McCormack / Jay-Z
November 2, 2002
week of SNL has passed. I hope everyone had a great Halloween.
I almost went trick-or-treating last minute as Arianna the Spartan
cheer leader, but I decided to pass this year, so I handed out
candy instead. I have discovered something new that irks me about
Halloween, and feel free to e-mail me if you had people like
this too at your door. I had seven (yes, I counted) moms holding
their one month old or so babies, who were dressed in costumes,
at my door. They were also holding a trick-or-treat bag full
of candy, and they were trick-or-treating for their baby. Now,
come on, how low is that? They are using their baby to extort
candy from innocent people, like myself. Think about this...That
baby pretty much exists on a diet of formula and baby food, so
do you really think you're going to fool me that your baby loves
Snickers and Kit Kats? Yep, I didn't think so...
To the person who keeps e-mailing me from that www.someonelikesyou.com
website: Thanks, buddy, but I don't think it will work out, as
you're a 45-year-old male, and I am a 14-year-old girl. You know
what kind of stares we would get?...Pedophile!!!
And now, for the review:
"Rudy Giuliani": We see the former New York City mayor
(Darrell Hammond)shooting countless political ads for candidates
he has never heard of in various states, from Maryland to Wisconsin
to Montana. Rudy is reading from the TelePrompter, and keeps
stopping to ask the writers (Chris Parnell, Seth meyers, Will
Forte) about what he is supposed to be saying. There is one in
Louisiana who "served as a woman, then a man, and then a
woman again." I think the best ad was the one about Heinrich
Himmler running in Montana, and how he is "Rudy's hero."
I think Darrell is one of the best impressionists ever. He has
the Rudy voice down to a tee, and the look isn't bad either.
OVERALL GRADE: 92%
"I'm not gay!": Eric McCormack comes out and immediately
addresses the question of "Are you gay?" We then cut
to a very fruity looking guy saying that he isn't gay, but loves
Eric's work on Will & Grace. We then have another gay-ish
guy asking Eric to settle a bet if his eyes are green or hazel,
he then tells another guy that he owes him a back rub. We also
have a guy asking Eric to make out. And then...Chris Kattan come
out-- dressed in the Mango costume, sans the hat, and in arobe.
He tells Eric that sometimes people think he's gay, but he is
a happily married man, and they cut to a picture of Chris with
his "wife" Bernice. (A huge, tough looking old lady.)
Chris tells Eric to find the man inside of him and to share it
with others. Chris exits with a Mango gesture, and Eric begins
to sing, trying to proclaim his straightness. Not a bad monologue...
OVERALL GRADE: 95% (Without Chris, 88%)
We see Rachel in a hot tub all over Eric (The Bachelor). He pretends
he's asleep and walks out of the hot tub to get away from her.
We then see Maya as a ditzy type telling the camera how she has
so much in common with the Bachelor, like how she is from Louisiana
and he's from St. Louis. The Bachelor seems to really like Maya's
character, "because you can tell alot about a person't inner
beauty by the way they look on the outside." We then see
the third bachelorette, Amber, the one-legged, hypoglycimic lady
played by Amy Poehler. (Amber is another impression that I do.)
We then cut to a commercial about "Last Chance Tuesdays"
on ABC, with John Ritter and company. We then get back to the
show and find out that Amber also has Lyme Disease, but don't
fret, because it is not contagious. We then have Chris Kattan
telling Eric that he must choose a girl, and he picks Bethany,
who is Maya's character. Amber then farts her way out of the
room, and tells everyone that s!
he'll be on Fear factor next week.
OVERALL GRADE: 95%
Playing A Game": We have Seth & Maya, Rachel & Eric,
and Amy & Will Forte playing a guessing game called Celebrity,
where one person gives clues about the celebrity, and the other
one guesses. It comes to Rachel & Eric's turn, and we see
Eric having trouble on the first celebrity. Rachel gets mad and
throws a glass at the wall screaming, "What the hell!"
They ask if they would rather watch Spider man on DVD, but Rachel
says no. She begans to scream at every thing that Amy & Will
get correct. She skips Maya and Seth's turn, but her husband
Eric is having trouble giving her clues, and they don't get any
correct. Rachel screamsand tears the curtains off the wall and
throws vases and everything in sight. She grabs a fakes tree
and begins to thrash more items, wanting to know who wrote one
of the elebrities. Everyone is shaking in fear, and Rachel says,
"So, whose turn is it?"
