Adrien Brody / Sean Paul and Wonder Wayne
May 10, 2003

By Maria Sakhrani

PREGAME: first of all, sorry about no review last week, because I gave up way through. Other than the Falconer sketch (which am I one of the few that thought it was hilarious) and minor chuckles here and there, nothing redeeming about Ashton Kutcher or 50 Cent. Nice to know Ashton fulfilled his dream, but come on!
-Saw X2 last weekend...1) MUCH better than the first and 2) I want Hugh Jackman.
-Chris Kattan and Tracy Morgan are gone after next week. Sad to see them go, but not really shocked. Underused and when they are used, we get Buddy Mills.
-Tonight: Adrien "I got an Oscar!" Brody and dancehall artists Sean Paul and Wayne Wonder. (Meaning the music should not suck). Since Adrien wants to be a hip hop producer called A Ranger, please Lord, don't let him rap.

JUST SAY IT ALREADY! (American Idol-Cold opening)As a fan of American Idol, I LMAO. Chris' facial ticks were spot on. But the Coke ads lost its luster after the 5th time! 7.5
Lines: "I'm supersexy/Botoxed Heartthrob Ryan Seacrest"; "Dawg, you sang like a dawg, dawg."; "...that I hate you Ryan Seacest and I hope you get SARS."

 

Monologue: What a shock, he makes out with Maya, audience member and Horatio. Thanks his mom (awww....) but then his mom starts ragging on him. It was going somewhere, but then stopped dead in its tracks. 5

Line: "You're 30 years old! You can't go everywhere with your mother!"

Suddenly, it's holiday themed sweaters and appliqués(Mom Jeans). I laughed because that IS my mother. 8

Line: "I'm not a woman anymore, I'm a mom!"

And for the last time...that cat is threatening me!! (Brian Fellow). Well, for its last hurrah, it was less than inspiring. 6
Line: "'A pigeon once attacked me' 'I'm sorry' 'That's OK, I was asking for it.'"

Narcissism, thy name it's me (Picture on the wall). If they are going to put Kattan in many skits as possible before he leaves, I hope this is rock bottom. And Brody is a sheer rip-off of Hank Azaria in The Birdcage. Horrendous! 1
Lines: "'No I'm Jewish' 'Really? Ugh.'"; "Would you like to listen to Journey?"; "Damn you match.com!"

Next week: Dan Aykroid and Beyonce in the season finale (aka we can now stop the bleeding.)

Inspired by a true story...though it's not on Law and Order (Regis and Kelly): Based on the climber who cut off his own arm. Once again Amy is making Darrell crack. For that, a fairer grade. 7

Lines: "My wife read her book and I was on the Internet.";

It's the Ambiguously Gay Duo if done by the Middle East (Osama and Saddam- TV Funhouse) All about visuals, so it was pretty good. 7

Line: "It's a letter from my wives."
Visuals: Arab Virgins look like the Olsen twins, Rocks are the coolest trading cards, writing credits were all in Arabic except for Sean Penn.

Music: Sean Paul "Get Busy."
Performance was off the hook. But Adrien? I don't know if that was either funny or really ridiculous. But above all, he called him Sean JOHN (as in P. Diddy.)

WU: Mutant Rachel: NOT FUNNY! Elton John: NOT FUNNY! (Horatio and Jimmy together? We have talked about this people.) Jokes: BETTER THAN LAST WEEK! 6

Lines: (about the priest who hired hookers to dress like nuns) "Described his behavior as progress"; (about the public toilets with Internet access) "Go inside, log in, and log out"; (About fans finding flaws in X2)"And yet they can't seem to see the flaws in their own lives."; (the old man in the mountain crumbling down in NH) "So watch out Joan Rivers and MTM, these things happen in threes"; (Carson Daly, and NBC employee, spent a grand on lap dances at the Kentucky Derby) " it's not that bad when you consider how expensive Chippendales is...see you in the elevators Carson!"

Lensmasters: I'm convinced they didn't practice this sketch at all. 1

Lines: "These are the types of glasses that make people hate you." " 'I think these are too small' 'That's because your head is too big.'"

 

(Dance class) same characters from the French class from the Salma Hayek show. Eh 5
Lines: "And also I have to pay for some abortions."; "I haven't met her yet, she's arriving from the Philippines on Tuesday."; "Hello, package for Ruth Weinstock!" "I feel like I might shake a fart loose."

Cuz he starred it, see? (Porno company): Last sketch...what do you expect? 2

Porn Titles: Sex-men; Lord of the Rims, Sweet Home Allen's Butthole; Bend Over Like Beckham; Glad He Ate Him (Gladiator).

Post game: See what an Oscar does to a guy you didn't hear of 6 months ago? Slightly better than last week, but for those who think Chris Walken is eccentric, we found someone even more so. However, the musical performances were THE best all year...yes, even better than the Foos. And who plugs a movie at the END of the show? Oh yeah, a newly cemented Oscar winner who's been dating Nicole Kidman, that's who!

Next week: the best and worst...only make it the decent, the bad, and the unwatchable of the 2002-2003. Meaning recaps, lines and oh yeah, wondering where did it all go wrong.