Queen Latifah / Ms. Dynamite
March 8, 2003

By Greg Haledjian

Do you ever just blurt out random stuff for fun sometimes and hope somebody finds them funny?? Well, welcome to my review.

(On tap this review: A long due conversation with Spazo Tom, 2 segments with Shifty, one unaired, the other brand new)

 

Big announcement in the first April show.

Okay, had a really boring afternoon today, let me just tell you how it went and I'll let you decide what kind of a review writing mood of I am in today. First off, I was at church for 2 hours, lots of fun there, my Sunday school class is a bunch of 3rd graders, no explanation there. Next I went to my sisters basketball game and had to sit through a good 2 hours of Armo girls running back and forth through the court and if you know anything about Armo girls, you'll see why I was totally bored, put it this way, my erection ain't coming out for a couple years.

Spazo Tom: Dude, you totally stole that joke from Norm Macdonald.

Greg: Yes, man, I did. And, by the way it's good to have you back this week. It was boring on here without you, and I promise I won't curse you off much anymore.

Spazo Tom: Yeah it's cool man, by the way, is that Shifty totally sucking or is just me.

Greg: Dude, that's not cool, he's a good guy, former foe, but we worked out our differences and we really need all the help on this review as we can get.

Spazo Tom: Alright, so anyway, I was reading your paragraph up there, and what type of mood are you actually in, you don't seem that pissed off over here.

Greg: Well, I could put my fist through a wall and just be like whatever, I could really give a shit if I seriously get hurt anymore, I'm just in lots of bad moods with shit and pain doesn't affect me anymore.

Spazo Tom: Wait, a minute, are you back to what I think your back to?

Greg: Hell yeah man, popping in 'em up. Alright, so Tom, I think most of the 2 people reading this want to know where the hell you've been the last few shows.

Spazo Tom: Well I

Greg: Yeah, I can see everybody scrolling the screen and getting bored, so let's talk about something else. How bout the Grammys. I liked the format this year. The first 2 hours were really good, then I was bored out, and changed the channel. I got tired of watching Norah Jones win.

Spazo Tom: Totally agree, but the thing that pissed me off was that Bruce didn't win. Lots of good musicians were neglected and she's just okay, I think Norah stole it all this year.

Greg: Yeah, well besides her winning there was one other great thing that was great, the performances. How hot was Avril out there, that's all I've got to say.

Spazo Tom: Yeah, she was aight, the Simon and Garfunkel beginning was classic, but didn't it seem like they just wanted to kill each other, they seemed pissed. It was good to see 2 legends up there. Dave Grohl and Lou Reed, and who could forget a drunk Dustin Hoffman, it's Springsteen, not Springstreen you fucking moron.

Greg: First curse of the day goes to Tom, but anyway, Bruce played good, so did Coldplay, Eminem, No Doubt, and after that I forget. Thank god the Foo Fighters got noticed for Best Hard Rock Performance. For all of Dave's hard work through Nirvana, Queens of the Stone Age, and his current act Foo's, he finally gets some well-deserved recognition.

Spazo Tom: Andhis wife was fucking hot as hell.

Greg: Okay, guess Tom, wanted to end it with that, time to end it, thanks Tom, I'll see you later man.

Here's an unaired conversation with Shifty and I that aired on his review last week, but was unable to send it to me, both our fault, who the fuck cares now, so here it is, enjoy:

