Sarah Michelle Gellar / Faith Hill
October 12, 2002

By Greg Haledjian

Hey, get this. It's a Friday Night. I have SAT's tomorrow, and well I came in early cause of the test tomorrow and I feel like writing so guess what, pre-show time.

Now like I promised last week, this weeks review will have a full-in-depth analysis of the review, but for once in this reviews history, its not going to just be me talking. Alex is back for Week 2.

Alex: Hey everybody.

Greg: Okay, Alex, first off, what'd u think of the show last week.

Alex: I thought it was sort of hastily put together and lacked any strong skits.

Greg: Dude, I totally agree. The actual thought of Tracy Morgan and Maya Rudolph in a leading skit for a good 30% of the show really creeped me out on what this show can actually become this season.

Alex: Also, get this, and I know you pointed it out in the review a lot too, but there were 4 commercials, maybe that says something.

Greg: That totally says something. The guy I feel bad for a lot this season is Jimmy Fallon. The show is going to be relying a lot on him and his recurring characters this season and with Update and all the other stuff he's got on his back, I just hope it doesn't kill some of his performance time.

Alex: Speaking of the cast in general, the cast is kind of weak; its holes are bigger than 20-year-old underwear.

Greg: I'm feeling a tagline here. Alex and holes and 20-year-old underwear. I'm guessing this guy really hits the college girls' dorm rooms on weekends.

Alex: Man, you're really good at getting the fuck off topic.

Greg: Okay, we'll get back to this whole convo thing in one sec., but let me first go over the next few weeks and the shows upcoming for SNL.

October 12- Sarah Michelle Geller and Faith Hill (tonight)
October 19- Senator John McCain and The White Stripes

Punk fans get set for the White Stripes. Great band, I'm looking much more forward to it then the Nelly and apparently some girl named Kelly Rowland performance scheduled for the night. Oh yeah, if you're a regular viewer, I'm just saying this right now. I've made predictions in the past on shows and usually I'm pretty accurate on them all. Well if you make the rounds on the reviews, I will guarantee that about 75% of the reviews will give C's, D's' or F's to The White Stripes. I like them, and I can stand their brand of punk music, but the reviewers here on the site are not in favor of punk at all.

One more minor note here, Courtney Love, you homicidal bitch, thank you for finally taking your nitty, gritty hands off Nirvanas music and releasing it to the public. Kurt should have shot your fucking face instead of his own.

Spazo Tom: I can hear the complaints already for that line.

I know you shot him, your going to hell bitch. I hope you and your band Holes' new c.d. sucks balls. I don't think your band and term grunge can even be related in the same sentence.

Spazo Tom: Oh yeah, lets hope Sean never gets to this part of the review and just decides to post it, cause I'm betting some of these lines will have to be edited.

Hey, just thought of a brand new segment. For the past 8 years, Courtney "Bitch" Love has held back Nirvana music for everyone, so for the next 8 reviews I'll be making some sort of Negative Courtney comments, like you just read about 9 lines about. Tune in for some real raunchy crap.

Alex: Man you need a hobby or something. Get into taking a shit on a picture of Courtney Love's face if you have to. Just do something cuz were all-afraid right now. Although I do have to agree with the whole Hole crap. Courtney Love's just mooching off her husband's legacy. To me, she'll always be the idiot who helped kill Kurt. I have to admit, he was messed up before, but she sure as hell didn't help. So, to Courtney, go to Burundi and play for the poor starving kids there, and see what people in need really look like. Stop being so goddamn selfish.

October 12, 2002- Well SAT's are over and now I'm just letting out some steam from the 5 hour test. Listening to some ill Nirvana live music now. Good shit. So it's now raining actually, pretty sucky weather. Actually, it's not that bad of a day today to tell you the truth. I decided to jam on the drums, play some Syphon Filter 3, and now I'm writing the review. So turns out it's going pretty good. So get this, the Senate passed George W. Bush's vote for the War thing. That sucks. If we do go to war, everyone's life will be changing drastically, its scary ya know, just wanted to let you, the viewer know that. Yeah, I know your just reading it saying, what the fuck is he talking about, but if we do start war with Iraq, the draft could be taking your precious loved ones away, its sad. In my opinion, we should just nuke them, but guess what, I'm the last person on earth they should listen to. Even the goofy guy from Roseanne should be listened to before me.

