Britney Spears
February 2, 2002

Oops I did it again
I wrote a review, I rated the show, with letter grades
Oops I gave my critique like an SNL geek
I loves my SNL.

Quick note on Groundhog Day; America's groundhog, Punxatawney Phil, predicted six more weeks of winter, while Canada's, Wiarton Willie, predicted an early spring. Winter in America and spring in Canada. What'll they think of next?

Last time I did the sketch titles with Elton John lyrics, Hell was still hot, as Spokane, Washington's newest 20-year old, Matt Schroeder guessed all of them correctly. So here, without further a-choo, are the answers.

When The Ragged Dog They Gave Me Has Been Ten Years In The Grave - "Sixty Years On"
I Never "New Me" A Better Time - "Crocodile Rock"
Six O'Clock Alarm, I Get The Wake Up Call - "Too Low For Zero"
My Mother Was Always On Me - fake
You Can Still Say Homo And Everybody Laughs - "Made In England"
I May Sink A Little Drink And Shout Out "She's With Me!" - Saturday Night's Alright (For Fighting)
It's Party Time For The Guys - "Tower of Babel"
Sister Used To Make The News - "Snookeroo"
I Want To Say That I'm Your Mister Funky - "Honey Roll"
Our Voices Just Get Ugly - "Stones Throw From Hurtin'"
He's Got A Shiny Wax Face - "Whitewash County"
Filling Your Prescription For A Brand New Heart Attack - "Tower of Babel (again)"
Haven't Seen Your Face For A While - "Harmony"

A little comment. The titles I gave to the songs by Pink were both from the song "Tower of Babel," which can only prove one thing. All of Pink's songs are pretty much the same thing.

In other news, my dog had successful surgery last week to remove a tumour from her paw. She's getting her feeling back and all. We just have to watch the paw for any regrowths, but everything is peachy for the moment. So with that, I say

Show Me The Britney! Well, you try to be more creative.

Random Reader: Show me Brit's honey!


What can I say, other than Britney's first effort was up to snuff, and then some. But then again, one show does not a career make. Or something like that. However, even if the comedy wasn't that great, I was still prepared to give the mandatory automatic A+ for taking off her clothes. In a related story, my overviews always seem shorter when I only have one person to describe. Way to make me look like a slacker, SNL.

I Had No Idea Donny Osmond Could Ski:
*Okay, I've had Jehovah's Witnesses at the door, I even ran into one at the bus station once last year, but now SNL's just giving these people ideas. Man, I pity the bobsledders.
*You know, there's always one little thing I like about every other religion. I want 8 days of presents, a funny looking elephant statue, and several wives. But then again, God's one outrageous creator. Is there any way to splice these religions? Yeah, I'm going to Hell. Unless my new religion doesn't believe in it.
*Very creative. Kudos to Seth Meyers for an energetic LFNY.
Grade: B

*Once again, we see Chris Kattan trying very hard to quash the rumours that he is gay.
*Okay, if Justin Timberlake couldn't tell a naked Britney Spears from a naked Chris Kattan, does that prove they haven't done it? Also, does that mean Kattan has a v... oh, now I've gone cross-eyed.
*Another creative one.
Grade: B-

Loose Bear:
*See my Hugh Jackman review.

Brian Fellow's Safari Planet:
*"I'm Riding My Donkey..." Oh, nostalgia.
*Man, sometimes you wonder if these pot smoking rumours about Tracy actually have some bearing.
*I'll give you this.. it was a good laugh when Dean laughed at his own rabbit shaving fantasy.
Grade: C+

Inside Barbie's Dreamhouse:
*Wow, SNL can turn any character into a Jerry Springer guest waiting to happen.
*So many things I didn't want to know.
*Once again, we see Chris Kattan trying very hard to quash the rumours that he and Ken are gay.
*Cute how Barbie took all those jobs out of necessity.
Grade: B-

Jonny Moseley? I smell another Kerrigan.

Jarrett's Room:
*Potsicle. HA!
*Well, let's see, if Karla Faye Tucker can become a born again Christian, surely Osama bin Laden can become... cool.
*Harlem Globetrotters=Phish? Hey, that's means I've seen Phish before! Cool!
*First Jeff is sleeping with Jill Butt, now he's feeling up his Kurt Warner poster. How could he possibly.. oh, I've gone cross-eyed again.
Grade: B+

Camp X-Ray:
*A inhumane prison in which you don't get raped endorsed by Dick Cheney? Have they been letting Tracy Morgan in the writer's room unattended?
Grade: C-

Martha Stewart In A Family Way:
*No, Martha's not pregnant, but Ana is. Yay, Ana! Now where's my damn cigar already?
*This is odd, because I picked up some of that Martha Stewart stuff at a Zellers last year. Hmmm....
*Too much talk, not enough evil.
Grade: C+

Britney Spears - I'm Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman:
*Nice and slow, like an Elton song. Speaking of which, look for Britney and Justin in an upcoming Elton video, possibly a continuation of "This Train Don't Stop There Anymore."
*I could see myself singing this. I'm not a girl, and I haven't had the necessary surgery yet.
Grade: B

Weekend Update:
*Darrell does an amazing Geraldo. Why the hell has Kattan been doing it all this time?
*Apparently, the time travel of Christina Aguilera's vagina was what made Gay Hitler gay in the first place. That's definitely what happened. Don't make me go cross-eyed again.
*Some nice but forgettable songs by Jimmy. Ferrell brings back the sacred Neil Diamond.
Grade: A-

Astronaut Jones:
*Funny thing, I swear I wrote the Tracy Morgan smoking pot joke that I used earlier before I saw this sketch. Now I'm convinced they're letting him in.
*Funny, Tracy Morgan's funniest recurring character is becoming... Tracy Morgan. Why not host a "Tracy Morgan Show" a la Chris Farley?
*By the way, Hi-LAR-ious!
Grade: A-

Damn My Dixie's On Fire:
*That's why musicians don't write their own movies, man.
*De only laffs wuz frum Will Fizerrell talkin' like a hardcore jigga, yo.
*Again, double-you tee eff?
Grade: D

The News, Where We ARE The News:
*Yet another Ferrell sketch. To be blunt, Yippee.
*One of those great things you wish you could see in real life. Sigh.
*Ending on the stray dog was kinda weak, though.
Grade: B

Britney Spears - Some Unintelligible Song:
*I honestly couldn't hear one word. Man, you just can't win when the music is a zillion decibels louder than the voice.
Grade: C

The Leather Man:
*Okay, on one hand, they're wearing leather all over. But they were checking out Britney Spears. So I'm torn.
*Man, leather squeaking is up there with nails on a chalkboard.
Grade: C

Not exactly the masterpiece that was Britney Spears, May 13, 2000. But nonetheless, not a bad showing overall. Some funny stuff, one okay song, that equals a good solid one. Will Britney make it a three-peat? Only time will tell. B

And only time will tell whether or not getting Jonny Moseley to host the next live episode on March 2 will blow up in their faces. Will we have another Derek Jeter, or another Nancy Kerrigan? I guess I'll just have to watch and see.

Until next month, folks, this is Jordan "Levon1981" Davidson, signing off.

Episode Review written by Jordan Davidson

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