Ian McKellen / Kylie Minogue
March 16, 2002

The Goat Man's back in action! I noticed that my half-ass (actually, more like 1/8 ass) review for Jon Stewart was not posted. This is actually a good thing, seeing as it is far below John Goat's standards. Anyhow, I'm back so don't you fear fellow SNL fanatics, I'll be around for a LONG LONG time (hahahah *evil laugh*)

Ok, now for a really really quick summary of my point system: total 47 goats, highest 47, lowest 0, Goats of Merit=good, Goats of Deduction=bad.

And now for the real good part, where I say what I think about the show and everyone either agrees or hates me for saying so!

*Pre Show Thoughts:

I just got back from McMaster University (I was checking out the scene) and I walk in my house and notice two things: one, we have a new outdoor hot tub and two, my sister has every guy in the neighbourhood hovering around it as she and her four friends soak up the warm sensation of the boiling water (again, the hot tub.) This strikes me as funny since it's March 16 and Canada is still rather COLD!! Anyways, I'm ready for SNL and I can't wait! In fact, i'm so excited, I completely forget to get my note pad and whatnot for reviewing!  Don't worry though, that was soon fixed.

*Cold Opening: "The Colour-Coded System to Better Living"- Darrell

This was a very good skit. I didn't know about the USA's colour-coded terror thing, which is a good idea although slightly Fisher Price. Anyways, I remember trying to help my mom pick out a white for her walls, this is so true! There are like 47 types of white and they all look pretty much the same to me! Darrell really pulled this off well. The "condition Taupe" thing was also really funny. Oh, and to make things better, the J Crew stab was enjoyable. I have to comment on Darrell's USA flag pin on his lapel, is this in memory of 9-11 or is it simply to mimick the pin all the politicians are wearing? I hope the first, seems more meaningful... anyways I give it 41 Goats

*Good to see Chris Parnell back! I knew he was back but this is the first time I've actually seen him! So, it is necessary to give.... 1 Goat of Merit

*Monologue- Sir Ian McKellan

Wow. This was good. First of all, yeah british accent! I loved the numourous SNL stabs and when Sir Ian was talking about "that Jimmy Fallan" that was priceless (and acted upon in WU!!) I have to admit, I just realized in the middle that this was GANDALF!! from "Lord of the Rings" which I have not yet seen (bad John bad!) Oh, and one more thing, the priests stab (aka, gay priests in NY) was great. Such a wonderful performer, such a great HOST!!    44 Goats!

*Commercial: "Kotex Original"- Ana, Maya, Dratch, Amy and all the lovely ladies of SNL

Oh God. I remember seeing a really grotesque commerical for Kotex about one hour before. This beats anything though, it is utterly hilarious! My personal favourite, the "whale-ass" sequence. Did kotex really look like that back in the day? This skit was so funny I almost had an accident. I will give it        43 Goats for its utter hilariousness.

*VERSACE-Maya, Kattan, Ana, Sir Ian

Oh how I love this skit. Maya is sooo good! Her voice, the way she crosses her eyes, her legs... ahem, back to the review. Ok, Kattan was great at Bono, but the top prize goes to Sir Ian. Yves St. Laurent was so well done! The whole "Oscar Party" thing was great, love the throwing of inanimate objects Maya does! Ana did wonderfully, is she really that pregnant?! If so, good for her to be still on SNL! I will be sad to see her leave! Ah. OK, did anyone else notice the grafitti on Versace's picture, it said something like "gasoline's fortunately ecause a salines" what the hell does that mean? Also those dancers, they couldn't stop playing with themselves during the skit! One of them doesn't seem to believe in underwear (don't ask) and Sir Ian had a little too much fun with them! All the power to ya Sir Ian! Hahaha. I was disappointed to not see "Mr. Pantyhose" but that's ok. I still love! d it enough for....     43 Goats

National Public Radio: "St. Paddy's Day"-Ana, Dratch, Sir Ian

This is another all-time fav, only it brings back fond memories of Molly Shannon (who I named my dog after in loving memory). Molly was not replacable, which is not attempted by Dratch who only trys to add her own crazy personality to this great skit. The three of them would have kicked ass. Anyways, a great skit nonetheless. The cabbage-sex thing was great, but it bordered on the "Luhvers" skit between Dratch and Will. Oh well, anything for a cheap laugh! Sir Ian was very good in this although the skit seemed to drag on in the end. Still, a good skit and a worty             42 Goats

