Drew Barrymore / Kelis
February 14, 2004

By Comma

When I first made the SNL Players Prediction Game a permanent online thing, our host was none other than Drew Barrymore. I only had three participants, but since then I've had 15 on average. I should have done something special for this show, but given the fact that SNL'S been going downhill for the past 2-4 years, the game might be. That and the fact that I haven't done a complete results and commentary since the Christmas Show! That's what happens when you lose access to your secondary hard drive. Now I'm busy backing up, loading up, and formatting files as well as whatever else to retrieve my data. Fortunately, a lot of the stuff was backed up before this happened, but it's a pain in the ass to restore everything. Too much to do and not enough time.

Therefore, I couldn't really do anything special. Maybe I will if and when Drew hosts in early 2005, which BTW will be her fifth hosting stint if it happens. Anyway, I now have to review the show in brief since I passed out and forgot to set the VCR. Yeah, this will be all through memory.

 

TOP STORY

Not much has happened this week. For the past several weeks, it's been all about Janet, Michael, Martha, John Kerry, and people slipping on ice that won't melt until someone dies. However, we now have talks on Comcast buying Disney. Nice. Now ABC can be a better place, since Disney doesn't have the balls to regulate on ABC'S suckage. Yeah, they probably can't, but with Disney's ownership of ABC, you'd think they'd have the power to make some changes that are legal. After all, big bosses aren't so big when you're forced to sell your company or go Chapter 11 where the big boss (and everyone else there) will be worse off. Basically, Comcast is just one in several to put in a bid to buy Disney. Bottom line is that Disney's Michael Eisner is going to have to people higher up than him. That kind of sucks, but not as much as being forced to sell a company that one created and built, only to have someone else calling some to all of the shots. If you're smart, you'll never let that happen.

WEATHER

It's getting better here. With the fact that we're in mid-February, and it looks spring-ISH outside, I'm willing to guess that it won't snow as much as it already has anymore. So much for those folks hoping to have some extra money to do whatever. The other thing about this is that this time last year, the worst snowstorm in 7 years hit my area. Since it was 7 years, it meant a broken snow blower, and a week to shovel my big-ass driveway.

SPORTS

Pitt's almost undefeated, which is as good as having at least one loss on the record. Stanford's still undefeated, and Duke's #1 again.

MY GAME

For the second straight week, no one earned any bonus points VIA the Special Castmember pick. Fortunately, like last week, at least someone got credit for his or her weekend update selection. Otherwise, the average and total would be pretty low. I'm just waiting for the day I finally get caught up with the stats from Day One until now. I really ought to consider using code or creating a program that does all the work that takes me some time to do. Either that, or move from Excel to Access. Or both!

THE SHOW

This should be a fairly decent show. It's Drew, which means that we won't be too disappointed. It also means that if you miss this episode, you'll never see it again.

 

Before I get into the review, we now flash back to 1982.

GERTIE KILLS E.T. (Classic from November 20, 1982)

Very great stuff! There's no way SNL will pass this up. E.T. was a big hit and Drew really didn't have anything else besides this. Of course, with the greatness that is the Eddie Murphy show, they have to write a storyline dealing with E.T.'S death. And when you're big like Eddie, you can casually break character as Mr. T and it won't ever matter.

 

100/100

 

And now, the review

 

GORE

Darrell + Gore = Comedy Gold, which equals

100/100

 

 

MONOLOGUE

Last week, they did Wizard of Oz, and I always used to say that it's about time that they do something with it, especially while Darrell's still around. BTW, if Darrell actually returns next year, he better not get canned midway. If that actually happens, several people will end up buying GE and you can guess what will happen with that. Anyway, you knew that one of these days, ET would return, and what better time for it, than to have it return while Will Forte's in the cast. Once again, this shows us why Will got bumped up and Fred did not. The only way Fred's not getting the bump is if he's released, and I'll get into that later (or next week). This monologue was great. I won't give it 100 points, since there were other options, but it was very good. It would have been funny if TIK returned to help Drew with the monologue. Of course, that'll never happen, but had Jeff been around, he would have portrayed Tim. After all, I thought that ALF was on the show earlier in the season (prior to Jennifer's show), and from there I had to learn that it was Jeff. Bottom line is that it didn't happen, but the fact that the co-star idea was done on an episode prior to Barrymore's first (Blake: 11-13-82) was better than nothing.

98/100

 

 

DONATELLA

Great stuff here, but the fact that it's too expected and could have been done next week makes it not that great either.

