Britney Spears
February 2, 2002


FROM THE OFFICES OF "THE DOC"
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Hey, wottsa-matta-u? It's good ole Dr. Theodore J. Fugelheimerson. But because of the fact that the name is too long, and because of the fact that Jimmy hasen't used the name at all this season, I've decided to shorten it to (drumroll) "The Doc". (Cymbal crash) But the whole, natural, yummy goodness about me still remains. So you patients have nothing to worry about.

First thing's first, February 3rd is the Super Bowl. And if this review gets posted up in time before kickoff, I would just want everyone to know that I like the Patriots over the Rams. Not because of the speedy offense they have, or the so-so defense... It's kind of a hometown thing, I usually pick the team that's closest to my home in New York. (Think about it, St. Louis is way to the west, New england is right next door. I'm silly like that.)

Next, a lot of people have been complaining to me about my sketch synopsis' as of recently. Some people say that the little zingers (Which look like this, BTW) make no sense, and that they don't know what sketch I'm talking about, Not anymore... From now on, before I talk about a sketch, I'll give the name of the sketch and then the zinger. So that no one gets confused by it. mmm'kay?

Finally, I want you all to do me a MASSIVE, TUMOR SIZED FAVOR... Go to the following site, and look for a petition that says SAVE FAMILY GUY, and SIGN IT! You won't regret it, i'm sure.

<http://petitiononline.com>http://petitiononline.com

Now to the issue at hand, Britney... Last time she was on, I'll admit, it was good here and there, but a whole buttload could happen in two years time... (If you know what I mean)
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Salt lake Sking or ...Brought to you by "the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints."

Well, since NBC is going to be off for a few weeks due to the Olympics in 'Osmond Country', They might as well get one Olympic sketch under their belt. But why did they choose to open with this? This could have waited at least 20 minutes. And once again, Dan Aykroid was wasted on a bum sketch. The only good thing is giving Seth the "phrase that pays".

Diagnosis: D+
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Monolouge or ...Wow, the evidence is really piling up against you, Chris...

Now I know I get a lot of heat from some of the patients out there (The ladies especially) Whenever I bring up Chris Kattan's Sexual Prefrence... (Hell, a lot of other people diss on the guy, so go bother them.) But with this, Mango, "Gay Hitler", and a few other people, I'm going to have to stand by my opinion. I'm sorry, but everyone is entitled to their own opinion, right? Sometimes it's positive and sometimes it's negative, what can I say. Getting back to this, IT SUCKED!!!

Diagnosis: F
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Loose Bear... (See Hugh Jackman review)
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Brian fellow
or ...If i could walk with the animals, talk with the animals...

I'm actually impressed that this is the first sketch of the night, because it usually shows up around 12:30. These are never good, and that's the bottom line.

Diagnosis: F
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Barbie's dream house or ...Luke, I am your mother...

(Whispers)Hmmm, how could I say anything good about this without sounding fruity?... I got it! (End whisper) I got to admit, Britney does look good in anything short & revealing, (Even though she can't carry a tune worth a sh*t) Funny I should mention the above zinger, I loved the Han Solo refrence. And I hate to talk about this even further, but did we really need to see Kattan as Ken? But overall, it was OK.

Diagnosis: C-
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Jarrett's room or ...Bigger potheads than 'Cheech and Chong'...

Now here's the first big winner of the night. If I had a "Superbowl" like that, I'd prescribe everyone that stuff. (For medicinal purposes of course) The stupid part was when Jeff was doing stuff to that Kurt Warner poster. Overall, the sketch would have been better if Jack Black reprised his Russel putnam character.

Diagnosis: B+
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Camp X-ray or ...Deja Vu...

I say "Deja Vu", Because this was done just 2 days ago on David Letterman (BTW, Happy 20th anniversary Dave!). But the SNL people did a much better job than the other people. I guess some of you had to be there to see it, but this one is better in comparison.

Diagnosis: B
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Martha Stewart or ...Humor, it's a good thing...

(A special Shout out to Ana Gastyer who's having a baby at the end of the year, way to go.) Ah, same old evil Martha... If I were her, I'd jump K-mart's ship while it's still afloat. I bet her next project is making a wreath out of Useless stock certificates. Since I work at Target anyway, I hope she never makes her presence (Sp?) there, cause it would be bad for me to be possessed by such a demonic spirit. (With all due respect)

Diagnosis: C-
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Update or ...Where the FAKE news comes first...

Man, the gods are just trying my patience tonight! Jimmy was great, Tina was good, "Geraldo" was OK, It was all going good until Neil Diamond and GAY (speedskating) HITLER came on!!! Then it all turned into millions of shares of ENRON stock. (BaZing!)

Dignosis: B-
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Astronaut Jones or ...Unintelegent life forms...

This sketch gets my coveted "OY VEY OF THE DAY!" Award, because it was "Whack", "Tripped out", and "Messed up". This was stupid, let's move on...

Diagnosis: F
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Gemini's Twin or ...VH1's worst nightmare...

Here's a question, How will Ana be able to do any of those "Stupid cool" hip hop moves anymore now that she's on a 9 month dinner for two? Anywho, this is the point where the GT sketches have "Jumped the shark". And it's only become bait for future sharks to come.

Diagnosis: F
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9 News Morning edition or ...Where the FA... Hey, wait a second...

This was the good kind of dumb. At first, with all of the goofs going on, you'd expect Horatio to be involved. (At the rate he looked in that picture) Then again, it might have been Tracy at the helm of it all. But seriously, it was good, but then it got retarded at the end.

Diagnosis: C-
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Leather Store or ...From New York, it's the Late Show with David Leatherman!...

Hmmm, This could be something new for Jimmy. A little irritating at first, but what are you going to do at 12:50. All that leather reminded me of that Episode of 3rd Rock from the sun where Dick is wearing those pants, and they squeaked all the time. Getting back, another waste of Danny! Had he have been in other sketches, the show wouldn't have sucked so much! But still, The best part was Horatio. He kinda reminds me of a little money that Dieter would like to own someday.

Diagnosis: C+
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Grand Diagnosis: C+

Prescription: Britney is bad for your health, she could cause Diabetes!

In a few weeks: Is 3 months long enough to wait for another athlete to host the show? Could the show be good W/O a musical guest? Will the USA adopt the Metric System? (Not Bloody Likely.) Olympic Skier Johnny Mosley on March 2nd. Until then, "The doc is out".


Episode Review written by The Doc


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