Christina Aguilera / Maroon 5
February 21, 2004

By Stooge

(COLD OPENING) "Hardball with Chris Matthews"
Highlights:
-- HARDBALL!!!!
-- Darrell's exaggerated laughter after the Red Sox comment.
-- Lots of one-liners from Darrell as usual.
-- Parnell's goofy look and voice.
-- Horatio as Rosie.
-- Even though Darrell's Arnold impression still needs improvement, his hilarious lines made up for it.

Lowlights:
-- None.

Misc. Comments & Observations:
-- They screwed up with the name graphics that showed up on the bottom of the screen. First, they showed the Rosie O'Donnell graphic when Gary Bauer was introduced, then showed the Bauer graphic too late after the camera cut back to Darrell.

Grade: A

 

(MONOLOGUE) Male cast wants Christina Aguilera to whore it up
Highlights:
-- The backstage bit with Lorne and the guys was very funny.

Lowlights:
-- Christina's musical performance in the 2nd half. I guess this was her way of "making up" for her not being the musical guest as well as the host. She didn't even "whore it up" like this seemed to be leading up to.

Grade: B-

 

(SKETCH) "Sex and the City"
Highlights:
-- Rachel and the baby.
-- Christina was surprisingly funny here and did a good impression of Kim Cattral's character.
-- The twist with Christina turning out to be a man.
-- Amy's laughing.

Lowlights:
-- The taped ending with Amy and the computer.

Grade: B+

 

(NEXT LIVE SHOW) March 6, 2004: ???
-- How come they didn't say who the host of the next new episode is? They usually have the next one booked by now. Until then, we get a rerun of the Jennifer Aniston mediocre-fest. There's a rumor going on that the next host may be Colin Firth, but I don't even know who that is except that I think he's British.

 

(SKETCH) "Do You Know Who My Father Is?"
Highlights:
-- An original game show sketch! They rarely do these anymore, so it's good to see a new one.
-- Forte's performance and a lot of his comments.
-- Seth's character and accent had me laughing.

Lowlights:
-- Some of Christina's parts fell flat.

Grade: B+

 

(TV FUNHOUSE) Fun with Real Audio: Access Hollywood
Highlights:
-- Good to see Smigel back. I wonder why his cartoons have been appearing so sporadically this season.

Lowlights:
-- Very boring and not really any laughs. And why is SNL doing so many Access Hollywood/Pat O'Brien parodies lately? Those sketches have never been that funny and I'm getting tired of them.

Grade: D-

 

(SKETCH) History Channel: Celebration of Women Week
Highlights:
-- Darrell's Phil Donahue impression.
-- A lot of Rachel's reactions and facial expressions.
-- Parnell's line about "discussing negroes in the brandy room".
-- The ridiculous stuff the ladies wished they could do.
-- Maya's character feeling like a prostitute after simply taking off her hat.

Lowlights:
-- None.

Grade: A-

 

(MUSICAL PERFORMANCE)
-- No comment.

 

(WEEKEND UPDATE) Fallon & Fey, Kenan Thompsonor Will Forte
Highlights:
-- Tina's Bush joke.
-- Tina's Bacardi joke.
-- Jimmy's Barbie joke.
-- Jimmy's Alex Rodriguez joke.
-- Forte's Black History segment was hilarious and I always love seeing him on Update.
-- Jimmy's Jesus Horses joke.
-- Tina's PETA joke.

Lowlights:
-- Tina's Ralph Nader joke.

Misc. Comments & Observations:
-- For some reason, Jimmy didn't introduce himself at the beginning with Tina.
-- For the second week in a row, Update was shorter than usual. I don't mind, though, since it seems whenever it's short, they cram in all the good jokes unlike how they pad out a lot of the longer Updates with a couple of weak jokes and sometimes weak correspondents.
-- Nice shoutout to Bill Murray at the end.

Grade: A

 

(SKETCH) Venice Beach dance-off
Highlights:
-- Parnell's hilarious arm movements during his first line.
-- The hamster line.
-- Forte's appearance at the end.

Lowlights:
-- This was basically just like that awful Wade Robson sketch from the season premiere, and I think Maya even rehashed her exact same dance moves from that sketch. Too bad this didn't have Jack Black's hilarious dance moves to help.

