Ian McKellen / Kylie Minogue
March 16, 2002


Sports review-

Damn, what a week. I'm in 3 NCAA pools and suck in all of them. Let's run it down for ya like this-

South bracket, I'm pulling for Duke the entire tourney. I got the ND game, and Indiana both times. I was going for the upset with Penn St. but didn't get it. Pitt won, and Kent State? What?? Oh yea, and 'Bama.
West Bracket, Cinci won, UCLA, Ohio, Arizona, Xavier, and Oklahoma, Had them all. Miami blew it, and Gonzaga really blew it cause Dickie V. said to pick them, so I did.
East Bracket, Maryland beat Siena. Now, Siena is my team from right up here in Albany (Al-ben-e; get it right), and we all knew they'd lose going in, the spread was 26 pts. But they did a decent job, ehh? Only lost by 15 and I'm damn proud of them. Maryland will be in the National Championship too. Marquette blew it, but Tulsa's a better team, and I still lost. Kentucky won, Georgia, and Uconn. Good job. Michigan St. lost, and I really thought they'd pick up their asses and work like they did 2 years ago.
Midwest bracket, Kansas- boo-yah. I won every game here mercy the Florida and Wake Forrest games. DICK VITALE SAID TO PICK PEPPERDINE cause he thought they should be ranked 5 or 6, not 10, and he said, I quote, "watch for them baby, they'll be the surprise." That'll be the last time I listen to him.

Next time we talk, April 7th, we will have a national champion. I'll call it right now-
Final Four- Duke, Oklahoma, Maryland, Miss St.
National Championship game- Duke and Maryland
National Champions- Duke it with Krzyzewski. That's right, all the way baby!

Yanks- Mendoza is gone for start of season. Yikes! I know he isn't a big part of the team, at least not last year, but he will be this year. Trust me. They suck in this preseason's games, but that's not out of the norm.

Knicks- good lordy. Save me.

Rangers- Sandy McCarthy was the lone savior last night against the Devs. Postseason looks dim. Trivia fact from a buff like me- last time Rangers weren't in postseason five straight times was the 1951-1955 seasons.
Bahston looks strong- go Glen Murray- he scored his 30th goal of the season yesterday.

Mailbag- queue Paul Shaffer and CBS (not ABC) orchestra

"kc" <kylecasey@adelphia.net> writes:

any clue how to try out for SNL? I would also like to kill Horatio Sanz

Well, KC. First off, get an agent. Then, go to either Chicago, LA, or NYC and join an Improv-Troupe. This is were Lorne sends out his mighty ones to look for candidates. That's the short of things. Second, I think you need some help for your mental problems. Horatio is the man. Don't diss him, he always makes me laugh. Had you said, "I want Maya to be fired, or Bob Barron to die for touching Amy and Tina," then I might have gone along with you.

Send me mail!  Pinballwizard46@yahoo.com

New segment- Castmembers in the news (this could be former castmembers as well)

Here's the full story-
Comic Kevin Meaney was arrested Sunday (March 3) at San Francisco International Airport after allegedly tussling with a National Guardsman and touching the butt of the soldier's gun. Meaney was reportedly videotaping the security procedures, which is illegal under federal law. When airport officials told him to shut the camera off, he became "belligerent, loud or rude," says Sgt. Larry Ratti, an airport police spokesman. "That's when the National Guard began talking to him." Meaney's wife then passed through the checkpoint and set off its alarms, so security personnel asked to step aside for another screening. Ratti says she lifted up her shirt, which upset Meaney further. "He got into a little jostling match with the National Guard, and at some point his hand came into contact with the butt of the gun," Ratti says, adding that he doesn't believe Meaney was intentionally trying to grab the weapon. Meaney was arrested on a felony charge of attempting to take a firearm from a law enforcement officer, as well as misdemeanor counts of battery and disturbing the peace. He was released on bail and is due to appear in court on April 8.

This guy has the be the sorriest ass on the face of the earth. He's on SNL for 1 episode, and as a featured player! He makes Steve Buscemi look like Bill Clinton, I mean, c'mon. And what a lame excuse he had too. I could screw Julia Roberts more times than this guy could come up with a goddamn good excuse. And this is what it comes too; a one show featured player gets into the news this way cause he cant get a movie job or anything. I'm surprised he could afford a plane ticket!

Concert report-
I'm still going to see The Who in July, Green Day and Blink 182 in June, and Dave Matthews for 3 DAYS in July. That's all for know, I should know more next review.