'WE HAVE AN OPINION' with Greg and Shifty - 4th Edition as seen in Greg's Review
Topic 01: The cast member who made the biggest mistake leaving?
Shifty:
Was Mark McKinney let go or did he leave on his own? Jon Lovitz admitted he made a mistake and that would be my pick. Facts aren't solid in my head but, the deal was he had a choice of filming a movie but he would miss the first two weeks of SNL. Lorne said you can do the movie but don't expect to be on the show. So Lovitz decieded he would do the movie and leave his job at SNL. His movie career still hasn't taken off so that's my pick. Runner up would be Chevy Chase. He left over a woman and that relationship ended pretty quick.
Greg: Well leaving and getting fired are 2 different things. The cast member who made the smartest move leaving is probably Eddie Murphy. He was just about to get huge and he's hanging with Joe Piscopo. Smart move leaving for him. Also Dana Carvey might be the dumbest move for a cast member ever. Leaving and doing absolutely nothing is what he's done the past 10 years. You could also say Chevy Chase after 1 season, Jan Hooks even, and of course from the past few seasons we've seen 2 very talented cast members leave and do absolutely shit. The first is Colin Quinn, oh wait, I forgot he has a show at like 3 in the morning, yeah that's going somewhere. And who could forget the Gilda Radner of the 90's Cheri Oteri. She said she was doing a show on CBS. 3 years later nothing, that was a very dumb move on her part, she was at the peak of her comedy on the show too.
Shifty: Well Dana did have his ABC show and he did have huge heart problems.

Topic 02: Which host that made his/her hosting debut over the past 3 years, who is most likely to make another hosting appearance?
Shifty:
Conan O'Brien since he works in the same building. Plus Lorne is the executive producer of Late Night and SNL. That's my view. The way SNL is booked now it might not happen. Sarah Michelle Gellar and Chris Walken have hosted prior to this season and all the rest were new.
Greg: I agree with Shifty in Conan O'Brien to make another appearance, that show was great from 2001. Also Sean William Scott from 2001 too made a great hosting debut, and I feel should be asked to host again. Also this shows going way back to when I did my first review back in 2000, the infamous Kate Hudson show. I thought that was a great show and maybe if that new movie she's in does good she should be asked again.
Topic 03: Favourite Suprise Cameo?
Shifty:
Tough call. Dan Aykroyd and Steve Martin returning in the last Roxbury Guys sketch. The Festrunk Brothers aka Two Wild and Crazy Guys cameo was just a great way to show SNL's past and SNL's present [at the time]. Having Dan ask Cameron Diaz if she wants to go look at porn on the internet, was great since that's what those two would be doing right now. Steve and Dan hadn't hosted SNL either for awhile and they still haven't hosted SNL since then. Plus they take the Roxbury Guys' woman away. There would've been a huge ovation if they brought the Roxbury Guys sketch one last time for Will's last show but alas it didn't happen.

Greg: I agree once again with Shifty on the last Roxbury shit with Steve Martin and Dan Akroyd making cameos, but some others I liked as well were Kid Rock/David Spade going on Update in 2001, plus who could forget Robert DeNiro makind 2 cameos, one in 2000 with a great conversation with Jimmy Fallon and an appearance on the Joe Pesci show with Jim Bruer with of all people Joe Pesci in 1997. The fact I'm writing this late to Shifty makes it possible for me to include tonight's show when Jim Carey joined Dave Grohl and the Foo's for Times Like These. Never saw that one coming.
Topic 04: which featured player should be dropped by the end of the season?
Shifty:
No question Seth Meyers. Honestly, I would say Dean. Bring out Exhibit A, which would be Jerry Minor and Exhibit B which would be the tape of all his sketches he appeared in Exhibit C which would be the tape which contained all of Dean's sketches. Jerry's would be longer and funnier. Mr. Minor was also listed as a writer in the credits. So logic would say Dean but he managed to stay on for an extra year. Tracy is leaving so does Dean automatically become the head black cast member? Which would put him in a lot more sketches since when Tim was around he had his share of sketches [later in his career], and when Tim left Tracy found himself in a lot more sketches. Case closed.
Greg: I sort of agree with Shifty here with Seth Meyers, many forget that he was used a lot last season, but this year nothing. If he doesn't do much of anything by season's end they should drop him.
Shifty: I was joking about Seth.
Topic 05: Best SNL Movie?
Greg:
Wayne's World 1 and 2 was great comedy. I liked Blue's Brothers with Dan and Belushi, not sure of the 2000 one either. The worst SNL movies I've heard are Stuart Saves his family and It's Pat.
Shifty: It's Pat is regarded as the worst one but I haven't seen Blues Brothers 2000 or A Night at the Roxbury. Can't go wrong with Wayne's World. Took a popular sketch, made it into a movie and was able to make it a satisfying film. It also made a huge amount of money which pretty much let any popular SNL recurring sketch to get a movie. Mike Myers and Dana Carvey showed the characters can be funny outside Wayne's basement.
Topic 06: Amy or Dean the better Wacko Jacko impression?