Alex: Actually, I was just checking some info out, there was no goofy guy on Roseanne.

Greg: There you have it, even some guy I made up should go before me in being listened to. The good thing is, is that your never going to be seeing me out there with a gun, cause to be in the war, you must be perfectly healthy, rid free of allergies, and guess what, I've got allergies, yahhh for me. Sorry to all those who don't have allergies, at least you haven't had to have half of your high school career behind tissues, it sucks.

Okay, no more war talk or Courtney love talk for one day, back to the analysis of last weeks show with Alex.

Greg: So, the rest of the show last week was blah, and the opening could the term dull be repeated going through my head anymore times.

Alex: Yeah, I totally agree.

Greg: And what was with Darrel on the bomb. All I know is this, if SNL's 28th season starts off with a Parnell/Hammond skit I know we're definitely in for some trouble this year.

Alex: We're totally fucked if Hammond is up there every week. I think SNL should mix it up more, but knowing past years, they'll keep everything the same till at least February.

Greg: Like I said last week, Update, the music, and the one Jimmy Fallon skit was the best of the night. I mean, I feel bad for Fallon this season. He's going to be taking a lot of Wills heat from last season, and Jimmy's got Update to do also. At least Fallons talent will be shown off more, but lets hope they don't kill him, a la Adam Sandler in '94-'95. You know the reason I make so many references to '94-'95, is that that was the worst season of SNL to date in the last decade and if they ever reach that type of season again I don't think Lorne can make another cast up like he did in the season after. Well I'm getting a little tired of talking about last weeks premiere, lets start talking about the current show tonight.

Pre-Show Thoughts: I think SNL will totally make a 180 compared to last week. I feel somebody will definitely show his or her talents off tonight. The hosting tonight is by Sarah Michelle Geller who will be making her 3rd appearance tonight. I hope they do the monologue where the cast hits on her. The time she hosted in '98 brought a comeback to Norm Macdonald and the time she hosted in '99 was just plain hilarious with Will dressing up in a robe and died blonde hair. The cut scene to Horatio eating the chocolates was great at the end. Lets hope they do some of those classic scenes tonight. The music is by Faith Hill, who I am pretty sure is a country singer, so just be ready for the type of crappy rating I'm giving that performance. Aright, so enough talk, onto the review.

Opening: George W. Bush Speaks
-No, don't call down your friends and tell them that Will Ferrell is back on SNL, there's a new guy doing the President duties this season, Wills suppressor is Chris Parnell.
-No shock here that Parnell won the job. I had a feeling it was going to be either him or Darrel and since Darrel does every character on the show, I thought it was a given that Parnell got the role.
-As much as I hate to admit it, Parnell does a pretty good impression of Bush. He's got the face and stuff, the close-tight lip thing he has to work on to totally nail the impression though. If he gets the goofy type character that Will had done, I think SNL's set this season for the president.
-I'm going to give the skit a D, but in the following weeks, I think the grade for these openings will go up.
-Oh yeah, what was the point of having Darrel as Cheney standing right next to Parnell. Darrel looked dead just standing there. He didn't change his face during the whole 4 minutes or so.
Grade: D

Monologue: Sarah Michelle Geller
-WTF is this. She whips out a guitar and then a Vampire starts talking to her. Holy shit.

Black Priest:
Greg: Nah, I can't do it, can't do the joke cause this will definitely give me a bad name on the review.

