Affleck / N.E.R.D.
March 13, 2004
Episode XV: Ben Affleck and N*E*R*D
<B> Opening Words </B>
With the addition of Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen hosting the season
finale, this has become the MTV TRL SNL Tour 2k4. Justin Timberlake,
Nick and Jessica, Christina, Linday Lohan, Janet Jackson. I don't
really care whether or not they were a) funny or b) popular amongst
critics, but this is a serious detraction from the show's core.
They used to have up-and-coming actors with a focus on political
sketches. They've had three different cast members playing George
Bush, and the best they can do is Tina Fey's lame jokes (whom
I can't stand). Lorne has sold himself this year for the younger
audience. Not a wise move.
<B> Cold Opening </B>
Denise and Sully
I knew they'd break it out, but
I didn't think during the opening. Kind of an odd cold opening.
Affleck also appears in the cold opening. I think he's the first
to be in that. Turns out they're at Affleck and Seth Myers wedding.
The reaction of the two kids. It was a funny twist for this otherwise
drab sketch. Myers and Affleck actually kiss, which also comes
as a shock. The 2nd kiss Myers gets a hand up.
Dratch, Fallon, and Affleck get the live from SNL.
This was a long, strange opening to the show.
Actors: Fallon, Dratch, Poehler,
Myers, Parnell, Horatio
Best Line: Fallon I've been beggin for the love that Donnie and
smitty have, and you never let me do it, not even once.
<B> Monologue </B>
Ben comes out promoting Jersey
Girl. He then gives obscure facts like he was born in Cali or
dated J Lo. He then takes up arms with the name Bennifer, then
says he's going to sell Bennifer, Benyonce, Boprah, mary-kate
and ashfleck, and ben-gay (marsha-gay hardman or if matt finally
comes around) shirts.
This wasshortcan't complain. This is what a monologue is supposed
to be. I can reward that with some points.
Best Line: Boprah shirt.
<B> Z105 </B>
Jimmy gets the nod for back to
back sketches early on. Usually it's just one sketch, then WU,
then done. This is the third time we've seen it this year, last
two were Roddick and Nick and Jessica, and those shows were both
horrible. He sounds like Pat O'Brien. Affleck plays Dirty Dan
the Garbage man, a new DJ, who does the same shtick as Jimmy.
This got unfunny really fast with Jimmy using the term "poop
weiner." I don't even need to go on. It started off kind
of funny, but then degraded to poop jokes. Had it ended at 4.00
with the Different villages line, it'd be an easy 7, but poop
jokes can not be rewarded
Best Line: Ben: Dude, sanji and rashnij are from different villages.
<B> Next Week </B>
and the musical guest is? Maybe he's doing double duty.
Ben's shooting Gigli, and there are realslow people who are playing
extras. Fred, as Frondi, says why the movie is bad- "it
has logic problems" This continues until Ben yells at him
and is reprimanded for it. This was very funny, and made by Armison's
reactions. Ben was chuckling most the time.
Actors: Parnell, Armison, Poehler
Best Line: Armison: I don't think this movie's going to workits
got logic problems.
<B> TV Funhouse </B>
The Passionis Humpty Dumpty.
Clips of Mel's interview on the Passion of the Dumpty. Then a
George Bush commercial with tough times (Jackson, Arnold, gigli).
Then back to Dumpty. Anotehr Bush commercial, this time with
old time shows. Then more interview. That sucked. Some people
seemed to love it. Not me in the least. Standard 3 here.
<B> Appalachian Emergency
How the hell did this make it
back on? It was horrible the first time, and they bring it back
in the first half freaking hour. I don't even need to think that
I need to recap it. It was better than the last one, but that's
not sayin much
Actors: Myers, Poehler, Hammond,
Finesse, Forte, Maya
Best Line: Forte: I put some fireworks in my Mr. Coffee
<B> Bangkok Tourism commercial
What happens in Bangkok, stays
in Bangkok, like dead hookers.
<B> Performance 1 </b>
I like them, always have, back
when they produced N.O.R.E.'s Superthug. Looks like Jesus is
doin the drumming there. A little departure from their first
album, but pretty much the same. I think I'm the only one who's
a fan of theirs.
<B> Weekend Update </B>
I'll do better this time. Tina Fey sucks. She laughs at her stupid
jokes and talks to Jimmy in the middle of them then has that
stupid look like why don't you laugh with me? Let's take a tally.
Laugh Count: 4
Stupid look Count 1
Talking Count 3
Held composure before camera cut to Jimmy 2
I hate tina fey.
Finesse comes on a financial
consultant. He talks about Bill collectors. It was funny and
had a point, but a bold statement with a purple shirt and a purpler
tie. Maya comes on as Diana Ross to defend herself. . . this
bombed once, so they bring it back. I notice a trend. It sucked.
And Maya felt up Tina*shrug* Hammond comes out as Clinton again.ugh,
I think they're slowing killing it.
Hammond breaks character when talking to Tina, then again. Hammond
Pencil 1, low and to the left, he takes tina's pen, and badly
tosses it to the right.
Clinton was Ok. Finesse was good. Maya was horrible. Jokes were
Actors: Fallon, Fey, Finesse,
Best Line: Fallon: In all of new jersey, they decided to get
married in assbury park?
<B>Top O' the mornin' </B>
First time this has been on all
year. Celebratin' St. Patrick's Day. Myers does a good ad-lib
"good thing we always wear the same sweaters" in between
the flashbacks. I'm surpised Seth didn't break character at all.
Ben comes on as rono (Ronald) McDonald, who acts like Bono.
Another great Ad-lib "mickey's Scottish I guess," which
makes Ben laugh. Fallon's gotten the laugh bug too. But I liked
Actors: Fallon, Myers, Kenan,
Finesse, Forte, Horatio
Best Line: Fallon: ad-lib- Mickey's Scottish I guess.
<B> Bangkok </B>
Ben sells his newlywed for her
<B>Donnie G and Sidecar
a spoof of those old cop buddy
films. Fred getting hit with the mailbox was funny. That was
the first time I really laughed this episode. This had potential,
but fell sort of flat, but it reminded me one of those sketches
from the 80's. Ah the memories.
Actors: Armison, Poehler, Maya,
Best Line: If sidecar's not in the sidecar, that's just too damn
<B> Bangkok 3 </B>
Best of the 3 by far. Kelly Ripa
appears as well. Whaaaa? Very funny
Actors: Horatio, Myers, Hammond
<B> Performance 2</B>
n.e.r.d perfromes againand again,
probably many people don't like them.
<B> Full Moon Killer</B>
Serial Killer Affleck missed
the full moon this year, but they're kidding. It was ok. Not
bad for a 12.50 sketch
Actors: Parnell, Poehler, Forte
No credits at all because they
had to show a stupid bravo commercial. . . ugh.
<B> Overall </B>
Ben showed why he can't do Live TV, with him breaking character
and all, but his willingness to make fun of himself should be
rewarded. Plus it looks like he was having fun, which is more
than what can be said about half the other guests. It wasn't
that bad. The Thailand commercials were good, as was the top
'o the mornin'. I can't really complain.
<B> Overall Rating: 58/100
Felt like 5.5
Best Actor: I don't know if I can reward anyone because they
all were in that horrible Appalachian Emergency Room bit, Jimmy
wasn't, but he used the poop weiner line, and that can't be rewarded.
Worst Actor: Can't give this one out either.
Best Line: Fallon: I've been beggin for the love that Donnie
and smitty have, and you never let me do it, not even once
Appearance in sketches (this
Jeff Richards 0/22 No Longer a troupe member