McCormack / Jay-Z
November 2, 2002
Well, I'm back.
I had a rather uneventful weekend. I finally found out that the
White Stripes are siblings...GAHH he's hot. Wow. I just want
to throw him down on the floor. Good Lord. But, I'm really excited
because there's only a week and a half until Chamber of Secrets
comes out and I get to see my beloved...Sean Biggerstaff....holy
shit. Wowza. Anyway, I'm getting off track. Let's see what this
show will yield...
SNL QUOTE FROM
"It reminds me of those WW2 specials on A&E, about secret
Soviet commando units who can kill people with their own hair."
I love Eric McCormack. I think he's gorgeous and also a great
actor. Plus he's gorgeous...wow...damn...holy shit...okay getting
off track AGAIN! Also I like Jayz more than Nas, so suck on that
ha ha ha. However, the writing on this show has been in a steady
decline. Get on the stick, Tina!!! It's like you took a vacation
since you guys won best writing...
COLD OPEN: GIULIANI'S
SYNOPSIS: Giuliani (Darrell) does commercials for random politicians
and most of the time doesn't even know who they are.
THE WORD: I love Darrell as Giuliani, but this was kind of weak.
However, it makes sense that they're doing this kind of sketch.
There's been enough of these to make me want to rip my hair out.
But Seth and Will were cute filler, and I liked the ending with
the syllables. Audience, WAKE UP!
"The House of Representatives is a bitch!"
SYNOPSIS: Eric McCormack fields questions from "straight"
men and finally blows up at the fact that they all think he's
THE WORD: I KNEW this was coming. I loved it when he jumped in
the air. It was so cute! The guy in the bondage gear was hysterical,
and MANGO! sort of, was there. Mark Polishuk ought to be happy.
He always has little logs to throw into the "Kattan is Gay"
fire. The Boobie Song was hysterical! WOW he has an awesome voice.
Oh my god...yummmm...However, some parts did fall flat on their
face, and some parts were funny. Very predictable monologue,
but still, funny.
"I know I have some questions and before we get started,
let me just say right away...NO."
"I'm not gay either, just like you!"
"HEE HEE HEE!"
"Okay, do you want to go make out?"
"I...LOVE...BOOBIES! Boobies in the morning, boobies in
the spring, boobies in my face, boobies are everything!!!!! BOOBIES!"
SYNOPSIS: Parody of the Bachelor, in which Aaron (Eric McCormack)
decides which lady he'd rather go out with-the controlling fantasy
one (Rachel) the complete idiot (Maya),or Amber, the horny girl
with one leg (Amy).
THE WORD: Oh dear God. I knew this was coming. This was the sketch
of the night. Just hysterical! Amy as the one-legged girl always
cracks me up. I also loved Maya's affected voice and her little
comments that are fantastic. However...DAMN YOU MAYA FOR MAKING
OUT WITH ERIC!!! wahhhhhhhhhh...oh well. I also liked Chris as
the host-type person. All in all, great sketch, and Maya, keep
your hands off my man. By the way, Eric named his son Finnegan.
Isn't that ADORABLE!!!! Also, loved Rachel as the girl who knew
that she and Aaron were destined to be together, but got really
controlling in the end. But the thing that slayed me was the
Last-Chance Tuesdays thing. That was unbelievable.
"I hate Linda."
"Thanks for holding my flower for me!"
"Hey Aaron, I was thinking about that question you asked
me last night, and I DO have a dog."
"Yeah, well, at least I have two self-respects!"
"And I like spaghetti, and he's been to France, so you know..."
NEXT WEEK: NIA
VARDALOS AND MUSICAL GUEST EVE
WOW!!! This is going to be a GOLDEN show!!! Nia is one of the
funniest people EVER, and Eve rocks!!!
SYNOPSIS: A man's competitive wife loses her stack over a game
THE WORD: This started off as the SKETCH from hell, but then
it got increasingly better. I lost it when Rachel flipped out
and I got what this sketch was going to be like. Just hilarious,
and I loved Eric rocking back and forth and humming while Rachel
destroyed the house. Just hilarious! Yay! Seth in another sketch!!!
"WHO THE BALLS WROTE MENDELSSOHN!!!???"
"WHAT THE HELL!"
"So...who's turn is it?"
VS. ANDY TALARICO
SYNOPSIS: Parody of those slander ads against certain politicians.
THE WORD: Too damn close to the truth. It wasn't a parody so
much as BLATANT FACT.
"Tell her to stop frightening seniors."
WITH PAULA ZAHN
SYNOPSIS: A parody of anchor rapport, Paula Zahn (TINA!!!) and
Brent Dunlop (Eric McCormack) fall in love on the show, to the
delight of Koatie Jeffers (Rachel) and Terrence the newsman (Chris
P) and the horror of Stephanie Laughlin (Amy)
OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!
Tina Fey? In a sketch? In a leading ROLE in a sketch??!! SAY
IT AIN'T SO!! IT IS!!!! Yay! All in all, pretty funny, once the
premise got going, but kind of stale. Tina's line was where I
COMPLETELY lost it, and DAMN Y0U TINA! Everyone's hookin' up
with Eric tonight...he's just too damn hot I guess...yummmmmmmy...well,
all in all, unusual but damn hysterical sketch.
