristin for a picture. But because of
the rollers she really couldn't take one and went into another
dressing room. I wasn't mad at all since she did have a very
good excuse. We waited outside dressing room #2 hoping Kristin
would come out sans rollers and in a photogenic mood.
Some time later
Kristin came out of her trailer,
saw me and said "Now's your chance!" I was floored
by her kindness and the fact that she remembered about the picture.
I told her she was my favourite and Dean the security guard took
the picture of me and Kristin. I was in heaven having met one
of my favourite people in the world- and finding out she was
But the story doesn't end there.
Kristin was announced as being
on the Late Show sometime in August. I wouldn't pass up a chance
to meet her again. I was all ready to go but then I looked outside
and it was POURING. I think Hurricane Isabel was giving us a
sneak preview- that's how much it rained. I just figured it would
stop raining and everything would be fine and I'd have a nice
meeting with Kristin. By the time I got to Letterman it'd had
stop raining! I was relieved and couldn't wait to meet Kristin
again. Then it started raining again. And it rained some more.
And it rained some more. It just wouldn't stop raining and everyone
was getting drenched. I didn't leave though- even though I figured
Kristin would probably just run in I just wanted to see her again.
I knew it probably wouldn't be a very happy meeting though. It
rained for three hours straight but I stayed by the barricade
not wanting to miss her.
Finally after I was completely
soaked (and it was still raining hard) Kristin Davis showed up.
Instead of running inside to avoid the rain, she saw us and stopped.
I think she was touched by our devotion and in the pouring rain
she actually talked to me (I didn't freeze!) and signed the picture
that I had with her from our previous encounter. She was signing
and posing for pictures with everyone and then I was able to
get another picture with her. As she left to go to Letterman
I was in awe of her kindness and the fact that she took all this
time in the horrible weather to make some people happy.
I wanted to get my magazine signed
(the one the other three girls signed) so I waited for Kristin
to come out again. By then the rain had finally stopped for good
and there were a lot more people there. Kristin came out and
of course everyone started calling her name. Kristin: Just give
me a second so I can go put down my stuff and then I'll sign
Is this girl nice or what?
So once again I was faced to
face with Kristin. She signed the magazine and we got to exchange
pleasantries. Some guy tried to act like he'd been there the
whole time but Kristin said "No you weren't- these people
(pointing at me and some others) were here the whole time."
This prompted me to quip "Yea- we're Sex and the Devoted."
Kristin turned and smiled and laughed and that was it.
Kristin Davis is the nicest,
prettiest and most awesome celebrity I've ever met- and I think
she's perfect person to finish off my summer of stalkery.
I'd like to thank Jess, Alix,
Mrs. Eigenberg, Stephanie, Biff Henderson and Orlando for helping
create the summer of stalkery.
Here's a link to pictures with
me and some of these people-
I know a lot of people died this
summer but I'm just going to focus on two guys who died hours
Johnny Cash: I'm not an expert
on Cash or country music but I do know that the Man in Black
was an American icon who also made great country music. It's
pretty amazing that just last year Cash was able to resonate
with a new generation thanks to the awesome "Hurt"
video and song. I'm glad he gets to be with June again but I
will miss the Man in Black.
John Ritter: Ritter's death really
broke me up and was really sad. I actually met John Ritter in
February of 2002. He was very cool and signed for everyone and
even laughed when I said "I think Problem Child 1 and 2
are cinematic tour de forces." Ritter was one of my comedy
heroes- and I take comedy VERY seriously. I always enjoyed anyone
who was willing to do anything to get a laugh- and that was Ritter.
He could've easily been overshadowed by Joyce DeWitt and Suzanne
Somers but by using his great comedic timing and physical humour
he made sure people knew who he was and in 1985- he got the call
to do Three's a Crowd. The guy showed he wasn't just a funny
guy by delivering a terrific performance in Sling Blade among
others. I watched a bit of 8 Simple Rulesand found Ritter to
be hilarious- he had great chemistry with Segal and both sitcom
veterans knew what they were doing and knew how to get laughs.
I know I will miss Ritter a whole lot- I'm just glad I got to
meet the guy.
Sex and the Mini Season-
As you can probably tell by my
celebrity encounters section- I'm a major fan of Sex and the
City. SATC ran the first part of season 6 this year and I figured
I would review all 8 episodes for your reading pleasure. Just
a warning: I will spoil stuff so if you're waiting for the DVDs
or live in Canada- this will contain spoilers.
