Jennifer Garner / Beck
February 15, 2003

By Jesse Whiteley

Show #12, Review #5

Well, the Juno nominees are in this week. Shania Twain's hosting the show. Meh. I don't like or dislike her, but nothing can top the job the Barenaked Ladies did hosting last year. They actually made an award show memorable, something I never thought was possible in the music business. Shania's also up for five nominations, so she'll have a busy night. I'm suprised eligible nominees are even allowed to host. Last year made more sense having Barenaked Ladies host the year after they won three Junos including Best Album for Maroon - An awesome album. Avril Lavigne got 6 nominations (excellent), and the Junos were nicer to her than the Grammys were. That's really only because most of the categories she's nominated in don't apply to one genre, or are specifically rock or pop. It pisses me off so much that she's being put into the same category as people like Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Pink, etc. Avril's nominated for: Single of the year, Juno fan choice award (that sounds like a new award), Album of the year, New artist of the year, Songwriter of the year, and Pop album of the year (dammit!!!) Other big nominees include Remy Shand (good album), Diana Krall, Celine Dion (yikes), and Alanis Morissette (Alanis Moreupset). No one from my family was nominated this year, my sister's the only family member to win a juno yet (I think) - 2001 Best Roots and Traditional Solo Album - Jenny Whiteley, My dad's releasing a new jazz album this year (it's great), hopefully it'll get nominated.

The Oscar nominees were also announced.
I don't give a damn about the Oscars. I hate pretty much all movies that are nominated for major awards because I hate serious movies (most of the time).
I saw Chicago, and it was god awful!!
Richard Gere annoyed me so much in that movie, and the songs were terrible. Not even all the chicks in skimpy outfits could redeem the movie for me.

What else is new this week?... Oh yeah, the Simpsons' 300th episode this sunday. First of all, congratulations, and I will watch it, but I've stopped watching the current episodes. It's just not as funny as it was during the 90s. It's been steadily downhill for the past few years. Why did Conan O' Brien stop working for them? The only good episode this season of the ones I've seen was the season premiere - Homer goes to rock star camp. It is impressive that The Simpsons have stayed on the air this long ... they're just about as old as I am (including the time before they got their own show, when they were on the Tracy Ulman Show... I think they started in '87), but I can't believe that it's being renewed for another two seasons.
I love the Simpsons, it's classic show (I can watch reruns countless times every day and still find them hilarious), but now it just sucks. For the record I probably see at least five Simpsons episodes a day, on average.

Pre Show Thoughts: Tonight - Jennifer Garner and Beck. Who the hell is Jennifer Garner? I recognize the name, but I haven't seen her in anything, so I don't know what to expect from her. I hope she's a better host than Matthew McConaughey was last week. Will SNL ever do a non-political cold opening again?! They do a great job with political stuff, and I know there's a war going on, or the threat of war, or something, but they're really unnecessarily over doing it this season. The only non-political openings I can think of are The Chanukah Song Part 3, and Al Gore making out with his wife.
Anyway, I'll see what happens.

Cold Opening: George W. Bush
Players: Chris P.
Well, so much for a non-political opening.
Parnell's Bush impression has been really inconsistent this season.
The best one was the second time he did it - George Bush doing math.
Chris looks more like Bush than Will did, but Will's impression was so much better. Will was really good at that eyebrows thing, and he did a really good job of making Bush look stupid.
There were a few laughs in this one, but it wasn't that great.
Parnell never shouts when he says LFNY!
Come on, make it fun
Grade: C

Players: Jennifer, Chris P., Chris K., Seth, Jimmy, Fred, Darrell, Horatio, ... OK now I've lost count. I think the entire male cast was up there.
My god guys, she's your favourite host ever?! Yeah, she's cute, but I can think of tons of better female hosts.
Tracy dressed up like Cupid was hilarious!
"My Funny Valentine" was good.
Favourite Quote: "I have this thing where all the money I used to spend on cocaine I spend on flowers."
- Chris K.
Grade: A

Commercial: Clappin'
Players: Will, Rachel, Jeff, Jennifer, Chris K., Mya, Jimmy, Dean, Fred, Seth, Horatio, Amy, Tracy
Hey, if they're doing all these commercials or sketches with nearly the entire cast, why isn't Tina in any of this stuff? Anybody could have played any of those parts.
This was really good.
Not much to this commercial, just clapping, but it was funny.
Grade: A

Sketch: Lights Out
Players: Jennifer, Jimmy, Seth, Fred, Tracy, Mya
This was wierd, but I've gotta say, they did a good job of switching the people back and forth.
Jimmy's reactions were great, and him drinking all that stuff too.
Grade: B

