Jeff Gordon / Avril Lavigne
January 11, 2003

By Link

Hey. My vacation wasn't anything special but it was ok. At least I had almost 2 weeks away from school and homework. Now onto the small stuff.

Yeah, apparently, I somehow make a mistake in every episode, whether getting a title wrong or forgetting a few cast members that I didn't catch. Well, since I'm not an obsessed fan of SNL and tape the episodes, I'm gonna screw up somehow so go to the vets of the whole review thing to get accurate info if I miss something. I just like doing this because I like the show and I like to show my opinions.

Vacation Report:
Like I said, I didn't do too much but I went to my first football gamethe Patriots vs. the Dolphins. Now, I hate every Massachusetts team but I'm not a Dolphins fan either so I was neutral although I wanted the Dolphins to win. Unfortunately, I came to the game unprepared. We had the blankets, but I forgot my gloves and I wasn't wearing any thick socks. It was a nice game except the cold and the fans constantly standing up and blocking our way when they went to get beers or go to the bathroom. Unfortunately, we left in the middle of the 4th quarter, right before the good stuff happened. The Dolphins were winning 24-14 (or something like that), and we left because we were cold and my feet were starting to swell up and get numb. On the way back to the car, I heard the crowd scream in excitement. What I missed was a touchdown, a field goal to tie the game and then the Pats winning in OT. It all ended well when the Jets won their game and eliminated the Pats from the playoffs. So overall, it was a nice day.

O's Report:
Ok, a lot to talk about. First off, Bordick signed with the Blue Jays. Although I still consider him an O, I'm happy he remained in the AL, especially in the East. That way I can see him whenever he plays the Red Sox. Secondly, the O's signed Deivi Cruz in his place. Considering with what shortstops were on the market, I think they made a wise move. I've never known him to be an offensive power, but I think he's pretty good in the defense area so they'll be all right. Also, they signed Omar Daal, a fantastic move. They needed a mix badly in the pen, as they hadn't had a southpaw since Jimmy Key. With moves like these, they can be contenders this year. Maybe they can sign Pudge before it's too late and goes off to Japan. And lastly, Eddie Murray got into the Hall of Fame. Not much of a surprise, but my dad told me that if Eddie got in, we'd go to Cooperstown to see him get inducted. I guess I now have something to do over the summer.

Pre-Show Review:
Yet again, another sports star. Athletes haven't done really well in the past years and with the sub par performance by Johnny Moseley last year, things don't look too good. Nevertheless, my hopes are still high and I'm praying that the second season will be better than the first. As for the musical guest, I absolutely hate Avril Lavigne. First of all, what's with the damn tie?! Is it supposed to be some kind of statement? Secondly, I heard she can't sing for crap live so expect lip-synching the whole time or prepare to cover your ears. And lastly, whoever thinks her songs are Punk, you must be delirious. I have heard a lot of Pop songs to know which are and which aren't, and her songs are Pop songs, although it's a bit harder than regular Pop. Anyway, I'm just hoping for the best and I'll try to survive through the whole episode.

OLD OPENING: Kim Jong Il Speech (People Involved: Horatio, Maya)
I knew this would happen sometime. Either a sketch with the Koreans or a speech by the leader. Now I'm not really sure if he actually is crazy because they pulled out of the pact, but they said they're not making any nuclear weapons to harm anyone. Pure cheese if I have to say anything about it. Anyway, Horatio did pretty well although everyone was focused on Maya's voice. Why did he cut into the DVD review of Sweet Home Alabama? I have no idea. Overall, an ok opening.


MONOLOGUE:  (Members Involved: Gordon, Rachel, Chris. P)
Haven't seen a monologue where the audience (or rather the cast members) but in for a while. Chris and Rachel were pretty good pretenders at racing fans although slightly delusional. I find it impossible that they had to wait 4 years to get SNL tickets though. Nevertheless, they tried to make a switch from people who read the New York Times to NASCAR fans. Done before, but good

Commercial: Joe Hetero (Members Involved: Seth)
I don't know if Parnell did the voiceover so I just left him out. I was hoping they would do a sketch instead of a commercial, but this was fine anyway, altering his secret identity. As a female fan, I think that Seth is the cutest guy on SNL, not Jimmy. Why I say this now, I have no idea. I just think he's the perfect choice for a Joe Millionaire. Good commercial, not just because of Seth, mind you.

Sketch 1: Brian Fellows' Safari Planet (Members Involved: Tracy, Gordon, Horatio)
I'm sure the first thing reviewers thought to themselves when they saw this was "not again". It sure was my reaction. It never did well in the front spot until now. It just had the good chemistry that it hasn't had in past sketches. And somehow, he manages to show some brief moments of intelligence without even realizing it. Priceless. And for the first time, he admits that he didn't know what he was talking about to Horatio. Was I pleased with this sketch? You bet your ass I was and no, I'm not going crazy.

Sketch 2: Access Hollywood (Members Involved: Jimmy, Maya, Seth, Chris P.)
I think I've heard Pat O'Brien speak once or twice and that is a decent impression. Anyway, this sketch is mainly on the focus of how drunken Diana Ross can actually be. Apparently, she's still a diva even when she's drunk so that has to tell you something, or confirm it for that matter. Did it surprise me that she wears a wig? Not really. I mean, that hair is too old. Kinda reminds me of Shaka Khan's hair (I have the episode in which she was the musical guest).

