Queen Latifah / Ms. Dynamite
March 8, 2003

By Bob Barron

The pre-review stuff is a bit lengthy this week. Just warning y'all.

First off I have to pay respects to Mr. Rogers who died a few weeks ago. He was a childhood hero to me and I remember when I was young and I wrote him a letter and he actually wrote back. He showed people that you didn't need loud noises and crazy stuff to keep a child entertained. I'm glad his enduring legacy will live on reruns or else I would hate to know children would grow up without his calming influence and wonderful songs.

You'll be missed Mr. Rogers and you'll always be my neighbour.

Sports Report-

Devils- Well they're trying to catch up to Team Bankruptcy and are only three points back. I think they're defensive hockey style is going to help them go far in the playoffs. I don't think they need to do a trade at the deadline but another offensive body couldn't hurt.

Maple Leafs- I went to my last Maple Leaf game tonight and I had a great time. FRONT ROW SEATS RULE!~ I'm serious- having Mats Sundin get checked right into your face is a life altering experience. The trade for Nolan is already paying off. As much as I like McCauley- Nolan is the kind of player the Leafs need and it makes them an even stronger offensively. Him scoring two goals in his first game doesn't hurt. Hopefully they can swing a trade for some defence which they really need right now. Even though he became my personal hero when he injured that little bitch Michael Peca- I think Darcy Tucker is more then expendable. If we get defence maybe the drought will FINALLY end.

Canucks- I also saw them tonight. Thank God it was a tie since I was so torn. They're one point behind Dallas and as much as I would love for them to be first in the west but I think they would have a much easier team with Anaheim or Minnesota then Edmonton who always brings the hockey in the playoffs. I think they should be commended for their awesome season and they're terrific road record. I don't think they need to make any deals for the trade deadline.

Nets- Jesus guys- what is wrong? They've lost four straight and seven out of their last 8. I mean come on guys- don't play like the Toronto Raptors. Their meeting with the Spurs recently launched tons of speculation that they may lose Kidd to San Antonio next year. If Kidd leaves I will be crushed. Without them he'd be known as the guy who beat his wife and did diddily squat with Phoenix. With the Nets he was able to revitalise his career, and the image of himself and the New Jersey Nets franchise. But was it all Jason Kidd? I don't think so which is why I think him going to San Antonio may not be the worst thing ever. The Nets last year had support aside from Kidd. For example

a)They were injury free all year.
b) Draft day that year they were able to swindle the Rockets by acquiring Richard Jefferson and Jason Collins.
c)Kenyon Martin living up to his first pick potential.

So what I'm saying is this- Jason Kidd DID not do it alone. Kidd can go to San Antonio but I don't think it will hurt the Nets that much. As long as K-Mart brings the intensity, Kittles is healthy and Dikembee is wagging the finger- I'll think they'll be just fine. And they'll have cap room!

Miscellaneous- I went to Patrick Ewing's retirement ceremony game last Friday and while I had a great time seeing #33 get a much deserved tribute-something about the game bothered me. You see John Starks was at the game and the notoriously fickle New York fans gave him a standing ovation?

EXCUSE ME?

John friggin Starks? The most overhyped player in Knicks history? The guy does one dunk over Jordan and Grant and suddenly he is a hero. This is the guy who cost the Knicks a chance to win the NBA Finals. A guy whose shitty defence and poor free throw shooting cost the Knicks Game 1 v. Indiana in 1995. A guy who botched game 6 of the 94 Finals by being selfish and greedy and going for the victory instead of passing it to Patrick. A guy who in game 7 shot 2-12828281 and in the fourth quarter shot 1 for 10. Patrick Ewing gets run out of town and is the scapegoat for not bringing home a title but in my opinion the blame should lie on John Starks. Ewing leaves and everyone cheers. Starks is traded for Spree and there's actually people who are sad and there's controversy when they gave his #3 to Mills. This is the guy who refused to play for the Chicago Bulls because apparently John Starks is too good for them. If there's any justice in the world one day New York Knick fans will wake up and realise what a waste of sperm John Starks really is.

A while back David Wells was upset that people were taunting him about the death of his mother. If I was his mother I would be upset that I raised such a stupid son of a bitch. He recently came out with a book where he disses Roger Clemens, Mike Mussina, lies about a fight he got into and mentions being half drunk pitching a perfect game. That'd be all well and good if David Wells was retired from baseball and could say what he wanted. The problem is that Wells still plays for the Yankees and will have to share a locker room with Mussina and Clemens. Is Wells that friggin retarded that he would WRITE A BOOK insulting his team mates RIGHT BEFORE BASEBALL SEASON???? Here's another funny nugget of information- Wells, in his book, talks about the time he got into a fight with a guy and the guy ended up being convicted of assault. The funny thing is- Wells' description of the fight in his book is different then what he testified to. How stupid can you be? Did he take a writing workshop from Diana Hart or something? What kind of an idiot would agree to write this? How could he not think of the consequences??? Oh and Mr. "Boomer"- You can insult Roger and Mussina all you want, and yes, Roger is an asshole but in the end of the day you're just a fat fuck trying to pose as some New York blue collar hero while Roger and Mussina actually go out on the mound and get things done. I hope the Yankees release you to teach you a lesson on how not to be a fucking retard and show you what happens when you insult your teammates. Oh and one more question Wells- were you half drunk when you approved the book?