82/100

 

 

JARRET'S ROOM

Imagine. Jeff was around for the first 10 episodes, and one episode removed from his release and we finally get a Jarrett's Room sketch. Go figure. At least they could have brought back Chris Parnell's recurring bit here. Since I had to mention that, it's kind of coincidental how Chris was tapped to be Will's replacement but got fired before Will left. Now, the same thing happened to Jeff, except that Darrell isn't going anywhere. With the end of this season, Darrell will be half a season away from tying Tim Meadows' record of being on the show, and also one season from breaking it. He's already past Phil Hartman and Kevin Nealon for being a repertory player the longest on the show. This was alright, from Seth's Hey Ya to the fact that this has returned.

84/100

 

 

Four segment reviews, and I've already mentioned Jeff Richards in two of them. In honor of Richard's release, I guess it's only fair that I add a tribute to my reviews for the remainder of the season, with basically is a review of some of the best/my favorite/quite funny Jeff Richard's moments, including this one:

 

PUNK'D (Not so much as a Classic from October 11, 2003)

 

Man, this was great stuff! I wished that this had gone on longer, but it really didn't. Of course, that can be a good thing

 

Fred: Please don't hurt me. I'll touch my wiener! I swear.
Ashton: Ha! You just got Punk'd! We didn't even tell you to touch your wiener but you just offered to do so! I'm awesome!

Of course, who could forget someone killing Dax (even though it had nothing to do with Jeff (but Will was Dax, so that's cool y'all)

Ashton: You just got Punk'd! You didn't even know you were going to kill Dax, and Dax didn't even know he was going to get killed! I'm awesome!

97/100

 

 

ACCESS HOLLYWOOD

I really didn't care about this. I guess it was probably because I was tired or something.

83/100 = Original score plus 18 to be fair

 

 

OCTANE

This was not good, but it was a shout out to Fast and the Furious. I wonder if and how there would be a third one for early summer of 2005, and what it would be called. I guess it's best that this doesn't become a trilogy. For one thing, no one returned for 2 Fast 2 Furious, and it'll get killed against Rush Hour 3 (which deserves to be a trilogy).

75/100

 

 

AND NOW HERE'S YOUR VERY SPECIAL MUSICAL GUEST

Here's the thing to remember. Look at my title of this. Then compare SNL'S Season 22 to Season 20. Then fill in the blanks.

60/100 = Original Score plus 60

 

 

If you would like to add your issues, questions, and/or comments about the review thus far, the remainder of the review, and everything else, HOLLA at the Yahoo address for snlspy25. Thanks in advance.

 

SATURDAY NIGHT NEWS

Very good, preferably length wise more than quality!

99/100 = Open parenthesis: Original score minus 20: Close Parenthesis: Divided by 2 and Times 3

[Writer's NTA: It was around this time 20 years ago when Brad was released from Weekend Update in favor of hosts serving as the anchorpersons. I thought it was a neat idea, probably because I really didn't think Brad was all that funny as an anchorperson. But he had that news anchor personality in him. Plus, the Weekend Update set was the best, IMO, as well as the most unique. Every other set just had a world map or WEEKEND UPDATE several times in the background. But at least that beats nothing in the background at all. Just ask anyone, except for Chevy Chase and Kevin Nealon, both of who didn't need a fancy Update desk to be funny]

[Final Edit: The host thing would continue into the tenth season (the first six episodes). IMO, it was a creative idea to a creative year (one of several years to include Leap Year Day, The Summer Olympics, and Election Day in one 12-month period). Basically, the hosts as anchorpersons lasted for as long as Walter "No Chance In Hell" Mondale versus Ronald "Super Life Expectancy" Reagan. I feel I need to make a tribute to that somehow for about the same length of time, since we were treated to Jimmy and Tina and not Drew and someone else (maybe Jim Downey but not Kelis because she's too stupid to even be on television).]

Jumpman: Haha your reviews kind of suck.
Comma: Why do you say that?
Jumpman: You could have added more.
Comma: Shut up, Jumpman. I'm tired here.
Jumpman: Please. I just came back from a meet and made the competition inferior
Comma: Normally I should feel like I'm making excuses, except I averaged 7 hours of sleep during the week, and up until last night, I've been up since Friday at 6 in the AM

 

CLINTON AND CLINTON

I really don't know what to think of Forte's W. Basically I was focusing on how I won't have to go through the entire season wondering when Darrell's Clinton would resurface. Fortunately it did, and it may very well be the last time you see it.  [Auto Edit from Seabreeze: Of course, that's barring if Clinton's big in the news, prompting a Hammond cameo]  I guess only time will tell until we realize whether this will be permanent. Barring re-election, I'm now left to think how funny it'll be if Will Forte became the new Kerry.

