Adrien Brody / Sean Paul and Wonder Wayne
May 10, 2003

By Greg Haledjian

(On Tap this week: My Huge Announcement, The Last 2 reviews that were not posted by me, A Sum up for the next few reviews, a preview for next weeks review, but first)

All Apologies for the last few weeks. Let me explain. Back on the April show with Ray Romano and Zwan, my keypad got fucked up, then my mouse decided to get fucked up, so therefore I sent in what I was up to, and that was it. I said, I'll be ready to type in 3 weeks for the Ashton Kutcher and 50 Cent show. Me and my friends stayed up way to late "partying", that's in light terms to compared to what we did, and I woke up with a, let's call it "headache", and then me and my friend Sean had to go check out hotels for prom down in Point Pleasant. So I ended up taping SNL for that week and watched it that afternoon. I wrote the review, and just as I was about to send it, I had to go out and drop something at my friends house, so I did that, and when I got back I remembered Sean's deadline of like 8 or so and it ended up being 815, so I said fuck it and decided to save up everything for this review. Whew, lots of words.

My Huge Announcement

Well my announcement I have been talking about for the last few weeks is final. The season finale of this season will be my last show on this website. This decision was of course made by only me and none of the other commentators on the site. I will be copy and pasting this for the rest of the 2 shows on the site. Now, let me just explain part of my reason for leaving. I am going to college next year and well I can't fail out and yeah, it would be easy to write a review on Sunday Nights and send them to Sean, but I wouldn't be able to really get into the review like I do now. Like this year, for instance, my segments have been strong, and next year I would hardly be able to get time write them, so who knows, I could write a random review like Mark Polishuk did this past year or do my annual Holiday review, that has only aired once out of 3 years and I have no clue why I call it the annual, but anyway, my retirement can only lead to one thing, a huge countdown to the final show and huge ass going away show. So I got this idea to bring back every segment, every character from the past 4 years and 3 seasons for the final 2 shows. It should be a good ending to a good tenure from the site. So thanks for reading if you still are, and I hope to keep your reading going for 2 more shows.

Okay, now in its full context dating back to April 14, 2003, I think, is the Ray Romano/Zwan show.

Spazo Tom: I feel like we're on some illegal show showcasing unaired stuff that was too risky for TV, so just air the old review and that'll be it man.

Greg: Okay, dude, your pissing me off this week. First when I tried burning you, you moved your hand, then you actually tried defending yourself, not cool man.

Spazo Tom: Sorry about that and the fire, man, that spread for hours, but it was cool to roast marshmallows with you though, but anyway, just start the old reviews, so I can get out of here.

Greg: All right, the unaired Ray Romano/Zwan actual review.

**********************************
Okay, that's it for all the pre-pre-stuff, onto the pre-show.

Pre-Show: Back for his 2nd time is Ray Romano, who of course is on Everybody Loves Raymond, one of the finniest shows on TV. He's a versatile character, who can do anything he wants on this show, and can do it really good. Back for his 4th is Billy Corgan from Smashing Pumpkins, but with his band Zwan for the first time. Zwan has drummer from the Pumpkins Jimmy Chamberlin and one of the guitarists-from A Prefect Circle, plus another guitarist and Bassist, making it a 3-guitar band. I expect I really good show, let's get into it.

And Onto the review.

Opening: Saddam Hussein
-Note- never use voice-overs. Maya Rudolph really has to just retire from doing those god awful voice things.
-It was pretty funny with the dates.
Grade: C+

Mono: Ray Romano
-Funny mono bit about the OCD people. My schools got a ton of people like that.
-He did a bunch of different jokes about the age of 4, spectra-vision. Whoa, 2 weeks in a row of stand-up, are the writers of tired asking those annoying questions during the monologue now I guess.
Grade: B-

Skit: What's the Rush
-Great idea and premise.
-Funny skit with Amy and Seth not having sex to wait for marriage for some reason.'
-This is definitely of one Seth's best skits in his 2 years here. He was really good with the water and lines he had.
-Ray was really good here as well with his funny line and that wig he had on just added to it.
Grade: B+

Sketch: WakeUp Wakefield
-Decent sketch as always. Maya and Rachel were ok.
-What was with her infatuation with Adrian Brody?
-Ray as Sheldon's dad was okay too. Good idea to add to the failing skit, new characters, new comedy I guess.
-I'm not getting why Jimmy Fallon isn't in the skits anymore for this sketch. He was great in that role.
-Horatio's bit was okay and Ray messed up his line at the end, nothing else noteworthy.
Grade: C+

