Derek Jeter / Bubba Sparxxx, Shakira
December 1, 2001


In the words of my mother, "Stop Swearing. So for the next 2-3 weeks welcome to a non-swearing Greg Haledjian SNL review. I don,t know how I,m going to make it without using the f-word to describe a skit or a bad musician. But I made this goal for me to do this death. In addition I am dedicating this whole month of non-swearing and just regular talking to my grandfather. RIP. Enjoy the review.

Well I had many computer problems this past 2 weeks. My apologies to all the people I sent the Forward to about the Letter. If you are reading this and are an SNL reviewer you are probably one of the people. Cause I sent it to all of you except one and that was the one whose email didn,t work anymore. Then I got a burner and it didn,t work so it was in the shop for a good 5 days. I put it back together on Monday. It started working again, but something didn't work, that is MY HOTMAIL ACCOUNT. So if you sent me any emails and its taking a while for me to reply, I am very sorry. Chances are nobody is really reading this, so I,m just going to talk about something else now.

Well you know what, I pulled it off finally for making a taping. I asked my mother this time to tape SNL for me this past weekend while at was a sweet 16. Happy B-day Kristen by the way. Well all in all my mom taped it. Bout time, lol. Anyway, I watched it on Sunday afternoon after church, and well Jeter I got to admit. Actually I,ll continue that sentence later on in the review. Oh yeah, this review is total butted by me. See how I didn,t swear. Well this week I don,t have any of the side commentators and I have no swearing to work with. I,m dealing with it in a boring way. All right, I haven,t done a setup like this, but I am going to take a break for the night, Tuesday, and do other stuff besides review. I know I have 2 days left and I am probably going to send it to Sean in a later hurry Thursday night, but I have to get back in my review mode. I mean this month is a big time to write and I have to make the review funny, so goodnight. I,ll be back in a few lines.

 

All right, back. Well as of now I am chilling on my computer and just listening to a good Foo Fighters album. Good stuff. I just had an interact meeting at school, it was productive, or so I assume. Well you know there,s just 1 other thing I want to talk about before getting into SNL, is that I saw the U2 Elevation live concert on VH1 a few weeks back, I actually taped it and I got to say it was pretty good. Bono sang old songs and newer songs, so all in all it was pretty good.

All right, nuff boring chat, onto SNL.

Well Derek Jeter becomes one of the rare Sports stars to host SNL. We all know he can hit a ball and hes a good baseball player, but can he make us laugh for 90 minutes. That,s probably one of the more important questions this season. I think Sports hosts are okay on the show, it,s just that they always play dry comedy. The last "Sports star was The Rock if you like to call him a sports star, before him was Deion Sanders. Something I,d like to bring up was that on both appearances for the Rock and Deion, they both had huge music guests (Rock/ACDC and Deion/Bon Jovi) so maybe it might just be a coincidence or not and they try to get an audience for the music rather than the host. You know what I,m trying to say. Anyway, tonight,s music is Shakira and well I,m not saying she,s a huge musical guest, but you know if I only knew what she looked like and heard Jeter hosted and I was in no part of this review, I would tune in just to see her. So maybe I do bring up a good point. Also, lets see if the special guest record keeps going, The record is 11 back from the end of 97-98 season all the way to the November ,98 show. Now we are at a 13-episode record starting from the Conan show all the way to Billy Bob,s show 2 weeks ago. Let,s see if it keeps on going. Alright, closing thoughts, Jeter will do a good job and Shakira and the other guy Bubba Spa-something will, well we,ll have to see how 2 performers will do. And onto the review.

Oh yeah I,m able to write better today with the Foo Fighters music. I,m on track 4 as of now.