-Kattan as the Vampire was pretty funny and the fake laughter is probably what will get SNL past this show. Plain shit right here folks.
Grade: C-

Comm: Swiffer Sweepers
-If you ever watch any of the recent Brady Bunch stories on TV and there's a close up of the character Marcia, just look at Amy as the mom in the skit, tell me she does not look just like her. Scary shit. Oh yeah, if you haven't noticed, I'm talking about an old 70's show, so this commercial was pretty pointless, but at least I'm able to fill in some lines, instead of just giving the comm. the grade it deserves.
Grade: D-

Skit: Be Safe Gang
-Pretty lame skit with Fred, Sarah, and Amy as cops talking to a group of High Schooler's about Drugs and Stuff.
-The scenes to Kattan, Fallon, and Meyers were decent.
-The last scene was ok with Fred doing the talking.
Grade: C+

Sketch: Untitled
-Really, what do I title this skit if you watched it. Do I call it Kattan Recurring character, Masseuse in Dentist Office, well actually I'd rather go with CRAP, but nah, I'll save it for later in the show.
-The lip-synching was pretty funny. Kattan always knows how to make dull scenes pretty funny.
-What was with the flashback to the Emergency Room and then to the Food Store?
-Well, it was a good way to end a skit that went NOWHERE.
Grade: C+

Comm: Trans-American Airlines
-Comm. #2 by the way.
Grade: D

Comm (I think): Miles Away from Sober
-Nice title for a comm., but shitty premise.
-It was a mock of Corona commercial, are they that desperate that they have to make a commercial and mock one in the process. Jeus.
-Watching Fallon drunk was pretty funny though.
Grade: B-

Skit: Saddam Hussein
-Hammond has such a look of Phil Hartman in this skit. Another takeover of Wills character, at least this one was semi-what funny.
-Kattan as the look-alike of Saddam was pretty funny.
-Horatio as look-alike #3 saved the skit. Horatios voice was pretty funny and added to the impression positively.
-Good to know if Darrel leaves and they want to continue this skit that they have Kattan, Horatio, or even Jeff to fall back on. If you haven't noticed it already that I'm being SARCASTIC, please read the past few lines.
Grade: B+

Comm: Miles Away from Sober Part 2
-Same as Before
Grade: B-

Interlude part 1: by me
-Well let's go over the Grades. 2 D's, 3 C's, and 3 B's. Forget what I was saying in the pre-thoughts that SNL will make a total 180 tonight. I was totally wrong. However, there is still 45 minutes left and somebody could end up saving it. Oh yeah, why is Parnell in almost every skit?? Will somebody out there please answer that for me. There's like 15 cast members this season, there much more entertaining to watch than Parnell of all people. Back to the show.

Music: Faith Hill
-No clue on any of her songs, including this one.
Grade: N/A

Weekend Update: Fey n Fallon
-Better jokes than last week, I can tell you that from the start. Highlights included: Jimmy Carter joke, Christina Aguilara video, Michael Jackson/Seigfried and Roy, Krispy Kreamers.
-The Steven-Dell computer guy routine, played by Seth Meyers, was really goofy and funny. I've actually never seen those commercials, so I had no clue what was going on. The Doctor that Parnell played was pretty funny, his point out there again, we'll never know.
-Tina's rant/commentary was really good, I liked how she just got up and walked out of the scene.
-The Ramada Sisters bit with Sarah and Maya sucked. They were totally drunk and that held back a lot of comedy. Shitty shit right here.
Grade: A-

Skit: Making the Video: Christina Aguilara
-I liked Sarah's accent as Christina. She looked really hot in the skit btw.
-Tracy was fucking funny as her manager guy, the bit with the thong was really funny too. There going to use Tracy in a lot of these type roles this season I think, cause over the course of the night, his bits were the same and did really well with the fan fare.
-Finally something worthy of being in the Best of the Night.
-Dean Edwards' impression of Redman totally died in the laughter area, but he totally nailed the look of Redman.
-The randomness really showed how creative SNL is. Having a chicken, steak, wrestlers, and this huge ass were great.
-Jimmy playing the role of the Director was great and he totally nailed how they all look during the MTV shows.
Grade: A-

Comm./Sketch: Some Blatter Control Thing
-I have no clue the point of this, and why do you mock Arliss, the shows decent.
Grade: C

Misc: Mud Wrestling Almost
-If SNL actually got the 2 of them to mud wrestle, that'd be awesome.
-Tracy is the best at these miscellaneous things.
-Faith Hill is pretty hot. Maybe she's single, I didn't see a ring.