Shifty: Give Amy some facial hair and you have yourself a body double for Jacko. Amy has the looks but Dean had the voice down. Now none of them sang and that would be the true test. So I'll go with Dean here.

Greg: Amy by far. She had the whole white face that Jackson is sporting now, and that was a key. Dean could never pull that off, on that note, I'm out of here for this week, thanks for reading, later.
Great guy that Shifty, been good to work with him, catch our latest 'WE HAVE AN OPINION' at the end of my review and his review of course.

Okay, that's all the Spazo Tom and Shifty convo for now I guess, let's start talking tonights show. Alex is unable to be here this week.

Upcoming Shows:
March 8, 2003 (tonight)-
Queen Latifah and Ms. Dynamite
March 15, 2003- Salma Hayek and Christina Aguilara
April 5, 2003- TBA and Good Charlotte

Yeah, nobody I can guarantee knows about that one. Good Charlotte is great, so tune in in April.

Okay, well if you want to write to Alex or me. My email address is: greghaledjian460@hotmail.com. Alex's email address is tirade665@excite.com. So just send the emails folks and your answer or response will be posted on here on the next show.

Onto the pre-show.

Pre- Show: Well, bad choice for host and musical guest, cause first of all, Queen Latfiah was "in" maybe 7 years ago, and being a regular TV watcher, you can hardly notice that she's in ad's for Chicago. Also, some other thing I don't like about her, but I don't want to read all the hate mail for that one. The music is somebody that has never crossed the conversation of anybody from 5 years ago till now, so no clue why SNL chose Ms. Dynamite to be on the program tonight. Seems like a shitty March show to me, onto the show.

Opening: 60 Minutes- Point/Counter Point
-Good to see Dan Aykroyd and Darrell Hammond in a skit together. Darrell of course played Bill Clinton and Dan played Bob Dole. The Clinton role was weak compared to other Clinton stuff. It was good to see the Lip bight and the thumbs up though.
-I was telling my friends as we were watching this how cool it would have been if Norm Macdonald walked out doing his Bob Dole impression, but I think Don Ohlemeyer would have ran his balls off to wherever the hell he was at the time to stop Norm from being on SNL again.
Grade: B+

Mono: Queen Latifah
-Random monologue. What was with the long applause? Let me just get this straight, all she has been in was Chicago.

Spazo Tom: Dude, how could you forget the countless memories of In Living Single

Greg: Oh yeahtotally forgot, thanks Tom.

-That was Sarcastic by the way.
-I liked the rap jokes, Seth and Horatio were funny, but the funniest part had to be the Missy Elliot thing.
Grade: C+

Skit: BET
-This is all you need to know: Jeffs' Baby character is recurring, good lord I know, and Dean played a major role in a skit, the rest sucked.
Grade: D

Skit: Live with Regis and Kelly
-They brought this back, sweet. Another rare appearance of Darrell and Amy in a skit together. Overall I liked Darrells' Regis, but I still think Dana Carveys' impression is better by far. Dana come back to the dam show.
-Kattans' Gellman is great as always, Queen Latifahs character I had no clue what was about, I've never seen that American Idol show, but nude singer doesn't seem that bad. Why was her ass sooo big?? I liked when she called him Reggie.
Grade: A-

