So here I sit,doing my episode as soon as possible because someone,who shall remain nameless took forever to put my review in last week.  I'm sitting here,missing the classic episode of SNL and eating cold ramean noodle soup.  Thank you Sean.  I could be sleeping,enjoying my happy dream of Jon Bon Jovi,but nooooooo.  Anyway,this will be my second review,probably the first review Sean puts on the website.  So,don't be too too expectant,my persona as a critic(Remember Jon Lovitz "It stinks!"...never mind) is still devolping.

Pre-show thoughts-
    Well, I love baseball.  And even though I feel bad for New York,I still hate the freakin Yankees, with thier Derek Jeter and his "Oh,I'm so special because I am". God I hate them.  I love Shakira,she is so cool when she belly-dances.  I took a few belly-dancing classes once,but that is another story to be told at another time.  And,there's the recent passing of George Harrison,legendary Beatle who didn't do so well with his solo career but still totally rocked. I hope to god they don't make fun of him, I love him. Anyway,back on task.  Der,I don't know.  I guess the show could be ok,but everyone knows sport stars suck on SNL(unless the ROCK counts as a sports star)

Cold opening-
Will Ferell,Darell Hammond
 Jesus,Can anyone besides Darrell Hammond and Will Ferell say those classic word "Live from New York,it's Saturday Night"?  The monologue started getting better when Bush came in and started doing "You just might be a terrorist" jokes.  I loved that.  I thought they would get old,but they didn't,and they kept making me laugh.  Most of them were really piss your pants kinda laughs.  Making fun of the assholes who attacked us is fine holiday fun in my book.

Best player- Will Ferell

Worst player- Darrel Hammond(Sorry,but who the hell else am I gonna put?)

Best line-"If you have a really long beard,you hang out in the desert, and you are not in ZZTop,you just might be a terrorist"-Will Ferell

Overall grade- B

Monologue-
  Once again,I hate Derek Jeter.  I admit, that's half the reason this sucked this much.  But if the great,great Barberino(Babe Ruth,for those who arn't used to my (made-up) baseball lingo) did this insanely annoying monlogue,I still would have hated it.  Actully,if Babe Ruth did this monologue I would be fucken freaking out cuz Babe Ruth dies, like, 50 years before the debut of SNL(Probably not 50 years,but it's 3am and I don't wanna do math)  He was getting alot of cheers just cuz he plays for the Yankess.  Big deal.  I make good pie,nobody cheers for me. Why is that?

Best player-Seth Meyer,because I know he's a Red Sox fan

Worst player-The sucky,sucky Derek Jeter

Overall grade- F

Paration H-
Chris Kattan,Jimmy Fallon,Seth Meyers,Dean Edwards
 To put it bluntly,disturbing.  I would rather not go into details.  But I must<sigh>  Damn my amazing bravery to touch subjects that no other critic("It stinks!"  Ok,I'll stop now) would touch.  Ok.  I love Chris Kattan.  I really really do.  I don't love Chris Kattan pretending to be a rapper and mooning the camera.  That just gives me nightmares for weeks.  On the plus side,this will be repalacing my evil clown nightmares.

Best player-Jimmy Fallon

Worst player- Chris Kattan(I still really do love him ,and i'm SORRY!)

Best line- "I got to get my H on"  "Oh Yeah"-Jimmy Fallon and the rest

Overall grade- C-

Iglesis Brother-
Jimmy Fallon,Chris Kattan, Derek Jeter
  Oh god,this sketch makes me so embarrsed to admit I love the song "Hero". Jimmy Fallon does a great impression of Enrigue Iglesis.  Kattan looks like a freakin' ape with hair like that.  Whatever.  I didn't really get it sometimes.  So,they sing and the tall one talks.  Yeah...and this is funny?  I mean,I get it,I just don't get how it's funny.  Still,Jimmy's amazing impressions and Kattan's ape-likeness can save any sketch.  So it wasn't totally useless.  