Music: Zwan- "Lyric"
-Great track, next single off Mary Star of the Sea. Track 1 on it by the way.
Grade: A

Weekend Update: Fey 'n Fallon
-Highlights: Tax Day/Willie Nelson, Bush on Easter Eggs, Toll Coin/Mickey Rourke.
-What was with Jimmy's hair?? Going for the comb over I guess.
-Seth's bit was lame about the NCAA poll.
-Darrell's thing as the Iraqi guy was funny.
-The ad-libing of the punch bit was funny, the penis thing was pretty funny, well-delivered joke by Tina in my opinion. She gives good deliveries of jokes much better than Jimmy.
-Their ad-libing was very well delivered and quite funny.

Spazo Tom: Who uses the word quite, what are you a fucking nerd??

Greg: Not even going to reply to that.

Grade: A-

Sketch: The Rialto Grande Show
-Kattans back again in this recurring character. This was definelty one of his best characters this season.
-So, Kattan moves from the 12:50 spot to the 12:20 spot, creeping up Kattan. Good job to him and Armisen and the rest of the band for keeping that up.
-Fred Armisen with the delayed drumming is always funny, plus the added random walking of the girls while he's talking, good stuff.
Grade: B

Misc.: CNN News Center
-Random as hell, will definitely be up there for most random skit of the year in the season finale.
-Darrell finally has a lead character in a show since maybe Walkens' Hardball.
-Hard to tell what they were going for. If you noticed they were talking about Horatio and Tracy on the bottom of the screen news captions.
Grade: B-

Skit: Phone Booth
-Ray was pretty funny, couldn't tell if he was playing Colin Farrell or just some random guy.
-Long skit, but played out pretty funny by Ray, the cops and the phone guy.
Grade: C+

Skit: Access Hollywood
-Wasn't bad. Amy, Jimmy, and Ray were all good.
-They talked about Colin Farrell again, what's with that guy tonight. I didn't know his movie was that big.
-They did something like this in 1999 when Ray hosted and it was a Sports center sketch with Tim Meadows.
-I liked the Sandler/Nicholson joke.
Grade: A-

Music: Zwan- "Settle Down"
-Great song. What was with the girl bassist and those mad short shorts.
-Billy's' voice was amazing here, he has defiantly ousted himself with Zwan,
-That jam at the end was great as well.
Grade: A

Sketch: Club Traxx
-Can't believe they brought this back.
-Really Stupid.
Grade: D+

Comm: President for Iraq
-Armisen played some guy, I don't know, that's all I got, sorry folks.
Grade: C

Closing Credits: Nothing Major.

After Show: Great show, minus that Club Traxx, it would have been up there for the best of the year, but it's still up there. Ray was great, so was Zwan and the cast was all-together really good.

Actor/Actress of the Night: Ray Romano, Darrell Hammond (been a while)
Best of the Night: What's the Rush, Access Hollywood
Worst of the Night: Club Traxx

Overall Grade: B+

Lines of the Night:

From What's the Rush:
"So how long is this gonna take, cause I got some serious boning to do." Ray Romano to Seth and Amy.

From Weekend Update:
"It is rumored that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez want to star in a remake of Casablanca. This will be the perfect film for people who liked the original but wished it was terrible."- Tina Fey

"Coming up in just three days is April 15, the IRS deadline for filing your income taxes. Or, as Willie Nelson refers to it, Tuesday."- Tina Fey

From CNN News Center:
"Good Evening, I'm Aaron Brown and I've been talking for a long time." Darrell Hammond as Aaron Brown.

From Phone Booth:
"Walter, don't be a douchebag."- Darrel on the phone to Ray as Walter.

All right, that was the Ray Romano/Zwan show in its entirety. Let me just get my stuff ready and we'll do the show from last week.

Spazo Tom: Greg, I got a quick question that has been really pissing me off because I feel you have not really answered it to any viewers.

Greg: Go ahead.

Spazo Tom: Where have Alex and Shifty been up to??

Greg: Alex I have been emailing trying to get him to return and Shifty has been away as you can tell on his reviews, I can tell you this though. Alex will be back for our last show and I'm going to work my balls off to get Shifty for another 'We have an Opinion' for next week as well. I miss not having them in the review, but they must be somewhat busy.

Okay, now the unaired review of the Ashton Kutcher and 50 Cent show from last week.

