Hi. I'm Laura, and I'm 15. So of course I love Derek Jeter, what New
York high school girl doesn't? I was hoping for a great show, and I waited
all week. The thing I was most curious about was if Derek was going to do a
good job considering he's not an actor.

OPENING SKETCH - You might be a terrorist . . .

Of course, Will Ferrel can take the worst thing and make it funny. He did the
best he could, and I hate George W. anyways, so it all worked out. But, the
whole thing kind of dragged. It was just not funny enough. I was thinking
about Derek jeter pretty much the whole time anyway.

I give it a C-

JETER AT LAST - Fould Boul monologue

Being a baseball fan, I thought it was great when Jeter said, "What does a
baseball fan want most? To catch a foul ball!" Ewww, when that bat went
through the guy's stomach . . .actually that was a pretty good special
effect! This was good but not the greatest. Jeter is hot.

My rating is B, maybe B-

HEMMERHOID COMMERCIAL - repeat

It is not cool to repeat something. It is especially not cool to repeat
something that wasn't funny in the first place. I like Jimmy Fallon

Rating: D

IGLESIAS BROTHERS
Jeter, I love ya to death but don't EVER grow out your hair. Haha.
This was okay. I liked the moles and the "talking older brother." Enrique
Iglesias is sooo awful I am glad they made fun of him.

I give it a C+

BASEBALL WIVES

This was LOL funny! Jeter as a woman. God he has some nice arms! I loved the
line about how she met Chuck Knoblauch while teaching an anger management
class, and how the wives have to make sure female fans stay away from their
husbands! A ha ha Rivero's wive! A haha learn English! Of course, "Derek
jeter looks like the Rock had sex w/ a muppet." Oh, and I love the two other,
"women." Coney, you're a great pitcher!

I give it an A. I'm still laughing

MASSAGE
Hehe Derek why won't you take your robe off? This was good. Kattan
really gets into it, that is good though! I liked it overall, but there was
no climax except maybe for "Lay back down so I can rub hot oil all over your
body!" Oh, an another interesting ending.

It's a B-

DISSING YOUR DOG

Wow, an instructional video on how to verbally abuse your dog. Isn't it great
how Will can put on a mustache and look 45 years old? I liked it. The little
doggy in the end was cute.

B+ --- way better than the hemmerhoid cream one

DEREK JETER'S TACO HOLE

What a DAMN FUNNY song. I am trying to remember it all. Ohh, "Tuesday is
ladies night. Bring your own tortilla and there's no cover charge." God, that
song was so inventive! Who would equate Mexican food with the Kokomo :)

I give it an A-

DEALING WITH MOM AND DAD

This was the best! Ever! Amy goes, "Oh my god, if I was 15 I'd SO have sex
with you!" I think I yelled out a hell yah. I loved, "your kid is the worst
I've ever seen, and I work with BLIND kids." And Derek's "special" technique.
Oh, and of course, "Don't worry kid, if the cops come I'll just pay em off
again." Haha this was great. The best sketch of the night. Derek, SNL is
making me love you even more.

I give it A+ all the way

SHAKIRA

I love this song. Do you think she got the wrong idea of the over-sensualized
American image? I mean, I am not a guy so whatever. She's got a really good
voice and I wish I could shake my hips all crazy like that.

My rating is A-

WEEKEND UPDATE

Oh my god I loved every bit of it. I hate Charlotte Church. The Britney
costume was good. Hehe "Jimmy we're sorry for yelling at you for touching
stuff!" and of course Paul Reuben and Jimmy's great masturbation reply,
"Rarely, if ever!" Ahhh yes points counterpoints. You tell him derek. Seth
you're right you CAN't kick derek's ass. Hehe "Will you sign my hat? As
Nomar?" Oh this was even better than the Gwyneth one with Rudy Guliani
yelling, "Go Yankees!"
Rest in peace George. The Beatles rock.

Rating: Another stellar A+

OSAMA

Not great. It went on a bit too long. I like the part about, "It's cool to
live in a cave! Batman lives in a cave!" But . . . it was just boring.

Barely a C

PERM
Another good reason for Derek to keep his hair short! Haha! I love the
whole "hairdon't" line. Oh and, "it's porno hair," "Mike Brady hair," "Tony
home perm, bought a box at a yard sale." "Glenn's hair it's just making me
sad!" Derek's supply-belt was so funny. Reminds me of the time I got a perm.
I don't think I liked the newspapers in the end.

Probably a B+ but perhaps an A-

Bubba Sparxxx

What a dumbass. Get off the stage. i wanted to throw a tomato at the screen.

Bubba sucks and gets an F

CHRISTMAS GUYS

Yay! I always watch them. Keep the tradition going

Deserves an A. Even twenty years from now.

BIG THICK NOVEL

These are alwasy sooo dumb. I'm seriously FREAKED by those little babies.
They were like frickin demon kids! It was pretty good for one of the Jack
Handy things, though.

So it gets a C+

Ahhhh what a great show. Derek Jeter is wondeful. He did great for a baseball
player! Hugh Jackman next week, Mick Jagger sucks. I wish I had taped this.
Anyone who wants to make me a copy of this or send me the script, e-mail
Twinklebabe7@aol.com.

The Grand Total Grade of this show is: A
The Total of All My Grades put Together is: B

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