Opening: This, How do you say, Ah yes, S**cked.
See how I made it non-swearing, ahh the power of Shift. Well back to the skit, it was soooo bad with the Darrel part. The parts with George W. were of course great. This is only his 2nd appearance this season, the last was on 11/6. Wills, impression of him was probably the most looked like of him ever. The last 2 minutes of it were chock fill of good lines. Read them all at the end of the review in Lines of the Night.
Grade: B-

Opening Credits: Well nothing to talk about Amy tonight, she,s looking like her usual self. Shakira takes over the throne tonight as "Schwing Girl of the Night Congrats to her.

Mono: So besides throwing a ball he can talk
Well this is Derek Jeter for all of the people still figuring that out. And for all the teenybopper girls checking out his other body parts, watch the guy talk for just a few minutes he's talking good about the Yankees. How cool would it have been for Darrel dressed as Rudy to be out their saying stuff. The foul ball parts were funny and all, but got a but old. The Sketch Spoilers were wrong about that. The guy who threw up looked like Dana Carvey, but wasn,t. The guy who jumped was funny.
Grade: B

Comm: Preparation H
Repeat from Premiere, I don,t remember what I originally gave it, sorry all. Oh yeah, this is/was the premiere of the New guys on SNL.

Skit: Well speaking of having no commercial, here,s the Iglesias Brothers
Jimmy does a funny Enrique. Amy does a hot impression of a hot girl.

Spazo Tom: For my one appearance of the night let me include, that you can,t say that about Amy, good night, this is Tom, signing off.

Greg: Well, that err. Bad Tom. God-da*. Get that (Bleep) Hole back here.

I think Kattan forgot to take off his Antonio Banderas wig from last week. Jeter was okay, but needed his cue cards for pretty much all of his portion of singing. Y,know the skit Gemini,s Twin reminded me of this. In the way that they sang and one of the singers did weird stuff like Jeter did. If you remember back in 99-,00, they did a skit that was sort of like this named 7 Degrees Celsius. This skit reminded me of it.
Grade: C+

Interlude part 1: by me
Well I,ve gone from Foo Fighters to Smashing Pumpkins. The track at this time is Cherub Rock, good stuff. Oh yeah, the GAP Shaggy commercial was good and I liked the one with the wannabe fat guy with Superman music sponsoring YAHOO. Back to the show.

Skit: Baseball wives, hey didn,t the season end like 3 weeks ago.
Bit late for a parody, but hey, whatcha gona do. All the girls and Jeter were funny. Amy was funny and Maya was just a tad bit weird. Funny little skit. Having Coney and Wells on as wives were good too.
Grade: C
Cameos: David Cone and David Wells (the special guests, record keeps going, now at 14 shows.)

Interlude part 2: Hey Don Pardo, yeah, umm his name is Hugh Jackman, not Ralph Jackman. One of the rare mistakes for Mr. Pardo.

Sketch: Masseuse
(Rant) Well, I guess SNL is getting good ratings with Jeter in a towel or robe whatever you like to call it. It,s a smart way for them to get a younger audience, but really, I mean, can,t Jeter do something else without being a model for all the 12-13 olds out there. Something else in a skit without Jeter wearing a robe or playing himself would really be nice tonight. Oh yeah, I thought the skit was funny with Enyas, music in the background and Kattan was funny as the masseuse. It was a good 7 minutes long going from song to song. The ending was funny when Kattan tried to hug Jeter. Also the stuff at the end with the supermarket was funny.
Grade: B

Comm: Dissing a Dog
Will was funny after the commercial got rolling after a minute or so. Walter, the dog, looked like my dog without all the hair. My dog is really hairy, so it,s hard to compare Walter and my dog.
Grade: C+ (Will yelling at a dog is funny s**t)

Comm./Skit: Derek Jeters, Taco Hole
Sorry, no other taco place measures up to Taco Bell. Oh yeah, funny skit,
Grade: C

