Matt Damon / Bruce Springsteen
October 5, 2002

By Joe Average

The Intro
Before I start this review I want to take the time out and talk about each cast member from last year, and how I felt about them then and how I think they will do this season.

Rachel Dratch: Rachel was never one of my favorites. Her voice annoys me, and sometimes she just doesn't bring the laughs (well, she doesn't bring me to laughing I'm not sure what she does for everyone else). Rachel's facial expressions is the only thing I can nod yes too. I'm not saying that she was never funny to me, because she gets lucky every once in awhile (like maybe 2 or 3 sketches a year). This year I hope Rachel surprises me. I want her to make me laugh. but if she can't oh well, that's nothing new.
Dean Edwards: I like him so far. I read someone's review and they said that Dean is just the black guy on the show to play all the black people out of Tracy's range.  Hey, I say it's true so far. Dean doesn't look shit like Denzel Washington, but I couldn't picture Tracy doing it. Oh and let me remind you DEAN WAS NOT THE GUY ON MAD TV it was JEFF!!! 
Ana Gasteyer: Ana Gasteyer was the funniest female (next to Tina) last year. Now that she's gone I can see Amy in more sketches (although I'd like to see Maya and Tina in more instead).
Jimmy Fallon: Now, before I start on him I'm going to make this clear that I'm not one of these jealous ugly guys that hate Jimmy Fallon's guts just because he has a huge ass female fan base for someone that's an "average" comedian (because from reading a lot of reviews from the male viewers on this site, it seems to be a lot of those guys). I'm no Jimmy Fallon hater. When he's funny, he's funny. When he's not, he's not. Some (meaning "all") of the female reviewers on this site nut hug Jimmy Fallon a lot. Even when he says the dumbest thing (and he does it a lot on Weekend Update) they still swear up and down that it's the funniest thing in the world. Jimmy has the look. If Jimmy didn't have that "look", and he did the same comedy bits he always does I doubt all of you females (and gay guys) would say he's that funny. I would like to say I'm proud of Jimmy though. He's been on an ass load of talk shows, has all kinds of magazine and news paper articles on him and I loved it when he hosted the MTV music awards. The whole time he was hosted I was thinking to myself "why can't he do this type of shit on SNL!!!?? (earn my respect that is)" 
When I read these News Paper interviews and peeped his Howard Stern appearance I found a whole new respect from him. He seemed more like the type a guy I'd like to hang out with. He was mad cool. Now that Will and Ana is gone I expect him to dominate the show. Jimmy was built for this (he's still average to me though). I hope he keeps earning my respect this season like he has all summer. 
Will Ferrell: I was mad at that damn "Best of Will Ferrell" shit. They picked some of his lamest sketches. Will Ferrell is funny as hell. Will Ferrell was not on SNL from 1995-2002. He WAS SNL from 1995-2002. They could have picked better sketches than that.
Where the hell was the classic "get off the shed!!!"??? I hope his film career blasts off (and I know it will). I'm kinda glad he's off the show though because I'd rather see a slew of Will Ferrell movies than sketches (I just hope Hollywood doesn't water him down). Plus now that Ana and Will are gone we can finally see what everyone else can do. I hope he comes back to host (and I know he will someday in the future).