90/100

 

LARRY KING

While it doesn't beat Norm's Larry King, Jimmy's was real good. Whenever Jimmy wants to please the folks at home, he hardly ever fails in doing so. Thanks, Jimmy.

95/100 = Original Score plus 10 for "channeling old school Fallon.

 

SPY GLASS

This was kind of bad. The only thing that was close to being funny was Amy's wig. That's about it. IMO, this makes Amy look pretty bad. Maybe if they brought in Patti Deutsch, I would have given this a little more respectable score.  [Auto Edit from Seabreeze: Unfortunately, Patti doesn't look like that anymore. I don't think anyone knows what she looks like for real, but she got a bit of a makeover in late '79]

61/100

 

SCOTT (NOT) BAIO:

In the words of J.K. Simmons via his role in Spider-Man: "It's crap. Crap! Crap! Mega Crap!" Except I'm not giving $200 or $300 for this!

60/100 = Original Score plus 30 (in place of $200-$300) plus 30 again since Scott Wainio is actually doing better than the other Scott.

 

WHITE STRIPS

Whatever positive things people said about this, ITA, and whatever negative things people said about this, ITA.

60/100 = Original Score plus 10

 

Comma: Man! I don't think I'll be able to save my final rankings of this show even with my assist (not giving a score that's less than 60)
Gil Grissom: Well, your reviews aren't that good today either. I wouldn't hurt your evaluation, so I guess it's only fair.
Comma: Damn right it is. After all a show that isn't high up in quality doesn't deserve a high quality review either.

 

MUSIC

See whatever I put in for SPECIAL MUSICAL GUEST

60/100

 

THE MAN FORMERLY KNOWN AS THE MAN FORMERLY KNOWN AS PRINCE

Nice attempt at doing Prince by Fred here, but it was overlooked by Kenan's George Clinton here. They had Bill Clinton, so why not include George as well. 

 

97/100 = Original Score minus 1 for not finding a way to put George and Bill in the same segment

 

 

 

Total: 1144
Average: 76.27
Average After Curve: 87.38

 

Speaking of not being able to find a way to put George and Bill in the same segment, I should be praised for being very lenient. This is after Jeff was released. They couldn't even find a way to bring him back. Let's see, what would Ebersol do? Probably the fair thing, and firing Jean Doumanian and taking her place were the right things to do. Even though it was for one episode that season and in the middle of the season, that one episode was like the "Pilot" for the next four years. With whatever Ebersol would have done (apart from never hiring Richards), here's a final flashback, appropriately from Drew Barrymore's first episode.

 

SAVE ANDY KAUFMAN (Classic from November 20, 1982)

Several people, including Gary, Eddie and Mary, try to warn/prevent Andy from being dropped from SNL. Despite GAK'S announcement with not much time to prepare, one would wonder if Kaufman even had a chance. After Eddie trying to get the folks to think of the cons of this, and after Mary's tribute to Andy, he was dropped anyway.

[Writer's NTA (Note to Add): I guess it really didn't matter, considering the fact that he was already dead two years later, but still, it was sad for him to not be apart of SNL from that moment. At least the Season was still off the hook!]

94/100 = Original Score [Auto edit from Comma: plus two to get to a score in honor of his death plus 10 for how cool of a star he was]

 

This was a very good show. It wasn't an excellent show, but it was definitely better than some of the stuff earlier in the year. In the past I used to do what would be cut should the show make it into SYN, but since it's not in SYN, there's no need to put that here.

Before I jet, congrats to Tom Foolery on winning this week's SNL PG. The results as a whole will be posted later on. But here's what the whole picture looked like:

Drew Barrymore: 11
FRA: 1
RAD: 1
JIF: 6
TIF: 1
WLF: 2
DAH: 3
SEM: 6
FIM: 2
CHP: 2
AMP: 3
JER: 0
MAR: 5
HOS: 2
KET: 3
Kelis: 2
SG: 0

WU: 4
Cold: 3
LFNY: DAH

The Scoreboard:

1st: Tom Foolery (1625)
2nd: SNL Guesser (1375)
3rd: Jet (200)
4th: Jay Stuler (110)
4th: Sarah (110)
6th: Jojo (90)
7th: Stooge (17)
7th: Dan Fuitt (17)
9th: Larry (11)
10th Mr. Peepers (9)

Total: 3564
Average: 356.4

 

Thanks to the 10 people that played. Pretty good week with both the game and the show! I'll see you all next week. Make sure to view The_Saturday_Night_Live_PG for any questions you may have, for talks on the game, and for SNL as a whole. It's free and there are no restrictions to be apart of it or to put whatever (so as long as it's not inappropriate and disturbing). It's a work-in progress.

That's it! Enjoy the week y'all!