Walken / Foo Fighters
February 22, 2003
FROM THE OFFICES OF "THE
Hey everybody, it's the Bill O'Reily of the SNL world talkin'
to 'ya. And Geez, talk about all this snow we've been getting!
Not to make a cheap shot or anything, but I haven't seen this
much white stuff since the last time a Brazilian Drug Cartel
was busted. (RIMSHOT)
ED McMAHON: Hi-oh!
Not to be outdone, we're now being hit with this rain that has
made said snowstorm almost entirely pointless. (Because it's
washed most of it away.) But I digress, before we get started,
it has come to my attention that I may have made a little
mistake. In Doctor Speak, we call Mistakes "Malpractice".
And with that happy thought in mind, we would like to present
a new segment called "The Doc's Malpractice Corner".
SINGERS: "The Doc's Malpractice Cornerrrrrrrrrrrr,
Those singers will be winning a Grammy really soon, I can
tell. Anyway, today's malpractice involves last week's show involving
a sketch about "Michael Jackson in a Tree". I mistakenly
said that it was Fred Armisen who played one of the "Alien
Jacko's", when in fact it was Dean "Help Wanted" Edwards.
Apparantly, the mistake was made when I was looking at his "Face".
apparantly, the fake Jacko nose threw me off into thinking that
it was Fred instead of Dean. That, and on closer inspection, I
did see a touch of "Blackness" underneath the white
Jacko make-up. Sorry if I made one of those "Nit-picking"
fans agitated, but we all fuck up sometimes. And on that
note, this wraps up this edition of...
SINGERS: "The Doc's Malpractice Corrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-nerrrrrrrrrr,
I got a few letters this week, let's get some of them out of
SINGERS: "Free your miiiiiiiiiiiind, and the rest
Our 1st letter tonight comes from a person who actually knows
German...sort of. "Jill" of "Jack & Jill"
Fame <mailto:JJac290963@aol.com>(JJac290963@aol.com) writes
in and says...
First things first, I love your brutal honesty in your
reviews and I agree with some of them. Second, I don't know if
you had this letter translated [below] but I got one of my friends
who took German for about 4-5 months so whatever she doesn't
know the word to, the '?' is present.
Ich bin ein freches Luder... So hab ichs auf jeden Fall gehört.
Und das ganze nur, weil ich eine Webcam hab??? Was meinst Du?
Kannst ja meine Seite http://members.lycos.de/verona1981/ angucken,
und mir sagen, obs stimmt...
What Verona said:
Hallihallohalloele [her way of
saying hi I guess],
I am an impudent [?]... Thus
[?] in any case heard. And the
whole only, because I have a Webcam what do you have? [?]
look at http://members.lycos.de/verona1981/, and me to say, tunes
Hugs and Kisses [maybe?]
I hope my friend's translations
Thank you for the
Props, and your friend for the Semi-German Lesson.
You want some of this? Just make
it happen at:
"Free Your Mind"
And now we move on to one of
the greatest hosts ever, a guy who's voice is easilly immitated
by many, and still the Scariest SOB I have ever seen since James
Carville, Hey Christopher Walken, you're on...!
Hardball or "We will show Springfield who looks
like ze frogs, eh?"
This makes me question Christopher
Walken's rather bizzare accent. From what I hear, he was
Born in Brooklyn, NY. While his parents have no French Background
whatsoever. So why does he sound like that? Like I said, he's
a scary SOB. Darrell was once again dead on with "Chris
Matthews", while Parnell's character was just a typical
"Yes Man". But I give this one extra points because
they finally let walken say LFNY after 6 shows.
Monolouge or "...How are we supposed
to do our big musical number with so many problems in the world?"
I have a rule that I never rate
musical acts no matter how good they are, Since this is what
Chris always does in his monolouges, I'm going to overlook this
one. No offense, he did fine, but once again, he always does
Pranksters or "You couldn't fool your
mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrifyed
At first, I thought this was
going to be lame with that "Kattan" segment, but it
picks up when Chris attacks the other Chris. Also, I know an
old guy in his 50s who tries to use "Stupid-cool" slang
to get my attention...He's my father, and he should just give
DOC'S FATHER: I Just wanna
be loved, is that so wrong?!
Anywho, it's always "Funny
Strange" to see an adult trying to "get down"
with the kiddies.
The Continental or "...If you touch me, I'll
yell so loud whole counrty will hear!"
You'd think that by this point,
he'd be getting a round of applause like any other recurring
character would, but I digress. This was by far the lamest "Continental"
ever, so lame in fact that I give it my "Oy Vey of the
Day". Let's face it, the magic is gone! The sketch peaked
in April 2000.
Raft or "This ain't one of your church picnic
flare gun firings, Flanders! This is the real thing!"
ANNOUNCER: And now it's
time for the Blockbuster Video "Cheap Disco Joke
of the Day"
(DISCO MUSIC PLAYS)
DOC: What's the thing that's
like a boat, when you put it in water it will float?
DOC: You Damn Right! What's
the thing on the deap blue sea that's big enough for you and
DOC: I can Dig it, you
know I hear that raft's one big motha...
SINGERS: Shut Your Mouth!
DOC: I'm talkin about "Raft".
SINGERS: Then we can dig
DOC: It's A Complicated
float, but no one understands it but the Lifeboat!
SINGERS: John Raft!
ANNOUNCER: And that was
the "Cheap Disco Joke of the Day". Brought to you as
always by Blockbuster Video...
