Barrymore / Kelis
February 14, 2004
When I first made the SNL Players
Prediction Game a permanent online thing, our host was none other
than Drew Barrymore. I only had three participants, but since
then I've had 15 on average. I should have done something special
for this show, but given the fact that SNL'S been going downhill
for the past 2-4 years, the game might be. That and the fact
that I haven't done a complete results and commentary since the
Christmas Show! That's what happens when you lose access to
your secondary hard drive. Now I'm busy backing up, loading
up, and formatting files as well as whatever else to retrieve
my data. Fortunately, a lot of the stuff was backed up before
this happened, but it's a pain in the ass to restore everything.
Too much to do and not enough time.
Therefore, I couldn't really
do anything special. Maybe I will if and when Drew hosts in
early 2005, which BTW will be her fifth hosting stint if it happens.
Anyway, I now have to review the show in brief since I passed
out and forgot to set the VCR. Yeah, this will be all through
Not much has happened this week.
For the past several weeks, it's been all about Janet, Michael,
Martha, John Kerry, and people slipping on ice that won't melt
until someone dies. However, we now have talks on Comcast buying
Disney. Nice. Now ABC can be a better place, since Disney doesn't
have the balls to regulate on ABC'S suckage. Yeah, they probably
can't, but with Disney's ownership of ABC, you'd think they'd
have the power to make some changes that are legal. After all,
big bosses aren't so big when you're forced to sell your company
or go Chapter 11 where the big boss (and everyone else there)
will be worse off. Basically, Comcast is just one in several
to put in a bid to buy Disney. Bottom line is that Disney's
Michael Eisner is going to have to people higher up than him.
That kind of sucks, but not as much as being forced to sell
a company that one created and built, only to have someone else
calling some to all of the shots. If you're smart, you'll never
let that happen.
It's getting better here. With
the fact that we're in mid-February, and it looks spring-ISH
outside, I'm willing to guess that it won't snow as much as it
already has anymore. So much for those folks hoping to have
some extra money to do whatever. The other thing about this
is that this time last year, the worst snowstorm in 7 years hit
my area. Since it was 7 years, it meant a broken snow blower,
and a week to shovel my big-ass driveway.
Pitt's almost undefeated, which
is as good as having at least one loss on the record. Stanford's
still undefeated, and Duke's #1 again.
For the second straight week,
no one earned any bonus points VIA the Special Castmember pick.
Fortunately, like last week, at least someone got credit for
his or her weekend update selection. Otherwise, the average
and total would be pretty low. I'm just waiting for the day
I finally get caught up with the stats from Day One until now.
I really ought to consider using code or creating a program
that does all the work that takes me some time to do. Either
that, or move from Excel to Access. Or both!
This should be a fairly decent
show. It's Drew, which means that we won't be too disappointed.
It also means that if you miss this episode, you'll never see
Before I get into the review,
we now flash back to 1982.
GERTIE KILLS E.T. (Classic
from November 20, 1982)
Very great stuff! There's no
way SNL will pass this up. E.T. was a big hit and Drew really
didn't have anything else besides this. Of course, with the
greatness that is the Eddie Murphy show, they have to write a
storyline dealing with E.T.'S death. And when you're big like
Eddie, you can casually break character as Mr. T and it won't
And now, the review
Darrell + Gore = Comedy Gold,
Last week, they did Wizard of
Oz, and I always used to say that it's about time that they do
something with it, especially while Darrell's still around.
BTW, if Darrell actually returns next year, he better not get
canned midway. If that actually happens, several people will
end up buying GE and you can guess what will happen with that.
Anyway, you knew that one of these days, ET would return, and
what better time for it, than to have it return while Will Forte's
in the cast. Once again, this shows us why Will got bumped up
and Fred did not. The only way Fred's not getting the bump is
if he's released, and I'll get into that later (or next week).
This monologue was great. I won't give it 100 points, since
there were other options, but it was very good. It would have
been funny if TIK returned to help Drew with the monologue.
Of course, that'll never happen, but had Jeff been around, he
would have portrayed Tim. After all, I thought that ALF was
on the show earlier in the season (prior to Jennifer's show),
and from there I had to learn that it was Jeff. Bottom line
is that it didn't happen, but the fact that the co-star idea
was done on an episode prior to Barrymore's first (Blake: 11-13-82)
was better than nothing.
Great stuff here, but the fact
that it's too expected and could have been done next week makes
it not that great either.
