Reese Witherspoon / Alicia Keys
September 29, 2001

Live, from my computer, it's Tuesday afternoon and I'm
writing my first SNL review of the season. I thought I'd
get this done before I head over to Tejas for a week to do
absolutely nothing. You can read all about it (if you care)
in "Crazy in Alabama" at
Anyhoo, time to get the ball rolling on this one:

0:00-8:03 NY Tribute (A-)
What do you get when you put Mayor Guilliani, 30 NYC
firemen and police officers, Paul Simon and Lorne Michaels
together at Studio 8H in Rockefeller Center? A fitting
tribute to kick off the 27th season of NBC's late-night
staple. (The minus is b/c Paul Simon sang too long and this
whole thing ran 8 minutes as a result.)

8:03-9:43 Don Pardo Flubs the Opening Announce (A)
The king of the Macy's Day Parade forgot that Miss Tina
got bumped up from Featured Player over the summer...or
maybe he just thought she looked like Ana Gasteyer. Either
way, this one's going on the reel.

9:43-12:55 Monologue (C-)
Reese Witherspoon only knows one joke? I believe it.
The whole 'treading on water' thing was lost on me. They
knew perfectly well what they were doing. And then she goes
and screws up the tag at the end. "Stick around and see
what happens"! Who says stuff like that?

12:55-13:52 "The H" (A+)
This was too funny. I just laughed and laughed. "In
whacked-out cream or jiggity jiggity jelly!" (The plus is
b/c it's not that awful corn chip nail tips.)

I'll use this time to tell you all about my dog. We are
taking him to the Puppy Palace for the week. I hate doing
this b/c the woman there is sorta...well, she won't shut
up, anyway.

16:10-23:10 Wake Up, Wakefield (B-)
Let me tell you something about "Wake Up, Wakefield."
My school is planning a show like this as we speak.
Therefore, IF it's funny, it's b/c it's true. It is sorta
played out now, so if they do it again, that's an automatic
loss of one letter grade.

Nothing much to say here.

26:21-31:00 Little Mermaid - Interspecies Beach (B)
Wow, Will Ferrell in his natural habitat: an
interspecies beach. Interesting that he's trying so hard to
shun his roots.

Didja ever notice how when you take the saran wrap off
of the cake, it never fits back on just right? Bastards.

33:46-37:10 Alicia Keys (C+)
Not a fan. Sorry. Seriously, I just can't stand her.

There sure seems to be a lot of commercials in this
week's show. However, whenever there's a 30 spot for real
estate services, there's more money in everybody's
pocket...except mine.

40:00-50:27 Weekend Update (A+)
It feels like they reshot the opening video and took
out Tina interviewing a fireman. Tasteful. Jesse Jackson
brought the whole thing down. Now, some random quotes:
"[Osama bin Laden is] likely hiding somewhere remote
and barren where he will not encounter others. The FBI has
begun searching theaters showing the movie "Glitter."
They mentioned Bob Dole (as Crazy Viagra McGee) and
Jimmy's bad hair day, as well as Maine's moosehunting
season and a would-be sex orgy in Rio de Janiero. However,
I give it a *low* A+, b/c they didn't resolve the season
finale cliffhanger regarding the paternity of Rachel's
BTW, the phone # for the Twin Towers Fund was

Lego porn is funny.

53:00-58:55 The Culps - Lesbian Commitment Ceremony (B-)
Seriously, these two have been done to death. This
time, it was only funny because it was topical. And it
wasn't even that funny. Come up with some new characters.
You've had all summer and this is the best you can do?

Again, I'd like it on record that there are a lot of
commercials in this episode.

1.01:42-1.10:11 Celebrity Jeopardy (B+)
Nothing spectacular here. Chris Tucker, Anne Heche and,
of course, Sean Connery 'competed' for charity. "Do you not
understand the words that are coming out of my mouth?"
According to her resume, Anne Heche has slept with, among
others, Chris Kattan, Chewbacca and the Cream of Wheat Guy.

Just a little tiny one.

1.10:50-1.14:30 Alicia Keys (C)

Goddamn these infernal commercial breaks. Thank God,
however, for the fast-forward button.

1.16:20-1.21:05 Baby Switch (B)
Interesting. Traditional last-half-hour crap. The end
was OK, b/c Tracy made me crack a smile.

I'm trying to think of some good propaganda to slip in
here, but I keep coming up short.

1.23:05-1.26:33 Versace Baby Tape (A+)
Oh my God!!! This is way too funny! How did this get
buried as the last act of the night? I looove this. I would
buy this tape to shut my kids up. "Get out of here before I
love you too much. GET OUT!!!"

We're winding down and I'm starting to shift gears.

1.28:13-1.29:49 Goodnights (A)
Kudos on getting everyone to stick around. Must have
been some good food in the green room.

Reese Witherspoon (A)
She gave it her all and made me smile, despite a somber
mood overall. Also, consider that she can only work with
what they give her.

Alicia Keys (F)
She just doesn't do it for me - vocally or lyrically.
Yes, I said lyrically. I know it's a word, too, b/c I made
it up.

Line of the Week: "Having our city's institutions up and
running sends a message that New York City is open for
business. 'Saturday Night Live' is one of our great New
York City traditions and that's why it's important for you
to do your show tonight." - NYC Mayor Rudy Guilliani to SNL
exec producer Lorne Michaels

Laugh of the Week:
Lorne> "Can we be funny?"
Mayor> "Why start now?"

Cast Member of the Week:
Reese Witherspoon deserves honorary cast member status.

As always, Update carries the entire 90 minutes, but at
least the show is back for another year. Thank God for
that. See you all next week. (Can't wait? Email me: or visit my website:

Episode Review written by tittlemouse

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