To Market, to market-
Carrie and Berger try to plan
out their first date so it will be absolutely perfect but when
a test date goes badly and she runs into Aiden- Carrie becomes
worried. Miranda decides to tell Steve her feelings for him only
to find out that Steve is in love with someone else. Charlotte
continues to agonise over Harry's condition that he only marry
a Jew. Samantha does a stockbroker.
Thoughts: A terrific way to kick
off the season. Miranda's storyline with Steve is just heartbreaking
to watch and awesome at the same time. The Charlotte-Harry storyline
completely steals the show (Now I can't say anything- you brought
up the Holocaust) as Cynthia Nixon and Kristin Davis immediately
establish the fact that they will rule this season. The Carrie-Berger
storyline gets off to a strong start (my how things would change)
and Aiden's cameo was a terrific surprise. Samantha adds nothing.
Everything is fine in the Carrie-Berger
relationship- until they get to the bedroom where it is not all
that and a bag of potato chips. Miranda trades Steve-o for TIVO.
Charlotte decides to convert to Judaism for Harry yet has trouble
being taken seriously by the rabbi. Samantha does a waiter.
Thoughts: Another great episode
as Nixon and Davis continue to bring the awesomeness. Nixon brings
the sentimental part of the show but does it perfectly- while
Davis brings the funny! Harry and Charlotte just have perfect
chemistry together and this caused their storyline to be absolutely
hilarious and just made the show flow perfectly. Berger was already
starting to wear thin in his second episode as something always
bothered me. If Aiden was the perfect guy, and Carrie dumped
him- Why would she want to marry some tool named Berger? Except
for getting screwed six ways from Sunday (literally) Samantha
added nothing. ****
The Perfect Present-
Berger's stock continues to fall
as he still harbours bitter resentment towards his ex-girlfriend
and Carrie has trouble sleeping at his place. Miranda continues
to pine for Steve and finds condoms in Brady's diaper bag. Charlotte
has trouble accepting the fact that becoming a Jew means no more
Christmas. Samantha does the waiter some more.
Thoughts: I think the writers
were starting to lose in faith Berger as he does a total 180
and just comes off across like an asshole here. The two best
storylines belong to the usual two people as Nixon and Davis
just continue to go all out to make their storylines work. My
big complaint is the fact that Charlotte's conversion to Judaism
gets the shaft in favour of 'Hey- Berger's an asshole now!' Given
how funny the storyline was the first two episodes you would
think they would let it go out with a bang (even though the final
scene is very very funny) A very funny episode with some minor
weak points and problems. Samantha added nothing. ***1/4
Berger gives Carrie his book
to read and then becomes upset when Carrie has criticisms about
it. Samantha and the waiter resort to role playing to have more
sex. Miranda learns from Berger that there are no mixed messages.
Charlotte prepares for her first chavas with Harry while Miranda
questions whether Harry is the One.
Thoughts: Berger pretty much
dies in this episode and once Carrie complains about the book
the scenes with them go downhill as Berger is neither funny nor
good enough to pull at a viewer's strings. They gave Miranda-Steve
the week off, which is good since it won't get overexposed but
bad because Miranda didn't have a suitable replacement. The Charlotte-Harry
storyline is really heartbreaking to watch and their break ends
the show on a downer. That doesn't mean it wasn't excellent-
which it was and made the show good. Samantha added nothing.
Lights, Camera, Relationship-
Carrie's book becomes a big success
at the same Berger gets laid off. Guess how that turns out? Samantha
decides to help the waiter succeed in acting. Miranda continues
to pine for Steve.
Thoughts: Words cannot express
how much hate everyone had towards Berger by the end of this
episode. It's pretty sad how badly the writers realised he sucked
and just let him hang out to die his last few episodes. While
I'm glad they figured Berger had to go early on- it makes for
some pretty painful scenes to have to sit through. The lack of
Charlotte doing anything also hurt the episode. Samantha actually
adds something as she's given a nice little storyline to play
this week. But this episode is good for one reason: Cynthia Nixon.
