Gordon / Avril Lavigne
January 11, 2003
2000/2001 (16) _ 2001/2002 (20) _ 2002/2003 (09)
Phony SNL Auction Item (Bear suit). TV Moment of the Week
(The Shield). Pre-Show Thoughts. The Review. The Rankings . Insert
Mark Polishuk Here. Goodbye with Colin Quinn. Next Week.
Phony SNL Auction Item: Bear
Suit [featured in Robert DeNiro]
Wear the suit that Fred Armisen wore or re-inact the bear fucking
scene from the movie Supertroopers.
Current Highest Bid: 6 cloned Will Ferrells.
Television Moment of the Week: The Shield's season premiere. While
24 had one gruesome scene (regardless if it was on network or
cable) the whole hour of The Shield was just a great thing seeing
a man who used to be 'Daddio' kicking some Mexician's ass and
him doing anything to get his kids back.
Long pre-show thoughts, so
scroll down if you want.
All SNL related though.
(01)Turns out that Peanuts cartoon did offend a some people. Peanuts
fans were offened that two characters became lesbians during
(02) NBC is giving SNL the Half Time Show Slot this
year after it awarded Fear Factor last year. U2 provided entertainment
last year, and was better than a the Playboy Fear Factor which
was replayed on later dates anyways. NBC did snag some movie
trailers for commerical space just like all Super Bowls do. NBC
now as the AFL. They've lost all the major sports leagues (NFL,
NBA, MLB) helped create the XFL and destroy it by sticking on
prime time across the country.So what are they going to do to
lure viewers away from ABC? Well I'm guessing similar stuff during
Survivor Austraila. Now the material will be questionable. The
Primetime Specials were great and it's a shame Comedy Central
or E! didn't repackage the two specials into one show.
(03) Jeff Gordon is hosting? If only I had signed up for the Host
Perdictions Contest. :( Happy to read that Ray Liotta
will host next week. Narc looks great, he was a good guest on
Conan a week ago or so and while not a comedian he's a host selection
that makes sense and he seems to be the guy who'll host a great
(04) Well the majority of teenage girls of North America
can sleep easy now that it's clear Jimmy Fallon isn't leaving
to do a situation comedy at NBC this year. So stop the hunger
strike, stop slitting your wrists and stop the thoughtless destruction
of General Electric products.
Conan O'Brien Robot Voice: General Electric Good. Watch NBC.
It was known that he and Tina
had signed a two year contract, and if he was planning on having
a pilot it would've made the media outlets where we get our info
(05) On Boxing Day I bought the Back to the
Future Trilogy on DVD. That night I found out about the framing
error on Part II and III that has the DVD geeks and die hard
BttF fans wanting to wreak havoc on Universal Studios.Great trilogy
and the set has some good features. Anyway I'd like to see SNL
do a parody of this. The Willy Wonka DVD and Episode
II HBO Special parodies in the past have excellent and I
think they can scrape together some good lines and an idea
for a sketch. Problem is there aren't many tall people on the
SNL except for Dean and with his contract he can only appear
on stage for 10 minutes all season. Don't want to waste
all the time half way through the season. Just a wish.
Maybe SNL You! can uses this.
(06) Any Canucks watch Dave Foley's The True Meaning
of Christmas Sepcials? Former SNL, SCTV, Kids in the Hall
castmembers in a Xmas Special of course it will be good. And
for the most part it was. Some stuff wasn't funny, but some stuff
was real good. Plus a brand new Xmas show has been created.
Mike Myers (as himselft in a bathtub of money), Tom Green (as
Mike's butler), Dave Thomas (Bob Hope), Kevin McDonald (Ghost
of Christmas Specials Future), Joe Flaherty (as Bing Crosby),
Jason Priestley (as himself) and the rest. Mr.Foley did a
great David Bowie impression.