OVERALL GRADE: 92%
ads: We have Ellen Frankel (Rachel Dratch) and Andy Taarico (Chris
Kattan) airing ads against each other, and making up statements.
They were okay for fillers.
OVERALL GRADE: 85%
Morning With Paula Zahn": We finally see Tina in a sketch
other than weekend update! Tina is Paula Zahn, with special guest
anchor Brent Dunlop. Brent and Paula suddenly become smitten
with each other. Rachel as Koatie Jeffers is so excited about
Paula and Brent's "love." Rachel has the best facial
expressions on SNL, and they worked perfectly as usual here.
She tells them how she's so jealous and happy for their love.
Brent and Paula then kiss and talk about their love some more.
Amy's character, Stephanie Laughlin, is in Russia, and is appalled
by Paula and Brent's love, and thinks the news should go on.
Brent then presents Paula with a gift of pearlt earrings. We
then see Chris Parnell as Terrence the newscaster, also happy
for Paula and Brent's love. He sings them a quick line of a love
song. We have some more talk about Paula and Brent's love. Chris
comes in and sings some more.
OVERALL GRADE: 90%
with Lenny Kravitz. I don't like rap, so I won't rate this. Lenny
Kravitz is usually good, though.
We have a guest tonight on Weekend Update(Gene Shalit, really
Horatio Sanz.) Gene is always a good guest, and Horatio was good
reviewing The Ring and Jackass:The Movie. We also get to see
Gene dance again, bringing back memories from his previous Update
appearance. The jokes were good as usual tonight, but not the
greatest. We also see the Rapping Baby, which wasn't that funny.
What was funnier about this was Jimmy's hand motions in the background.
We have a few more jokes, and that's the end of Weekend Update.
OVERALL GRADE: 92%
horn": The premise is basically Amy Poehler is testyifying
agains murder defendent Eric, who keeps using a bull horn. He
keeps getting it confiscated, and just pulls out another bull
horn. Chris Parnell is the prosecutor, Seth Meyers the defense,
and Will Forte as the judge. The only thing that was really funny
about this we=as Will Forte and his interactions with Eric. I
think Will Forte is my favorite new castmember. I heard a hint
of Tim Calhoun in Will's voice, so that really made this sketch
OVERALL GRADE: 90% (Will saved it.)
ads...See above (Chris and Rachel have the best expressions on
Personalities": We see Jimmy as a radio personality, and
find out that he does different voices of personalities on the
radio, including the traffic girl, callers, Sanjay the intern,
and man in the box. He has a guest, Eric, who is running for
state legislature. Jimmy does well with all of the voices, and
is quite crude. He accuses Eric of many crude things, including
"stroking it," "getting boonaky from his opponent,"
"and pooping his pants." It was actually quite funny...
OVERALL GRADE: 92% (I'm in a 92 giving mood today...)
Commercial": Rachel Dratch and Chris Parnell talk about
what would happen to their family if he got attacked by a mountain
lion or something. (Statistic on screen says that 2 people died
of that last year.) She talks about eating out of dumpsters at
Long John Silver's and having sex int e Waffle House parking
lot. This was a really good commercial...
OVERALL GRADE: 100% (for a filler)
Jay-Z with Beyonce
performing "Bonnie & Clyde": Once again, I won't
rate this, sinc ei don't like rap. By the way, did anyone hear
that Beyonce and Jay-Z are going to get married? It was just
a rumor that I read somewhere...
Musical": We see Eric as Johnny Knoxville, Seth Meyers as
Steve-O, and Jeff Richards as a rather nasty guy who strips.
They were all singing, with an ensemble behind them. We then
see Darrell and Rachel saying how horrible it was. It was an
OVERALL GRADE: 80%
We see Maya and Tracey arguing with music behind them at a bar.
This is kind of reminescing the old sketch last year where they
both sang in a Subway. (I thought that one was better than this
one.) I was expecting to hear them break into song, but they
didn't. This wasn't too funny, but Tracy can usually make anything
semi-funny with his voice and actions.
OVERALL GRADE: 75%
And that's the
show! It was overall a good show, but I still think the John
McCain episode was better. And where was Fred Armisen tonight?
Next week we have Nia Vardalos from "My Big Fat Greek Wedding,"
and musical guest Eve. This should be a good show, since we really
don't know what to expect from Nia Vardalos.
I think Will
Forte is going to be my favorite cast member after just a couple
Well, I hope
to see you back next week. I'm Alyssa signing off...