She's the MVP of this episode as her scenes with Steve are really
sad and Nixon plays it to perfection and gives her best performance
of the season. ***1/4
Hop, Skip and a Week-
Carrie and Berger figure out
that this whole relationship thing isn't working and decide to
take a break. Smith Jerrod (Samantha's boyfriend) gets his own
billboard in Times Square. Miranda is feeling pressure from her
law office. Charlotte keeps getting setup on dates with single
Jewish men when all she really wants is Harry back.
Thoughts: This episode features
the best ending in SATC history with Charlotte and Harry reuniting
and getting engaged and Berger breaking up with Carrie after
initially saying he wanted to continue the relationship. While
none of the storylines were very strong this week- the ending
of any show always leaves the strongest impression. And this
show had a terrific ending that makes this one memorable. ***3/4
The Post-It Always Sticks
Carrie is a bit miffed at Berger
breaking up with her over a Post-It note. Charlotte becomes worried
about her 2nd marriage since her 1st one didn't work out. Miranda
finds out she can fit into her skinny jeans while Samantha has
trouble figuring out what her relationship with Smith is. The
4 girls head out to Bed (a new club0 where much of the action
Thoughts: A very weak episode
which is understandable after they wrapped up two storylines
the previous week. This was pretty much an in-between episode
and it showed. The show was pretty dull with none of the subplots
sticking out (Skinny jeans??) and nothing at Bed was worth watching
again. Even Carrie telling off two guys fell flat. *1/2
Charlotte gets married but Murphy's
Law prevails and anything that can go wrong- does. Carrie hooks
up with Harry's friend for a quick (and very rough) fling but
there is miscommunication on what the fling meant. Miranda goes
to great lengths to avoid Steve's girlfriend. Samantha continues
to have feelings for Smith.
Thoughts: Except for a stupid
subplot involving Carrie and the trapeze (don't ask) this episode
is just non-stop hilarity for 30 minutes. Charlotte's everything
goes wrong wedding is a lot of fun to watch and except for one
scene- is strictly played for laughs and it works to perfection.
All of the different plots really work here and Charlotte's wedding
reception is must-see. A great episode with few flaws that rebounded
from the dullness of the previous episode. ****3/4
A Women's Right to Shoes
Carrie goes to a party for her
friend Kyra but her $400 shoes end up missing. She becomes even
more upset at Kyra's indifference to it and the fact that Kyra
acts like her life means nothing since she's w/o husband and
child. Charlotte and Harry adjust to Harry's quirks (Leaving
teabags everywhere, walking around nude). Miranda meets the doctor
for the New York Knicks. Samantha hates kids.
Thoughts- The Carrie-Kyra \plot
didn't exactly work with me but I understood what they were trying
to say and it was at least watchable. Miranda's storyline with
the black doctor was also decent but you can tell they were just
trying to just add another swerve to the Steve-Miranda storyline.
Charlotte and Harry once again brought the hilarity as Kristin
Davis has tremendous comic timing and she showed it here as she
made a nothing subplot become something really really funny.
Samantha added nothing. ***
Carrie reunites with her high
school sweetheart only to find out he admitted himself into a
mental institution. Miranda gets invited to a basketball game
by Dr. Leeds. After Miranda confronts him about flirting with
a cheerleader- Leeds expresses his love for her and they begin
a romance. Samantha uses a woman's ID to gain access into a trendy
club with a nice swimming pool. Stanford finds out that Marcus
used to be a gay escort and they break up right before a gay
Thoughts- The lack of Charlotte
doing anything hurts the episode. David Duchovony was good playing
a mental patient although I gather it wasn't much a stretch.
The Samantha storyline was cute and fun to watch. I couldn't
get into the Miranda and Dr. Leeds storyline at all- He wasn't
a very interesting character and he just didn't do it for me.
The Marcus-Stanford storyline wasn't given enough time but it
was well done. I just can't help thinking how much better this
episode could've been had it been somewhat Charlotte-centric.
The Domino Effect
Big returns to NY to undergo
a heart operation and this causes Carrie to be very upset for
reasons unknown to her. Charlotte goes to a fertility doctor
in her never-ending attempts to get pregnant. Steve meets Dr.
Leeds in the worst possible way and this leads to Miranda running
into Debbie. Samantha has a thing about holding hands with Smith.
