DeNiro / Norah Jones
December 7, 2002
Alright! So SNL is back new,
and it's time to review! Hm. That rhymed. But was it too cheesy
of a rhyme?
So I got the new Austin Powers in Goldmember DVD. Absolutely
smashing. Mike Meyers makes reference to Second City in the commentary,
so listen for that. Just a quick reference, but a reference nonetheless.
Hilarity, that Mike Meyers. Quite the improvisor, too. They have
a sketch or two of him on a Second City double-CD set that only
comes with this big huge book that talks of the backstage and
history of Second City. Kind of a behind-the-scenes look that
spans the 40+ years of the Second City theatre. Ok, plug time
is over. At least for now.
Ah, Christmas time is upon us. Time for people to play Christmas
carols, which begin way too early, and people to be killed and
severely maimed trying to buy loved ones gifts. Just remember
that if you don't get the gift you want. You know the whole "it's
the thought that counts" saying? Yeah, when people risk
their lives for you in that kind of way, they're definitely thinking
of you. When people leave for shopping, they get war-like send-offs,
as if they were in the military. I've seen people leave their
houses with protective armor on. You think I'm kidding...and
I am...but it's about that bad.
One more thing real quick before kicking into the review: I go
to see Star Wars: Episode II on an IMAX screen (which, by the
way, was quite awesome). Before the movie started, an announcement
came on over the speakers that said, "Some of you may experience
motion sickness during the movie. If this happens, place your
hand over your eyes for a few seconds, and the feeling should
go away." That's honestly what the guy said. So now we have
to tell people to cover their eyes if they experience motion
sickness from a movie? They don't know to either close their
eyes, look away, or cover their eyes when they feel like that?
Folks, we have stupid, stupid lawsuits to thank for this. Those
people are like rashes in society. They're annoying, and everyone
else wants to get rid of them.
I,Äôm writing the
pre-show thoughts before the show! Could it be? Yes, it could
be, and it is, so close that mouth that,Äôs open in
surprise right now. Robert DeNiro is hosting this bout of SNL.
Should be interesting to watch, although admittedly, Al Gore
next weekend might be a smidgen more interesting. But Robert
DeNiro, you,Äôre only separated by a smidgen, so they,Äôs
not much room that could fit in between. I,Äôm just
hoping good ol,Äô Bobby doesn,Äôt fall
prey to the ,Äúlet,Äôs-have-him-be-the-same-character-in-almost-every-sketch-that-he-is-in-his-movies,Äù
syndrome. And we,Äôll see if he is in a sketch where
he plays himself (monologue excluded, for obvious reasons). He
did have some very funny guest appearances, most notably the
,ÄúJoe Pesci Show,Äù cameo. Let,Äôs
see if he also makes fun of Jimmy Fallon again tonight, as he
did in his second cameo on the show. As for Norah Jones, don't
really know what kind of style she is or anything. Haven't really
heard too much about her. Though it could be one of those deals
where you know the song, but not the singer. Kind of like most
80's songs were for me for a long time. So on with the show.
OPENER: A teacher wouldn't read
these names in class
Well, I see they establish a
classy show right away. Kinda surprising DeNiro went along with
this. He just seems like the type of guy that would reject doing
something like this. So it's kind of cool in one way, 'cause
he's going along with it, but then again, he's pulling out the
ol' "dirty name" routine. Though it was pretty fun
to hear him say those names.
MONOLOGUE: You askin' ME to host?
You askin' ME?
Quite a short little monologue.
Kind of going along with the bad-ass attitude that the characters
he plays has. I guess a short monologue gets a short review.
COMMERCIAL: WARNING: This product
may contain fat and high cholesterol. May not be suitable for
people over 250 pounds.
Ah, you see what I was typing
in the opening remarks? Coincidence? I think not. This commercial
was reminiscent of Happy Fun Ball. And I also wouldn't doubt
it if they started airing those disclaimers in their commercials.
People suing cigarette companies for not knowing it would give
them cancer, people suing McDonald's 'cause their food made them
fat...what's next? People suing shoe companies 'cause their shoelaces
came untied and tripped them? Uh-oh...I just gave some people
an idea. A funny sketch, though, basically saying what a
lot of people are saying to those kinds of people who sue like
that: "What the hell are you thinking?"
