Jon Stewart / India.Arie
March 9, 2002

Once again, it's time to grab some coffee and a snack, turn off Showtime at the Apollo (can I get a woo woo?), and fire up my good old unreliable computer--it's SNL time again! Once again, I missed the episode last weekend because I had that major decision to make: visit the girlfriend up in Connecticut, or stay at school and watch SNL. Yeah, that is a tough decision to make. So anyways, I missed Chris Parnell's return to SNL. At least I get to see him this week. That's just as good, I think. But anyways, I did tape last weeks show, but I didn't get a chance to see it until today, so I decided to forget writing up a review.'s NCAA Conference championship time, isn't it? Well, my school got knocked out in the second round of the Big East championships, by Notre Dame. if you ever have the opportunity to visit my live journal, you'll see that. SO after you read my review, check out my entry for March 7th at < > Okay, now I suppose I will get on with my review. Wow--it's been over a month for me since I did this last.


Cold Opening-----Deep Thoughts with Dick Cheney

-Okay, next time I listen to someone who says that Darrell Hammond will not be in the cast, I deserve to be wrong. I'm just glad that I was right in my SNL Player Prediction Picks with Will. I said he would be absent, and I was correct.
-Anyways, this was pretty funny over all. I liked most of Cheney's rants, especially the one about Craig Kilborne. And he has a point. How does someone get to so high a position with just good looks and charm??? And I must disagree with him on one point. I do not think at all that Dubya has good looks or charm. He's just a dumbass redneck Texan. No offense to Texans or anything.
--It looks like, with last week and this week, we are headed back to the WIF/DAH opening the show, cause, of course, it was Darrell who said LFNISN.
Rating: 8 nuclear warheads / 10


Monolouge---Finally, Network TV!!

-Was it just me or was this kind of long for a monolouge? Not that I have any problem with it at all. Jon did it totally solo, which I really liked. This ranks up with the Ellen DeGeneres monolouge.
-There were some great lines in this. I especially liked the comparison between Britney "skank" Spears/Justin "I suck" Timberlake and Kid "redneck" Rock/Pam "I'm a whore" Anderson. Now, I am going to sit back and see how many complaints I get for making fun of "such talented 'artists'" (supresses laughing).
--Willard Scott--everybody loves him. I've been watching him on the Today show since I was really young. I remember being sad when he went into semi-retirement.
Rating: 10 102 year old geezers / 10


Commercial: The Cheese Game

-Now, this looks like something I would actually have liked as a kid. In fact, it is something I probably still would enjoyed.
-Can somebody who taped the show go back and tell me what the fine print said at the end card of this commercial? I tried to catch it but wasn't fast enough.
Rating: 7 wheels of cheddar/10


Sketch: That Stupid MTV Show For Annoyingly Loud Teenie-Boppers

--I do not like this show in real life. However, since he started his new late night show and his radio DJ job, I have gained much more respect for Carson Daly. I found it quite humerous when he shouted out "SHUT UP!" to quite those stupid annoying teenage girls. I wish I could see that in real life.
-Jon Stewarts character at first reminded me of an Adam Sandler impression. I think mostly it was the was he was standing, but I could have been just dreaming. I did find it funny how Stewart's character kept trying to feel Jimmy up.
-That band was way too freaky. And I am trying to figure out who it was playing Assface or whatever the hell his name was. If I had to guess, I would say probably one of the male castmembers, obviously--Jeff Richards or Darrell. Oh well. Doesn't matter.
Rating: 9 brace-face teenage girls/10


Sketch: Bloater Bro's (and Pop)

--I am one of the minority (maybe it's a majority?) of the people who like these guys. Although they do have an annoying laugh. It could be worse--we could have the DeMarco's.
--Jon Stewart did a pretty good job playing their father, and the Nat'l Guard guys in the background did a good job of looking intimidating.
--I noticed the picture of Dubya that usually hangs in Cheney's office on the wall on the right hand side in this sketch. Yuck.
Rating: 8 malfunctioning metal detectors / 10


TV Funhouse--Sec of State plus two

--I am one person who, surprisingly enough, did not watch the real thing when it aired. Mostly because, I did not know about it. If I did, I probably would have watched at least part of it. I think it is cool how Colin Powel pissed off his boss a little by supporting condom use.
--Beavis and Butthead were a surprise, and it was funny and cool to see them. Mike Judge is a cool guy--I liked him in King of the Hill, Beavis & Butthead and all their other stuff, and in the original Office Space animated shorts that you could catch on SNL once in a while.
Rating: 10 fires (heh!) / 10


Sketch: Talking to the Stars

--Once again, Tracy Morgan plays a parody of himself. Sometimes, I feel sorry for him. I think that is one of the reasons why I did not really like this sketch. I did think some of the words he used, however, were pretty funny.
--And, Rachel Dratch looked quite stunning. Yeah, I knoe she's 36 years old--but still, she's got a nice figure.
Rating: 6 "lifts" / 10


Sketch: There's a Party in my Flat, and You're Not Invited!