Imagine. Jeff was around for
the first 10 episodes, and one episode removed from his release
and we finally get a Jarrett's Room sketch. Go figure. At least
they could have brought back Chris Parnell's recurring bit here.
Since I had to mention that, it's kind of coincidental how Chris
was tapped to be Will's replacement but got fired before Will
left. Now, the same thing happened to Jeff, except that Darrell
isn't going anywhere. With the end of this season, Darrell will
be half a season away from tying Tim Meadows' record of being
on the show, and also one season from breaking it. He's already
past Phil Hartman and Kevin Nealon for being a repertory player
the longest on the show. This was alright, from Seth's Hey Ya
to the fact that this has returned.
Four segment reviews, and I've
already mentioned Jeff Richards in two of them. In honor of
Richard's release, I guess it's only fair that I add a tribute
to my reviews for the remainder of the season, with basically
is a review of some of the best/my favorite/quite funny Jeff
Richard's moments, including this one:
PUNK'D (Not so much as
a Classic from October 11, 2003)
Man, this was great stuff! I
wished that this had gone on longer, but it really didn't. Of
course, that can be a good thing
Fred: Please don't hurt me. I'll touch my wiener! I
Ashton: Ha! You just got Punk'd! We didn't even
tell you to touch your wiener but you just offered to do so!
Of course, who could forget someone
killing Dax (even though it had nothing to do with Jeff (but
Will was Dax, so that's cool y'all)
Ashton: You just got Punk'd! You didn't even
know you were going to kill Dax, and Dax didn't even know he
was going to get killed! I'm awesome!
I really didn't care about this.
I guess it was probably because I was tired or something.
83/100 = Original score plus
18 to be fair
This was not good, but it was
a shout out to Fast and the Furious. I wonder if and how there
would be a third one for early summer of 2005, and what it would
be called. I guess it's best that this doesn't become a trilogy.
For one thing, no one returned for 2 Fast 2 Furious, and it'll
get killed against Rush Hour 3 (which deserves to be a trilogy).
AND NOW HERE'S YOUR VERY SPECIAL
Here's the thing to remember.
Look at my title of this. Then compare SNL'S Season 22 to Season
20. Then fill in the blanks.
60/100 = Original Score plus
If you would like to add your
issues, questions, and/or comments about the review thus far,
the remainder of the review, and everything else, HOLLA at the
Yahoo address for snlspy25. Thanks in advance.
SATURDAY NIGHT NEWS
Very good, preferably length
wise more than quality!
99/100 = Open parenthesis: Original
score minus 20: Close Parenthesis: Divided by 2 and Times 3
[Writer's NTA: It was around this time 20 years
ago when Brad was released from Weekend Update in favor of hosts
serving as the anchorpersons. I thought it was a neat idea,
probably because I really didn't think Brad was all that funny
as an anchorperson. But he had that news anchor personality
in him. Plus, the Weekend Update set was the best, IMO, as well
as the most unique. Every other set just had a world map or
WEEKEND UPDATE several times in the background. But at least
that beats nothing in the background at all. Just ask anyone,
except for Chevy Chase and Kevin Nealon, both of who didn't need
a fancy Update desk to be funny]
[Final Edit: The host thing
would continue into the tenth season (the first six episodes).
IMO, it was a creative idea to a creative year (one of several
years to include Leap Year Day, The Summer Olympics, and Election
Day in one 12-month period). Basically, the hosts as anchorpersons
lasted for as long as Walter "No Chance In Hell" Mondale
versus Ronald "Super Life Expectancy" Reagan. I feel
I need to make a tribute to that somehow for about the same length
of time, since we were treated to Jimmy and Tina and not Drew
and someone else (maybe Jim Downey but not Kelis because she's
too stupid to even be on television).]
Jumpman: Haha your reviews kind
Comma: Why do you say that?
Jumpman: You could have added more.
Comma: Shut up, Jumpman. I'm tired here.
Jumpman: Please. I just came back from a meet and made
the competition inferior
Comma: Normally I should feel like I'm making excuses,
except I averaged 7 hours of sleep during the week, and up until
last night, I've been up since Friday at 6 in the AM
CLINTON AND CLINTON
I really don't know what to think
of Forte's W. Basically I was focusing on how I won't have to
go through the entire season wondering when Darrell's Clinton
would resurface. Fortunately it did, and it may very well be
the last time you see it. [Auto Edit from Seabreeze:
Of course, that's barring if Clinton's big in the news, prompting
a Hammond cameo] I guess only time will tell until
we realize whether this will be permanent. Barring re-election,
I'm now left to think how funny it'll be if Will Forte became
the new Kerry.
