Gordon / Avril Lavigne
January 11, 2003
"I support limiting terms
in Congress, especially those in the House and Senate."
Who doesn't love Dan Quayle?
Many of my friends in the SNL
online community have been giving me a hard time all week after
that absolutely heartbreaking lost last week the Giants suffered
against the 49ers. I was completely stunned at the end of the
game; unbearable. The G-men were only up by 14,and the 49ers
were still coming back, and I had a nervous feeling they somehow
will win this one- and look what happened. Yes, the Giants made
some errors in the game and the refs made a lot of bad calls
against them, but had Sean Williams NOT fought back, Giants were
guaranteed 30 yards because of the 49ers (the two incidents involving
Sean- both were 15 yards each). So, instead of a 46 yard field
goal at the end of the game to win it, it would have only been
a 16 yard field goal, and the Giants could've won it. I think
I cried all night. Only 6 more months till I see Jim Fassel and
the Giants again here in Albany.
Mailbag- queue Paul Shaffer and
the Stump the Band contestants
Loco firstname.lastname@example.org writes,
I have to say that i really like
the site. it is
definitely the best one i have seen. i especially
like the breakdown of the hosts and MG's. i should
point out that in Season 27 you listed some episodes
twice. Right after Britney Spears you repeated from
the top. Just thought i would point that out.
I was reading your list of the
Top 25 Impressions. i
have to slightly disagree. I would put Clinton at #2;
it was dead on 100%. But my fav would have to be
Presiden Bush Sr. i think that was Dana Carvey's
breakthrough impression. He is someone that seemed
impossible to copy and Dana did it w/ easy. i see
your point that he didn't quite look like him, but
Dana was close. Plus Bush is a lot taller which he
can't control. i think Bush Sr. was just the
breakthrough impession of SNL.
As far as the rest, i agree w/
most even though i
haven't seen some of them. i can't believe you don't
have Hammond's Gore on there. That was dead on if i
ever saw it. Being a Republican, i was never a fan of
Ferrel's George W. He does have the manuerisms down
pat, but i think Parnell looks more like him.
Thanks for listening. Good reviews
Thanks for writing. Neil and
I put a tremendous amount of time into SNLHQ and we hope that
it pays off and that you and other fans enjoy the content. Thanks
for pointing out that mistake; it should be corrected shortly.
I understand what you're saying about Dana as Bush Sr. There
really wasn't anyone else in the cast who could play him, and
Dana did a great job. He didn't look like him that much except
when he had the glasses on, and even then it wasn't dead on.
The voice was good, but also not dead on. Darrell just does a
fantastic job with his Clinton and has to be close to real as
any other impression; he did it so perfectly. But yes, Dana did
a good job too. I don't recall actually debating whether to put
Darrell's Gore in there- it may just have slipped my mind. Being
a democrat, Darrell's Gore was down cold.
Catherine Jones, email@example.com
Could you please tell me the
title of the closing theme song for Saturday Night Live? I think
it is such a beautiful song. Is there a download song? Thank
you for any help you can provide.
The song that you hear during
the goodnights is simply called "Closing Theme (A Waltz
in A)." It was originally written by Howard Shore in 1975,
and has been used for most of the entire show's history with
the exception of the 1980-1981 season. The piano cadenza is done
by L. Leon Pendarvis, which starts right after the last sketch
of the night. My friend and musical director Lenny Pickett plays
the tenor sax during the goodnights.
Those of you who have SNL websites
know that you constantly get people emailing you about the show
and think that YOU are actually the show. This is one of my all
time favorite mails, I'd have to say-
is jimmy fallon leaving? if he
is, make him stay
I'll get right on that, chief.
Have a question, comment, concern?
Write to the mailbag- firstname.lastname@example.org
Let's see what's new in the world
this week. It was reported that Diana Ross had some of her drunk
driving charges lowered. Yea, apparently, the judge was afraid
she'd look like Nick Notle I guess.
British rock star Pete Townshend,
guitarist with legendary band The Who, on Saturday admitted paying
to view Internet child pornography but denied he was a pedophile
and said it was for research purposes. Yea, Townshend further
commented, "Hey, do I look like a priest?"
French filmmaker Maurice Pialat,
who won the Cannes Film Festivals coveted Palme d'Or prize, died
Saturday. His funeral is expected to be much like himself; boring,
smelly, and arrogant; just like the damn French.