Thoughts- Big is always good
for some good TV and as usual he delivers here. It's nice to
see Charlotte get a storyline and I'm glad they continued her
desire to get pregnant. The stuff with Dr. Leeds-Miranda-Debbie-Steve
was absolutely hilarious and made the episode for me. Samantha's
storyline was stupid and added nothing. A solid episode with
Miranda bringing the funny. ***
Carrie meets an artist. Brady
has a birthday party at the same time Dr. Leeds tells Miranda
he loves her. Charlotte gets pregnant but then has a miscarriage
and becomes deeply depressed but recovers and is able to go to
Brady's party. At Brady's party Miranda FINALLY expresses her
feelings for Steve and it turns out he loves her too. Samantha
has problems down there.
Thoughts- The Charlotte storyline
was possibly the meanest storyline EVER and pissed me off to
no end. The whole thing was extremely hard to watch and it did
induce tears. It just angered me that SATC keeps teasing fans
with Charlotte's pregnancy. The Samantha-artist storyline was
dreadfully dull and I hope she breaks up with him very soon.
I was very happy they wrapped up Miranda-Steve and everything
revolving around Brady's party was a lot of fun to watch. Samantha's
storyline added nothing and was gross. I'm not happy about the
bait and switch of Charlotte's pregnancy but it did make for
very compelling television. Good things better be in store for
Charlotte next season. ***1/2
now it's time for my review of Saturday Night Live-
Arnold for Govenor
Cast- Darrell Hammond
Thoughts- Even though he had a great season I was disappointed
that Darrell decided to stay. You might as well go out on top
right? You knew they were going to mention the California recall
but I'm puzzled as to why they had Darrell doing the impression
considering that ANYONE ELSE can do a better Ahnuld impression.
I mean seriously- What an awful impression. Darrell should be
ashamed. That said whomever wrote this gave him some great material
to work with. So while listening to Darrell was cringe inducing-
what he spouted off was really funny. So what could've been a
great skit got bogged down by the awfulness of the impression.
It's a shame. **3/4
Cast- Will Ferrell, Kyle Gass, Jack Black, Rachel Dratch, Jimmy
Fallon, Tina Fey, Will Forte, Darrell Hammond, Seth Meyers, Chris
Parnell, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph, Jeff Richards, Fred Armisen,
Finesse Mitchell, Kenan Thompson
Thoughts- GO AWAY WILL! Seriously- He was okay on Update, the
Lovers killed the awesomeness of the Walken show and he was just
badly unfunny in the monologue tonight. His appearance would've
played so much better had it just been that random cameo in the
back. Jack Black is absolutely hilarious. He may have felt me
up but he is one funny dude. With anyone else this monologue
could've been boring and bland but Jack Black made it hilarious.
Aside from some minor quibbles and Will Ferrell- this was a great
skit. I wonder why the crowd didn't applaud when they saw Dean
Edwards in the background. Oh wait- that was Finesse Mitchell.
Cast- Rudolph, Dratch
Thoughts- They could've delved into the problems created by Maya
doing a black man but since this is just a time filler commercial-
there was sadly not enough time to devote to the potential problems
among close minded friends and family. And that's a damn shame.
Queer Eye for the Straight Gal
Cast- Black, Poehler, Fey, Rudolph, Dratch
Thoughts- You knew they were going to do one so just accept it.
It was great seeing Tina in a skit and I always enjoy seeing
her play Beat the Censor. I guess she won. Jack Black was just
too funny here and his dildo remark made the skit. Could've been
a lot better but Jack and Tina were really funny and made the
skit good. ***
The Wade Robson Project
Cast- Black, Meyers, Rudolph, Poehler, Mitchell
Thoughts- Seth brings the funny, Amy brings the funny, Jack brings
the HILARITY, Finesse brings the 'eh' and Maya brings the absolute
suckery. I was hoping that Lorne would've watched tapes of last
season and gone "Hey- maybe putting Maya in all thosr skits
wasn't a smart idea." But alas- She did get airtime. Thankfully
Seth was also the centrepiece and got a lot of screentime and
was funny as well. Jack Black was once again absolutely hilarious
and brought the skit up. Really good stuff here. ***3/4
Cast- Black, Sanz, Dratch, Parnell, Armisen
Thoughts- I'm shocked they brought this back since Tracy left.
