Derek Jeter / Bubba Sparxxx, Shakira
December 1, 2001


Ladies and gentlemen, a 21-line salute for "The Quiet Beatle" Mr. George Harrison...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
15.
16.
17.
18.
19.
20.
21.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thank you, It's kind of hard to come up with something to say when something very important happens, or when someone important has died. So without sounding mellow-dramatic, I do these "21 line salutes" as a way of makring my sympathy. It may not be the most effective way of doing it, but as long as you show some form of respect for the person, that's all that matters.

I didn't show up last time because the "William Robert Thornton" show was as big a dissapointment. Is it just me, or are all of the shows from the last week of November sometimes the suckiest? Sometimes it's OK, but the other times is like "Crap on a stick". I mean, last year with Tom Green proved to be a major suckfest, Right? There are many others to talk about, but I would like to continue if I may...

A few weeks ago, I said that if the Yankees won the World Series, I would burn everything I have that has a Yankee logo on it. Well, you have to understand that when I say things, it's solely for the purpose of entertainment only! I said to a patient (fan) of mine, "It's kind of like the way that Jimmy Kimmel makes fun of the boys on FOX NFL Sunday, It's all in good fun." Which leads me up to Saturday's show with the newly proclaimed "Mr. November"... Derek Jeter.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(You might be a terrorist if...)

Is it just me, or does Hammond look like he's about to have a stroke when he does Ashcroft? Hearing all of those Foxworthyesque jokes made me think that SNL has begun to tap the well dry when it comes to political humor. They were good, but those jokes are not usually my thing.

Diagnosis: B+
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(HEY, BATTER BATTER BATTER...)

Sports guys usually don't know comedy, so I'll give "Mr. N" some breathing room here. I guess the only good part of this was the balls hitting people. That's about it.

Diagnosis: B
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
See: Seann william scott review for Preperation H ad review
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(You got a spot of pudding on your face...)


"I have never listened to an Iglesias bros. album, Not once, not EVER!"... Sorry, I was in a bit of a larry king mode there. Um, This sucked serious ass, they look like a masculine "Gemini's Twin. I'm just going to move along.

Diagnosis: F
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(In the tradition of "the rock"...)

Ah yes, what would a show with a sports star be like without a little humiliation? The really freaky thing about this is that Derek actually looked GOOD! Can you believe that? Uh-oh, (Whispers) think unsexy thoughts, think unsexy thoughts... Sorry about that. The two Davids (WELLS & CONE) Kinda ruined it. That's what happens if you're not an official Yankee. Maya looked clueless, Amy was too bitchy (But I still love her), and the others were 100% "Token". But it was good.

Diagnosis: B+
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(You look a little tense...)

Folks, everyone knows that Kattan is nothing more than a "Glorifyed Oompa-Loompa". And that he gets the worst characters known to man. (Except for mango) Lord help him when he has to start playing Mike Bloomberg full time. Derek must have felt really bad about himself for doing this, with the choking and such.

Diagnosis: F
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(One of the SPCA's 10 most wanted...)

Good god! Why is Will Ferrel Against Dogs? Think about it, the "Wade Blasingame" commercial last year, "Petchow rat poison"... (OK, maybe not that one.) And now this? The crap just keeps on coming tonight!

Diagnosis: F
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Good Idea: Ordering a Taco to go... Bad Idea: Ordering a Taco that makes you go)

The only good thing about this was the "Taco hole singers" and that dude that Horatio played. Somehow I don't picture "Mr. N" as a food Magnet.

Diagnosis: C-
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Disney channel reject #593)

Here's more proof that Kattan shouldn't come back for another season. Doesn't he look like that dude from the "Happy Smile Patroll" sketch of 1999? Anyway, thank god the show gains ground after this one. Best part was when Derek was beating on those people. Don't ask me why, it just looks amusing to see a sports guy do that.

Diagnosis: C-
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Shakira:
Yes, we all love flexability as much as the next guy... But you still get no grade.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Where the FAKE News comes first)

Thank god for update. If I may do some sucking up for a minute, Update is kind of like the Rudy Giuliani for the show. But it still doesn't explain why it's been on so late lately. (Like 12:20 AM) The "Point/C.Point" thing was nothing without an "Ignorant Slut" line. And of course, they had to do their tribute to the "Quiet Beatle", and who could blame them. That clip wound up being that night's Classic show BTW.

Diagnosis: A+
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(Quick robin, to the "Beardcave"...)

First of all, "Hot mike" jokes are only good when Will Play's Marty Culp. Secondly, no one should be playing Osama Bin Ladin in the first place. And third, Repitition of things can prove to be a problem. ($25 Million this, $25 Million That...) But the "Batcave" thing was the best part. Saved it from being a suckfest.

Diagnosis: C+
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(So that's what happened to "Epstein" from "Kotter"...)

This sketch get's my "Oy, Vey OF THE DAY" award. But for good reasons. The people's reactions, the headlines at the end, and of course the hair itself. Never has looking bad looked so good. Kind of like the way Martin Short Descirbes the show: "Bad, but hip enough for the show to be good".

Diagnosis: B+
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bubba Sparxxx:
If he has all of those X's in his name, then where's his "Porno Hair"?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
See: Val Kilmer/Lucy Lu/Christoper Walken (2000-2001) reviews under the now retired "JK's SNL" for info on "Christmas song".
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(No Novel has ever made such a great paperweight...)


I Quote Steve Martin when I say "What the hell is that"?

Diagnosis: F
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Overall Prescription: This is why they don't allow Sports stars on the show anymore.

Grand Diagnosis: C+
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Next Week: You loved him as "Wolverine", and you found him so-so in "Swordfish". Hugh Jackman und Mick Jagger, this coming week. See ya 'round.




George Harrison 1943-2001


Episode Review written by Dr. Theodore J. Fugelheimerson


BACK to Derek Jeter "SNL" Episode Reviews