A spectator who urinated on a
linesman at a sevens tournament in Kent southeast England last
year has been banned from any rugby activity for five years by
the Rugby Football Union. The spectator said he got the brilliant
idea after visiting the New York City subways.
ABC spent a full hour of primetime
talking to Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston. Why does something
completely inane like that fascinate us? Our culture has gone
from GE College Bowl to the guy on Wheel of Fortune who asks,
"Is there an 'F,' as in pharoh?" Is intelligence a
liability nowadays? I think we can answer that with one word:
"Duh!" America has never been what you would call highbrow,
but these days it seems our collective cranial ridge is sloping
like the shoulders of the bar boy at the Kennedy compound.
Now, I don't want to get off
on a rant here, but we live in an era and a time where calling
someone an Einstein is considered to be somewhat of an insult.
Morons are out there in force making left-hand turns from right-hand
lanes, trying to pay for drive-thru tacos with a fucking check,
calling 411 to get the number for information, and in most of
our fine metropoli, the reposed "Fuck off!" will get
you a seat at the local Algonquin round table. What happened?
I'll tell you what happened.
First and foremost, as a matter
of fact, numbers 1, 2, and . . . what come after 2, we didn't
pay enough attention to our education system. We gotta stop paying
teachers like the kid who delivers grit! For Christ's sake, these
are the people who will lead us and our children into the century
and they can't even afford real Yodels, okay? They have to get
those 144 count price-club steamer trunk size of Little Debby's,
High school kids are entering
the job market with an education that barely qualifies them to
run the Tilt-A-Whirl at the traveling carnival. Even those fortunate
enough to graduate from Ivy-League schools, well, they go to
write movie scripts about, guess what . . . stupid people.
And that brings us to our next
reason. Let's face facts, the TV beast ate us whole quicker than
a dog on a Dreamsicle, all right? Most talk shows are bimbomercials.
Connie Chung actually hosted a network news show for a year,
and many sitcoms need two longshoremen with a pipe wrench to
twist the canned laughter dial. Bright people whom I really used
to respect now stay home to watch "Beverly Hills, 90210."
Why bother? You just know that every week Brandon and Dillon
are gonna let Kelly jerk 'em around for a while and Dawn and
Ray are gonna be having yet another abusive spat at the Peach,
but, oh, I hate Ray!! T.V. producers say Americans enjoy the
stupid shit. But, hey, it's the same reason Eskimos enjoy blubber;
it's the only fucking thing available at the Arctic buffet, okay?
Pop culture has turned the brain into the body's new appendix;
no real function and it could quite possible blow up and kill
you. As organs go, you just don't need your brain anymore. As
a matter of fact, I'm certain in the very near future people
will go to the hospital, or should I say, turn on the hospital
channel, and get their brain taken out just as a precaution.
Indeed, in the business of television
brightness can often be taken from you and used as a semitarn
to cleave your occupational head off. A late night man I enjoy,
Jon Stewart, ran a pretty tight, and might I add, pretty intelligent
little Keebler tree over there till it was chopped down by MTV
years ago. Now there are many reasons for the cancellation of
a television show. I'm pretty sure Jon will tell you that the
copability flow chart on the demise of his show read like the
genealogy of the kid on the porch in "Deliverance."
But, I'm reasonable sure it had something to do with Jon use
of words like "genealogy," which I think most Americans
believe to be when Barbara Eden visits her OB-GYN.
America, we are at a fork in
the road. To the left you've got books, and to the right, the
never-ending horizon of the new technology. I, myself, am taking
a hard left because if they talk you into hanging that rico,
the new technology is only gonna make it worse. Now they tell
you it's gonna make it better, but if you notice the voice they
tell you that in is always the computer generated one and it's
digitally synthesized too. That means less expected from us,
less striving, less brainwork, more stupid, and eventually the
king will be the one who just doesn't shit himself. You know,
our reliance on technology is making us soft and if we're not
careful it will only get worse.
Scientists estimate that by the
end of this century, via the means of Virtual Reality, a man
will be able to assimilate making love to any women he wants
to through his television set. You know, folks, the day an unemployed
ironworker can lay in his Bark-a-lounger with a Fosters in one
hand and a channel flicker in the other and fuck Claudia Schiffer
for $19.95, it's gonna make crack look like Sanka, all right?!
Of course that's just my opinion.
I could be wrong.
I wanna know what you think America.
Give me a ring at email@example.com
Tonight's guest you know from
the NASCAR world, and from what I hear, he's not that bad. Please
welcome Jeff Gordon.