Tina Fey: Tina Fey was going to win America over as soon as she got behind the WU desk. She's my favorite female on SNL right now that Ana's gone. I'd love to see her in some damn sketches though.
Darrell Hammond: My feelings for Darrell hasn't changed. I'm convinced that Darrell can do an impression of any damn body. I'd love to meet him and see him study me and do an impression of me. You know what would be a funny sketch? If Darrell did an impression of each cast member (even the females). I swear he could do it.
Chris Kattan: Kattan being unpredictable is become to predictable now. He's boring the hell out of me now. He needs to do something else. He needs to go do another movie (a better one this time) or something. I read somewhere than Kattan got fired from being chauffer because he was too short. What the fuck!!?? Now I'm not an angry short guy or anything, but I swear I didn't know height mattered for a job like that (in fact I didn't know height mattered for any job unless he's playing in the NBA). Who the hell was he driving around some height bigoted old woman? Its sad that America puts too much importance on physical traits (I notice that women do it the most, but they claim that guys are mostly shallow when it seems to be the other way around, go fig I know I'm going to get some angry letters in my e- mail box for this one mostly by the little girls who prove my point, but I don't give a Jimmy Fallon fuck). Sorry I came out of a bad break up.
Back to Chris Kattan he needs to leave.
Seth Meyers: I like this guy so far. His brother is on Mad TV now. That's something.
I can picture him ruling the sketches this year.
Tracy Morgan: I'm proud of Tracy too. Tracy seems to be getting a lot of attention lately. Him and Jimmy might be holding SNL down this season. Now that Will is gone I know he will get more air time. If he does get more air time I don't want to see another damn Brian Fellows sketch. Do something else man. You're too good for that now.
Amy Poehler: Amy is overrated. People say Amy is funnier that what she really is. She is funny, but damn Ana Gasteyer and Tina Fey AND Maya Rudolph ruled her ass out last year. Sit down Amy. Oh and that "girl with one leg" sketch is sad. Just because she has a physical disability doesn't mean that her life is screwed (I can give examples to those who want to debate me on this). Anyway, loose the character with the amputated leg, loose that sketch you and Kattan do, and take a look at yourself before you do something else. She is funny, but not funny enough towell fuck it I can't explain it. That's my story and I'm sticking to it until Amy can show me something that can change my tune.
Jeff Richards: I like this guy so far. I don't like Drunk Girl though. Drunk Girl, Amy's characters, and Chris Kattan needs to go.
Maya Rudolph: She's funny and she looks good, who knew that could happen?? I swear the more unattractive the comedian the funnier they are (you read it right Jimmy Fallon fans). She wowed me last year. Lets keep this up Maya.
Chris Parnell: Chris Parnell is just as boring as the Saturday Night Live Biography and Information center website. I read that he plans to be more daring this
year. You sure it was a mistake that you were fired?? Good luck this year buddy.
Horatio Sanz aka Jimmy's other Side Kick: No comment here. I can't say anything bad about him (or good).