SKETCH: So, do you come around
here often? I mean, um....sorry....
TJ hittin' on a slave...and DeNiro
playing TJ. That's quite a different character from others he's
played. Is it just me, or is DeNiro kind of delivering his lines
kinda haphazardly? Like he can't quite read them or something.
And I have noticed he's quite the cue-card watcher. I also wonder
if the modern lines in a historical sketch really work. I'm wondering
if they could have said those lines using the old-English language
they would have used back then. I really enjoy that stuff. They're
saying modern phrases and whatnot, yet they say it with the language
of that time period. I liked Maya's remarks back to TJ. "When
do you get off work?" "Never." I enjoyed the line
about the singer thing not being an option, too. Tracy Morgan's
thing at the end was quite funny. He's kind of an underestimated
SKETCH: I'm Peter friggin' Pan,
When the sketch first started
out, I was afraid Kattan was going to say they had found Robert
DeNiro...but alas, they didn't. Though I think they should have
just used his real name, having seen the sketch. Basically that
was what they were getting at. If Robert DeNiro did play Peter
Pan in a real Broadway production, think that would pull in the
numbers? We have analysis data coming in soon as to whether or
not it would. The whole flying thing was pretty funny. Though
it also would have been cool to see him totally commit to being
Peter Pan, flying and all. Kattan enjoying the chaos at the end
was a nice touch.
SKETCH: "And what do you
want for Christmas?" "How about a nice alimony check
Robert DeNiro playing a deadbeat
Santa...but of course. Yet she still wanted to work next to him.
Kinda weird having DeNiro as the santa, and Maya as the girlfriend.
And this is the second sketch where Maya was a love interest
to DeNiro. Hmmm...what went on backstage this past week? You
have to wonder. They'll be in the tabloids soon after tonight.
This kind of makes you wonder...is the real Santa like this?
He supplies joy and happiness to people all over the world, and
yet can't seem to get along with his wife. How would that be
for irony? But I guess he could always get a job at Macy's. Don't
think they'll be showing this episode in their store anytime
SKETCH: Show us where the missiles
are, or we'll give you such a pinch!
This was a nice, short sketch.
Kind of unexpected. I wonder if they're going to use that sketch
to show to the U.N. inspectors-in-training. "Now folks,
this is what NOT to do..." Fred Armisen "pops"
in for the first time. Will he show up again, or remain in his
SKETCH: Judge Judy...you're now
a black man.
At first I thought this was like
a promo for a "show." But then they did a case. I wish
Tracy would have waved around the gun he had talked about in
the opening. Have you noticed the plethora of judge shows out
now, and how each one is meaner and meaner? I'm waiting for one
of them to pull out a gun. Or perhaps Tracy Morgan will go into
syndication with this Judge Horace guy. And then we have Horatio
as the fat chick. Talks are in with Rob Schneider right now for
a sequel to "Hot Chick."
MUSICAL GUEST: Ok, we're working
on getting Jan Hooks back so you can do the Sweeney Sisters...oops.
Sorry. Wrong Nora.
I feel like I've heard this song
before, and not on the radio. Like maybe in a commercial or in
a movie or something. Not sure. Or maybe I thought it was done
by a different singer. Anyways, it had a jazzy feel, and jazz
is good in my book. Look on page 327: "Good Music"
Dubya as a doll? Interesting...I
figured Clinton would make the better doll. Then when you put
him in sexual positions with Barbie, it makes more sense. The
joke I liked that the audience didn't really laugh at was the
Time's 100 Greatest Women joke. She even pulled out a funny reference
at the end, with the Wonder Years thing. Whitney Houston. While
I didn't see her interview, I've heard it was a pretty damaging
interview. I guess her music wasn't damaging enough. And they
used the ol' "sweat-that-seems-to-be-coming-from-the-head"
gag. Might feel good under hot lights. And then the crazy old
couple, which all led up to the vomit. Kattan's jibberish was
amusing. Jimmy Fallon did not throw his pencil! Did he really
poke out Kattan a couple weeks ago? Did he read my review, and
is now playing it safe? Who knows...but he did make a point to
keep the pencil on his desk. Perhaps the wrath of Lorne came
down on him. "I keep warning you, Jimmy..." They may
have threatened to make him sit out a show or something. Or run
laps around the set.
SKETCH: Does this Menorah go
with this dress?