Sketch: Wake Up Wakefield
Players: Mya, Rachel, Jennifer, Horatio, Amy
Alright! This is always great.
Rachel as Sheldon is hilarious. Jen played a good nerdy kid.
Okay Megan, way to go for letting go of Randy Goldman and setting a more "realistic goal" for yourself. Good luck getting Justin Timberlake. (Said sarcastically)
Mr. Banglian (Horatio) doing "Work It" was the best part of this. Yeah, I can hardly understand half of what Missy Elliot says.
Favourite Quote: "The air is rich with excitement and the smell of chicken a la king." - Sheldon
Grade: A

Sketch: Osama and Saddam
Players: Jimmy, Horatio, Fred
Once again, another sketch with Jimmy and Horatio together, and you know what that means: lots of laughing. Not from the audience, but from the two of them. These two can never be in a sketch together and keep a straight face. Jimmy has a hard enough time keeping a straight face when he does stuff on his own, but when he works with Horatio, they both lose it. In Jarret's Room they can get away with it, because they're both playing dumb goofballs, but The Leatherman, The Fish Tank Repair Guys etc. The Leatherman was the worst, but it was so funny that it didn't ruin the sketch. I'm not complaining, they do make a good pair.
Anyway, this was good. But isn't Darrell supposed to be Saddam?
The way they talked to each other was funny. "Bro"
Favourite Quote: "You release more tapes than Steely Dan." - Saddam
Grade: A

Sketch: Invitation To Love
Players: Jennifer, Chris P., Seth, Chris K., Tracy
This wasn't that great.
I don't have much to say about this.
Grade: C

Sketch: Twins
Players: Jimmy, Chris K., Jennifer, Rachel
Pretty good.
Rachel was great in this. Did she do this character as an update feature before? I've seen it before, but I remember it being a baby.
Favourite Quote: "Cmon, they're off and runnin', I mean we should try to keep up on a pace with them, you do not want to get started when they're finishin' believe me." - Sandy
Grade: B

Weekend Update
Players: Jimmy, Tina, Jeff, Tracy, Chris P., Jennifer
Not a great update.
Some deleveries for a bunch of jokes were off, or the audience didn't respond right away.
Jeff's commentary as Burt Bacharach was good. He was rhyming everything with Iraq. I'm suprised he didn't say "Take me right back to the track, Jack."
Parnell rapped again. He did exactly the same thing that he did from the Kirsten Dunst show last year. And last time it was funnier and the song was better, but this time it was just boring.
Good Jokes: Verne Troyer, Atari
Best Joke: "After a heart-breaking loss last year Mick, a blue Terrier won Best In Show this week at the Wesminster dog show. The only way this year's contest could have gone any better for Mick, would be if he had any idea of what the hell was going on." - Jimmy
Grade: B

Music: Beck
Not a bad song.
I like his band. Acoustic guitars, Bass, Drums, Keyboards/Percussion. Why was the drummer facing sideways?
I don't like Beck's singing, though.
Grade: B

Sketch: Michael Jackson In A Tree
Players: Amy, Rachel, Jennifer, Dean, Jeff, Will
This looked like it was going to be great, but it was disappointing.
Why didn't Dean do the real Michael Jackson instead of Amy? Her impression was awful. Dean was "Michael 7". His impression of Michael Jackson is so much better.
Rachel was funny as Elizabeth Taylor, though.
Favourite Quote: "Can I take Liz Taylor?" "No. Liz has a planet of her own." - Michael Jackson and Michael 7
Grade: C

Music: Beck
Same as before.
Not a bad song, Beck's band was good, but his singing wasn't.
Grade: B

Sketch: Wal Mart Supercenter
Players: Amy, Jennifer, Rachel, Mya, Fred, Seth
This was just annyoing.
Those two (Amy and Jen) said "I know" so much, it pissed me off.
Grade: D

Jack Handey: My Big Thick Novel
Meh. Just another lame time filler.
Grade: D

Closing Montage:
Probably the longest closing I've seen during a live show.
The band sounded great as always.
Grade: A

Show Average: C+

Recurring Sketches/Characters:
Wake Up Wakefield
Sandy (the twin)

Sketch Of The Night:
Wake Up Wakefield

Player Of The Night:

Final Comments: Not a bad show. Some parts were great, but too much weak stuff brought it down. Jennifer Garner was a better host than Matthew McConaughey was last week, but still not that great.
Thank god Christopher Walken is on next week. That's guaranteed to be a good show, he's always a great host.
That's all folks.