[COLD OPENING] North Korea News
This wasn't that funny; at all.
The only funny stuff was the Reese Witherspoon joke. Sure, Horatio
as some Korean is funny, but there wasn't really a punchline
to any of this, and Maya was just extremely annoying. This was
kinda like that opening from the DeGeneres show last year; coincidentally,
both were the 9th show of the season.
[MONOLOGUE] Jeff Gordon
I thought the idea of having
Rachel and Parnell playing these fans of NASCAR was quite clever.
But, to make it even better, they had them as people dressing
up like NASCAR fans and having them just be from Manhattan, and
thought "they'd make the most of the show" after waiting
4 years for tickets. Pretty funny I thought.
[COMMERCIAL] Meet Joe Gay
Joe Millionaire is the dumbest
show I've ever seen. This was insanely funny and gets the thumbs
up mark here.
[SKETCH] Brian Fellow's Safari Planet
I like this one better than the
last. It actually was somewhat amusing this time. And, Barron
probably wet his pants over the O'Reilly reference, which I dug
too. Skit did well.
[SKETCH] Access Hollywood
I don't watch this show, but
I see commercials run for it and see that moron in them, and
I thought Jimmy did a good job of making him look like an ass.
Maya actually had a decent impression, but her voice got all
too annoying after some time. Forte is an awesome cop.
[COMMERCIAL] Meet Joe Caucasian
Another excellent job.
[SKETCH] Career Day
This skit topped the awesome
list as far as "having the ability to be really funny."
Seth totally made this skit cool, and had great lines too. Jeff
played it pretty well, but didn't have that many funny lines,
and so, Seth and Amy were awesome again, together.
[SKETCH] Star Dates
When the do the cut ins during
the commercial I saw DEAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and almost had a
heart attack. But then, he only had a brief line. Jeff's Gary
Busey kicked SO much ass and was seriously the best impression
all year. I mean, I couldn't stop laughing when he was doing
his impression. Which should tell Lorne something- Let Jeff do
impressions! Darrell ain't gonna be around forever, so let Jeff
get some practice. He's got some new and fresh impressions, and
could bring some funny moments to the show. I thought most of
the other parts were decent and it turned out to be a good sketch,
and I also enjoyed Rachel's part as his fiancé.
[COMMERCIAL] Joe Not a Rapist
[MUSIC] Avril Lavigne
Granted I went to get some Friday's
Cheese and Artichoke Dip and chips during this, I still could
hear it, and it sounded pretty good.
[WEEKEND UPDATE] With Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey
We see Amy and Kattan as the
clones, and I enjoyed that commentary much. Then we see Gay Hitler.
Did he combine Gay Hitler with Hollywood, cause it sounded horrible.
The voiceover thing was good, but Jimmy, you ain't gonna win.
My man George has to win- he's the funniest thing out there.
Jokes were good, and did anyone notice the resemblance between
the clone and Billy Bob Thornton/Jolie bit back in 2000?
This had that recurring smell
like when you walk into the dairy section and smell some bad
Helluva Good Dip rotting all over it. And knowing Lorne, it'll
probably turn out that way. I didn't really find it remotely
[SKETCH] Charlie Rose
You can always count on Darrell
for a good sketch. And we got one here. The mixup with him and
Cheney was amusing, and that's about it folks. Still funny.
[SKETCH] Joe Dude
This was giving me scary flashbacks
of when I was in Tina Fey's dressing room in May, and I said
"Hi" to her, and she was like super awesome and said
"Hi" back, and then even talked to me for a minute
or two. But then the following week on national TV we saw her
in that same dressing room I was in shaving her face, which was
creepy. Nonetheless, this was awesome and Tina does not make
a good lesbian.
[MUSIC] Avril Lavinge
[SKETCH] Terrye Funck
Alright- but not funny. Jeff
just doesn't have that comedic talent.
[COMMERCIAL] Stripper Pole
Rachel + associated with her
being a stripper = nightmares for me
SKETCH OF THE NIGHT: Star Dates
PLAYER OF THE NIGHT: Jeff Richards
QUOTE OF THE NIGHT: Tina
Fey on WU, "HBO
announced Tuesday that the upcoming season of Sex and the
City will be the last. HBO executives said that the girls
have simply run out of holes."
OVERALL EPISODE RATING: 57/100
This one blew it. Not anything
spectacular but a few things were good. Let's try and forget
this one. Next week is Ray Liotta from GOODFELLAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and The Donnas.
Guess what folks? That's the
news and I am outta here