I will give the devil his due and admit that Horatio Sanz had
me cracking up here. While Fred Armisen's Gabe is pretty funny
he needs to tone it down a bit because he was veering into flat
out annoyance at some points. Parnell really doesn't work here-
they couldn't replace Tracy why even try. The other three have
their nice little quirks and then Parnell comes in and acts all
whiny- what's the deal with that? Rachel was fine-no complaints
and nothing to write homeabout. Fred, Horatio and Jack were all
pretty funny and a good solid skit resulted. ***
Thoughts- Smigel didn't bring the funny this week. Even though
I hate the Yankees with a passion this just didn't click. It
seemed to try and do too much given the limited amount of time.
Plus- since the Yankees have been LOSERS the last two seasons-
the jokes about them buying up titles is pretty old and out of
date. It had some nice digs at the Yankees and Don Zimmer but
it could've been so much better. **
Thoughts- That train sign in the background is really distracting.
I noticed that they're advertising a train to Connecticut that
makes its first stop at Stamford and also stops at Fairfield
among other locations in Connecticut. Why SNL would want to give
the craphole state of Connecticut any publicity is beyond me.
Yea- John Mayer was so exciting- he caused me to pontificate
on the state of Connecticut. Jack Black's miscue adds _ a star
Cast- Fey, Fallon, Richards, Rudolph. Mitchell, Thompson
Thoughts- Remember when Seth Meyers had the breakout commentary
in the John Goodman episode? That didn't happen with Finesse.
Finesse has some potential but needs to learn the art of slowing
down. You don't want to become like Kevin Nealon. I could understand
if he was just nervous since that's expected. But in the future-
talk slowly. Kenan did a really good Cosby even though Tina did
her 'that sucked' face after their bit. If she shares the same
sentiments as I do about Maya then bully for her. Jeff did a
really good Rush impression even though he didn't have great
material. Jeff is great at impressions and needs to stick to
just that. The jokes were AWESOME though- Tina and Jimmy were
feeling it and they had very few clunkers. Jimmy was really good
tonight and had me laughing a lot- maybe it's a sign of things
to come. Tina was her usual great self. A great Update to kick
off the season. ****
Jack Black sings
Cast- Black, Dratch, Rudolph, Richards, Poehler, Sanz, Thompson
Thoughts- Was this skit written by Dennis Miller? Usef Islam,
Cat Stevens, Shelly Long, Cheers, Lou Gehrig, Harry Chapin and
the Harlem Globetrotters mentioned in the same skit is definitely
obscure pop culture reference overload. Plus it had Kenan trying
to teach Horatio the proper way to do the high five rather then
the geeky white boy high five. And Amy as Shelly Long just came
out of nowhere but was really really funny. I'm going to have
to Tom Green this skit. It had its moments but was just too way
out there on occasion. **1/2
Thoughts- They should've changed the train sign since there was
nothing too distract me from the boredom of John Mayer. At least
Justin Timberlake should be good next week. *1/2
Cast- Black, Rudolph, Dratch, Sanz, Meyers
Thoughts- Jack Black and Seth Meyers is just hilarious comedy
overload. I love the subtlety involved with Jack Black spitting
wine at Seth Meyers. Seth moving, Jack ducking- it's stuff like
that makes me appreciate attention to detail. I thought this
was a great skit especially considering I was expecting crap
going in. But Seth and Jack are really funny, have great comedic
timing and just make sure they do whatever is possible to get
a laugh. And I loved it. I'll give credit to Lorne for not cutting
this after dress rehearsal- skits like this always give me 'going
to be cut' vibe whenever I see a dress. ***3/4
Cast- Black, Parnell, Sanz, Poehler, Forte, Rudolph, Thompson
Thoughts- Jack was trying for another Birthday Song here and
while had its funny moments (Jack talking about different water
fountains) it just fell flat too many times. I give him credit
for effort and ** for the overall skit. It's a shame they were
cut for time at the end because the Joni Mitchell thing could've
gone somewhere. **
The Bottom Line- The avg. skit
was 2.7 making this a thumbs up show. While there was no real
standout stuff the show was really solid with lots of good stuff.
Jack Black was a fantastic host and his comedic presence was
felt in every skit. Meaningless Will Ferrell cameo aside, this
episode didn't have much crap and had a lot of good stuff to
satisfy me for 90 minutes. And in the end that's all I ask for.