Best player- Jimmy Fallon

Worst player- Derek Jeter

Best line- "I can be your hero baby.  I can kiss away your pain. I can be your hero baby.  You can take my breath away"-Jimmy Fallon.  Damn good impression

Overall grade-C

Yankee wifes-
Ana Gasteyer,Derek Jeter,Rachel Dratch,Maya Rudolph, Amy Poehler
I am confused.  I am very confused.  yes,because of the dress!  But mainly,because of how i liked this sketch.  I had recently put in a earlier review how much I HATE HATE HATE Amy Poehler and how I think Ana Gasteyer can save any sketch. But in this sketch, Amy Poehler rocked!  Ok,back to the dress.  Normally I would spit out "Why,God, WHY?!"  again and again.  But I'll spare you because Derek Jeter was convincing and he seemed suprisingly comfortible as a women.

Best player-Amy Poehler

Worst player-Maya Rudolph

Best line- "Derek Jeter is what would happen if The Rock had sex with a muppet"-Derek Jeter

Overal grade-C

Next week-
 Didya notice how the guy said Ralph Jackman instead of Hugh Jackman?  Hugh Jackman was in the X-men movie.  He butchered one of my favortie cartoon charicters and made me never look a a comic book the same way again!!!! Needless to say,I have some issues to work out with him.  But as a critic ("It stinks!"....Last time,I swear!) I will try to overlook this.  I love the Rolling Stones,so Mick Jagger should kick ass.  I don't think the show will be that bad.  It will probably be pretty good.

The Massuse
Chris Kattan,Derek Jeter
    Any normal person would vomit halfway through typing this,but having Kattan threaten to get naked in the begining made this sketch damn good fun.  Actully,it really was pretty good,and I am not just saying that because Kattan was in it.  Seriously,The looks that came over Kattans face when the music played,especially during Enya,made me crack up.  Plus,jumping on people is always funny.  So is stalking.  Stalking is funny.  But as I do in every Kattan sketch,I have to bring the grade down a little from the A++++++ because I know I only love it because he's in it.  I know I'm a freak,so hold the emails warning me of this.

Best player- Oh,just take one guess.

Worst player-Derek Jeter

Best line-  "In about 2 minutes,one of us is gonna get naked.  Your choice"-Chris Kattan

Overall grade-B

Dissing your dog
Will Ferell
       Will Ferell plus stupid dog jokes equals something only viewable on late night television.  It kinda sucked to start off with,but the last one was great.  I don't know how to elaborate on this anymore,but it was funny.

Best player-Will Ferell

Worst player- Derrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr....

Best line-  "How to handle fussy eating habits with your dog: "oh right,you wanted prime rib.  The Palm wasn't taking reservations,and neither was Traing Moore,it's because I understand they have a new chef.  Why don't we just stick with the Alpo?  I know it's not your first choice,but keep in mind,your a fucking dog"

Overall grade-B-

Derek Jeters Taco Hole-
  Maya Rudolph,Will Ferell,Jimmy Fallon, Dean Edwards, Derek Jeter, Horatio Sanz
  First and foremost, Will's hat was creepy.  Secondly, I think this sketch actully lowered my IQ about 8 points.  Now it's -8 points. HAHAHAHAHA. I kill me (Isn't sarcasm great)  I feel it is my civic duty as a critic("It stinks!"  I know it's getting old,but I can't stop!) to make stupid puns.  Puns are annoying,stupid, pointless and wrong.  That is why we all love them . Back to the sketch.  Jimmy singing does not entertain me.  Why is it that everyone else falls in love with his voice and I fall in love with Chris's little Mango beret?  I am sick

Best player- Maya Rudolph(The girl can sing,even if it's just stupid jingles)

Worst player-  Damn dirty Derek Jeter

Overall grade-F

Dealing with Mom and Dad-
Chris Kattan,Amy Poehler, ANa Gasteyer, Will Ferell, Derek Jeter, Jimmy Fallon, Seth Meyers
    Did you ever watch stupid sitcoms like this when you were growing up?  The one called Growing Pains?  With a young Leo Dicaprio?  Yeah...neither did I.  But the ending reminded me of my little incedent with Baseball,execpt mine involved a midget with bad dental hygene(you think I'm kidding, You think I'm being stupid, but true story)  

Best player- Amy Poehler (again,I know)