(07) Darrell Hammond appeared on the last C'OB of 2002 and
didn't have his usual stuff. Well it was impressions we've heard
but it wasn't Teddy Kennedy telling bedtime stories. (twice on
Conan, once on Leno) While Conan did setup Hammond, the impressions
make up for it. I would've missed it, but I remembered that Late
Night always has the Central Time Zone Countdown (which iterupted
the interview) If you're a fan of Hammond catch the audio at
(08) Tough Crowd with Colin
Quinn on Comedy Central
after TDS was alright. At times Colin would bomb but he would
have some good ones. Nick DePaulo always had the best stuff.
Jerry Seinfeld posed this question to his fellow comedians "What's
the parking situation at the Special Olympics?" Wasn't like
his great NBC show, but it still had the ethnic jokes. His Ethnic
Countdown was the best idea. I'd like CC to continue it.
(09) Spoilers eh. Some sound good.The Fox shows and Diana
Ross will probably be good. Saw some brief stuff with the DeMarco
Bros., they should've ended it with Kirsten Dunst's episode 'cause
it was done then. Stripper poll sketch better not have Kattan.
Hopefully the opening has something to do with the cloning deal
going on. Not regulated to a poorly recieved Jimmy Fallon WU
joke or a Tina Fey rant that goes on too long. Nothing has topped
Hef's girlfriends, the Pizza Party one was close.
COLD OPENING: North
Korea Krap [4/10]
Liked how they tried to look
like NBC was postponing SNL, that's pretty much it. They tried
oh how they tried. The Reese Witherspoon stuff was good and of
course any masturbation joke is bound to get a chuckle right
writing staff? Leave the openings to Hammond.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN: Jeff
Thought Parnell would break character
there. Liked the concept, the audience seemed to enjoy this one
since 'they were in the audience'. Parnell and Dratch did a good
job. Crossworld puzzle thing was actually good. Bad opening and
mono? There done.
COMMERICIAL: Meet Gay Joe
Liked all the parodies. Should've
been a sketch.
SHOW: Brian Fellow's Safari
The snake puppet was well done.
Tracy, you can only say "I'm Brian Fellow!" so many
times before it's done. Sheep seemed to help itself to Brian's
flowers. Another Rochester referene from Haratio. Blaster is
a good name. I like SNL making the 'No Spin Zone' reference but
the audience is too dumb to watch news channels.
SHOW: Access Hollywood
I have a pretty good idea
what will make Monday's Moment of AC. Fallon finally does an
impression and well does one. Sounds like Ryan
Seacrest. Give me Nancy O'Dell. AC is my choice for the latest movie/tv
news. Its the lesser of asskissing/tabloid/how to make cheap
celeblike dresses between ET and AC. I loathe when
they do stuff on Julia Roberts, any diva or what's
her face wore at The ________. Had potential but in the
end Blockbuster got some Conan Time. (sweet on air time). Rudolph
was good, but not really funny. Atleast someone takes a shot
at Pat's rhymes.
COMMERICIAL: Meet Black
The makeup could've been better.
I've seen Eddie Murphy on a bus, so c'mon SNL splurge on the
SKETCH: Carpets and the
No one seemed to bail out on
a sketch tonight ('cept for Sanz and Fallon at the end) which
is good to see, but there shouldn't be so many sketches with
the ejection button almost being pressed. Predictable. Sucks
to be PJ. The lesson in the sketch is do presentations first
before a presentation can blow yours away.
SHOW: Star Dates [7.3/10]
The sketch gets a 7.3, the impression
of Gary Busey gets a 10. A scary impression since it was like
Gary Busey was there. Gary Busey was picked on at the 25 Anniversary
by Crystal and he gets it again this time. I can't say enough
good things about it. The audience was terrible tonight. Some
stuff well I don't fault them, but I'm sure there was people
at home who thought Richards was hillarious. Bring back
Busey in a different sketch. If they still had Celebrity Jeopardy
he would be great. Nick Nolte does look like Busey.
