Christopher Walken / Foo Fighters
February 22, 2003

By The Doc

FROM THE OFFICES OF "THE DOC"

Hey everybody, it's the Bill O'Reily of the SNL world talkin' to 'ya. And Geez, talk about all this snow we've been getting! Not to make a cheap shot or anything, but I haven't seen this much white stuff since the last time a Brazilian Drug Cartel was busted. (RIMSHOT)

ED McMAHON: Hi-oh!

Not to be outdone, we're now being hit with this rain that has made said snowstorm almost entirely pointless. (Because it's washed most of it away.) But I digress, before we get started, it has come to my attention that I may have made a little mistake. In Doctor Speak, we call Mistakes "Malpractice". And with that happy thought in mind, we would like to present a new segment called "The Doc's Malpractice Corner".

SINGERS: "The Doc's Malpractice Cornerrrrrrrrrrrr, Yeah!"

Those singers will be winning a Grammy really soon, I can tell. Anyway, today's malpractice involves last week's show involving a sketch about "Michael Jackson in a Tree". I mistakenly said that it was Fred Armisen who played one of the "Alien Jacko's", when in fact it was Dean "Help Wanted" Edwards. Apparantly, the mistake was made when I was looking at his "Face". apparantly, the fake Jacko nose threw me off into thinking that it was Fred instead of Dean. That, and on closer inspection, I did see a touch of "Blackness" underneath the white Jacko make-up. Sorry if I made one of those "Nit-picking" fans agitated, but we all fuck up sometimes. And on that note, this wraps up this edition of...

SINGERS: "The Doc's Malpractice Corrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-nerrrrrrrrrr, Yeah!"

I got a few letters this week, let's get some of them out of the way...

SINGERS: "Free your miiiiiiiiiiiind, and the rest will follow..."

Our 1st letter tonight comes from a person who actually knows German...sort of. "Jill" of "Jack & Jill" Fame <mailto:JJac290963@aol.com>(JJac290963@aol.com) writes in and says...

First things first, I love your brutal honesty in your reviews and I agree with some of them. Second, I don't know if you had this letter translated [below] but I got one of my friends who took German for about 4-5 months so whatever she doesn't know the word to, the '?' is present.

The Letter:

Hallihallohallöle,
Ich bin ein freches Luder... So hab ichs auf jeden Fall gehört. Und das ganze nur, weil ich eine Webcam hab??? Was meinst Du? Kannst ja meine Seite http://members.lycos.de/verona1981/ angucken, und mir sagen, obs stimmt...

Küsschen :-x
Verona

What Verona said:

Hallihallohalloele [her way of saying hi I guess],

I am an impudent [?]... Thus [?] in any case heard. And the
whole only, because I have a Webcam what do you have? [?]
look at http://members.lycos.de/verona1981/, and me to say, tunes
generic terms...
Hugs and Kisses [maybe?]
Verona

I hope my friend's translations helped you...sorta.---
Jill

Dear Jill,

Thank you for the Props, and your friend for the Semi-German Lesson.

Auf Wiederzein---

"Herr Doktor"

You want some of this? Just make it happen at:

<mailto:tvnutboy@yahoo.com>tvnutboy@yahoo.com Subject: "Free Your Mind"

And now we move on to one of the greatest hosts ever, a guy who's voice is easilly immitated by many, and still the Scariest SOB I have ever seen since James Carville, Hey Christopher Walken, you're on...!

Hardball or "We will show Springfield who looks like ze frogs, eh?"

This makes me question Christopher Walken's rather bizzare accent. From what I hear, he was Born in Brooklyn, NY. While his parents have no French Background whatsoever. So why does he sound like that? Like I said, he's a scary SOB. Darrell was once again dead on with "Chris Matthews", while Parnell's character was just a typical "Yes Man". But I give this one extra points because they finally let walken say LFNY after 6 shows.

Diagnosis: B

Monolouge or "...How are we supposed to do our big musical number with so many problems in the world?"

I have a rule that I never rate musical acts no matter how good they are, Since this is what Chris always does in his monolouges, I'm going to overlook this one. No offense, he did fine, but once again, he always does this.

Diagnosis: N/A

Pranksters or "You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrifyed fooling machine!"

At first, I thought this was going to be lame with that "Kattan" segment, but it picks up when Chris attacks the other Chris. Also, I know an old guy in his 50s who tries to use "Stupid-cool" slang to get my attention...He's my father, and he should just give up.

DOC'S FATHER: I Just wanna be loved, is that so wrong?!

Anywho, it's always "Funny Strange" to see an adult trying to "get down" with the kiddies.

Diagnosis: B-

The Continental or "...If you touch me, I'll yell so loud whole counrty will hear!"

You'd think that by this point, he'd be getting a round of applause like any other recurring character would, but I digress. This was by far the lamest "Continental" ever, so lame in fact that I give it my "Oy Vey of the Day". Let's face it, the magic is gone! The sketch peaked in April 2000.

Diagnosis: D

Raft or "This ain't one of your church picnic flare gun firings, Flanders! This is the real thing!"

ANNOUNCER: And now it's time for the Blockbuster Video "Cheap Disco Joke of the Day"

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYS)

DOC: What's the thing that's like a boat, when you put it in water it will float?

SINGERS: RAFT!

DOC: You Damn Right! What's the thing on the deap blue sea that's big enough for you and me?

SINGERS: RAFT!

DOC: I can Dig it, you know I hear that raft's one big motha...

SINGERS: Shut Your Mouth!

DOC: I'm talkin about "Raft".

SINGERS: Then we can dig it!

DOC: It's A Complicated float, but no one understands it but the Lifeboat!

SINGERS: John Raft!

