Nia Vardalos / Eve
November 9, 2002

By Link

Hey, people. My name is Link and this is my first review ever of an SNL episode. I'm from Massachusetts although I was born in New York but I absolutely hate the Yankees. I also hate every Boston team but I love the Baltimore Orioles. Yeah, that's right, I love the same team who sat in 4th place for the past 5 years. Anyway, every time that I'll do reviews, I'll just include an update on them and a review for the next episode of Whose Line is it Anyway, my other favorite show.

O's Report:
So, it's free agent season. So far, they only have 1 player unsigned and that's Mike Bordick. In my opinion, he provides leadership, a veteran poise and the fact that he's one of the best defensive shortstops in the game. Too many times is he under appreciated, having to go up again Garciaparra and Jeter. I seriously hope he wins the Gold Glove this year, with accomplishments like making only 1 error all season and breaking Cal Ripken's record of 101 (or 100) straight games of errorless fielding chances. I saw that game on TV and I was impressed. If he doesn't win, MLB is screwed up. Other than that, the O's definitely need help on their starting pitching and relievers. So far, they only have Pat Hentgen, Rodrigo Lopez and Sidney Ponson in their rotation with the addition of Willis Roberts, Buddy Groom and Jorge Julio in the pen. They need some lefties and maybe a couple of vets to secure the pen. This year was mostly an observation on the young ones, who to keep and who to send back to Ottawa. The testing was mostly a success, going 63-63 before the break. After that though, they just got too tired and went 4-31 the rest of the season. Some of them have potential, but they just need some vets to make the fans feel like their team could be in contention this year. They're also in desperate need of a power hitter, like Jim Thome or Pudge Rodriguez. They really do need a decent catcher so maybe they can lure Pudge over to their side.

Next epi of Whose Line:
Ok, next Friday is a Brad episode. Usually, I tape Brad epi's, along with Greg ones but this time, I wont. Only 1 word tells all: Chyna. That's right people, the former female wrestling star is coming to Whose Line and will be participating in Living Scenery. Oh, I'll be watching it alright but I definitely won't be taping it. I absolutely hate wrestling stars, except the Rock who did a fine job hosting last season. Since last season, WL has taken on a trend of inviting guest stars to take part in games. The only successful ones that I have ever seen were the ones with Robin Williams and Florence Henderson. Whoopi Goldberg did ok, but she's not up there with Robin. Now that was a high-class show. One person I am looking forward to though is Richard Simmons. Yes, I know all of you who are reading this why I would anticipate an episode with someone like him in it. Well, after reading a taping report from a fellow Whoser, Richard is involved in very weird situations involving Wayne Brady. God, I want to see that so freakin' bad.

Pre-Show Review:
Ok, so the star of My Big Fat Greek Wedding is hosting. I never thought Nia would actually host but here she is. Now, I've been wanting to see the movie, but I never had the chance (i.e. I'm a lazy bastard). She seems cool though, considering that she's married to Ian Gomez. Sue me, I'm a sucker for people who has appeared on The Drew Carey Show. I just hope she can do well with sketch comedy. And Eve is the musical guest. I really don't like rap, but Eve is one of the few exceptions. I don't rate music anyway, except for bands that I actually listen to, like Dave Matthews Band. Man, they need to come on again.

My rating system is by lettering. It's easier than 1 to 5 since it's more spread out and I can give out and F- if a sketch really sucks. Yay me.

COLD OPENING Address by President Bush (Members Involved: C. Parnell)
- Aww, Parnell is all alone by himself for the first time
- No surprise that Bush can't count for shit
- I'm not really great at politics so the next time you see me review one of those, don't be surprised if I don't understand
- I actually like Parnell as Bush. Of course, Ferrell will always be the best but c'mon, Parnell's is decent enough. At least they let up on some of the makeup
- I don't know who Senator Jeffreys (who knows how it's spelt) is, but I guess Bush must really hate him

MONOLOGUE   (Members Involved: Nia, Tina, Amy, Chris K.)
- Nia is peppy tonight. Can that be a good thing?
- I guess a lot of women Greeks stay together
- If I'm not mistaken, this was Tina's first involvement in a monologue
- Useless performances by Kattan and Poehler

Commercial: Swiffer Sleepers (Members Involved: Amy)
- Seen it before
- The only good part is seeing the kids on the ceiling

