DeNiro / Norah Jones
December 7, 2002
2000/2001 (16) _ 2001/2002
(20) _ 2002/2003 (07)
Phony SNL Auction Item (Free Mango T-shirt) . TV Moment
of the Week (24) .
Pre-Show Thoughts . The Review . The Rankings . Insert Mark
Polishuk Here .
Goodbye with Dan Rather . Next Week . Thanks
Phony SNL Auction Item: 'Free
Mango' T-Shirt [Winona
Current Highest Bid: Cost to put Mr.Peepers to sleep
Whenever you visit a prisoner
in jail you'll be the coolest vistor there with this T-shirt
featuring everybody's favourite diva.
Television Moment of the Week: "24" 1PM - 2PM: Day Two
Jack intergating the women who killed his wife and decieved everyone
last season.1:21 P.M.
Jack returns to the interrogation room and pulls out a gun. He
fires shots into the wall past Nina,s head, demanding a name
from her. Jack aims at her head, and she admits that the man
in Visalia is Mamud Faheen. Jack already knows that name, and
he wants to know what their relationship is. Faheen had introduced
Nina to Joseph Wald because Wald wanted her schematics for CTU.
Yet Nina refuses to give Jack Faheen,s exact location unless
she is permitted to go to Visalia. Her pardon won,t mean anything
if she is killed. Jack turns to the video monitor.! Watching
from outside, Mason orders Michelle to notify the authorities
Thanks to Dave Marathon, with no school during American
Turkey Day, I managed to watch some 80s Dave. Bruce Willis,
Berry White, Randy Bass, some Japanese game show producer and
Billy Crystal talking about filming When Harry Met Sally,
Tom Hanks talking about filming The Money Pit, SNLer
Jon Lovitz, Candice Bergan with her new show Murphy Brown,
and Caddyshack II.. It was only two days worth of shows reaired
at different times for Sunday and Saturday which is good
since if you missed one of the Bill Murray or Jay Leno
or Steve Martin ones you can watch it again. The most interesting
guest to watch was Jay Leno. He came out with a big paper bag
full of Mr.Beef sandwhiches. He ate like three during the interview
in Chicago. Anyway just so odd to see these two on the same show.
Watching this you can see that Leno, Conan, ! Kilborn,
and Tom Green were fans of the show. Letterman broke mostly all
the talk show barriers, and the stuff we see today is the norm,
while back then was new. Trio will air Late Night 10 EST/CST
starting in 2003. Giddy up.
E-Mail of Interest....
STFU! That Donahue skit was
the funniest ever!!! And your right he really does act that way!!
Why you mentioned OReily is just too obvious..The truth hurts
you liberals like holy water to a satanist! And you guys do eat
your own!! Ask Donahue how he fells being cut to pieces!!! I
guess small bites are easier to swallow...
No, I enjoyed the O'Reily sketch
from last season more than that one. Jeff had a great impression
and the sketch was a perfect parody of The Factor, its just that
not enough people watch both shows. For the Donahue sketch, you
really didn't have to watch the show to find it funny.
Just want to say I'm Canadian,
I don't affliate myself with any party (one reason is I'm not
old enough to vote) I don't watch the shows daily, occasionally
for a couple of minutes. I just read IDMb everyday and they inform
me that Donahue is doing terrible in the ratings. So
whatever the fuck you said to me I could careless. There both
Haven't watched Chevy's Roast,
only the pre-show. But Comedy Central always has Roast Week.
Haven't watch The Osbournes yet, waiting for a few shows so MTV
will air a mini-marathon. Well watched some of the second one.
Haratio will be bring back Ozzy soon.
Robert DeNiro hosts for the first
time. Recently DeNiro has done some comedy movies which co-starred
former SNLers (Crystal, Stiller) I think this will be more similar
to the Ian McKellan show where it will have a variety of roles
and DeNiro in stuff you would never think of. Better not be a
dud. I'm thinking another Bush opening. One special guest.