Commercial: Joe Caucasian (Members Involved: Tracy)
I really shouldn't have been surprised to see another one of these. Not as funny as the first one but it still gets the same grade because the women are stupid enough to think that he's white, not black.

Sketch 3: Career Day (Members Involved: Amy, Gordon, Seth)
Come on, who do you really think is going to outshine the other, a carpet salesman or a fighter pilot? This whole sketch was kinda pointless and the awkwardness reached a new level but I still found it somewhat amusing.

Sketch 4: Star Dates (Members Involved: Dean, Rachel, Jeff, Gordon)
Like I said before, I knew this had to come around sometime. Ok, who is Gary Buse? (Sue me if I don't know how to spell his last name). Throughout the shows, Jeff is good on many levels, but especially convincing as a low life, although I'm not sure if that's a good thing. And did anyone notice that his voice sounded a bit like Beetlejuice? Just freaky. I know I'm going off topic a bit too much but expect that. In the end, it kinda sucked, although I have no idea why she would want to go out with him again. And if you want a cast member that can do physical pain, use Parnell or Seth instead. Jeff was ok, but his movements were delayed.

Commercial: Joe Not-A-Rapist (Members Involved: Chris P.)
Ok, 3 times is enough but Parnell is convincing as the look of a rapist.

Musical Guest: Avril Lavigne
She actually sounds ok, but it's not one of her spunky tunes 

Weekend Update with Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey
(Members Involved: Jimmy, Tina, Chris K., Amy, Rachel, Forte, Chris. P)
- I'm only doing the bullets just this once because I know I'm going to skip from point to point awkwardly
- You know, Clonaid is just cheap. It's all a damn publicity stunt and whoever thinks that they actually cloned a baby is delusional
- Amy looks just like that woman though and Kattan actually did a good job for once
- Probably what the baby looks like since we haven't seen it before *gives a thumb's up to Rachel*
- I didn't know Tina and Jimmy had that kind of an emotional affair. Deep
-Despite what every Jimmy fan says, I'm almost positive he's not going to win. I mean, he's up against Robin Williams and George Carlin for crying out loud! Slim chance to none he's going to get one
-He wants that revenge bad, but it just backfires badly
-And an unnecessary appearance by Hollywood as Gay Hitler
-A long update with few news jokes. Not really a bad thing, but not a great thing as well
-What the heck was with Parnell in that getup serving Jimmy at the end? An explanation would be great

Sketch 5: Gary's Fish Tank Warning (Members Involved: Gordon, Amy, Horatio, Seth, Maya, Jimmy, Fred, Forte)
In the beginning, I thought it was just a sketch about 2 stupid aquarium repairmen, but it ends up as a service warning by another fish tank companywft? Jimmy and Horatio were annoying as the 2 repairmen, but their voices reminded me of Joe Pesci and Regis Philbin's combined.
Cut scene and know they're talking to a psychologist, which was surprisingly played by Armisen. The first time I've ever seen him play a normal character. And then the writers screw this up by making him go crazy. I hate the writers right now.
GRADE: C-, pointless sketch

Sketch 6: Charlie Rose (Members involved: Jeff, Darrell)
And Darrell is actually alive. I'm sorry to say this, but I think he should just leave the show. Nothing's going on for him and he's going to end up being outshined by Dean or someone else. I mean, Dean appeared more times overall. A sad thing if you ask me.
Anyway, back to the sketch. I asked my mom if Charlie Rose usually acted like that and she said a little. I have to remember that they over exaggerate their characters most of the time. An ok sketch, but I want an O'Reilly Factor more.

Commercial: Joe Dude (Members Involved: Tina)
Hmm, an appearance by Tina but it sucked. Quit while you're ahead writers. 2 commercials with the same premise should be the limit. Think back to the NRA commercials.

Musical Guest: Avril Lavigne
The song is Complicated, but her singing ability is also (if this doesn't make sense to anyone, sorry about that)

Sketch 7: Terrye Funk Hour (Members Involved: Chris P., Gordon)
I honestly think the writers were drunk when they came up with this piece of crap. A DeMarco's sketch sounds a lot better than this. This is like a warped version of Daily Affirmations and the hands down the pants part was just a bit too much. The only plus to this was good acting by Gordon. Probably the only guy who looks good in a mullet, besides Puck from the Real World.

Sketch 8/Commercial: Stripper Pole (Members Involved: Seth, Chris P., Tracy, Dean, Forte, Amy, Rachel)
Lame and pointless. That's what most of the sketches were like tonight

OVERALL GRADE: C-. It's not that Gordon did a bad job, it's just that the writers blew it big tonight. I was actually very surprised and pleased by Jeff's performance. I mean, you could only do worse than Johnny Moseley and Jeff did a hell of a lot better. Kudos to him.

Best of the Night: I'm giving this to Seth, Chris P. and Tracy because they performed consistently well in everything they did and I was happy with most of the sketches they were in, except for The Terrye Funk Hour.

Worst of the Night: You know, I could give this to the people who were only in one sketch, but I'm giving the honors to the writers. Congratulations writers, you have now sunk to a new low.

Next Week: It's Ray Liotta and The Donnas. I was hoping for John Mayer but no such luck this week. Lets just pray for a better show next week.

Cya next week people. This is Link and I'm signing out