I will be going to WWF RAW April 1st which should be real cool. BTW, watch Wrestlemania tonight! I'll call it for you-
Rock v. Hogan- Rock
Y2J v. HHH- Y2J
SCSA v. Scott Hall- Hall
RVD v. Regal- Regal
Taker v. Flair- Taker
Billy-n-Chucky v. APA v. Dudz v. Hardyz- Hardyz
Edge v. Booker T- Edge
Christian v. DDP- DDP
Jazz v. Lita v. Trish- Trish
Angle v. Kane- Angle 

I saw The Colin Quinn Show this past week, both the 90 min and 30 min. 90 min was funnier; his monologue was longer and funnier, and he said some REALLY racial stuff that would never be allowed on the air. Live one had another sketch and an insurance commercial; more Colin too. I met Dean and Ana which was cool, but I didn't have time for rest cause I had to leave to go home and go to school the next day. In the Live one, his monologue was hilarious though, the news commercial was dumb, town meeting I almost shit my pants right on the spot. "Everyone has been prejudice towards us and we've almost gotten killed" Colin: "Good." HILARIOUS. The sketch was real good too, "We shouldn't have homosexuals march in the parade; we don't want anything to distract from the true meaning of the day (pops open the beer)." This was a great show, and these NBC dumbasses better pick this up for more than 3 eps.

SNL- May 11.

 

Sir Ian awaits us. Lots of hype from last weeks show, maybe it would carry into this weeks. I hope to see more of the regulars this week. Lets go

[COLD OPENING] An Address from Homeland Security Advisor Tom Ridge

I've been waiting for years to have SNL do this color- warning thing. It was just so ridiculous it was funny. Darrell kinda looked more like an elf than Ridge, but that's ok. You know what would be cool? To have a sketch with Bush, Cheney, and all of his cabinet, and Darrell would be playing everyone except Bush for Ferrell and Condelezza for Tracy. Effective Immediately, the President has placed us on a full alert of taupe. Wow. Not bad

RATING: 7/10

[MONOLOGUE] Sir Ian McKellan

Last weeks monologue was on bashing gays, this week was with a gay and advocating it. I have to say, I liked Jon's better. Err, yea. He did make it funny in parts though. Better than I thought

RATING: 6/10

[COMMERCIAL] Classic Kotex Pads

Wow. These keep getting better and better. This was hilarious, far better than normal. 2 minutes of seeing the women have these in there pants was great, and Tracy's bit cracked me up.

RATING: 9/10

[SKETCH] Versace Oscar Party

I hate Maya. Period. Although she does a good impression, the rest sucks ass. Chris Kattan was the savior as Bono, who belongs to one of my fave bands. Ian was funny too with his quirks. 

RATING: 5/10

[SKETCH] NPR Delicious Dish

I love this! Old school sketch time; the best of the show. SNL is doing a good job hiding Ana's pregnancy from her characters, like in Versace too. I really liked the sketch, good times, ehh? Ian once again made this sketch funny.

RATING: 7.5/10

[T.V. FUNHOUSE] A Cartoon by Robert Smigel; Fun With Real Audio

I like Real Audio ones. This was much better than last weeks, and it made me laugh. 

RATING: 7/10

[SKETCH] Hot Air Balloon

When the title flashed up at first, I laughed. This was so pointless and stupid again it made me laugh, especially when Parnell ran around the balloon. Dragged on a bit, but still funny.

RATING: 7/10

[MUSIC] Kylie Minogue

Bob Barron: so 1/10 for Kyile? Me: Nope. Barron: What??? Mayhew- I'm disappointed. You always give everyone 1/10.
Well, no more. Although it wasn't rock, it was ok, and I listened to it too.

RATING: 4/10

[WEEKEND UPDATE] With Jimmy Fallon and Tina Fey

This was a superterrificcool update. All of the jokes were funny, like the BBT and Jolie one, and the Barbie taking it in the Matel one. Ian and Jimmy bit was funny, about how they should throw that queen (Ian) a bone sometime. Kiss was funny and disgusting, and his adlibs after were HILARIOUS. The Jones/Harding thing was excellent too. Now, why didn't NBC take my advice on Monday and have Amy and Tina kiss?! The world may never know. Jeff is back again, and kicked ass. Show me get out of here! Better update in a long time!

RATING: 10/10

[SKETCH] Turkish TV

Was this supposed to be like a Letterman or Carson thing? As many people found this annoying, I found it actually funny. Maybe it was cause I was in a good mood. Darrell's moustache thing was funny. Sir Ian was funny, and I liked this

RATING: 7/10

[SKETCH] Edmin McGrave

This was supercool too. Changing characters was great. This rocked the house just like Barron did when Hillary won. Sir Ian played all parts really good, and I liked it again

RATING: 8/10

[MUSIC] Minogue Round 2

Don't push it

[SKETCH] Comic Book Geeks

Ehh, I liked it at first but got bad. Ian to save the day again

RATING: 5/10

 

SKETCH OF THE NIGHT: NPR Delicious Dish

PLAYER OF THE NIGHT: Ana Gasteyer

QUOTE OF THE NIGHT Darrell Hammond as Homeland Security Advisor Tom Ridge, "At the request me, and effective immediately, the President has placed the nation on condition: taupe."

 

OVERALL EPISODE RATING: 66/100

Me somewhat likes. Could've been better, but average. Not a bad show without Ferrell again though. Two weeks off, then return with Diaz and JEM. That should be a good show. Until then, enjoy BBT and Jeter, PLUS WM, WWF RAW (for me), NCAA, and for those who celebrate Easter, have a good holiday. 

Guess what folks, that's the news an I am outta here


Episode Review written by Nick Mayhew


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