Comm: Who Farted??
-Funny Fox Parody
Grade: B

Sketch/Comm: Where are they now??-Cherylettes
-Boring, skip this id you taped it on TIVO.
Grade: D

Comm: I'm a CelebrityWho Farted
-Jeffs' impression of Gary Busey was great as always, and the priceless Jimmy Fallon as Gilbert Gottfried. I feel bad for Gilbert, he was stuck in the worst cast of 1980-1981, but he's a really funny guy on Leno.
Grade: B+

Weekend Update: Tina Fey and Jimmy Fallon
-Highlights-Bush jokes, Al Kyda, Kevin Bacon/Footloose 2, Trading Cards and Cherry Coke. Much better jokes than last week, good step up.
-Horatios Al Kyda was great, funny lines.
-Jeffs' Dustin Hoffman was funny and uncanny impression.
-Parnells brief bit was really annoying.
Grade: A-

Music: Ms. Dynamite
-MUTE
Grade: D

Skit: Fight Over Ham
-Pointless at best. Parnells' speech actually made sense for this skit.
Grade: C-

Toon: X-Presidents
-Good to see this back. Has Reagan always been this funny, him as the director was just too funny. The Bugs Bunny and those toons were weird. The Sponge Bob Square Pants was just too dam annoying. Good to see Robert Smigel still keeping up with Clinton in the toon as well.
Grade: A

Skit: A and E Biography
-Bad Signal. (wink)
-All I know was: Darrell did Jack Perkins
Grade: N/A

Sketch: Horatio has Bad Hearing
-Freds' first appearance. This dragged on too long. The "writers" sketch as they like to call it.
Grade: C+

Closing Credits: Nothing major.

After- Show: Good to see that SNL used a lot of Darrell tonight. Some decent comedy. I thought a show that starts out with original Not Ready for Prime Time Player Dan Aykroyd is going to be a good show, but guess not. The show used too much of Maya Rudolph tonight and I couldn't stand all of Queen Latifahs singing. Ms. Dynamiteno comment.

Best of the Night: 60 Minutes- Point/Counter Point Opening, Live with Regis and Kelly, Weekend Update, X-Presidents,
Worst of the Night: BET, Where are they now
Special Guests: Dan Aykroyd

Lines of the Night:

From the Opening:
"Bill.you ignorant slut." Dan Aykroyd as Dole to Darrell as Clinton

From Live with Regis and Kelly:
"Gellman, am I cute as a bug." Darrel as Regis to Kattan as Gellman after Amy called him cute.
"Don't go there Reg."-Kattan as Gellman.

From Weekend Update:
"An original work by Salvador Dali has been stolen from the lobby of the men's jail at Rikers Island. When asked how this could happen, a spokesman for the city explained, 'we put a priceless piece of art in a prison."- Jimmy Fallon

"In honor of Women's History month, the Women's Museum of Dallas has developed a list of 10 influential women in US history and put their images on a series of trading cards. Hey, kids! It's the great women of US history! Collect all 10."- Tina Fey

"Is this the best picture you could find of me?"-Horatio Sanz as Al Kyda about his crappy picture the government and Update have of him.

 

Hey, time for the brand new segment that all those drunk people love and hate

'WE HAVE AN OPINION'

Topic 1: Best Canadian Cast member.
Greg:
I have no clue the names of cast members from Canada, if you want to inform me about some or something that would be great.