I tried to keep straight in my mind who played everyone, but I soon forgot. Let's see how well I do:
-Chris Parnell=Tom Brokaw
-Jon Stewart=himself
-Seth Meyers=Stone Phillips (really bad impression, i think--visually, at least)
-Dean Edwards=Ed Bradley
-Chris Kattan=Kristine Amampore...ore however/whatever it is
-Amy=Greta Van Sustern with nice perky breasts & hard nipples (what!?? Dont call me a pig for noticing. It was obvious they were trying to exagerate that, especially b/c of her recent cosmetic surgery. That was the joke, people!)
-Tina=herself, but not really (she wasn't there long enough :-( )
-Ana Gasteyer=Helen Thomas (who, by the way, has not worked for UPI in a few years. She quit when the Moonies bought the company)
-Maya Rudolph=umm...Lisa Ling, right? Yeah...cause she said that she wasn't the one in Charlie's Angels.
-Tracey Morgan=Star Jones, was he? Bah--my memory is fading.
-Horatio=Gene Shalit
-Jeff Richards=Dave Letterman (it was a fairly well done impression)
who am I forgetting? Oh, duh:
-Darell=....wait, he was Ted Koppel, right? No...Dan Rather. Wasn't Rather in this sketch? I wasn't paying attention. I feel so inadequate.
--this was a pretty funny sketch. It's always neat to see almost the entire cast in one sketch. Well, I think Rachel was left out, wasn't she? Doesnt matter. Almost the entire cast was there.
Rating: 9 karaoke machines / 10


Weekend Update!

--Well, this is what everyone was waiting for. Will Jon Stewart get a spot here? We'll have to wait and see!
--Thejokes were pretty good. No one really sticks out in my mind as specifically funny.
--Oh no! Jimmy has a leg cramp. Quick, Jon, you're in! It's too bad he didn't get to say the joke. But it was a pretty funny premise.
--Chris does a terrible reenactment of John McEnroe's show getting canceled. Too bad.
--Jeff as Drunk girl was freeking HILARIOUS!! Seriously, I thought it was pretty funny.
Rating: 8 stolen pencils / 10


Musical Guest:

--Okay, I am not very familiar with any of India.Arie's music, but I have heard this song a few times. I am impressed that they all play their own instruments, and she has a pretty voice. So I am going to rate this musical performance.
Rating: 9 accoustic guitars/10


Sketch: BET Jazz

--I'm sorry, but this was just horrible! Seriously. Horrible! Should I say it again?? HORRIBLE!
Rating: 3 spoons / 10


Sketch: More Mel Gibson Movies that are just like his others

--This was a little funnier than the previous sketch. I liked the idea: Two of the plots of Gibsons previous movies folded into one: We Were Soldiers combined with What Women Want gets you, obviously, We Were Soldires That Knew What Women Want.
--Like I said, not bad overall, nothing stands out as spectacular though.
Rating: 8 fishnet stockings / 10


Music Guest:

--Again, another song played with an instrument live by the singer. What will the music industry think of next! I didnt like this song as much though.
Rating: 8 record scratching machines/10


Jack Handey: My Big Thick Novel

--This was funny, because he went so long with the first option (jumping off the cliff and using his clothes as a parachute), that you expected the other option to be something just as worse, not "Going back to the party and trying to tell the joke again."
Rating: 8 emergency backup parachutes/10


And that is that folks! Let's add up our score, shall we?

Not really a bad show. That BET Jazz sketch brought down the score. If I had to grade subjectivly, I'd give it around a B.
So that is all till next week. Until then, I'll be praying St John's actually makes it into the NCAA Tournament. If not, I'll be depressed until NIT tournament comes, cause if we are not in the NCAA's, we will for sure be in the NIT, b/c we have 20 wins!
Have a great week.

Episode Review written by Brendan Merritt

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