Hayek / Christina Aguilera
March 15, 2003
Hey people. I wasn't really in
the mood to do this review, probably because I didn't want to
take notes, but I did it anyway. Other than that, there's nothing
much to report on in my area, except that I'm exercising like
hell to make the JV softball team and getting an A in my health
project. Luckily, those 2 things tie in together so I'm pretty
much forced to exercise or else I'll get an F and I'm a good
student so I'll try not to think about that.
A lot of stuff to report.
First off, Chris Richard was traded to the Rockies for Jack Cust,
a minor league power hitter. I'm pissed off because Chris Richard
is a good player and the O's might get the short end of the stick
if Cust doesn't produce the homers and hits the O's desperately
need. Also, it's confirmed that Erickson is not going to pitch
this year and probably won't be with the O's when the year ends,
like I mentioned before in last week's review. And lastly, David
Segui has injured himself again, this time a fractured right
thumb. Luckily enough, he'll be back to playing shortly after
the season begins and maybe he won't get himself further injured
during the year.
I'm not that fond of
Salma Hayek, although I think she's a decent actress. She doesn't
have anything to promote, except for Frida in the Oscars. I'm
not expecting a lot from her and I wouldn't be surprised if the
show was utter crap. As for Slutty Aguilera, I used to like her,
until she started wearing skirts where you could almost see her
ass. She has the voice, but her choice of fashion and excessive
use of makeup disgusts me. I predict her singing Beautiful and
some other song. Wouldn't be surprised if she wore some of her
short clothes also.
COLD OPENING: Presidential Press Conference (Members
Involved: Chris P., Jeff, Dean, Maya, Will, Fred, Rachel,
Amy, Horatio, Tina, Seth, Tracy)
Another press conference, predictable. The pres wants to talk
about the issues, but the reporters only ask question pertaining
to their own personal needs. The only one who wanted to talk
about the issues was Rachel's character (forgot her name) but
the pres had her sedated and I believe beaten up. It was ok,
but I liked Tina's character the most, telling the president
how her family was and what they were doing. I'm surprised he
even remembered her.
MONOLOGUE: (Members Involved: Salma, Chris
K., Fred, Will, Jimmy, Chris P., Horatio, Jeff, Tracy, Edward
Another monologue where the beautiful female host gets bombarded
by the whole male cast, trying to vie for her affections. This
time it was mainly Kattan, wearing a cheesy outfit. The one thing
I didn't expect was Norton appearing. She's damn lucky to have
him. Overall, a weak opening.
Sketch 1: Top O' The Morning (Members Involved:
Jimmy, Seth, Horatio, Salma, Darrell)
I think everyone expected this sketch to come up, since St. Patrick's
Day is coming up. This is actually a step up from the previous
Top O' The morning for some unknown reason to me. I guess it
was just funnier. Onto the sketch, it seems that Jamison's Irish
Whiskey solves about everything, from cramps to a cold at night.
Salma was good as Seth's Mexican girlfriend, but her uproar about
the World Cup seemed kinda cheesy, continuously slamming the
chair on the edge of the bar table. Nonetheless, I liked it.
TV Funhouse: Are You Hot?
I didn't expect to see this so early in the show but it was definitely
better than the X-Presidents. I don't like Lorenzo Lamas and
I hate Are You Hot?, so I liked all of the criticisms of the
cartoon characters, a nice parody.
Sketch 2: Donatella Versace (Members Involved:
Maya, Salma, Amy, Fred, Dean, Christina)
The last Oscar show with Donatella was in the Ian McKellen show
and it was fantastic. This one was pretty good as well. The highlights
were Dean's Michael impression and Maya ripping off her dress
to give to Christina for an Oscar party. Who knew she wore big
Sketch 3: Man In The Box (Members Involved:
Salma, Jimmy, Will)
An unusual concept, hiding in a box to catch your lover cheating
on you. He could've just hidden in a closet or something. And
when Will was trying to get out, I could see his back. He did
say that he was naked inside but I suppose he just had his shirt
off in that one.
Commercial: Chicago vs. Frida (Members Involved:
Salma, Chris P.)
At first, I thought it was a cheap way for Salma to get support
for her movie, but there was more like this to come so I'm being
less harsh now.
Musical Guest: Christina Aguilera
Weekend Update with Jimmy
Fallon and Tina Fey (Members
Involved: Jimmy, Tina, Fred, Salma, Amy, Chris K.)
-I loved Tina and Jimmy's yelling at America bit. It reminded
me of their tangents a couple of years ago
- In the beginning of WU, I was wondering when Fericito would
come up again and he did. He's beginning to grow on me but I
still hate his catchphrase
- Salma did well as his wife but she's more annoying than him
- Amy did a great job at portraying the stupid and ditzy Avril
Lavigne. I hate her also
- yay, Gollum is back. Most people didn't see him on the SNL
Halftime Show so this was a good chance for Kattan to show his
- And Jimmy sings once more, mocking Eminem, John Mayer, Christina
Aguilera and someone else I didn't recognize
- He did fantastic as usual
- WU put me in a good mood
Sketch 4: Seduction Class (Members Involved:
Rachel, Salma, Fred, Horatio, Tracy)
Oh lord, Fred stole the whole sketch with just his voice. It
sounded like Mr. Kotter and Horseshack combined, mostly Horseshack
though. Everyone else was pretty funny also, with Rachel saying
that she's sexually active with herself and Tracy only looking
for Chinese women. Damn good sketch.
Commercial: Chicago vs. Frida, Part 2 (Members
Involved: Salma and Chris. P)
Same old, but this time Chicago is connected to terrorism.
Sketch 5: King Kong Is 'Happy' (Members Involved:
Jimmy, Horatio, Tracy, Salma, Darrell)
Ok, this was too disgusting for my taste, although it was somewhat
Musical Guest: Christina Aguilera
Commercial: Chicago vs. Frida, Part 3 (Members
Involved: Salma, Chris P.)
Chicago finally speaks out and corrects the lies Salma accused
them of but she gets in there at the last second and tries to
prove that they're guilty after all. Same as the others.
OVERALL GRADE: B-. Salma was good, but some of the
sketches were pretty weak. That seems to be a trend in SNL right
now, good hosts but weak sketches. Same thing with Jeff Gordon.
Liked him but the sketches sucked. Maybe the writers will work
Best of the Night: No one was that great, but I'll give
it to Fred, Will and Amy. If anyone makes me laugh a lot, they're
going up here. It was mostly Fred though, with Gary Fisher (Seduction
Class) and Fericito. And Will as the guy in the box. Amy did
well in everything also so she's up there.
Worst of the Night: Where was Jeff? He was in hardly anything
tonight, as was Kattan. I hope some people will leave at the
end of the year so some of the newer members can shine.
April 5th: It's Bernie Mac and Good Charlotte.
I've been waiting for someone like him to host so I'm expecting
Well, this is Link and I'm off
and out of here.