Sarah Michelle Gellar / Faith Hill
October 12, 2002

By Sarah

Well, this review is probably going to be pretty short, because there's not much of an intro that I can do, so we'll get to business soon. But I have to ramble about Homecoming.

Well, my first review was a success, and by success, I mean it was posted. That's good enough for me. I hope people read mine, I know I'm new, but still.

I just came from my Junior Homecoming, woohoo. I'd really been dreading it though, because I was going single and everyone in my group who had dates were just whining for a week beforehand about how they didn't want to go with their dates, but then their dates ditched them anyway. Our football team won, and it was probably their first Homecoming win in ten years. But don't quote me on that. After the dance, some of my friends wanted to go home and get drunk or something, but I declined on that. I have no intention to get fat off alcohol. I can wait until 21. I can appreciate a hard lemonade once in a while, but I can't imagine having a hangover. I hate throwing up. Plus, a bunch of girls getting drunk and taping it sounds like an invitation to amateur lesbian movies. And I don't swing that way. Thank you.

When we last left our lovely Not Ready For Primetime Players, they had just finished their season premiere. I hear mixed reviews. I, for one, liked it, although it was long. But many people are judging the book by its cover, and proclaiming the season dead already without Will and Ana. I thought they managed pretty well. I hear we get Parnell as Bush tonight, but who knows how that will be, since Darrell's Bush got cut last week, and he's our best impressionist. I don't know about you all, but I'm intrigued.

Once again: comments can be sent to Tell me, what would you like me to add or shut up about?

Tonight's Host: Sarah Michelle Gellar
I really enjoy BtVS, which is probably what she is promoting tonight. Her latest movie effort was Scooby Doo, with her husband, Freddie Prinze Jr., a guy whose acting talent doesn't particularly impress me. He'll probably show up. She also hosted the MTV Movie Awards this year with the hilarious Jack Black, which was good. I've enjoyed her work in Cruel Intentions, as well.

Tonight's Musical Guest: Faith Hill
Well, this came as a surprise, because I didn't even know she did anything new. I don't listen to country though, so I only heard her pop-crossover songs. She's okay, although I don't prefer her 'soft' sound.

Grading System: on a scale of 5, a 5 being a classic Sketch, a 1 being "How did this get written?"

<[COLD OPENING]> Bush and Cheney
Starring: Parnell, Hammond
Comments: Yes, we have a new Bush! Parnell sounds exactly like Will, and he looks even more like Dubya. It was the average Bush opening, but a new Bush!
Live From New York, It's: Chris Parnell
Major Player: Parnell
Grade: 3

<[MONOLOGUE]> Sarah Michelle Gellar
Starring: Gellar, Kattan, Poehler, Dratch
Comments: I didn't know she had a CD. Or was that a joke? I don't know. Sarah insults some vampires in the audience. Can I "bite the Jimmy Fallon" too? =[ (Here's a better monologue: Sarah comes out, starts talking, "senses" a vampire nearby, pulls out a stake, walks backstage. Various cast members as vampires come out, even Lorne, she slays them. The last person left, I'm thinking Jimmy, asks to stick with her because the cast is acting weird. She agrees, and as she says "Faith Hill is here" Jimmy comes up behind her, as a vampire this time, but she slays him and finishes the monologue. Yay.)
Major Player: Kattan was the vampire dad, so he gets it
Grade: 3

<[COMMERCIAL]> Swiffer Sleepers
Starring: Poehler
Comments: Yeah, this wasn't that funny. Not really even cute. Amy was in a lot of stuff tonight
Major Player: Poehler (being the only one and all)
Grade: 2

<[SKETCH]> Safety Day
Starring: Parnell, Gellar, Armisen, Poehler, Fallon, Dratch, Meyers, Richards, Kattan
Comments: This was hilarious. I really liked it. Fred Armisen is looking even more promising. They may promote him like they did with Amy mid-season.
Major Player: I'm going to give this to Armisen
Grade: 4

<[SKETCH]> Dentists In Love/The Return Of Chris Kattan's Daydreaming Cashier
Players: Parnell, Kattan, Gellar
Comments: Yeah, okay. I knew what was going to happen though, because of the Derek Jeter episode last season. I never thought it would be a recurring character.
Major Player: Kattan
Grade: 3

<[COMMERCIAL]> Trans-American Airlines
Players: Parnell, Forte, Poehler, Rudolph, Morgan
Comments: They probably do have racial profiling on the airlines. Amy's hair here was not looking good.
Major Player: Parnell
Grade: 3

<[COMMERCIAL]> Corona 1: Throw The Beer In The Ocean
Players: Fallon, Poehler, and whoever the waiter was, maybe not even a cast member
Comments: Good times. They made this look exactly like the real Corona commercials. Too bad they run it to death by the end of the show.
Major Player: Fallon
Grade: 3

<[SKETCH]> Saddam and His Minions
Players: Hammond, Fallon, Richards, Kattan, Sanz
Comments: This was okay. There's really not much to say. They send a bunch of decoys around to lure the U.S.
Major Player: Hammond
Grade: 3

<[COMMERCIAL]> Corona 2: Throw The Beer in the Ocean Again, Jimmy
Players: Fallon, Poehler
Comments: This time he talks to the beer like it's his phone then throws it in the ocean.
Major Player: Fallon
Grade: 3

<[MUSICAL GUEST]> Faith Hill
Yeah, I didn't watch it.