*Funhouse Comic: Oscar Moments

I loved it. The Bjork thing was just waiting to be stabbed, and good old SNL and Rob Smigel did a good job. The stupid dress! Oh what a dirty girl to wear such an atrocity! Just because they're famous doesn't mean they should be allowed to wear such dirty dirty things! The Swan dress peeing was my personal favourite, so classic. This was great at the end with Julia Roberts and Winona Rider sooo funny!   43 Goats

*"Hot Air Balloon"-everyone, Sir Ian

Not so great. The concept was funny, and Sir Ian kept the thing moving but it was slightly lacking. I thought the Chris Parnell acting was also good. not my fav but ok so I'll give it 39 Goats

*Musical Guest: Kylie Minogue

This was a pretty wacko song! Those dancers need a fashion consultant, even though I am blind to the world of fashion I have a feeling these guys really could use a few bucks and a good ol' Goodwill for a tune-up! I don't rate musical performances, but I do DEDUCT 1 Goat for the stupid Bacardi commerical. (Note I only deduct one, since Budweiser is so much worse than Bacardi I will leave it at that.)

*Weekend Update- Jimmy, Tina, Amy, Dratch, Seth, Sir Ian

OH God this was funny! First of all, the coloured system stab was good, thank you Tina and secondly nice haircut Jimmy. The Pamela Jones ("ummm, I'm a stay at home actress) vs. Tonya Harding thing was so funny, but is that really going on? Tonya Harding in a boxing match, ugh. Ok, Sir Ian takes the cake. The Maggie Smith thing was SOOO well done and funny, he had the whole thing down pat. The oscar rating system by Maggie Smith was hilarious but the best was the "little peck on my cheek" which turned into a full out smackeroo for Jimmy from Sir Ian McKellan! I'm positive that was not scripted! (Maybe that's what Sir Ian meant in the Monologue about "some of the show's script is being written now!") Anyways, poor Jimmy, even though he took it in strides it was a bit of a nasty trick! Jimmy had the best line though, "Does this mean I'm knighted, or just Queened?" So good. So worth the 1 ! GOAT of MERIT for such complete unscripted hilariousness!! Ah, and back to WU. The Family Feud thing was good but I didn't understand it at all and the barbie porn is just downright wrong (in a sorta dirty right way...) I have to admit, this was a good WU which is getting        44 Goats

*"Turkish State TV"-Horatio, Darrell, Sir Ian

Ah, notice Sir Ian is in every skit? That's b/c he is wonderful! This was no exception. First of all, I didn't know Brittany and Justin broke up (musta been that fling with Kattan Justin had back when Brittany hosted... SL) The mustache thing was really funny and so well improvised by Horatio! Bull-jive!   43 Goats

*A&E: "Edmund McGrave as Charles Dickens"-Sir Ian

This is another example of Sir Ian's complete genious. He sucessfully took a lame skit and made it utterly great. The old ladies were wonderfully done and the Charles Dickens children were also pretty funny. I have one thing to say, "One man, 47 wigs!" How bout that!?      43 Goats

*Musical Guest

Kylie digs the beat!

*"Comic Book Zone"- Horatio, Seth, Sir Ian

Slightly "Jarrett's room" style but still good. Sir Ian just had to do the Gandalf thing didn't he? Oh well, it was funny but sorta lacking. I did like the oscar thing though, "Lord of the Rings, Lord of the Rings, Lord of the Rings...." very good. 40 Goats

*Closing comments: A great show! Sir Ian can come back whenever he wants in my mind, SNL should hire him as a cast member and just get it over with! A true actor, unlike SOME previous hosts (*cough* Birttany) who have been on before. Very well done.

Subtotal (average of all scores): 42.27 Goats

Goats of Merit: +2 Goats

Goats of Deduction:                     -1 Goat

TOTAL:  43 Goats

And now a word from our Honourable Mentions:

Best Skit: Weekend update

Worst Skit: Hot Air Balloon

Best Line: Jimmy Fallon- "Does this mean I'm knighted, or just Queened?"

Best Cast Member: Darrell Hammond

Best Costume: tie: Maggie Smith and the Charles Dickens characters (both Sir Ian)

Well, that's all folks. Hope you enjoyed that little review! I sure loved the show, such a gem. They'll treasure that at NBC forty-seven years from now when the world is about to end and they have to play some "pre-recorded" show to keep people from leaving the TV room and heading for the underground bomb shelters (which will be occupied by NBC's executives and other important people) Wow, that was a tangent...

Anyways, this is the Goat man signing off saying: eat veggies or watch SNL because at least one of them has to be good for you!

Episode Review written by The Goat Man

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