Shifty: Off the top of my head: Dan & Peter Aykroyd, Martin Short, Phil Hartman, Paul Shaffer, Mike Myers, Norm MacDonald, and Mark McKinney. By doing some scanning of old cast lineups: Robin Duke and Tony Rosato. Rosato, Duke and Short were all on SCTV. Back to the topic. Well as a Canadian I would have to say Mike Myers since even with making it big America he hasn't forgotten Canada. That's not to say Dan, Peter, Paul, Norm, Phil, Martin, Mark, Robin and Tony have. Mike just seems more passionate about Canada. So that's the tie breaker since that's how Canadian things are done. Most Canadian. 
Greg: Well, probably Norm, just cause Norms hilarious, weak answer, but not of Canadian decent, sorry.
Topic 2: Should Weekend Update change the anchors, and if so which cast member should take over?
Shifty: I say change the writers. If some of them happen to be Fallon and Fey then still get some new blood writing. Fey can go off and write a sketch about vaginas, that's not a knock against her style of sketches. Fallon can go off and work on his Pat O'Brien impression. Fey said she used to write for Colin Quinn and you watch the Comedy Central reruns they pretty much the same crappy jokes that Update was spewing out in the Chris Walken show. I'm not a former Joke Writing Olympic Gold Medalist, but those were terrible jokes and the segment was saved by appearances by Maya Rudolph, Steve Martin, Ferrell and Britney. If Fey wound up dead by some crazed fan or had some voodoo curse put on her by Michael Jackson because of all those 'white woman' jokes and Fallon went Hollywood I would insert Amy and have Parnell take a seat at the desk. Parnell is SNL's pitchman and doesn't have many WU appearances so he would work. Amy just seems right.

Greg: Keep them. Jimmy Fallon is now the 'that cast member.' He's mostly noticed among the cast in my opinion. After his MTV appearances I can guarantee a good percentage checked him out and how can you cut off Fey. She's the fucking Head Writer. I agree with Shifty to change the writers.

Topic 3, What SNL cast member from the current cast will have the best after SNL career?
Shifty:
Kattan's movie career doesn't look like he'll be making Adam Sandler money. Tracy Morgan has a sitcom at NBC so he could pull a David Spade and do that for a few years. Darrell might have some small parts in movies and comedy shows, but I see him doing the clubs and Conan but I would love it if he found huge success. Fallon is the most popular and already has a movie in the works. Probably Fallon. Too early to tell with the Featured Cast. Fey is adapting a script, she might write some scripts make some success.

Greg: Yeah, totally agreeable. I can see Seth Meyers and maybe Horatio of the later half of the cast, the rest of the cast who could have decent after SNL work will probably be Jimmy, Tracy, and maybe Kattan. Parnell has done some good work before SNL so it's hard to say on him. Amy Poehler actually had a steady role last season on this show that should have been a second seasoner on FOX, but those morons over there cancelled her recurring bit show of Undeclared. Fucking morons them.

Topic 4, Any changes SNL should make comedic wise next season (like different approaches)?

Shifty: Drop Jack Handey's Big Thick Novel. Perhaps a few more behind the scenes segments/sketches. Not bring a cast member on stage, but walk into Lorne's office and pinch a loaf on his desk then watch a cock fight in Horatio's dressing room. I've mentioned this before, but a Robert Evans/Kid Stays in the Picture-style segment. Documentary style talking about SNL's past. Lorne could do the narration. Brief but good.
Greg: Less Maya Rudolph.
Topic 5, Was Will Ferrell selfish in appearing in a predictable The Luvahs sketch and should've done something else or is he like Steve Martin he can do whatever he wants?
Shifty:
Many were disappointed with the choice of sketch. It was a good Luvahs sketch but Will has much better characters and impressions that could've produced an even better segment. Rachel Dratch has said she enjoys writing these sketches with Will, but we had a Luvahs sketch for Will's last show we didn't need to see it again.
Greg: Everybody had there own opinion on Wills cameo last week, and it all was the same pretty much, he should never have even gotten back to his Lovers get-up, but what are you gonna do. He was selfish, but can you really call somebody who is about to make it big time in Hollywood just after playing 7 goddam seasons on SNL. He could have left 2 years ago, but played it smart, give it up to him for even making an appearance instead of bashing him. That's it, thanks to everyone reading this still. Later.

Overall Grade: B-/C+

And that is it, see you next week with Salma Hayek and Christina Aguilara.

Thanks for reading, Have a Good one Folks.