ANNOUNCER: And that was the "Cheap Disco Joke of the Day". Brought to you as always by Blockbuster Video...

It just seemed like fair game to me. Anyway, This belongs in the "What the bloody hell" department. Sure, there were a few good zings, (I.e. The Flaregun/Farting flamethrower, the "Gay" thing, the "Birds are an optical illusion" thing.) But otherwise, this is just Christopher Walken being his usual insane self.

Diagnosis: C

Black History Minute or "Stop the madness, start the movie!"

Looks like one of those "Shortie" sketches. It's good that Dean got some screen time, and it looks like he's found a "recurring character" in his "Don Cheadle" impression. Though I wish it was more like that "Super Bowl Commercial. Sadly, this was also all we saw of Tracy that night, in a still-shot. I found what Dean/Don said to be funny, because it's true. No matter which movie I go to, someone is yelling...Well, in all fairness, it's me who's doing the yelling...Well, in all fairness, it's Cheering, not Yelling...Where am I going with this? Oh yeah, Good short sketch.

Diagnosis: A+

Colonal Angus/Lingus or "The South shall come again!"

Get it? "South?" "Come?" Ha-ha! Anyway, In the long history of SNL, a lot of sketches have used Plays on words, dirty words and even plays on dirty words. Nowhere was this more evident than in the famed "Lord And Lady Douchebag". This sketch also used an element from the 70s shows, Do you remember...

DON PARDO: Weekend Update is sponsored by "Colonal Lingus' Fried Chicken" "It takes a lickin...'" 

This is just taking that joke and stretching it to a point where Fried Chicken isn't even necessary. From a male standpoint, I thought this was funny because...Well, I'm a guy, and as a guy I often have a tendency to think dirty. So for me, this was Really funny, Especially all of those "Down South" Jokes.

Diagnosis: A+

Update or "It's called a 'walk-on', it's a showbiz thing."

Supprising lack of jokes here, and why? Well, let's start with Steve Martin. Not counting the 25th anniversary show, He's Making his first visit to SNL since 1998. But does he do anything funny? No. But Do I care? No. Why? Because he's Steve Martin for god's sake! As he said in his famous "Tonight" song, he'll just "Walk through his parts, and still be hillarious. He's done it so often before!".

And then there's the return of the king Mr. Will Ferrell! (Who's new movie "Old School" now has an unprecedented 42 nominations!) But who's that flotation device next to him? Oh, great, it's "Bitchy" Spears. Now I admit, the sight of her in "Daisy Dukes" elevated me a little...No, not that kind of "Elevation"...Well, OK, maybe. But I digress, We all had a feeling that he'd be coming on, But I was praying for him to do "Neil Diamond". Instead, I get some sort of silly Farm bit. But who cares, Will Ferrell was back in the building!

But in the midst of all these cameos, there was still an update. There was not one, but two slutty pop stars in our prescence. (Or at least a representation of one.) Maya has a very good voice, and she's wasting it now that they no longer do those "Gemini's Twin" dealies. All in all, this update was basically good because of the cameos.

Diagnosis: B-

Foo Fighters:

Who ever these so called "Foo" people are, you won't go down without a fight! That's why we have these so-called "Foo fighters". Cause they protect the world fighting the "Foo's". OK, this is the worst joke I've ever made, and I'd like to go on record saying that I will be buring in hell in just a little while.

Diagnosis: N/A

Luhvahs or "...And so to you Mr. and Mrs. Erotic American, I Bid...Good Day."

Back in May 2002, I said that "This is probably not the last we've seen of the Luhvah's..." Shows what I know, eh? Despite my negativity towards these sketches, there was something humbling about seeing it again. For starters, Will Ferrell is in it. But this will never change the general plot towards these. Here's a Step By Step guide as to how these sketches usually work.

1. "3rd Wheel" (Maya Rudolph in this case) is enjoying a little Quiet time.

2. "Luhvahs" begin Freaking out "3rd Wheel"

3. "3rd Wheel" leaves in disgust

4. "Luhvah's" Attempt "Luhv" Making

5. Man's Back acts up.

6. Repeat

See, it's just like using shampoo, only it's more painfull when it get's in your eyes. But I'll be good to it, considering Will Ferrel's Return made it all the better.

Diagnosis: C

Buddy Mills or "Are you sure this is the Casino? I better Check with my manager." "Your Manager said for you to shut up!" "Vera said that? Hmmm."

Well, Kattan Promised a "New Character" in place of "Mango", and I guess this is it. I'm supprised that the audience was even more enthusiastic about it this time around. But sadly it's one of those "more of the same" sketches, which I can also put into a Step-by-step guide. But due to time restrictions, I'll be brief. Guy does bad jokes, Drummer is late with the rimshot. And as a Drummer myself, you never wanna be late with a rimshot, otherwise you look like a fool. Back to this, it just needs to get fresher if you wanna do it again.

Diagnosis: C-

 

Grand Diagnosis: A respectable B-

Prescription: Let's just say this, if anyone was rooting for Christopher Walken to win that Oscar, fugettaboutit! BTW, what was Jim Carrey doing there? You don't suppose he was there to negotiate something with Lorne, do you? Here's hoping.

Next Time: Another Chance for Steve Martin to Plug "Bringing Down the House." This time, with host Queen Latifah. And once again, I'm going to need your help in figuring out who this "Ms. Dynamite" person is. Perhaps she's an agent for Al Quaida, I don't know!

This Review is dedicated to all the Men and Women of America...who have ever gone "Down South" at one point in their lives. Have you ever been down south before? It's beautiful down there, Especially in Miami! What did you think I meant when I said Down south?...Hey, Shut Up you sick freak! Really!

Till Next time, "The Doctor is out!"