**************************************

Pre-Show: The host is That 70's show star and star of MTV's Punk'd, Ashton Kutcher on the show tonight. He has been in Dude, Where's my car and Just Married to name a few. He actually made a cameo in the Billy Bob Thornton monologue from 2001. He should be funny tonight. For music is 50 Cent, who got a big name from his underground music and 8 Mile. He's got that annoying radio hit 'In Da Club' if you still don't know who he is.

And Onto the review.

Opening: Bush's speech in Iraq
-Another ovation for Parnell as Bush, finally Chris Parnell is getting the attention for his George W. Bush character.
-Little slow, but funny in the end.
-Dragged on way too long.
-The North Korea bit was good.
Grade: B-

Mono: Ashton Kutcher
-Funny mono with him just wearing a shirt and underwear. This guy really got lots of laughs by the audience. You can tell how a host is going to do by how he starts the monologue. For instance, many regard DeNiro's show as bad, watch how he acted during the monologue. It was very weird and he even pulled a Norm Macdonald and walked off in the end of it.
-Maya wasn't that bad and neither was Parnell. More Kattan gay jokes, wrong Chris to go out there.
-He gave the feeling that Eminem might show up by talking about him.
Grade: B-

Comm: Count Chocula Silver
-This could have been much better, but unfortunately it wasn't and just kept dragging on.
-Jimmy did a good impression, but you could tell by the voice that it was Jimmy right away.
Grade: D

Sketch: Jarret's Room
-Seth doing the Mr. Personality mask was decent. I like how this sketch has changed, in a good way, over the past 2-3 years.
-Horatio as Goby was funny with the Subgay shirt on and the red/blue bong of course mocking The Matrix.
-Ashton was funny and his face when he walked in was just hilarious.
-The bit with the 911 thing was not funny at all, I wonder how the sponsors, censors, and the suits from NBC let Lorne do that line.
-Jimmy again played a great role as Jarret, and overall the skit was great, the pot smoking with Ashton and Horatio was great.
Grade: A-

Skit: Dateline- Madonna
-Amy pulls off Madonna really good. If she was still a blonde, I wonder who would have played Madonna, because I don't think Amy could pull that off.

Spazo Tom: Why the fuck are you talking about Madonna's' hair?

Greg: I don't know man, all I know is, is that for some reason I'm doing reviews that are weeks old, and I'm just trying to fill in space to make this review longer.

Spazo Tom: That last line should have been to yourself you moron.

-Seth making her age keep getting older was mad funny. Amy couldn't sing a lick.
Grade: C+

Sketch: Getting Caught
-Funny sketch. I like how SNL can make 30 year old's look like they are the same as age as high schoolers. They looked more like teens than some people in my school, because most of them are stuck up JAP's of course

Spazo Tom: Once again, that last line should have been to yourself.

-Anyway, the kids keep getting caught by Parnell, as the teacher, was pretty funny. Seth and the phone call was funny.
Grade: B

Music: 50 Cent feat. G-Unit ­ "In Da Club."
-For Justin: G- UUUUUUnit.
-No Comment.
Grade: C-

Weekend Update: Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey
-Highlights: War Jokes, World Health Organization, Harry Potter.
-Tracy's 10-second bit was funny, the cake thing was funny as well. I wonder if they really just let Tracy say whatever the fuck he wants to since he's been on for so long.
-Liza Minelli and David Gest were funny. Maya and Kattan were good as well.
-The Sars prevention song with Fred and Will was funny.
-The bit at the end was a big pencil.
Grade: A-

Skit: The Falconer
-How they keep coming up with ideas for this 1 joke skit I will never know. Will Forte must have some pull on this show.
-Ashton was really good here as the Muskrateer.
Grade: B-

Misc.: Ashton gets Punk'd
-Finally some of that misc. stuff that Tracy does. Those are always good.
-Dean and Tracy and Lorne were all good. Do you ever wonder if SNL is really like that with Tracy always getting cut in sketches, because if you think about it, he's only in random Update stuff. I've been trying to come to a conclusion about that.
Grade: A

Skit: Politics Today
-Funny skit with out of school people doing a talk show about politics.
-Tracy, Amy, Fred, and Ashton were all good.
-Darrell was great as well, making his first appearance of the night. Skeeter was a great role for him. Might be one of the last times Darrell is in for the year if this is his last year, but I doubt that it is.
Grade: B+

Music: 50 Cent feat. G-Unit and Nate Dog ­"21 Questions"
-Same as Before. The rapping on the show, so goddam annoying, y'know.
Grade: C-

