Salma Hayek / Christina Aguilera
March 15, 2003

By Link

Hey people. I wasn't really in the mood to do this review, probably because I didn't want to take notes, but I did it anyway. Other than that, there's nothing much to report on in my area, except that I'm exercising like hell to make the JV softball team and getting an A in my health project. Luckily, those 2 things tie in together so I'm pretty much forced to exercise or else I'll get an F and I'm a good student so I'll try not to think about that.

O's Report:
A lot of stuff to report. First off, Chris Richard was traded to the Rockies for Jack Cust, a minor league power hitter. I'm pissed off because Chris Richard is a good player and the O's might get the short end of the stick if Cust doesn't produce the homers and hits the O's desperately need. Also, it's confirmed that Erickson is not going to pitch this year and probably won't be with the O's when the year ends, like I mentioned before in last week's review. And lastly, David Segui has injured himself again, this time a fractured right thumb. Luckily enough, he'll be back to playing shortly after the season begins and maybe he won't get himself further injured during the year.

Pre-Show Review:
I'm not that fond of Salma Hayek, although I think she's a decent actress. She doesn't have anything to promote, except for Frida in the Oscars. I'm not expecting a lot from her and I wouldn't be surprised if the show was utter crap. As for Slutty Aguilera, I used to like her, until she started wearing skirts where you could almost see her ass. She has the voice, but her choice of fashion and excessive use of makeup disgusts me. I predict her singing Beautiful and some other song. Wouldn't be surprised if she wore some of her short clothes also.

COLD OPENING: Presidential Press Conference (Members Involved: Chris P., Jeff, Dean, Maya, Will, Fred, Rachel, Amy, Horatio, Tina, Seth, Tracy)
Another press conference, predictable. The pres wants to talk about the issues, but the reporters only ask question pertaining to their own personal needs. The only one who wanted to talk about the issues was Rachel's character (forgot her name) but the pres had her sedated and I believe beaten up. It was ok, but I liked Tina's character the most, telling the president how her family was and what they were doing. I'm surprised he even remembered her.

MONOLOGUE: (Members Involved: Salma, Chris K., Fred, Will, Jimmy, Chris P., Horatio, Jeff, Tracy, Edward Norton)
Another monologue where the beautiful female host gets bombarded by the whole male cast, trying to vie for her affections. This time it was mainly Kattan, wearing a cheesy outfit. The one thing I didn't expect was Norton appearing. She's damn lucky to have him. Overall, a weak opening.

Sketch 1: Top O' The Morning (Members Involved: Jimmy, Seth, Horatio, Salma, Darrell)
I think everyone expected this sketch to come up, since St. Patrick's Day is coming up. This is actually a step up from the previous Top O' The morning for some unknown reason to me. I guess it was just funnier. Onto the sketch, it seems that Jamison's Irish Whiskey solves about everything, from cramps to a cold at night. Salma was good as Seth's Mexican girlfriend, but her uproar about the World Cup seemed kinda cheesy, continuously slamming the chair on the edge of the bar table. Nonetheless, I liked it.

TV Funhouse: Are You Hot?
I didn't expect to see this so early in the show but it was definitely better than the X-Presidents. I don't like Lorenzo Lamas and I hate Are You Hot?, so I liked all of the criticisms of the cartoon characters, a nice parody.

Sketch 2: Donatella Versace (Members Involved: Maya, Salma, Amy, Fred, Dean, Christina)
The last Oscar show with Donatella was in the Ian McKellen show and it was fantastic. This one was pretty good as well. The highlights were Dean's Michael impression and Maya ripping off her dress to give to Christina for an Oscar party. Who knew she wore big underwear?

Sketch 3: Man In The Box (Members Involved: Salma, Jimmy, Will)
An unusual concept, hiding in a box to catch your lover cheating on you. He could've just hidden in a closet or something. And when Will was trying to get out, I could see his back. He did say that he was naked inside but I suppose he just had his shirt off in that one.

Commercial: Chicago vs. Frida (Members Involved: Salma, Chris P.)
At first, I thought it was a cheap way for Salma to get support for her movie, but there was more like this to come so I'm being less harsh now.

Musical Guest: Christina Aguilera

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey (Members Involved: Jimmy, Tina, Fred, Salma, Amy, Chris K.)
-I loved Tina and Jimmy's yelling at America bit. It reminded me of their tangents a couple of years ago
- In the beginning of WU, I was wondering when Fericito would come up again and he did. He's beginning to grow on me but I still hate his catchphrase
- Salma did well as his wife but she's more annoying than him
- Amy did a great job at portraying the stupid and ditzy Avril Lavigne. I hate her also
- yay, Gollum is back. Most people didn't see him on the SNL Halftime Show so this was a good chance for Kattan to show his character off
- And Jimmy sings once more, mocking Eminem, John Mayer, Christina Aguilera and someone else I didn't recognize
- He did fantastic as usual
- WU put me in a good mood

Sketch 4: Seduction Class (Members Involved: Rachel, Salma, Fred, Horatio, Tracy)
Oh lord, Fred stole the whole sketch with just his voice. It sounded like Mr. Kotter and Horseshack combined, mostly Horseshack though. Everyone else was pretty funny also, with Rachel saying that she's sexually active with herself and Tracy only looking for Chinese women. Damn good sketch.

Commercial: Chicago vs. Frida, Part 2 (Members Involved: Salma and Chris. P)
Same old, but this time Chicago is connected to terrorism.

Sketch 5: King Kong Is 'Happy' (Members Involved: Jimmy, Horatio, Tracy, Salma, Darrell)
Ok, this was too disgusting for my taste, although it was somewhat funny.

Musical Guest: Christina Aguilera

Commercial: Chicago vs. Frida, Part 3 (Members Involved: Salma, Chris P.)
Chicago finally speaks out and corrects the lies Salma accused them of but she gets in there at the last second and tries to prove that they're guilty after all. Same as the others.

OVERALL GRADE: B-. Salma was good, but some of the sketches were pretty weak. That seems to be a trend in SNL right now, good hosts but weak sketches. Same thing with Jeff Gordon. Liked him but the sketches sucked. Maybe the writers will work on that.

Best of the Night: No one was that great, but I'll give it to Fred, Will and Amy. If anyone makes me laugh a lot, they're going up here. It was mostly Fred though, with Gary Fisher (Seduction Class) and Fericito. And Will as the guy in the box. Amy did well in everything also so she's up there.

Worst of the Night: Where was Jeff? He was in hardly anything tonight, as was Kattan. I hope some people will leave at the end of the year so some of the newer members can shine.

April 5th: It's Bernie Mac and Good Charlotte. I've been waiting for someone like him to host so I'm expecting a lot.

Well, this is Link and I'm off and out of here.