 

Show Predictions
It's gonna be good. I can expect a large wad of Tracy Morgan and Jimmy Fallon sketches. Fred Armison and Will Forte will probably be just extras. I remember I couldn't tell Jeff and Seth apart for the first two or three episodes, but I know I can tell these two apart. One looks like a dork and one looks like a bigger dork. I'm sure they are funny though, but I doubt I'll see it tonight. I know everyone believes that the show wont be the same without Will or Ana, but I'm kinda glad they are gone. The reason I'm saying this is because now we will get to see what the other castmembers can do. Will and Ana were the best. Now it's time for someone else to try and be the best.

Just Wanted To Say:
If you couldn't get enough of Jerry Minor (and who the hell wanted more after seeing his lame performance in 2000) you can see more of him and his lame performances on FOX's Cedric the Entertainer show. I hope Cedric the Entertainer gets to host (or maybe Bernie Mack, I'd love that).

The Rating System
5 = The Highest
1 = The Lowest

 

Sketch: Dick Cheney
Players: Darrell Hammond, Chris Parnell
What I Have To Say: I always loved Parnell's Tom Brokaw impression. This was a good way to start the show. Darrell did a very good Dick Cheney once again. From how things are looking so far, SNL is doing good this season (but this is just one damn sketch). 
Key Player: Darrell Hammond
Lamest Player: Chris Parnell (just letting you know, someone will be chosen to fill this spot. If it's a sketch with two people, usually the one that's the least funniest will go here). 
Score: 4
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Sketch: Monologue
Players: Matt Damon, Maya Rudolph, Amy Poehler, Chris Kattan
What I Have To Say: Matt Damon starts the sketch off by talking about all the crazy things that happened over the summer that are too old to make fun of now. He did make fun of Brittney and Justin's break up. Amy did her thing as Ms. Spears. Maya and Chris seemed to be begging for attention (especially Maya). Oh and did I say she was pretty and funny?? Well, when I saw her do the impression of the dude from American Idol I had to take two of those things back. Matt Damon stole the show on this one though. Not just as Justin Timberlake but the impressions of Martha Stewart's broker and Mike Tyson also let me know that having him host again was a good idea. He should have said "I'll eat your whole family" while doing his Tyson impression. Isn't that what the drugged up, getting paid to loose Mike Tyson say before he got knocked the fuck out?
Well, anyway Matt Damon showed and proved during this sketch.
Key Player: Matt Damon
Lamest Player: Maya Rudolph
Score: 4
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Sketch: Riffle Association
Players: Jimmy Fallon & Horatio Sans
What I Have To Say: . interesting.
Key Player: The Duck
Lamest Player: Jimmy Fallon (hey, I had to pick one).
Score:  3
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Sketch: Brian Fellows
Players: Tracy Morgan, Horatio Sans, Darrell Hammond's voice, Matt Damon
What I Have To Say: I don't like this sketch. Why does Tracy like playing dumb characters?? It's good to see the audience welcome Tracy back like this. Tracy is going to blow this season I can tell it. Now that Will is gone Tracy is going to shoot up to the top. I never did like this character, but Tracy at least keeps it interesting (sometimes).  The animals are what really brings life to this sketch and not Tracy.  C'mon man, this sketch is going down the toilet and there is only one way to save it. Kill this character off. Speaking of Brian's uncle I used to know a guy back in high school who's nick name was Kool-Aid.  
Key Player: The Porcupine
Lamest Player: Horatio Sans
Score: 3
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Sketch: National Riffle Association
Players: Seth Meyers, Jimmy Fallon, and Horatio Sans.
What I Have To Say: I know it's just a filler. It sure beats anything by Jack Handy.
Key Player: Seth Meyers
Lamest Player: Horatio Sans (hey somebody has to play this part).
Score:  2.5
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Sketch: Sully & Denise
Players: Jimmy Fallon, Rachel Dratch, Matt Damon, Horatio Sans
What I Have To Say: I just knew this sketch was coming back. Why are they taping this? I guess Sully is doing a school report everywhere they go.  They don't even let you bring cameras into a concert unless you are a real photographer (well, I know that's the rule here). Matt set it off with the line "I'm 100% sure that's Bruce, but I'm like 50% sure that's my baby." This Sully & Denise sketch had plenty of hot lines. I didn't like Sully & Denise at first, but each season it gets better.
Key Player: Matt Damon
Lamest Player: Rachel Dratch
Score: 4.5
===============================================================
Sketch: Meal on the Go!
Players: Chris Parnell, Jeff Richards, Dean Edwards, Seth Meyers
What I Have To Say: This sketch was okay. The idea was funny, but they could have played with it a little more.
Key Player: Chris Parnell