WEEKEND UPDATE: with Jimmy
Fallon and Tina Fey [7.4/10]
Ah here are the clones. Kattan
and Poehler did well but would've liked to have seen a sketch
spawned from this appearence. When they said they had Eve, I
knew Dratch would appear in a disgusting costume. Most jokes
didn't work tonight. The Brad Pitt/comedy club thing should come
back again. I actually liked overhearing Fallon's thoughts. He
probably thought that Fish Tank sketch was gold. Then Forte shows
up and being a fan of Ghostbusters I enjoyed Fallon's face when
he thought he was going to phone them. Williams and Carlin are
in a much higher league than Fallon. Fey started with Bush and
the punchline had SpongeBob SquarePants. Kattan returns as Gay
Hollywood Hitler. Take a good WU fixture (Gay Hitler) and
combine it with one of the worst (Hollywood) and you have a crappy
WU guest. Only have Gay Hitler be gay or a speedskater. Larry
David is the man. Hope his show wins the Golden Globe instead
of those ladies at Sex in the City who have ru! n out of holes.
SHIT: The Fish Sketch [2/10]
Forte and Armisen somehow managed
to amuse me after I entered that coma. If you laughed at Sanz
and Fallon cracking up I hope it was out of pity. This was a
crater of no laughs and just disgust. If this was funny or semi-funny
I could see it as a recurring sketch. Thankfully this bombed
big time and it won't be seen agan.
SHOW: Charlie Rose [5.6/10]
During the commericals I got
excited since it was Richards and Hammond together in a sketch.
I thought for sure Darrell could provide the laughs this show
needed. Sadly it didn't happen. They're doing things great but
there just missing a few things. One would be have an audience
who knows who Charlie Rose is. The confusion with Cheney was
the bright spot.
COMMERICIAL: Meet Joe Dude
Tina makes another outside WU
SHOW: The Terrye Funck
High hopes for this sketch, I
don't know it didn't work. Gordon actually plays a role where
he isn't a boring character. Now did the writers do it on purpose
(naming the character after the wrestler)? If more effort was
put into jokes then names that people would recognize it would
be a better show. Or picking a better host.
COMMERICIAL: The Stripper
Well if the DeMarco Bros. sketch
was cut I guess you can imagine how bad it was. Anyway this sounded
like it would be funny, but instead it joined the countless bad
last sketch pile. I thought Tracy and Dean dancing to the three
most popular songs would've gotten more response from the audience.
OVERALL SHOW RATING: 94.5/120
D-U-D. We go from best show of the season to
one of the worst shows in the past three seasons. Tom Green,
Derek Jeter, Jeff Gordon. Who ever concieved the idea of having
Jeff Gordon hosting must be like Fred Armisen's pants down character.
This is one of the worst shows, even with the Tom Green episode
there were some good sketches: Decision 2000 (Gore and Bush singing),
the first Hardball, WU and to a lesser extent VH1 Storytellers
(Will and Kattan making out). But that show was taken down by
the wedding never happening, Bald Eagles, Lorne and Tom in a
Tub, Rap Street, that annoying pig in Dog Show, Oprah and Round
With this one there was Star
Dates and WU and the Fox Parodies. But none of those were better
than the great sketches mentioned above. Plus Gordon only appeared
in six (waiter, fish owner were two small parts) sketches. Were
all the celebrities busy? Al Gore pulled in huge ratings, this
show probably scared away everybody who tuned in this week. The
host isn't at total fault. The writers were lost this week. Some
stuff had almost everything (Star Dates, Charlie Rose, Access
Hollywood) but they couldn't get anything. I'd hate to be a performer
when a sketch was getting no reaction.
Actually watched Avril perform.
She's coming here in April. No problems with her really. I enjoy
the songs. I'm not a fan but she's not terrible. Just another
Canadian who found success.