Mailbag!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jamie Arsenault writes-

Hey, i have a comment to make about the Robert DeNiro episode rerun
that was
on a few weeks ago. Despite having taped the live episode, i decided
to
watch the rerun anyways. But the thing I noticed was that a few of the
episodes were acted different, especially "Santa Clause" which was very
noticably different from the original one. In the live "santa clause"
skit
the kid, on santa's lap, had his hand on both arms of the chair for the
entire skit, while the rerun had his hands in his lap the entire skit. 
Also
in the same skit DeNiro said something like "and whatever that says"
referring to a card he couldn't read. I definately didn't see that in
the
live one. Do they record 2 episodes of SNL each week and only play
one??? 
Can you please comment on this.

Thanks, Jamie

P.S. GO Canucks GO

They do record two episodes. Before the live show they do a dress rehearsal at 8 pm. It's longer then the live show as they do skits that will not make it to air. Weekend Update is also longer as they cut jokes, like the David Arquette joke, and segments from the live show. Skits are also tweaked from dress to live with minor lines or details being changed.

PS: You rock,

Tom and Cheryl write-

Hi !

just a shot in the dark here. I saw your post on the SNL message board.

what song was being performed (Foo Fighters) when Jim Carey lended his leg to help??

(just trying to settle a bet!)

THANKS

"Times Like These (One-Way Motorway)"

Chad Ruffner writes-

Hi Bob,

 

I was wondering If you could tell me
what the difference Is between a Regular SNL Cast
Member vs a Featured one? I used to think that
Featured Cast Members were basically SNL Rookies who
have to pay their dues for a year or two before being
moved up to Regular Cast Member. However, 3 examples
over the past 6 years leads me to believe that I'm
wrong. Ana Gaystyer and Tracy Morgan were regular
Cast Members when both debut ed In The 1996-97 Season,
not Featured Players. Also, Amy Poler was moved up to
Regular Cast Member In the middle of last Season after
starting The Season as a F.P. I also had a theory
that It was the no. of skits one would appear In an
episode. But If that Is true, how do you explain Tina
Fey who does weekend update and not much else? Help!

Thanks,
Chad

I honestly don't know how the featured player/cast member thing works. I think now it's in their contracts that they all start off as featured players. I think Amy was always supposed to be elevated to cast member status. I think for the most part it's a way of making people pay their dues by having less air time and skit time.

Tina only does Update because she is the head writer and that takes up a lot of time. Therefore she doesn't have much time to do other skits because of her taxing workload.

Wanna be in the mailbag????? Email me at philhartmanrip@yahoo.com

And now the review

 

60 Minutes
Cast- Dan Aykroyd, Darrell Hammond
Thoughts- They had me going for there for a second. This is the second time in two seasons that I've thought Norm was going to make a cameo appearance. The last being the newscaster skit in the Jon Stewart episode when they said Dave Letterman was at the door. But alas- we had to get Dan Aykroyd's crappy impression. Hey Danny- changing your voice a bit to make you sound older- that's not an impression. Oh and it isn't 1978- Bob talks much differently. Luckily we had Darrell's Clinton to save this skit. I gotta give the guy props for doing the impression for the first time in more then a year and making it awesome. I'll say it again but his motivation is a sight to see after I spent last season making jokes about him. So the verdict-

Darrell's Clinton- Good
Aykroyd's Dole- Really bad. **1/4

Monologue
Cast- Queen Latifah, Horatio Sanz, Maya Rudolph, Tracy Morgan, Seth Meyers, Will Forte, Fred Armisen
Thoughts- Wow- Queen Latifah has an impressive British accent. The skit was starting to kick some ass- especially with Seth bringing the awesome per his usual. Seriously- I don't got some sort of Brian Kinney thing going on here- the guy always makes me laugh. Of course Maya had to show up and per her usual was a human vacuum cleaner. Overall this was a pretty good monologue despite Maya's presence. ***1/4

