Derek Jeter / Bubba Sparxxx, Shakira
December 1, 2001

Hidey-ho, Brendan Merritt here with another great SNL episode review. It's been a while since my last post...John Goodman ep., I think. But I have an excuse...I've been very busy. In fact, I probably shouldn't be doing this review either, I have three term papers I could be working on. But ah, the life of a college senior at the end of a semester-gotta hate it.

Speaking of hate, I am not particularly fond of Derek Jeter. Or Bubba Sparxx. shakira, on the other hand...I could spend a full evening looking at her as..uh, i mean...listening to her.

Cold Opening: Message from the AG
--11,000 terrorists in custody already, huh...
--You might be a terrorist if...
*your return address reads "a cave"
*you have a subscription to Nerve Gas Weekly
*you have a long beard, hang out in a desert, and are not in ZZ Top...
Overall pretty good. I thought it was funny.
Ranking: 9/10

Just something that has always bothered me: Doesn't that picture of Will Ferrell make him looked possessed?

Monologue: Derek Jeter, you suck!
--I hate Derek Jeter
--Get off the stage!
*The Diamondbacks came from be hind to win, which they shouldn't be allowed to do
--Shit, I laughed at a Derek Jeter joke...Damn! I laughed at more than one of his jokes.
Rating: 7/10 (It would be higher, but I hate Derek Jeter)

Commercial: Prep-H
A repeat originally on the first episode. It was okat then. I wasn't as amused this time.
Rank: 6/10

Sketch: Inglesias Bro's
--Enrique, Julio Jr., and...uh...Norberto?
--Damn man, that was an ugly mole on Norberto there
--And his "spoken word" sucked
--It was pretty funny though
Rating: 8/10

--Random thought: There was a Gap commercial at this point. I don't mid the others of this line, where great musicians sing a great, the best actually, Supertramp song. But Shaggy? Damn man...he really ruined a great song

Sketch: Players' Wives
--This was pretty funny, although I don't have too much to say about it
--Derek Jeter: A cross between The Rock and a Muppet...ha ha, it's true, it's true.
--Um, why was David Wells holding his breasts? Did he like the fact that he had some boobies to touch?
Ranking: 8/10

Next Week:
Wait a minute, maybe I didn't hear that right. Did Don Pardo say "Ralph Jackman," or was I just not hearing right cause I was somewhat drunk?

Sketch: Gary the Masseuse
--C'mon Jeter, you pussy...take off that robe. Or rather, I am glad you didn't
--Hey, It's Enya! She was on Letterman a few weeks back. I have some of her older CDs, but not the new one yet.
--Chris' facial expressions were freekin awesome here.
--Hey, it's an Elton John song! I'm sure Jordan Davidson will be happy. "My Gift is My Song," is a pretty good tune.
--ha ha, all a dream...the ending was kind of rough, though.
Ranking: 9/10

Sketch: Dale the Dog Guy
Um, that Dale guy is a freak and a dog hater....jackass!
--"Dissing your Dog" sounds like a good idea, I guess
Rating: 7/10

Sketch: Derek Jeter's Taco Hole
--I like the Beach Boys (that seems randomly put in my review, doesn't it?)
--Okay, I really do not want to go any where near Derek Jeter's "Taco Hole," it sounds very....unappetizing.
--Hey, Freddie Fender! Oh, not really...damn.
Ranking: 8/10

Sketch: Dealing with Mom and Dad
* "If I were 15, I would so have sex with you!"
--Wow...that is the exact same thing all 14 year old girls say to Jimmy Fallon, and now they're saying it to Derek Jeter.
*Hey man, your kid sucks
--Did anybody else notice that one of the executive producers of this sit-com was named Bill Martin? Just a small tribute to Billy Martin, I guess, who died on Christmas Day 1989. He actually lived in the same county as me. He was the manager of the Yankees way back when I actually liked them. Damn, that was a long time ago. I think my hatred of the Yankees started with the parting of Lou Pinella as manager.
Rating: 9/10

Musical Guest: Shakira
--Soooo hot....want to touch the hiney....want to fondle the boobies
--Oh wiggle that ass girl!
--I think I like her better than Britney Spears, Alicia Keys, and Christina Aguilera all put together. Plus, she can sing too!
Ranking: /10/10

Weekend Update
--Al Roker naked....ewwwwww
--Hey, U2's Joshua Tree as best album? That's a shout-out to Mark Polishuk, who (as if you couldn't tell from his reviews) kind of likes that band, just a little, maybe
--Men masturbate all the time. Ain't that the truth...I mean, no we dont!
-Orgasm Day! AWESOME!
--Point, Counter-point
----Derek Jeter sucks:
1. so hard
2. so bad
3. wicked bad
--if there was a World Series at sucking, Jeter'd have 100 rings.
--In all honestly, I really have to agree with Seth on this argument. Derek Jeter sucks wicked big hairy ass.
---Finally, that was a nice tribute to George Harrison. I am one of the biggest Beatle's fans I know, and happened to be listening to the radio at 5am Friday morning when I first heard the news. I was sad.
Ranking: 9/10

Sketch: Osama and gang
--Will Ferrell actually looked something like's scary.
--Jimmy Fallon, on the other hand, looked like a red-neck with a turban and over-sized shotgun.
--$25mil, huh? It's tempting, I guess.
Overall, This was pretty funny, but there wasn't really any one particular funny thing
Rating: 7/10

Sketch: Hair people
This just sucked, i wasted valuable time by watching it.
Rating: 3/10

Music: Bubba Sparxxx
See comments for previous sketch.
--You know, if those two dancer girls didn't dance as well as they did (by well I mean in step together), I would almost guess they were whores just picked up from Times Square....they were ugly!
Rating: 0/10 (don't worry, I wont include this one in the final grade)

Musical Interlude: Horatio, Tracey, Chris, and Jimmy
--I liked this last year, and I like it again this year. No matter how stupid it is, it always makes me happy.
Rating: 8/10

Sketch: Jack Handy
Okay, I usually like these, but this one was just stupid.
Ranking: 5/10

So, I guess we should add up the scores, huh..
9+7+6+8+8+9+7+8+9+10+9+7+3+8+5=113/150 (75.3%)
Not a bad show overall. Next week should be good. I have no opinion on Hugh Jackman, but Mick Jagger is a god.

So I guess that's all for now. See ya'll next week!

Episode Review written by Brendan Merritt

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