COLD OPENING: Tom
Ridge's Briefing [9.0/10]
Tom Ridge returns, and tells
us the warning is now Magenta. Darrell steps aside for Bobby
DeNiro. Unexpected. Even more unexpected would have DeNiro do
mostly fart jokes. But there were penis and vagina jokes. Good
work high school and college students. They would make the
owner of Moe's Tavern into a raging psycho. Best opening of the
season, DeNiro's role could've been someone else. Good to see
DeNiro not break up.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN: A
Real Monolouge by DeNiro [7.4/10]
Many people are satisfied. I
mean I was waiting for Kattan to come out as Pacino or Fallon
as himself. Luckily that didn't happen. Bonus points for DeNiro
COMMERICIAL: Big N'Tasty [7.9/10]
I haven't tried the burger, but
read about the morons suing McDonald's for the reasons stated
in this funny commerical.
SKETCH: TJ and his
SNL does a old timey historical
sketch, and works for the most part. Takes an unexpected swerve
with Tracy Morgan appearing at the end. As you can see Jefferson
calling himself TJ was the best part. Slave jokes were done tastefully.
SKETCH: Peter Pan [8.5/10]
Well this worked, Kattan's character
is such awe of the crappy Peter Pan played by DeNiro
he doesn't notice how the production is doomed to fail. The Tinkerbell
thing was good, and anyone dressed up as Peter Pan saying flying
seems gay is hillarious. Sketch capped off by DeNiro beating
up Jeff Richards. Notice DeNiro's tights falling down during
the sketch? Horse tranq quip was hillarious."Oh Peter you're
ever so queer."
SKETCH: Santa and his Elf
Had some good parts, the child
in the sketch didn't crack up. Can SNL's costume department
provide a better beard next year. That was a pretty crappy
beard. Parnell did a decent job here. Happy ending.
SHOW: UN Weapon Inspectors
DeNiro and Fallon play UNWI and
they seem to have a easy job. Armisen has a easy night, move
his eyes around and say no. I would've like to have seen this
SHOW: Judge Horace [6.9/10]
Tracy does a little Crank Yankers
nod and mentions another person named Kool-Aid. Haratio really
provided the laughs in this not so good sketch. Good concept,
if brought back again it better be better.
WEEKEND UPDATE: with Jimmy
Fallon and Tina Fey [7.1/10]
Sadly worse than the last WU.
Nothing really worked this week except the Shania and Sturm Thurmond
joke. Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston didn't succeed. The fake
sweat saved their appearence at the WU Door. Kattan and Dratch
didn't do well either. The Ford World Curling Championship that
NBC will air (30 minute highlight package) will actually be hosted
here in Nia Vardalos' former home. Winnipeg is the curling capital
of the world. Anyway, WU had better get there act together. It
was always the one segment you can count on.
SHOW: Look Good, Smoking
and End it! [5.5/10]
This sketch was saved. Donetella
earned zero laughs, the sketch was saved from Ozzy, Sharon and
the the special guest I predicted that would appear. Harvey Keitel.
The writers couldn't come up with a sketch to use the Osbournes?
DeNiro's entrace didn't get laughs. But Keitel and DeNiro were
quite a couple. Maya was good in her first two appearences but
not this one. Ugggh.
SKETCH: Car Sales Man [7.2/10]
A couple wants the standard car,
and a salesman beats the husband to get the upgrades. The fake
slaps were pulled off well.
SKETCH: The Squirrel Story
DeNiro continues to have trouble
reading the cards. An alright sketch.
MOVIE: The Radioactive
A good way to close this show,
since it was better than the last bunch of sketches. The stupid
concept worked. Will Forte helped the sketch with his hunter
character. Small gun, armed be ripped off with no blood, raped
by a bear, eating a poisoned sandwhich. Parnell had some good
lines. Good to see Darrell made another appearence. And Fallon
dies at the end.
The title Channel 5 Late Night
Movie, reminded me of 80s Dave. Back then CBS would air something
called the CBS Late Night Movie, but it was reruns of old shows,
different each day. Then they changed it to CBS Late Night, but
would still air reurns. Dave calls up CBS in California. Apparently
the guy was busy but had a good conversation with his secretary.
OVERALL SHOW RATING: 97.2/130 = [74.8/100]
Well the show has it's strong
and weak moments. DeNiro he can perform for the most part (lines)
I'd like to see him come back. He seemed to have enjoyed himself.
He dominated the show. His opening role and UNWI role could've
went to other castmembers. Forte had some good bit parts. No
Dean. Maya and Tracy did well for the most part. Parnell put
back on the back burner, he did his usual voice over stuff. Last
sketch he was in was good. Kattan was alright his stage director
was his best of the night. DeNiro had some roles with attitude.