Lamest Player: Dean Edwards
Score: 3
===============================================================
Sketch: Hannibal in College
Players: Matt Damon, Horatio Sans, Will Forte, Seth Meyers
What I Have To Say: Matt really did this sketch good. Will Forte looks scared to be there. This is a good idea for a Hannibal Lector movie if they actually did this. Matt Damon is surprising the hell out of me right now.
Key Player: Matt Damon
Lamest Player: Will Forte (for looking scared this guy needs a pair of lips).
Score: 4.5
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Bruce Springstiens performance:  I don't rate the music, but didn't he just get booed??
Damn, that's something. Hhhhmm, well maybe they are saying "Brrruuuuccceee".
==============================================================
Sketch: Weekend Update
Players:  Jimmy Fallon, Tina Fey, Seth Meyers, Matt Damon, Fred Armison
What I Have To Say: I already know Weekend Update is going to be excellent. Tina never fucks it up (unlike some people). Tina's jokes on Chelsey Clinton, and her jokes ripping on that traitor John Walker Lynn that moved from California to join the enemies (why are they giving him time in jail, they should have his head for that stunt). Tina sounds like she needs to blow her nose. Seth's bit was good. I'm surprised his Red Sox fan bit has returned 3 times. The black bear bit was funny too. Fred Armison ruled out Tina and Jimmy with his character Fericito. Oh my god! I take back saying he looked like a big nerd. He had me rolling for a minute. This character could become a hit! Plus he has a catch phrase that isn't annoying to hear over and over again. It's simple. Nothing to it. "I'm just kidding!!!!". I could hear kids all over the US saying this. Man, I hope this becomes a recurring character for the boy boy Fred Armison.
Key Player: Fred Armison
Lamest Player: Matt Damon
Score:  5 <~~~ this was classic.
==============================================================
Sketch: Matt Damons
Players: Chris Parnell, Matt Damon, Amy Poehler, Tracy Morgan, Darrell Hammond,
Dean Edwards
What I Have To Say: This sketch was nice. It was lovely. This was classic.
Key Player: Chris Parnell
Lamest Player: The real Matt Damon
Score: 5
==============================================================
Sketch: Donatella Versace
Players: Maya Rudolph, Tracy Morgan, Seth Meyers, Dean Edwards, Horatio Sans, Matt Damon
What I Have To Say: I've seen better Versace sketches. Man Dean Edwards played Fonsworth J. Bently good (P-Diddy's fetch man). Tracy's P-Diddy was nice too. What killed me was Horatio doing Rosie. Keep up the good work Horatio! That was crazy! Something told me this sketch was coming back. Maya could have stepped her game up a little, but who cares, I'm in a good mood (Fred Armisen got me pepped up).
Key Player: Horatio Sans
Lamest Player: Amy Poehler
Score:  4
==============================================================
T.V. Funhouse: This was funny as hell. I just new they were going to pick at Anna Nicole. Man this was crucial. I laughed all the way through.
Score: 5
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More Music: I don't rate it.
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Sketch: Secret Government Project
Players: Chris Parnell, Darrell Hammond, Matt Damon, Amy Poehler, Chris Kattan
What I Have To Say: I liked it when they mistook Amy's character for the sex robot.
OMG! Chris Kattan was inside the sex trash can. That was funny.
Maybe I laughed at it because I was in such a good mood. Darrell was making me laugh. Especially when he found out that there was a guy inside the sex robot. How the hell can a sex robot stop the war on terrorism?
Key Player: Matt Damon
Lamest Player: Chris Parnell
Score: 3.5
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Sketch: Dr. Phil
Player: Jeff Richards, Will Forte, Maya Rudolph
What I Have To Say: I'm telling, Jeff did Dr. Phil right (not that he'd actually say those negative things), but the impression was nice. Dr. Phil does use an ass load of metaphors though. Was that Will Forte doing Santa?
I just knew someone was going to do Dr. Phil. Sorry Jeff that no one laughed at your sketch in the audience (they just aren't used to you yet, you're still new). Hell I liked it.
Key Player: Jeff Richards
Lamest Player: Maya Rudolph
Score: 4
==============================================================
Commercial: The War on Iraq
What I Have To Say: This was nice. Glad they showed this instead of Jack Handy. I'm not going to rate it though.

What I Have To Say After The Show: I knew Tracy was going to be in more sketches.
Rachel Dratch is the new Tracy Morgan. I have a feeling that Fred will do real good on the show. Dean, Seth, and Jeff seem to have made themselves at home now so that's good.

Overall Score: 4
Key Player: Matt Damon
Lamest Player: Will Forte (Chris Parnell would have won it, but my rule is if you
are the key player in one sketch and the lamest in a few others, that's not enough to bring you down).

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