While it doesn't beat Norm's
Larry King, Jimmy's was real good. Whenever Jimmy wants to please
the folks at home, he hardly ever fails in doing so. Thanks,
95/100 = Original Score plus
10 for "channeling old school Fallon.
This was kind of bad. The only
thing that was close to being funny was Amy's wig. That's about
it. IMO, this makes Amy look pretty bad. Maybe if they brought
in Patti Deutsch, I would have given this a little more respectable
score. [Auto Edit from Seabreeze: Unfortunately,
Patti doesn't look like that anymore. I don't think anyone knows
what she looks like for real, but she got a bit of a makeover
in late '79]
SCOTT (NOT) BAIO:
In the words of J.K. Simmons
via his role in Spider-Man: "It's crap. Crap! Crap!
Mega Crap!" Except I'm not giving $200 or $300 for this!
60/100 = Original Score plus
30 (in place of $200-$300) plus 30 again since Scott Wainio is
actually doing better than the other Scott.
Whatever positive things people
said about this, ITA, and whatever negative things people said
about this, ITA.
60/100 = Original Score plus
Comma: Man! I don't think I'll be able to save my final
rankings of this show even with my assist (not giving a score
that's less than 60)
Gil Grissom: Well, your reviews aren't that good today
either. I wouldn't hurt your evaluation, so I guess it's only
Comma: Damn right it is. After all a show that isn't
high up in quality doesn't deserve a high quality review either.
See whatever I put in for SPECIAL
THE MAN FORMERLY KNOWN AS
THE MAN FORMERLY KNOWN AS PRINCE
Nice attempt at doing Prince
by Fred here, but it was overlooked by Kenan's George Clinton
here. They had Bill Clinton, so why not include George as well.
97/100 = Original Score minus
1 for not finding a way to put George and Bill in the same segment
Average After Curve: 87.38
Speaking of not being able
to find a way to put George and Bill in the same segment, I should
be praised for being very lenient. This is after Jeff was released.
They couldn't even find a way to bring him back. Let's see,
what would Ebersol do? Probably the fair thing, and firing Jean
Doumanian and taking her place were the right things to do.
Even though it was for one episode that season and in the middle
of the season, that one episode was like the "Pilot"
for the next four years. With whatever Ebersol would have done
(apart from never hiring Richards), here's a final flashback,
appropriately from Drew Barrymore's first episode.
SAVE ANDY KAUFMAN (Classic
from November 20, 1982)
Several people, including
Gary, Eddie and Mary, try to warn/prevent Andy from being dropped
from SNL. Despite GAK'S announcement with not much time to prepare,
one would wonder if Kaufman even had a chance. After Eddie trying
to get the folks to think of the cons of this, and after Mary's
tribute to Andy, he was dropped anyway.
[Writer's NTA (Note to Add): I guess it really didn't matter, considering the
fact that he was already dead two years later, but still, it
was sad for him to not be apart of SNL from that moment. At
least the Season was still off the hook!]
94/100 = Original Score
[Auto edit from Comma:
plus two to get to a score in honor of his death plus 10 for
how cool of a star he was]
This was a very good show. It
wasn't an excellent show, but it was definitely better than some
of the stuff earlier in the year. In the past I used to do what
would be cut should the show make it into SYN, but since it's
not in SYN, there's no need to put that here.
Before I jet, congrats to Tom
Foolery on winning this week's SNL PG. The results as a whole
will be posted later on. But here's what the whole picture looked
Drew Barrymore: 11
1st: Tom Foolery (1625)
2nd: SNL Guesser (1375)
3rd: Jet (200)
4th: Jay Stuler (110)
4th: Sarah (110)
6th: Jojo (90)
7th: Stooge (17)
7th: Dan Fuitt (17)
9th: Larry (11)
10th Mr. Peepers (9)
Thanks to the 10 people that
played. Pretty good week with both the game and the show! I'll
see you all next week. Make sure to view The_Saturday_Night_Live_PG
for any questions you may have, for talks on the game, and for
SNL as a whole. It's free and there are no restrictions to be
apart of it or to put whatever (so as long as it's not inappropriate
and disturbing). It's a work-in progress.
That's it! Enjoy the week y'all!