I actually caught a pic of this
Versace woman...and boy, does she look old! I don't know how
old she is, but she looks old. An Ozzy Osbourne impression is
always welcome. And it's so easy to do. Just mumble in an English
accent and you got it. Amy Poehler did a nice impression of Sharon.
They got the hair right, too. She looked quite a bit like her.
Was that Dean Edwards as the Santa she sat on? It looked like
his eyes. Now we'll see Dean Edwards fan sites all over the Net.
Why do these new comedian/comedic actors have to be so damn good-looking?
When I get on the show, they'll be like: "Ok, we need you
to play an ugly guy in this sketch." And I'll ask, "Ok,
what kind of make-up do I need?" Then they'll look me over,
and say, "None needed." DeNiro as Roy...now that's
a completely different character for him. I guess this makes
up for not having him do the whole Peter Pan thing earlier in
the show. I'm going to assume by the applause that the real Siegfried
had entered. Either that, or they just wanted to applaud some
random guy pretending to be Siegfried, which would have been
a cruel joke from the audience. Or the guy running the applause
sign. Either or. When DeNiro bent Siegfried over, it was pretty
clear that DeNiro was NOT about to kiss Siegfried. I'm sure the
party afterwards consisted of DeNiro apologizing and explaining
to Siegfried why he didn't want to kiss him. 'Course, the next
day, Siegfried will have to apologize and explain to Roy why
it even looked like they were kissing.
SKETCH: You can either buy the
car, or see firsthand how much trunk space there is
Well, this is kind of a DeNiro-esque
character. The audience wasn't really laughing at the slaps,
which it kind of seemed like that's what the writers wanted them
to laugh at. The thing to learn here is that, if a car salesman
starts slapping you, buy a car fully loaded with features. So
this sketch was an educational one, you might say. Informing
the consumer, if you will. In fact, NBC's gonna run it as a "The
More You Know" feature.
SKETCH: I had to fight a huge
beast that breathed fire and ate people. And then there was the
Now, if SNL was doing a timeline
thing, then this sketch is like 7 or 8 years in the future after
the Santa sketch. Or maybe they didn't plan it that way. But
let's just say they did. Which means Maya is the mom he's referring
to. You see how it all comes together, huh? Having DeNiro telling
his son a bedtime story was a novel idea. Though I don't think
he'll be going to any elementary schools and telling stories
anytime soon. It was fun hearing him do a squirrel voice. He'll
probably voice an animated feature next. The whole squirrel being
run over thing was funny. I remember when my mom ran over a dog.
It wasn't on purpose, and it wasn't ours, either. And it didn't
die or even seem to be hurt. My mom slowed down and tried to
dodge it, but it didn't move. It even got up and ran away. But
my parents were against us having pets. Probably because of the
mess they cause and how they would be the ones taking care of
it. We had a puppy for like 2 weeks, but it howled at night,
so we gave it back. A little sad, but it's not like the thing
died or anything...we just gave it back. Anyways...let's put
this train back on track, shall we?
MUSICAL GUEST (again)
Not a bad little ditty, I suppose.
Better than like the 8 straight weeks of rap they were having
on there. Guess they stopped letting Tracy book the musical guests.
SKETCH: A bear ate my parents!
And destroyed the city!
Little reference to an SNL sketch
from a year or two ago. This sketch seemed fast...seemed like
it should have lasted longer or something. It's like they went
right from one joke to the next pretty fast. The hunter having
a small gun was a nice touch. Perhaps Late Night's Masturbating
Bear could have came in and saved the day. Though I guess they
already had a sex joke in there. But that's never stopped them
Well, that was Robert DeNiro's
little stint. Next week is Al Gore. Gonna be very interesting,
I tell you. It's gonna be interesting to see if he falls into
the thing I mentioned earlier, of having him play the same characters
in every sketch that are somehow related to him in real life.
Like for instance, if he was Mango's long lost son. Too close
to real life, I tell ya. But we'll see what happens. I don't
know if I'll be able to get my review in by Sunday evening, as
I'll be going home to watch my dad in a play, and I'm going to
the cast party afterwards, as I know a lot of people in that
community theatre. It'll be good times, reminiscing and such.
So anyways, until the next review, I'm Ryan and that's my review
to me...or...something like that. I'll have to work on that one.