Misc. Comments & Observations:
--At first, I thought Forte's part would be like Give up the Ham with him uniting both sides by singing a peace song, but here, they kicked him off shortly after he started his song.

Grade: D+

 

(SKETCH) Celebrities visit Christina Aguilera backstage
Highlights:
-- Fred's shirt reading "I Did Justin Three Times" was a funny subtle joke.
-- Kenan as Star Jones. Not nearly as funny as Tracy's impression (and coincidentally, the classic SNL tonight had a View sketch with Tracy as Star), but it was still funny nonetheless and Kenan did look more like her.
-- The skank jokes and different terms.
-- Maya as Patti LaBelle.
-- Horatio and Amy as Ozzy and Sharon.
-- Star Jones' husband being called "Stedman".
-- Ozzy fainting because Christina's speech made him "think".

Lowlights:
-- None.

Grade: A

 

(SKETCH) "Besos Y Lagrimas"
Highlights:
-- A hilarious and dead-on parody of Spanish soap-operas and the facial expressions were funny. I also like that they kept this pretty short and didn't let it go on too long.

Lowlights:
-- None.

Misc. Comments & Observations:
-- Seth looked kinda like Kevin Nealon in that wig.

Grade: A

 

(COMMERCIAL) "Huggies Thong"
-- Enough already!! This is the FOURTH freakin time this has aired! Have they ever re-aired a commercial this many times in one season before?

 

(SKETCH) Incompetent employee gets fired
Highlights:
-- Like the usual Forte sketches, this was really bizarre, but very funny.
-- Forte accusing Parnell of being racist and sexist and sexually harassing him.
-- The "No way, Jose"/first name bit.
-- Forte jumping out the window, only to find out he's on the first floor.
-- Parnell trying to sexually harass Amy at the end.

Lowlights:
-- None.

Grade: A-

 

(MUSICAL PERFORMANCE)
-- No comment.

 

(SKETCH) Rude pharmacy employees
Highlights:
-- Horatio's joke about "using his tongue".
-- Maya's character.

Lowlights:
-- This same sketch was done before in the Queen Latifah episode (does Horatio's character even have a name?) and I didn't like it then, either. They even reused the same dumb Walgreens twist at the end.

Grade: D

 

(MISCELLANEOUS)
-- Nice seeing the SNL Band get some rare screen time.

 

(GOODNIGHTS)
-- Horatio riding around the motorized cart outside of the stage was a nice touch and added something unique to the goodnights for a change.

_________________________________________________

Overall Episode Grade: B+

Overall Highlights:
-- Hardball with Chris Matthews.
-- The backstage segment of the monologue.
-- Christina's performance in Sex and the City.
-- Do You Know Who My Father Is?
-- History Channel: Celebration of Women Week.
-- Weekend Update.
-- Forte in Venice Beach dance-off.
-- Celebrities visit Christina Aguilera backstage.
-- Besos Y Lagrimas.
-- Incompetent employee gets fired.

Overall Lowlights:
-- The musical performance in the monologue.
-- TV Funhouse.
-- Venice Beach dance-off.
-- The 100,000th airing of Huggies Thong.
-- Rude pharmacy employees.

Funniest Single Moment:
-- The facial expression close-ups in Besos Y Lagrimas.

Best Lines:
-- Darrell Hammond as Chris Matthews: "Since the mayor of San Francisco paved the way for same sex couples to wed, there's been so many gay people lined up outside of the courthouse, you'd think they were giving away free Cher tickets."

-- Darrell Hammond as Chris Matthews: (to Gary Bauer) "You look like Gollum had a baby with a ventriloquist doll."

-- Darrell Hammond as Arnold Schwarzenegger: "I support a lot of the gay people to be together and to shower each other with the fingers, and the groping of the groins, and the bumping of the donuts, and all of these things."

-- Chris Parnell as Gary Bauer: "Next thing you know you turn on the Cowboys/Buccaneers game, the Cowboys are wearing leather chaps and the Buccaneers have changed their names to the Tampa Bay Buttpirates."

-- Darrell Hammond as Arnold Schwarzenegger: "It is extremely slippery out there, Chris, what with the using of the lubricants and the very scented oils, latex, and things of this nature."

-- Will Forte as Tyler Chasworth: "I can't even go to Switzerland. Stupid date rape trial!"

-- Darrell Hammond as Phil Donahue: "I'm Phil Donahue, and I'm delighted to be working."