Sketch 1: Bloater Brothers at the Sushi Bar (Members Involved: Nia, Chris P., Jimmy, Fred)
- Not surprisingly, Chris and Jimmy are coming on to a drunk Nia
- As usual, lame remarks and shoot backs are used, the lamest coming from Nia although it could've been the booze talking
- I can't believe they were nervous about actually scoring with a women
- Probably wouldn't have worked with a sober one
- Fred is useless as the waiter, but his accent is convincing
Sketch 2: Special Report by Dan Rather (Members Involved: Darrell, Seth, Jimmy, Maya, Nia, Fred, Will, Rachel and pictures of Jeff and Dean)
- I thought this would be a serious report, but instead it's about a school council
- Funny how Rather is talking school nonsense
- 'Stoned kids and boarders were confused by the voting system'. lol (probably not an accurate quote, but who cares)
- Is Rather gay? Find out next time I guess
- Jimmy and Maya in this sketch: useless and crap
GRADE: B+ for making it more entertaining than I thought it would've been

Sketch 3: La Femme Day Spa (Members Involved: Nia, Rachel)
- Is a Brazilian wax that bad?
- Rachel has a lot of hair down there
- Those had to be uncomfortable leg positions
- Overuse of yelling by Rachel
2 incomplete quotes: "Crazy house with weeds" and "Robin William's forearms in your panties"

Musical Guest: Eve
Don't rate musical acts

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey (Members Involved: Jimmy, Tina, Seth)
- Nice Bush slam. I bet he had a heck of a time walking home from Mardi Gras
- After all these years, Bobby Brown still has it with being arrested
- Why is Felicity on DVD anyway? It was a crappy show
- Interesting concept: A machine that identifies people on how they walk
- I bet that's how Tina walks when she's alone
- Pointless 10th Reunion Report by Seth. Stick to the Boston fan shtick
Almost complete quote: "15 states in 5 days; hardest he has worked since walking home from Mardi Gras"
GRADE: B+, points lost because of Seth

Sketch 4: Ferey Mthar Talk Show (Members Involved: Darrell, Horatio, Nia, Chris K. Fred)
- The only reason it was funny last time was because of Hammond losing his moustache and a great performance by Ian McKellen. Let's hope this is good
- lol, Horatio is spitting (sue me, I'm 15)
- My god, Nia is ugly
- I guess they think a unibrow is hot
- Hammond 'used' Mocktober. Ok, now most of you probably know what he's talking about but I have almost no idea. I'm embarrassed now
- Ok, Horatio's laugh is infectious but I'm sure a lot of you knew that already
GRADE: B-. Unfortunately, the trend is still crap

Sketch 5: The Falconer   (Members Involved: Will, Fred, Nia)
- Ok, why does a corporate executive live in the wild? If there was an answer, I didn't catch it in time
- Maybe those flying effects were horrible on purpose
- Ok, a Falcon goes to get food for his master but ends up getting him a mouse after eating a 5 star meal and sleeping with the executive's wife. I love the writer's tonight

Commercial: Pier 1 Imports (Members Involved: Nia, Rachel, Horatio)
- By now, the public knows that Kirstie Alley has officially gone crazy with the commercials
- I love the warning about her if she comes near you

Sketch 6/Commercial: Dropping Pounds with Missy Elliot (Members involved: Tracy, Nia, Jeff, Rachel, Eve)
- Ok, Tracy looking like Missy Elliot is scary as hell but it's pretty convincing
- Jeff is brave about showing his skin. Just like Ferrell when he was on
- Funny seeing Nia, Jeff and Rachel trying to act street

Musical Guest: Eve

Sketch 7: Glenda Goodwin, Attorney at Law (Members Involved: Maya, Nia, Rachel)
- Weird voice by Maya, but it sounds a bit like Meaghen from Wake Up Wakefield
- Get's people money by changing their accidents into weird situations
GRADE: C-. No point to this whatsoever

Sketch 8: Community Accents with Vasquez-Gomez-Vasquez (Members Involved: Horatio, Chris K., Dean, Nia)
- Sounds like the theme song from this sketch is actually from Kodak, or another company. I like it
- This was a screwed up sketch
GRADE: D. I guess the writers do save the worst for last

A lot better than I expected. Certainly high up there, only below McCain. Nia did a great job and if she does a couple of more movies in the next couple of years, she can certainly come back. Kinda unlikely that will happen though

Best of the Night: I really don't think anyone stood out that much but Rachel was around so I'll go with her

Worst of the Night: Tie with Maya and Dean. Dean was only used once and Maya sucked in what she was used in

Next Week:
Brittany Murphy and Nelly
So, Nelly is back after bailing out on McCain. We'll see how that goes

So, this ends my first review. I hope to do more in the future and maybe they'll be better than this. Cya later