Nia Vardalos / Eve
November 9, 2002

By Mark Polishuk

Hey there. I haven't done one of these in a while, so I'm doing my minor league rehab stint for the next couple of shows before my schedule will FINALLY allow me to write full-blown reviews for the December shows (fingers crossed).

President Bush Can't Add
How could anyone ever tire of mocking George W(orst president ever) Bush? Parnell's impression is perfectly acceptable. 3/4

Monologue
Hey look, it's my future in-laws. I had better brush up on my Greek. Ciao lí, sono il Marchio! Dice, posso prendere a prestito del denaro? Okay, that might've been Italian, but anyone who argues with me is just a FILTHY RACIST. World without borders, people. 3/5

Swiffer Sleepers Ad
Amy Poehler is one of those women who is generally pretty, but with only the slightest twinge in makeup or lighting can look like a psychopath. If Amy wants her kids to clean the house when they're older, she should abandon the Swiffer Sleepers and do it the old-fashioned way: starvation. After a few weeks of nourishment only from tap water, I was dying to cut that lawn. Good times, good times. 1/2

Bloater Brothers In A Sushi Bar
This was horrible. I'd hate to see Parnell or Fallon killed, but if these characters were their idea...well, you can't make an omelet without breaking some eggs. Fred Armisen is in a tight race with Dana Carvey to see who wins the title Whitest Man Who Is Continually Cast in Ethnic Roles. 3/10

CBS Looks At High School Elections
I was once elected to high school student council by pretty much mocking my geekiness in a speech; when you get a lemon... Rather's comments were as wacky as ever. The guy in the fedora hat was one of the funniest single moments of the year thus far. 3/4

Rachel Gets Her Hair Violated: Sort of like how nature has violated my hair by causing me to lose it. But I digress. Congrats to SNL for making comedy out of Rachel Dratch's pubic area. This, by the way, was the point in the show where Nia Vardalos started to loosen up and get into her characters. 4/5

MUSICAL GUEST: Eve
This blew. 1/5

WEEKEND UPDATE
Good jokes from start to finish. The "celebrity walks" things was funny, though it is a bit disconcerting to see one's future wife walk like one of the Gorillaz. You'd think she'd only have a funny walk after the honeymoon. BOOYAH. Now that I've concluded over-compensating, I can mention that Seth Meyers' bit started out horribly, got slightly better, but was just too weak to get off the ground. 4/5

The Ferey Muhtar Show
Moral of the story: nothing is funnier than the Turks. Just ask Atom Egoyan! I can't believe this is a recurring skit. It is funny now, but after two more outings, we'll be calling for the giant head of Horatio Sanz. 4/5

The Falconer
This was so surreal that I'm not sure it happened. Was I high? Oh right, I was. That falcon sure can pleasure a woman. Will Forte has a hilarious voice, not unlike Poochie. 7/10

Pier 1 Commercial
Kirstie Alley is actually insane. I cannot laugh at the truth, but only cry. 4/5

Missy Elliot Workout Tape
HA HA, Missy Elliot sure is fat! Eve makes a cameo, so as long as she is acting, she isn't "singing." Hooray! 7/10

Glenda Goodwin, Paranormal Attorney
Get it? Glenda Goodwin= Glinda the Good Witch? I'm ever so smart...that bit of insight deserves a cookie. Yum yum yum, I like cookies. Good idea, it went on a bit too long. 3/5

MUSICAL GUEST: Eve
Once again, it sucked. With this kind of shoddy performance, I can see why God cast her and Adam out of Eden. 1/5

Community Accents with Vasquez Gomez-Vasquez
Finally, a skit that gives an explanation why all of these shows are only a few minutes long! The awkward ending was hilarious. 4/5

 

Performers of the night: Rachel Dratch, Nia Vardalos, Horatio Sanz
Best Sketches of the Night: Community Accents, Rachel Gets Waxed, Weekend Update
Worst Sketch of the Night: Bloater Brothers

AFTERSHUKS
Best show of the year except for John McCain/my new heroes the White Stripes. Next week is Brittany Murphy and Nelly. They both suck and it's the third show in a row, so don't watch! Go out on a date for God's sake!

Mark Polishuk
Wow, so this is what it's like to write a short review