-- Tina Fey: "Polaroid is warning customers not to listen to the part of the Outkast song Hey Ya that tells people to 'shake it like a Polaroid picture', because that could actual ruin the pictures. While, in a related story, Bacardi is warning shorties to be responsible and not sip Bacardi like it's 'dey birfday'."

-- Jimmy Fallon: "Sources say that when Mattel decided to give Barbie a new boyfriend, they originally wanted to make him non-white. Sadly, the plan was nixed by KKK Ken."

-- Tina Fey: (about who should do the Black History Month commentary) "How about Maya?"
Will Forte: "Tina, it's not Half-Black History Month..."

-- Will Forte: "I'm proud of [Michael Jordan]. Not just for what he did on the basketball court, but also for the Michael Jordan steakhouse. Excellent steaks from an excellent black."

-- Jimmy Fallon: "This week, Georgia's board of education approved the plan that allows teachers to keep using the word 'evolution' when teaching biology. Though as a compromise, dinosaurs are now called 'Jesus Horses'."

-- Tina Fey: "PETA his invited 500 students to participate in a giant nude protest in Harvard Square, under the banner 'Fur out, love in'. Although with 500 PETA girls there, I bet there would still be a fair amount of fur. "

-- Horatio Sanz as dancer: "They call you Hamster???"
Seth Meyers as dancer: "Yeah, cause I'm about to get all up in your ass."

-- Kenan Thompson as Star Jones: "Christina, girl, you can get it backdoor from the Harlem boys' choir if you want to."

 

CASTMEMBER COUNT DOWN
DRATCH: 6 sketches (1: Sex and the City; 2: History Channel: Celebration of Women Week; 3: Celebrities visit Christina Aguilera backstage; 4: Besos Y Lagrimas; 5: Huggies Thong; 6: Rude pharmacy employees)

FALLON: 2 sketches (1: Male cast wants Christina Aguilera to whore it up; 2: Weekend Update)

FEY: 1 sketch (1: Weekend Update)

FORTE: 4 sketches (1: Do You Know Who My Father Is?; 2: Weekend Update; 3: Venice Beach dance-off; 4: Incompetent employee gets fired)

HAMMOND: 2 sketches (1: Hardball with Chris Matthews; 2: History Channel: Celebration of Women Week)

MEYERS: 3 sketches (1: Do You Know Who My Father Is?; 2: Venice Beach dance-off; 3: Besos Y Lagrimas)

PARNELL: 8 sketches (1: Hardball with Chris Matthews; 2: Male cast wants Christina Aguilera to whore it up; 3: Do You Know Who My Father Is?; 4: History Channel: Celebration of Women Week; 5: Venice Beach dance-off; 6: Besos Y Lagrimas; 7: Incompetent employee gets fired; 8: Rude pharmacy employees)

POEHLER: 4 sketches (1: Sex and the City; 2: History Channel: Celebration of Women Week; 3: Celebrities visit Christina Aguilera backstage; 4: Incompetent employee gets fired)

RUDOLPH: 6 sketches (1: History Channel: Celebration of Women Week; 2: Venice Beach dance-off; 3: Celebrities visit Christina Aguilera backstage; 4: Besos Y Lagrimas; 5: Huggies Thong; 6: Rude pharmacy employees)

SANZ: 5 sketches (1: Hardball with Chris Matthews; 2: Male cast wants Christina Aguilera to whore it up; 3: Venice Beach dance-off; 4: Besos Y Lagrimas; 5: Rude pharmacy employees)

ARMISEN: 4 sketches (1: Male cast wants Christina Aguilera to whore it up; 2: Celebrities visit Christina Aguilera backstage; 3: Besos Y Lagrimas; 4: Rude pharmacy employees)

MITCHELL: 4 sketches (1: Male cast wants Christina Aguilera to whore it up; 2: History Channel: Celebration of Women Week; 3: Venice Beach dance-off; 4: Celebrities visit Christina Aguilera backstage)

THOMPSON: 4 sketches (1: Male cast wants Christina Aguilera to whore it up; 2: Venice Beach dance-off; 3: Celebrities visit Christina Aguilera backstage; 4: Rude pharmacy employees)

Parnell, Forte, Maya, and Rachel were the stars of the night.

 

BUENOS NOCHES.