Starring: Fallon, Fey, Meyers, Parnell, Rudolph, Gellar
Comments: I love Seth and his Weekend Update Spots. He's always great. I don't hate Steven. I may be the only one though. The Ramada sisters were okay, trashier versions of the Hiltons, if that's possible. Jimmy and Tina's jokes were hilarious as always, as was Tina's I-don't-know-what-to-call-it thing about Greater Seattle. Christina Aguilera's picture looked like her ghost after she got run over by a garbage truck. What happened to her?
Story of The Night: Told By Fey "Justin Guarini (sp?), who placed second in Fox's American Idol, has signed a record deal. For just 99 cents, he will get ten records."
Major Player: Meyers, because I wasn't dazzled by the Ramada sisters
Grade: 5

<[SKETCH]> Making The Video: Christina Aguilera
Starring: Gellar, Fallon, Kattan, Morgan, Rudolph, Poehler, Edwards
Comments: Oh, wow. This was so dead on. The video is like Britney's "I'm A Slave 4 U" but 100 times trashier. Christina looks like hell and a half. Jimmy's director was great, and Amy's lines kept me laughing. Maya and Kattan get "Christina burns" from her humping them. Bad times.
Major Player: Fallon, since it can't be Gellar
Grade: 4 for its reality

Starring: Gellar, Rudolph, Dratch
Comments: I don't know anything about this show, so I didn't get it.
Major Player: Since it can't be Gellar, it will be Rudolph
Grade: 2

<[MISC]> Tracy And Lorne
Starring: Gellar, Morgan, Faith Hill, Lorne Michaels
Comments: Hey haven't we seen this thing before- about three times? Oh well, it doesn't get old. Tracy and Lorne want Faith and Sarah to wrestle in bikinis. I love it that Lorne was in on it with Tracy.
Major Player: Morgan
Grade: 3 (it's been done before)

<[MUSICAL GUEST]> Faith Hill
I didn't watch it again.

<[SKETCH]> I really have no idea what to call this- so let's say Maya's Breasts, hehe
Starring: Rudolph, Morgan
Comments: Whoa, random. I had no idea what this was, and I don't think the audience did either. Maya was saying a poem about her breasts or something, then Tracy comes in with comments. He looked like Samuel L. Jackson. The end was good, they watched Gilmore Girls.
Major Player: Rudolph, although Tracy was good too
Grade: 2 for randomness

<[COMMERCIAL]> Corona 3: The Waiter
Starring: Fallon, Poehler, The Waiter (who I really don't think is a cast member)
Comments: Okay, that's enough of white trash Jimmy drunk. They should have thrown the bottle at him. It was funny, though.
Major Player: Fallon
Grade: 3

<[COMMERCIAL]> America Is Pissed
Starring: Parnell, Gellar, Forte, Poehler, Morgan, Richards
Comments: Average. We're directing our frustration the wrong way.
Major Player: Uh, Parnell?
Grade: 2

<[SKETCH]> Merv the Perv
Starring: Gellar, Parnell, Dratch, Richards, Rudolph, Armisen, Poehler
Comments: This may be recurring. It kind of reminded me of Will's Art Class sketch, but not as gross. I can deal with Parnell's white legs.
Major Player: Parnell
Grade: 3

Comments: We had some very busy cast members tonight. It seemed like Parnell, Amy, and Jimmy were all over the place. It was a good show, though. What happened to Rachel, though? She has hardly been on so far this season! I'm sure I'll hear a lot of bad ratings anyway for this show.
Best Sketches: Making The Video, Safety Day (all received a 4)
Worst Sketches: America Is Pissed, Swiffer Sleepers, Maya's Breasts,Arli$$ (all received a 2)
Busiest Cast Member: Amy Poehler with ten. I'm pretty sure that's right. The Corona commercials helped her.
Least Appearances by a Cast Member: Dean Edwards with one. Aww.
Major Player of The Night: Well, it was a tie between Parnell and Jimmy.
LFNY Tally: Hammond 1
Parnell 1
Tina Fey In Outside-WU Appearances Counter: Still 0
Grade: (4 x 2) + (3 x 10) + (2 x 4) + 5= 51/17 = 3
Next Week: John McCain/The White Stripes
Well, I'm not a big fan of politicians hosting, but I'll try to go in with an open mind. I like The White Stripes.