It just seemed like fair game
to me. Anyway, This belongs in the "What the bloody hell"
department. Sure, there were a few good zings, (I.e. The Flaregun/Farting
flamethrower, the "Gay" thing, the "Birds are
an optical illusion" thing.) But otherwise, this is just
Christopher Walken being his usual insane self.
Black History Minute or "Stop the madness, start
Looks like one of those "Shortie"
sketches. It's good that Dean got some screen time, and it looks
like he's found a "recurring character" in his "Don
Cheadle" impression. Though I wish it was more like that
"Super Bowl Commercial. Sadly, this was also all we saw
of Tracy that night, in a still-shot. I found what Dean/Don said
to be funny, because it's true. No matter which movie I go to,
someone is yelling...Well, in all fairness, it's me who's doing
the yelling...Well, in all fairness, it's Cheering, not
Yelling...Where am I going with this? Oh yeah, Good short sketch.
Colonal Angus/Lingus or "The South shall come
Get it? "South?" "Come?"
Ha-ha! Anyway, In the long history of SNL, a lot of sketches
have used Plays on words, dirty words and even plays on dirty
words. Nowhere was this more evident than in the famed "Lord
And Lady Douchebag". This sketch also used an element from
the 70s shows, Do you remember...
DON PARDO: Weekend Update
is sponsored by "Colonal Lingus' Fried Chicken" "It
takes a lickin...'"
This is just taking that joke
and stretching it to a point where Fried Chicken isn't even necessary.
From a male standpoint, I thought this was funny because...Well,
I'm a guy, and as a guy I often have a tendency to think dirty.
So for me, this was Really funny, Especially all
of those "Down South" Jokes.
Update or "It's called a 'walk-on', it's a
Supprising lack of jokes here,
and why? Well, let's start with Steve Martin. Not counting the
25th anniversary show, He's Making his first visit to SNL
since 1998. But does he do anything funny? No. But Do I care?
No. Why? Because he's Steve Martin for god's sake! As he said
in his famous "Tonight" song, he'll just
"Walk through his parts, and still be hillarious. He's done
it so often before!".
And then there's the return of
the king Mr. Will Ferrell! (Who's new movie "Old School"
now has an unprecedented 42 nominations!) But who's that
flotation device next to him? Oh, great, it's "Bitchy"
Spears. Now I admit, the sight of her in "Daisy Dukes"
elevated me a little...No, not that kind of "Elevation"...Well,
OK, maybe. But I digress, We all had a feeling that he'd be coming
on, But I was praying for him to do "Neil Diamond".
Instead, I get some sort of silly Farm bit. But who cares, Will
Ferrell was back in the building!
But in the midst of all these
cameos, there was still an update. There was not one, but two
slutty pop stars in our prescence. (Or at least a representation
of one.) Maya has a very good voice, and she's wasting it now
that they no longer do those "Gemini's Twin" dealies.
All in all, this update was basically good because of the cameos.
Who ever these so called "Foo"
people are, you won't go down without a fight! That's why we
have these so-called "Foo fighters". Cause they protect
the world fighting the "Foo's". OK, this is the
worst joke I've ever made, and I'd like to go on record saying
that I will be buring in hell in just a little while.
Luhvahs or "...And so to you Mr. and Mrs. Erotic
American, I Bid...Good Day."
Back in May 2002, I said that
"This is probably not the last we've seen of the Luhvah's..."
Shows what I know, eh? Despite my negativity towards these sketches,
there was something humbling about seeing it again. For starters,
Will Ferrell is in it. But this will never change the general
plot towards these. Here's a Step By Step guide as to how these
sketches usually work.
1. "3rd Wheel" (Maya
Rudolph in this case) is enjoying a little Quiet time.
2. "Luhvahs" begin
Freaking out "3rd Wheel"
3. "3rd Wheel" leaves
4. "Luhvah's" Attempt
5. Man's Back acts up.
See, it's just like using shampoo,
only it's more painfull when it get's in your eyes. But I'll
be good to it, considering Will Ferrel's Return made it all the
Buddy Mills or "Are you sure this is
the Casino? I better Check with my manager." "Your
Manager said for you to shut up!" "Vera said that?
Well, Kattan Promised a "New
Character" in place of "Mango", and I guess this
is it. I'm supprised that the audience was even more enthusiastic
about it this time around. But sadly it's one of those "more
of the same" sketches, which I can also put into a Step-by-step
guide. But due to time restrictions, I'll be brief. Guy does
bad jokes, Drummer is late with the rimshot. And as a Drummer
myself, you never wanna be late with a rimshot, otherwise you
look like a fool. Back to this, it just needs to get fresher
if you wanna do it again.
Grand Diagnosis: A respectable
Prescription: Let's just
say this, if anyone was rooting for Christopher Walken to win
that Oscar, fugettaboutit! BTW, what was Jim Carrey doing there?
You don't suppose he was there to negotiate something with Lorne,
do you? Here's hoping.
Next Time: Another Chance
for Steve Martin to Plug "Bringing Down the House."
This time, with host Queen Latifah. And once again, I'm going
to need your help in figuring out who this "Ms. Dynamite"
person is. Perhaps she's an agent for Al Quaida, I don't know!
This Review is dedicated
to all the Men and Women of America...who have ever gone
"Down South" at one point in their lives. Have you
ever been down south before? It's beautiful down there, Especially
in Miami! What did you think I meant when I said Down south?...Hey,
Shut Up you sick freak! Really!
Till Next time, "The
Doctor is out!"