Spazo Tom: Well, dude actually she is married and the guy is huge, he could totally kick your ass.

Greg: So what, I'll just meet her after the show somewhere, she sings country music, they're not too popular, she probably doesn't have many fans.

Spazo Tom: Well, to tell you the truth, she's got kids I think and I heard they can take you too.

Greg: Okay, that sucks, kids=Greg run. Back to the review.

- Lorne trying to get them to mud wrestle was great too, just cause its some 50-year-old guy trying to get girls to mud wrestle.
Grade: N/A

Music: Faith Hill
-Same as her previous performance.
Grade: N/A

Skit: Crap
-Great Tracy lines, annoying Maya lines. I love how the only way they do these type of sexy skits is with the same color race. Why couldn't they have put Amy or Rachel in the skit.

Alex: Is the only reason you want a different girl in there is to hope that they put Amy in tight clothes.

Greg: Well thank you Captain Obvious. Who else have I been talking about for the past 2 years. Jeus man, get with the year. What are you new here??

Alex: Wellyeah. Just finish the review.

Grade: B (decent)

Comm: Miles Away from Sober
-Funniest of the Set of Commercials tonight.
-#3 to be exact.
Grade: B

Comm./Skit: Untitled Part 2
-I'm really not sure if I already named a skit untitled, and I'm too lazy to scroll up.
-Weird, funny though.
Grade: C

Skit: Sexual Harassment Seminar with Merv the Perv
-Of all of Parnells characters tonight, this one was definitely the best.
-Funny stuff, but offensive to Girls.
-Sarah was funny and so was Rachel, as Julie.
Grade: B+

Closing Credits: Nothing that out of the extraordinary. Did anyone see Dean's hair?? Crazy stuff there. That sucks for Horatio and Tracy who got cut off at the end while waving. That's the actual show.

After-Thoughts: Well, this is as mediocre as it gets. It started off dead, then picked up. The 12:30 and after part of the show was really good. Sarah Michelle Geller looked like she didn't want to even be in the building tonight. No acting at all on her part. And Faith Hill looked really good and sang good, when I mean sang good, I mean I put it on mute. The stand out cast members were Parnell cause he was in every other skit, Tracy cause he just played himself and proved he's still funny and Fallon just for being funny.

Actor/Actress of the Night: Sarah Michelle Geller, Chris Parnell
Most skits: Parnell
Best Skit of the Night: Merv the Perv, Update, Christina Aguilara Video, Saddam skit
Worst of the Night: Trans American, Be Safe Gang, Opening

Lines of the Night:

From Saddam Sketch:
"That gay guy Tony Blair want to fight you too." Fallon as one of Saddams go-to guys to Darrel on who wants to fight him.

From Weekend Update:
"Justin Guarine, who placed 2nd in FOX's American Idol, has signed a record deal, for 99 cents he will get 10 records."-Tina Fey

"Here we see Michael Jackson, Seigfried & Roy, and some animals. The question is, is the orgy over or just starting?- Jimmy Fallon

From Making the Video:
"I wanna be like a hoe that hangs out at carnivals."- Sarah Michelle Geller as Christina Aguilara

From the Misc. skit:
"Go get me a Pepsi, Bitch." Tracy to Lorne Michaels.

From the Crap skit:
"Yeah baby, I creamed my pants back when you said breasts." Tracy to Maya.

From Untitled:
"Saddam, Americans are pissed off, maybe not at you, but you'll do." Maya as the Commentator.

Overall Grade: B- (show was much better than last week)

Well, that's all from here for one evening. Tune in next week for Senator John McCain and The White Stripes. Should be a good show. Thanks Alex, and Spazo Tom for making appearances. Good Night Folks.