Skit: Executions with 50's Ent
-I liked the way this panned out with the singers and Forte, with that high pitched yell, yelling at everybody.
-Tracy as the jail guy was funny. Little ironic the fact that he's playing the criminal in jail.
Grade: C+

Comm: Global Century Investment (Repeat from Ray Liotta Show on January 18, 2003.
-My Original Writing About it:
Parnell was good here, but not to get side drifted, where the hell has he been the past few months. Since Bush and the first 5 shows he has been in like3 skits. Hope he doesn't get kicked off the show again. Dry humor played a huge role in this skit. Best part about this skit, no doubt, was Amy speech. So straight forward and funny.
Grade: C+/B-

Closing Credits: Nothing Major, except his line at the end was cute about letting him host was making a young boy's, meaning himself, a chance to host was a wish come true.

After-Show: Really good show this week. Ashton played a slew of characters and played all of them great. 50 Cent was okay. The cast was again spread out, but not bad. Like I always say, get Darrell Hammond in sketches. It's a waste for him on the bench. The show would be much better with him in it more.

Actor/Actress of the Night: Jimmy Fallon, Will Forte, Ashton Kutcher
Best of the Night: Jarret's Room, Getting Caught, Ashton getting Punk'd
Worst of the Night: Count Chocula Comm.
Special Guests: G-Unit and Nate Dog (during the songs)

Overall Grade: B+

Lines of the Night:

From Dateline- Madonna:
"Hello, I'm Matt Lauer, and noKatie is not here."- Seth Meyers as Matt Lauer.

From Weekend Update:
"This week, a spokesman for the World Health Organization said that 23 of the 26 countries afflicted with SARS have the disease under control. Then a reporter coughed and the spokesman jumped out the window."- Jimmy Fallon.

"Though the trip to the aircraft carrier was Cheney's idea, the socks down the front of the jumpsuit was classic W."- Tina Fey.

That is it for the past 2 reviews, and I am fucking tired and there is still more to go surprisingly, so stay tuned.

Spazo Tom: Okay, this is for all those who want to know what's up next week for the season finale and the last show of Greg's review.

-Characters and Segments from the review from 2001-2003
-My Final and Best of Updates from the past 2 years.
-Alex will give some final words and 'We have an Opinion' will be brought back as well.
-The Best of 2002-2003.
-Of course the review.
-The last words ever on the review.

 

So come back for next week for a final look back on the 2000-2003 on Greg's review career.

Okay, well if you want to write to me, my email address is greghaledjian460@hotmail.com.

Upcoming Shows:
May 10, 2003 (tonight's show)- Adrian Brody and Sean Paul and Wayne Wonder
May 17, 2003 (season finale)- Dan Aykroyd and Beyonce

And finally onto the pre-show.

Pre-Show: Tonight's show features Oscar Award winner Adrian Brody, who I only know has been in that one film "The Pianist." No clue what type of movie it was. The music tonight is 2 different musical guests; unfortunately it's the same type of music, being rap. Sean Paul if you haven't heard his voice or song, has one of the most annoying voices in music today. Wayne Wonder I have no clue who he is and never heard his song, he sounds like he's got a famous name, but I doubt he is. Should be an interesting show tonight.

And Onto the show.

Opening: American Idol
-Jimmy was funny playing that guy Ryan. I never watch the show, but I found it pretty funny how they parodied it like that.
-Kattan and Rachel as the 2 contestants were pretty funny. Kattans' looks to the camera were funny as hell.
-The rest of the impressions: Amy as Paula was great, that first look she gave was just classic. Dean\n as Randy was funny. The commercials showing Randy are uncanny to the performance that Dean gave. And Parnell as Simon was good too, he's got that look of Simon that is just really well delivered.
-Jeff playing that guy in war was funny, he is right, what the hell is actually going on?? War or peace. And Maya doing those commercials for Coke was annoying, but it was funny. 
Grade: B+

Mono: Adrian Brody
-Okay, for those who don't know why he kissed Maya it is because during her skit, WakeUp Wakefield, she is in love with him, also, the good news is, is that I doubt since they finished the kissing that must mean there is no WakeUp skit this week. Good shit.
-The fact it is Mother's Day, I cannot make any negative comments about this skit, if you saw the actual skit you obviously must know what I am talking about.
-What was with the random music from the band? Maybe an Oscar inside joke or something.
Grade: C

Comm.: Mom Jeans
-This was pretty funny, finally a good commercial for SNL.
-Parnell's look was classic when Rachel walked out.
Grade: B-