TONIGHT'S THREE MALE STARS
are brought to you by Cookie
01 - Jeff Richards (In a night of some crappy sketches
he stood out. Did well with Busey and Rose)
02 - Chris Parnell (rare mono appearence, narrator in the
Joe commericals, Joe Not a Rapist and his Terrye Funck)
03 - Chris Kattan (Rael and Hitler, slow night for all)
TONIGHT'S THREE FEMALE STARS
are brought to you by
The Celine Dion Show
01 - Tina Fey (WU and Joe)
02 - Rachel Dratch (Judith Weinstock, Baby Eve)
03 - Amy Poehler (Briggitee Boiselier, Busty Canon)
FUNNIEST THREE SEGMENTS: WU,
Star Dates, Access Hollywood
Honorable Mentions: Joe Parodies
IMPRESSIVE IMPRESSIONS: Jeff as Gary Busey, Charlie Rose. Amy
as Briggitee Boiselier. Darrell as Donald Rumsfeld. Chris
K as Rael. Maya as Diana Ross.
 - (8.9) Al Gore DEC 14
 - (8.4) Brittany Murphy NOV 16
 - (8.3) Matt Damon OCT 05
 - (7.5) Nia Vardalos NOV 09
 - (7.4) Robert DeNiro DEC 07
 - (7.0) Eric McCormack NOV 02
 - (6.4) John McCain OCT 19
 - (5.4) Sarah Michelle Gallar OCT 12
 - (5.0) Jeff Gordon JAN 11
TOP TEN COMMERICALS:
 - (8.4) NRA Happy Hunting [Damon]
 - (8.3) NRA Reminds You [Damon]
 - (8.0) NutriQuick [Damon]
 - (8.0) Welcome Back, Potter [Murphy]
 - (7.9) Big N'Tasty [DeNiro]
 - (7.5) Drop the LBs with Missy E [Vardalos]
 - (7.4) John Handcock Insurance [McCormack]
 - (7.4) Pier 1 [Vardalos]
 - (7.3) Glenda Goodwin Attorney [Vardalos]
 - (7.2) CORONA #3 [Gellar]
WEEKEND UPDATE RANKINGS:
 - (8.9) John McCain OCT 19
 - (8.8) Matt Damon OCT 05
 - (8.7) Nia Vardalos NOV 09
 - (8.2) Al Gore DEC 14
 - (7.9) Eric McCormack NOV 02
 - (7.6) Sarah Michelle Gellar OCT 12
 - (7.4) Jeff Gordon JAN 11
 - (7.3) Brittany Murphy NOV 16
 - (7.1) Robert DeNiro DEC 07
EPISODE RANKINGS [average]
 - (78.8) Al Gore DEC 14
 - (78.5) Nia Vardalos NOV 09
 - (77.6) John McCain OCT 19
 - (76.3) Matt Damon OCT 05
 - (74.8) Robert DeNiro DEC 07
 - (65.3) Brittany Murphy NOV 16
 - (63.8) Eric McCormack NOV 02
 - (63.4) Sarah Michelle Gellar OCT 12
 - (56.4) Jeff Gordon JAN 11
Insert Mark Polishuk Here:
Mr.Daley the man
who escaped from his room. Mark has trouble keeping his pants
on with two men in the same room. Whenever Will Forte stops by
to say "hi" he freaks out.
---------------And so now its
time to say goodbye.--------------------------
Colin Quinn: Alright. Friday, let's check out today's
sports. The Jets and Giants are in first place. The last time
that happened, alright, I had long hair, I was out of work, smoking
a joint, listening to the Allman Brothers and talking about the
Vietnam War. That's right... the last time that happened was
I'm Colin Quinn, thank you, good
NEXT WEEK: Ray Liotta Like I mentioned before he should be
a good host. And then the season will be half done, so on the
11th review of the season I'll have my Third Annual SNL Mid-Season
THANKS TO: saturdaynightlive.tv,
SNLRC, The SNL Message Board, SNL Transcripts, Saturday-Night-Live.com,
SNL You! and for
you for either skimming or reading this.
If it's Sunday, you're reading
SNL reviews. Go Sens!
(don't leave Ottawa though)