"Are we in love?"
"Do you have anything to say about our LOVE?"
"Breaking News: Anchor's in Love"
"This is a NEWS STATION!"
VS ANDY TALARICO PART DEUX
SYNOPSIS:Another slander commercial, but the opposing side.
THE WORD: OH LORD!!! Well, the JLo thing was hysterical, but
other than that, not very funny.
"J.Lo.:I want Ben's babies."
FEATURING LENNY KRAVITZ
THE WORD: I don't know the name of this song, but I liked it
anyways. And the Run DMC shirt gets extra pts.
WITH JIMMY FALLON AND TINA FEY
SYNOPSIS: The same spiel, with a visit by Gene Shalit (Horatio)
and a little baby rapper (Jeff)
THE WORD: Okay, I'm not going to mince words...
Jimmy and Tina: Hilarious. The jokes were right on target and
all of them were complete, crisp, and original. By the way, love
JIMMY!'s new tie. It's very sleek...and sexy...yummmm.
Everything else: Just horrible. Oh my God. Horatio needs to go
to hell, because he's a horrible actor who doesn't have one good
character except for Gobi. He had about two funny lines and that
was it! Good Lord! Jeff's little baby voice was cute for about
five seconds. Loved how they screwed up the special effects on
the thing. Other than that, this would've gotten an A+. But as
it stands, it wasn't a very good Update.
"New York City has finally entered a bid to host the Olympics
in 2012. This leaves only ten years for New Yorkers to get the
"No, no, no, that's not what I heard. I heard he witnessed
this deaf guy murder this other deaf guy, and he invited the
murderer to his concert...and now he's pretending to be deaf..to
trick him..." "Wow..."
"VH1 has pulled the plug on the Liza & David show, after
weeks of frustration trying to deal with control freak, David
Gest. Also, there were fears that during shooting, the lights
would melt his wax head."
"In happier news, Christina Aguilera's filthy hotdog wagon
is going strong."
"Following a series of salmonella outbreaks, the Food and
Drug Administration has put a ban on the import of Mexican cantaloupes.
This could be really bad news for Salma Hayek."
"Kevin Costner had his appendix out this week, but doctor's
say he is in boring condition and resting boringly."
"Ghost Ship?? More like a pile of Ghost Ship!"
"Ring around the rosy, trousers full of crapola!"
"A man has been convicted of stealing a chicken and taking
it back to his hotel and having sex with it until it died. The
police are currently questioning this man." (Picture of
JUST TINA AND JIMMY: A
WITH THE REST: B
SYNOPSIS: A convicted murderer (Eric McCormack) objects by sounding
a bull-horn, pissing off everybody, including the judge (Will)
THE WORD: WOW. Has it come to this?! The only funny thing was
when the bullhorn started to become musical and Will got pissed
off. His voice is really funny!
"I like the cut of your jib!"
FRANKEL VS ANDY TALARICO PART TROIS
SYNOPSIS: ARE YOU GETTING IT!?
SYNOPSIS: A DJ (Jimmy) frightens a politician (Eric) when he
does all of the voices on his morning show.
THE WORD: I actually thought this was hilarious. Seriously, I
am NOT joking. I thought it was gross, but still, very funny.
I loved how Eric got increasingly more pissed off as the lies
continued. I also loved Jimmy as the Hindi man. That was priceless.
And the off-color comments were just hysterical! But I could've
done without the brown fingernail bit. EWWW!
"So last night my girlfriend put her finger where it's not
supposed to go! And this morning her fingernails were brown!"
"So how many times a day did you say you stroke it?"
"Oh My God you guys, seriously!"
SYNOPSIS: A parody of parents talking about their kids and their
life insurance...and paying for sex in a Waffle House parking
THE WORD: Not veryfunny.
"Average price of Waffle-House sexual favors: 10$"
JAYZ WITH BEYONCE "Boyfriend"
THE WORD: I like this song, and I liked this performance.
JACKASS THE MUSICAL!
SYNOPSIS: Distinguished Shakespearean actors portraying the Jackass
MY EYES!!!!!!! MY EYES!!!!!!! OH MY VIRGIN EYES!!!!!!!!!!! DID
NOT NEED TO SEE JEFF IN BOOTY SHORTS!!!!!!!!! GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Other than that, pretty funny, and Eric sang again...mmmmmmmm...
"Jackass the Musical: Like all your favorite musicals of
the past, only with puking."
SYNOPSIS: A rehash of I Love My Man and the Subway Fred from
Okay they need to split these two up, because they just SUCK
TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Apart they rule, but together,
"This little white bitch comes along. You may know her as
Jennifer Love Hewitt."
AND THAT'S THE
Started off strong,
but with too many off sketches. Nia is just going to blow everyone
NEXT WEEK: NIA
VARDALOS WITH EVE!
THIS IS ALLY SIGNING OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!