BET
Cast- Latifah, Rudolph, Dean Edwards, Jeff Richards
Thoughts- Message to Maya Rudolph: You see Dean and Queen Latifah? They are black. You look white. You are not black. Just thought I'd let you know. Baby K was last responsible (along with Horatio) for completely ruining the Eric McCormack Weekend Update. This week he gets to ruin a skit on his own. Congratulations are in order. Jeff is a really good impressionist but aside from that he has little talent. Keep Jeff doing impressions and away from portraying rapping babies and the world will be a better place. Not even Dean could save this garbage. DUD

Regis and Kelly
Cast- Latifah, Hammond, Amy Poehler, Chris Kattan
Thoughts- I'll have to give SNL kudos for bringing this back and give kudos to Amy for looking really hot in this skit. Darrell's Regis impression was top notch as was Amy's impression of Kelly. I don't watch American Idol but I found Queen Latifah to also tickle my funny bone on occasion. I'd give Kattan credit but I don't think it's too hard for him to play an effeminate homosexual. ***1/2

New Reality Show
Cast- Latifah, Hammond, Morgan, Rudolph, Sanz, Dratch, Forte
Thoughts- Ahhh the joys of fart jokes. Former Speaker of the House John McCormack once said, "You're never too old to laugh at a fart joke." They told you the joke, got some funny lines and then ended it- I liked that they didn't feel the need to drag this out or anything. ***3/4

Where are they Now
Cast- Latifah, Poehler, Rudolph
Thoughts- Well it wasn't Gemini's Twin- I'll give it that. This was alright- I liked the part with Dick Clark and the song about closing your eyes and dancing but the rest of the skit was pretty dull. **

I'm a CelebrityWho Farted
Cast- Hammond, Dratch, Jimmy Fallon, Kattan, Jeff Richards
Thoughts- Jeff's Gary Busey impression is excellent. He really needs to just stick with impressions and cut out the crap like Drunk Girl and Baby K then I would really start to like him. Busey was a highlight- the rest was 'eh'.***

Weekend Update
Cast- Tina Fey, Fallon, Horatio Sanz, Chris Parnell, Richards
Thoughts- Damn- Jeff is bringing the funny in his impressions this week. The jokes were MUCH better then the last episode when they took the week off thanks to cameo-a-mania. Horatio Sanz was actually funny on Update for a change as I enjoyed his impression. Jeff was TERRIFIC as Dustin Hoffman even though I missed the Grammys and didn't really get the joke. The only lowlight was Chris Parnell- I thought his bit at the end was pretty stupid. Overall a very good WU and it's good to see they can work without cameos. ****

Ms. Dynamite
Thoughts- I have no idea who she is and I'm sure no one will ever know who she is again. What did like every other musician say no? Was Bubba Sparxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx washing his hair or something? Anyway she was decent and wasn't offensively bad or anything. **

Adventures at the A&P
Cast- Latifah, Poehler, Dratch, Rudolph, Morgan, Kattan, Parnell, Forte
Thoughts- Weird nonsensical skits kick major ass. From Tracy in drag to Forte bringing racial harmony and Parnell's WTF explanation- this skit had it all. I was all prepared to just slap it with a Tom Green rating and move on but this was much better and then there were several parts that had me laughing my ass off and not just going: Ummm the hell. Good stuff here guys. ***3/4

 

X-Presidents
Thoughts- Welcome back Smigel and a big welcome back to the X-Presidents. There was tons of great stuff here- from BUGS BUNNY!~ to Reagan totally zinging Carter on the Nobel Peace Prize joke to the Powerpuff girls getting killed by George Bush- this had it all. A couple of slow parts involving means I can't give it the full monty but I thought the quip at the end was classic. ****

Profiles in Jazz
Cast- Latifah, Hammond, Morgan, Rudolph, Edwards, Armisen
Thoughts- Once I saw that Maya was in this and playing that character she always plays- well I was ready to write this skit off. The A&E disses were really clever and I liked how they went old school with Darrell's Jack Parkins impression. The skit dragged quite a book and I was bored throughout the middle of it but man- that duet with Louis Armstrong was GOLD! ***

Walgreens ad
Cast- Latifah, Sanz, Parnell, Dratch, Armisen, Forte
Thoughts- They did a skit similar to this in the Ray Liotta episode- the infamous 'Jimmy and Horatio crack up and completely ruin a skit' skit. This had a couple of funny lines but was dead for the most part. *

Mr. Rogers tribute
Cast- Sanz
Thoughts- Godspeed Mr. Rogers. Godspeed. No rating

The Bottom Line- Avg. skit was **.7 making this a thumbs up episode. There were a lot of really good solid skits here with nothing standing out and only a few clunkers. Instead of episodes that were mostly mediocre that relied one or two great skits to pull it up- this episode just has solid ***-**** skits the way through. Hopefully they'll finish the season strong like they always seem to do as they've now had two very good episodes in a row.

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