Not the best of the season, a improvement from Murphy's show.
TONIGHT'S THREE MALE STARS
are brought to you by Kaufman's
Big And Tall, And Short And Small Sephardic Jew Men's Clothing
01 - Robert DeNiro (Ridge's buddy, and a bunch of roles
that were potential dignity destroyers, acted well but couldn't
read lines perfectly. Good performance)
02 - Haratio Sanz (the fat chick in court and Ozzy)
03 - Tracy Morgan (his comedy potential judge, the fake
sweat, his suprise appearence the fact that the other males didn't
TONIGHT'S THREE FEMALE STARS
are brought to you by
01 - Amy Poehler (Wendy, Sharon and Paige. Actually appeared
02 - Maya Rudolph (First two appearences were good,
her third was medicore and her fourth sucked.)
03 - Rachel Dratch (the Mom and the old woman who went
ugh, was better than what Tina was doing this week.)
FUNNIEST THREE SEGMENTS: Tom Ridge's Briefing, TJ and his Lady,
IMPRESSIVE IMPRESSIONS: Haratio as Ozzy Osbourne, Amy as Sharon
Osbourne, Darrell as Tom Ridge, Maya as Whitney Houston &
Donetella Versache, Tracy as Bobby Brown
Honorable Mentions: DeNiro
and Keitel as Seigfreid & Roy
 - Brittany Murphy NOV
 - Matt Damon OCT 05 (8.3)
 - Nia Vardalos NOV 09 (7.5)
 - Robert DeNiro
DEC 07 (7.4)
 - Eric McCormack NOV 02 (7.0)
 - John McCain OCT 19 (6.4)
 - Sarah Michelle Gallar OCT 12 (5.4)
TOP TEN COMMERICALS:
 - NRA Happy Hunting (8.4)
 - NRA Reminds You (8.3) [Damon]
 - NutriQuick (8.0) [Damon]
 - Welcome Back, Potter (8.0) [Murphy]
 - Drop the LBs with Missy E (7.5) [Vardalos]
 - Big N'Tasty
 - John Handcock Insurance (7.4) [McCormack]
 - Pier 1 (7.4) [Vardalos]
 - Glenda Goodwin Attorney (7.3) [Vardalos]
 - CORONA #3 (7.2) [Gellar]
WEEKEND UPDATE RANKINGS:
 - John McCain OCT 19
 - Matt Damon OCT 05 (8.8)
 - Nia Vardalos NOV 09 (8.7)
 - Eric McCormack NOV 02 (7.9)
 - Sarah Michelle Gellar OCT 12 (7.6)
 - Brittany Murphy NOV 16 (7.3)
 - Robert
DeNiro DEC 07 (7.1)
EPISODE RANKINGS [average]
 - (78.5) Nia Vardalos
 - (77.6) John McCain OCT 19
 - (76.3) Matt Damon OCT 05
 - (74.8) Robert
DeNiro DEC 07
 - (65.3) Brittany Murphy NOV 16
 - (63.8) Eric McCormack NOV 02
 - (63.4) Sarah Michelle Gellar OCT 12
Insert Mark Polishuk Here:
He likes Japanese cars and smacking around Red Sox fans. Or the
actor who played Peter Pan. While Mark doesn't smoke he likes
women with nice racks, only wears stuff he's worn and likes wearing
---------------And so now its
time to say goodbye.--------------------------
Dan Rather: Alright, folks. This has been a night
of surprises, and here's one more. Carl, go down to the basement.
Mabel, get in here, take your clothes off, and put these shoes
on. Also the hat. Now, put one leg up on that chair, arch your
back and listen to this, cause it,s a humdinger. (pause) CBS
News is now projecting that Walter Cronkite has gonorrhea. Now,
with anthrax, scurvy, and yellow fever, the last thing
he needs is the clap. But he's got it, and he's got it good.
If I was a betting man, I'd say his chances of survival are slim
and none - and slim just left town.
NEXT WEEK: Al Gore No one knows
what to expect. Well something with Hammond. And WU should
break the streak of not being up to standards. But other than
that, SNL this gamble better pay off.
THANKS TO: FallonFey.com, saturdaynightlivetv.com,
SNLARC, SNL Transcripts, SNL HQ, Fox.com/24, The SNL Mesage Board, Saturday-Night-Live.com and for you for either skimming
or reading this.
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