Skit: Dealing with Mom and Dad
In all my years or being random, this skit reaches the height of my random viewing. This was one of the best of the night also, mainly cause of Jeters comedy. Amy was funny (see, she,s 12 and all, so I,m not saying she,s hot, but I know Matt D. would say she,s hot, Hi Matt.) I liked how Jeter and Kattans character came in after like 10 seconds. That was pretty funny. Kattan and Jeter were good when they beat up Jimmy and Jeff.
Grade: B+

Music: Shakira
Aright, the song is entitled, "Whenever, wherever. I like how the camera guy zoomed right up to her ass. Dang, if that sob was only on the crew when Britney was on the show. (See how I stopped from swearing)
For all the young teens: The motion is 2 easy steps.
For all the teenagers: Insert beer into mouth right about now.
For all the married men: Make sure you wives don,t catch you with that awe motion, with you jaw just plain down.
And For all the Old Guys: I assume you don,t need Viagra anymore.
These are of course after viewing Ms. Shakira. Good lord I hope it,s Ms., cause I,m hopping on a plane to Mexico or where the frick she lives.
Grade: A

Interlude part 3: by me
Next week is Hugh Jackman and I liked how they had an advertisement for him during commercials.

Update: Fey n Fallon
I think Jimmy is going for an Ashton Kutcher look. Great jokes this week. I liked the Seth-Jeter debate. Oh yeah, there is no point in saying how great this was cause these 2 are amazing together. Oh yeah George Harrison. RIP. You were guy.
Grade: A (I meant Jimmy and Tina together, not Seth and Jeter you perverts.)

Skit: Just plain Inappropriate as my mother says
Grade: D

Skit: Hair???
Jeter + 12:43= this skit which gets a C.

Music: Bubba Babba whatever
Now, No swearing allowed, but forget about this rapper. Think Shakira in that white thing she wore. Turn to Howard if you want instead of this guy.
Grade: F

Misc: Christmas Guys
Ah yes, the best Misc. segment from last season returns. Lets just hope Jimmy, Tracy, Chris, and Horatio return sometime in the next 2 shows to play this song again.
Grade: A

Misc: Chapter 772 is bad
Well, Jack, yes Jack Handy, it,s time to close the book for good. That,s all I,m going to say, oh yeah make some sense why don,t ya.
Grade: F

Closing Credits: Well, it was cut off short again this week, this time by an ED commercial. Well they need the ratings.

Onto the ShowTime at the Apollo review.

Craig David did a great song performance. He gets a B.

And that,s all folks, but wait, there,s more.

Aftershow: Well Jeter shocked us all by being funny tonight. Go to bed you teens, no more shots of his a**. Shakira was just plain great, and the song was good too. Bubba what,s his name, Rap will be over soon, you,re the closing call.

Best skit of the night: Update, Dealing with Mom and Dad, and The Christmas Guys skit.
Cameos: David Wells and David Cone
Molly Shannon Award for Breaking Character: Jeter and Kattan in the Masseuse skit.

Lines of the night:

 

"Seasons Greetings, you,ve got Anthrax, then maybe, just maybe you,re a terrorist.- Will as George W. in the Opening.

"If you,ve ever been drunk to fish, you just might be a redhead. Will again as George W.

"One of us is going to get naked in about 2 minutes, so it,s up to you. Kattan in Masseuse sketch.

"Yo man, your kid sucks.-Jeter in Dealing skit.

"Men masturbate all the time, right Jimmy, back to you.-Tina
"Rarely, if ever.-Jimmy

Well, overall grade gets a B. Great show in my opinion. Jeter did a great job, and so did half of the musical guests. Well next week is probably the biggest hosting/musical guest performance of the year with Hugh Jackman and Mick Jaggar starring. Should be a good show. Jaggar is back for his 3rd time. He was music with the Rolling Stones in ,78 and then as a solo musical guest in 1993. Hugh will be making his premiere on SNL. All right, time to close up shop for one night. I am just finishing listening to Rancid, so for Thursday Night on December 6, 2001, peace out.
And that,s all for now, Till next week, Adieu.


Episode Review written by Greg Haledjian


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