Skit: Brian Fellows- Safari Planet
-Back again I guess. Tracy is acting more like a 6th grader every time, so I guess that is good apparently because the crowd loves that stuff.
-The cat being bald and the baseball game piece was really funny.
-Oh yeah, anybody following the departure of cast members this season will probably realize that this could be the last Tracy-Kattan in the same skit together, I realized that after I read it on www.saturdaynightlive.tv. The Virginia/Christmas thing with Kattan was one of the best parts from that skit
Grade: B+

Skit: Date's Apartment
-Funny premise well delivered by Kattan.
-Adrian as his man slave or whatever the name was, was pretty funny. His accent was really good. He reminded me of John Turturro from Mr. Deeds.
-The Journey song played for Rachel was pretty funny. I never heard it before, but hearing Kattan's voice was pretty good.
Grade: C+/B-

Skit: Live with Regis and Kelly
-Great skit, good to see it back, not as good as past ones though, but still good.
-Kattan as Gellman with the umbrella was hilarious, they keep make his character gayer and more funnier.
-Adrian's' character was pretty boring. The way Amy was on Darrell was pretty funny as well. The 'Who is that Reg,' is always a classic Amy line.
Grade: A

Toon: Saddam and Osama
-What the hell is this?? Random stuff right here.

Spazo Tom: Did you just answer your own question??

Greg: Nah, just way to lazy to hit enter.

-Bush and Cheney were pretty funny in it. Having him eating a pig and Bush as a monkey was the only funny spot. The Olsen girls was weird, yet a little

Spazo Tom: Don't finish that line, don't want an R. Kelly thing to happen to you man.

Greg: Thanks kid.

-I stopped watching this when I saw the Kids dancing.
Grade: C-

Music: Sean Paul- "Get Busy"
-What was Adrian doing before he intro-ed him??
-Eh, decent I guess.
Grade: C-

Update: Fey 'n Fallon
-Highlights: Gary Hart/mailman, X-Men 2 flaws, masturbate-a-thon, Carson Daly/Strip Club Spree. Not that really good jokes this week. Getting dry on the Update desk this year, I wonder what happened.
-Rachel as Q*terplex was funny. I guess this is a recurring bit with the foot in her head.
-Did Jimmy really not want to do the Elton John thing, he seemed not into anything this week on Update. Horatio as Elton was way too long. 4 Minutes to be exact.
-No Eric Sloven to take the pen this week, instead Fallon threw the pen at the camera this week.
Grade: A-

Skit: Lensmasters
-Dumb glasses thing. In it were Kattan, Adrian and Amy.
Grade: D+

Sketch: Ballroom Dancing
-Pointless and stupid. Adrian looked like the guy from the Sopranos here with the long hair. Furio was his name.
Grade: D

Music: Wayne Wonder
-No clue of the name of the song, sorry all 2 people watching this.
-Better than Sean Paul in my opinion.
Grade: C+

Skit: Gay Porn Titles
-Pretty funny. Nice way to end a show I guess, just making up stuff.
Grade: B

Closing Credits: Nothing major, he talked about his upcoming movie.

After-Show: Decent show. Adrian was okay. The music acts weren't bad. Adrian didn't play that many leads, he played some minor roles. Kattan stepped up tonight, he had at least 6 sketches. Not bad of a show overall.

Actor/Actress of the Night: Amy Poehler, Chris Kattan.
Best of the Night: Live with Regis and Kelly, Brian Fellows, American Idol Opening.
Worst of the Night: Ballroom Dancing, Lensmasters.

Lines of the Night:

From Brian Fellows:
"I was attacked by a pigeon once." Tracy as Brian Fellows to Kattan.
"I'm sorry."- Kattan
"That's okay, I was asking for it." Tracy back to Kattan.

From Weekend Update:
"Police in Verona, Italy, have arrested a priest who regularly visited a brothel and hired hookers to dress up like nuns. A spokesman for the Vatican described the priest's behavior as progress."- Tina Fey

Overall Grade: B-

Spazo Tom: Okay, this is for all those who want to know what's up next week for the season finale and the last show of Greg's review.

-Characters and Segments from the review from 2001-2003
-My Final and Best of Updates from the past 2 years.
-Alex will give some final words and 'We have an Opinion' will be brought back as well.
-The Best of 2002-2003.
-Of course the review.
-The last words ever on the review.

Okay, that's it for now. Finally me and Tom are done talking for one review. Next week is the last review of the year for me and my career and it's the season finale as well with Dan Aykroyd and Beyonce. Should be a good way to end my reviewing, so tune in. Later folks. Happy Mother's Day to all Mothers. Goodnight.