Worst player- Derek Jeter

Best player-  "Wow! If I was 15 I would so have sex with you!!!!!!!"-Amy poehler

Overall grade-C-

Music-
    Shakira is so fucken awesome man!!!! I really do take belly-dancing classes,so I've seen alot of people belly-dance. But she really does it well.  She can do a belly roll!  I can't do a belly roll!   It's just <sniff> not fair!
I know I shouldn't grade them music,but

Overall grade-A+

Weekend Update-
Jimmy Fallon,Tina Fey, Seth Meyers
      Another great Weekend update to love!!  the nakid weather,the Musuem joke,it's all so freakin funny.  And we all can see Tina Fey as a stalker!  I loved the baseball thing.  Seth Meyers does it really well,I was laughing my ass off!!  Then the Pee-Wee masturbation just kept going and going.  God,that was funny! Plus the confused and scared look on Jimmy's face was priceless!!!  Oh,and I thought they were gonna make fun of George Harrison.  I was so happy when they did the tribute to him.  I got all teary!  I mean,I'm gonna say it bluntly.  I hated George Harrisons solo career.  But I love him in the Beatles and even if he isn't still pumping out ballads like Paul Mcartney,he will still be sorely missed.  At least now his long battle with Cancer is over. RIP.  Jesus,I promised myself I wouldn't cry! I love Weekend Update.

Best player-George Harrison ("Here comes the sun")

Worst player- Derek Jeter

Best line- "Derek Jeter sucks in 3 very specific ways: So hard,so bad, and wicked bad!" -Seth Meyers
     
Overall grade-A+

Osama's cave
Will Ferell,Horatio Sanz, Jimmy Fallon
   I didn't think I would like this at first. But there were some funny jokes in it.  But nobody was laughing,because they were "Offended" or whatever.  But I thougt it was funny.  I don't know how they got WIll to play Osama.  I mean,I wouldn't dare play that bastard. But if we're making fun of the caveman,I guess it's ok,and I guess I would do it.  

Best player-Will Ferell

Worst player- I guess Jimmy Fallon

Best line- "What are yoiu talking about?  It's cool to live in a cave!  Batman lives in a cave!"  "No he doesn't he lives in a mansion above the cave!"  "No,I know.  I know the show,I'm not stupid"  Will Ferell + Jimmy Fallon

Overall grade- B+  (It got extra points for having guts)

Man perm-
    Derek Jeter,Maya Rudolph,Ana Gasteyer, Horatio Sanz,Will Ferell
     Once again, Ana saved a sketch with her looks of confusion and pity.  Everyone else didnt' do that good of a job acting,but she did.  But the sketch still sucked.  I mean,you always have those wretched sketches.  I know,most of the people are gonna disagree with me and say it was simply HILLARIOUS!  I don't know why but everyone seems to disagree with me on my reveiws.

Best player- Ana Gasteyer

Worst player- Derek Jeter

Best line-  "You hair is making us all...sad"

Overall grade-D

Music
Bubba Sparx.  Woo-hoo!  Another rap artist for me to hate and make fun of.  I know rap takes alot of talent and stuff.but God I hate rap.  I really do.

Overall grade-F-

Musical guys-
     Hell yeah! OH MY GOD!! There guys are my favorite SNL charicters of all time just becuase they are so simple and stupid and messed-up. Did anyone else notice that Kattan forgot to start head-moving at first?  This one was more diffrent and original,when Horatio strated speeding up on his little guitary thingy and Chris started head-moving faster.  It was so fucken funny.

Best player-Tie between Horatio Sanz and Chris Kattan

Worst player-NO ONE!

Best line-  Oh god,you can't put the dancing into words!

Overall grade- A+

Entire show-
Star player-Chris Kattan

Worst player-Derek Jeter

Best sketch- Musical guys

Worst sketch- Man perm

Total show grade- B-

Derek Jeter sucked.  But for some reason,the writing on this show was better then usual and made up for the extreme suckiness of Derek Jeter.  Kattan got soem serious screen time here. So did Horatio.  I liked this show ok,it was actully pretty good.  I wanna apoligize for all the typos cuz it is reall fucken late right now.

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