Hugh Jackman / Mick Jagger
December 8, 2001


FROM THE OFFICES OF Dr. THEODORE J. FUGELHEIMERSON
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Hi ev-er-y-body! The Doc is back, and he's happy today, because this week is Chanukah and I'm getting an XBOX! I'm so excited that I'm more than tempted to do the famous Chanukah song... But because of the fact that it's very time consuming, and I could be sued by Adam Sandler if I posted it without express written consent, I'd better not.

I was actually in New York City on the night of last night's show, but I wasn't ther to see the show. As many trivia buffs might know, December 8th was the 21st anniversary of the death of one of my heroes, John Lennon. And I wanted to be in Central Park's Strawberry Fields to pay some respects. It was awsome, people were singing some of his songs. Others were drawing pictures of him, and others still just put some flowers on the stone that says "Imagine". All in all, it was a great experience, and I hope to do it again next year.

Getting back to SNL with Hugh "Wolverine" Jackman, there was the usual majority of the show being OK, but one part of the show last night really suprised me by sucking serious ass. Take a guess as to which one it was before I write about it...
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"Gore More Years"

Look, it's been a year. Give it a damn rest already. Why was Darrell in 3 places at once? (I know it's pre taped, but the guy is pretty much crying out for attention here.) The sketch would have been funny if "Dubya" was being a moron. Turns out that "Gore" is the moron here.

Diagnosis: D+
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"Na, na, na, na, na, na, na, na, Jackman!"

I never expect a guy like him to be the humorus type. This explains the drop ins by Dratch & Tracy "Token Black Guy" Morgan. (Bling, Bling) Anyway, with a voice like his, he should stick to acting, acting in such wonerful masterpieces like "Swordfish".

Diagnosis: C-
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"LooseBear Gives you ruuunnnnnsss!"

This had a dash of "Blair Witch" written all over it. Somehow I don't really believe in the fact that a bear can make you pipe out more s**t. Then again, I live in the suburbs, so how would I know that?

Diagnosis: C
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"...Ooh, they have the internet on computers now."

Jarrett's room is begining to become awesome now, I'm sorry I ever said it sucked. Horatio has once again switched over to the side of the druggie. (Or at least the wanna be druggie anyway) Jackman was a perfect idiot, kinda reminds me of "doofy" from Scary Movie. And I think Jimmy was intentionally high. (With enough time to sober up for update)

Diagnosis: A+
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"I think I hear Time Magazine mention a washed up guy's name..."

Oh, what cursed fiends have dug up thee?!? Seriously, "goulet" has reached that point where it has "Jumped the shark". I'm not even going to dignify responding to this.

Diagnosis: F
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"Make love to the camera, honey..."

There used to be an old saying in the 80s, "There's more for your life at sears"...
(Realplayer 8 required: <http://www.80stvthemes.com/ra/SEARS83.ra>http://www.80stvthemes.com/ra/SEARS83.ra) Well, this sketch shows that ther is definately Less. So this is Seth's big new character, eh? These look like rejects from a "Jeffery's" sketch. The only good parts of this were the constant "Coke" refferences.

Diagnosis: C-
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Mick Jagger

Sorry mick, you can't get no "satisfaction" here.
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"When news breaks, they fix it..."

This is the part of the show where I was suprised to see that it sucks! This isn't the update I know and Love. This was more like a (Dare I say) Colin Quinn Update! Not even "Drunk Girl" could salvage it. I never thought I'd be saying this about update ever again, but...

Diagnosis: F
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"Hey, dollface! Over here! (Slap)"

More Crap than any elephant can let out. Let's see, there's a soap eater, a booze baby, and a little "Jerk". Yeah, this definately spells Ha, Ha, Ha to me. Ana was just as bad as that "pretty living." Host. And Jackman looked like he still felt something from that Photo sketch.

Diagnosis: F
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(Insert Mick Jagger reference here)

Well, at least he's in a sketch, But what the hell was Jimmy doing? He didn't look/sound/Act like Mick at all! (except for the pointing thing) But I'm not saying that it was bad. I'm saying that Jimmy has a lot to work on if he ever wants to do it again.

Diagnosis: C
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"If I'm your hero, then will you still call me Superman?"

Hmmm, I could see Jackman playing the S-man in a movie... That is to say if the opertunity ever arises. Here's a question, if "Jor-el" is dead, then how is there any commuincation going on? Plus the gay references didn't sit right with me. You got to keep in mind that this was the way it was when it was done in the 1930s. By today's standards, he's lucky to be alive.

Diagnosis: C-
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"Oh, my god, what is that disaster you're wearing? I mean Hello?"

Ah, versace. Did I mention that the way she acts kind of reminds me of "Frau Farbissina" from Austin Powers?(At least when she yells) Molly Shannon did a better Versace than Maya. (no matter how hard she tries) Since it was 12:50 anyway, I'm sure no one wanted to do this. But it was either this or a Robert Smigel cartoon. (which they said they were going to do tonight, but guess what?...)

Diagnosis: F
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"Merry Christmas, mate"

I thought that the Idea was stupid, until we got to the sodomy part. That pretty much saved the show for studio 8H that night. I don't know what Will was speaking. But it definately wasn't Aussie. Still this was awesome (in a perverted way)

Diagnosis: A+
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Grand Diagnosis: C+

Prescription: Whoa, too much turkey! Maybe a little holiday cheer will do you good.

Next Week: Her new show is actually very funny and I hope it lasts, Ellen DeGeneres is here as is the "Hotchie, Motchie" Gwen Stefanni and No Doubt.

And, since it's the Christmas show, that means that I'll be showing the best of the best in my "New Year's Check-up" (A.K.A. Mid season awards) See you then.


Episode Review written by Dr. Theodore J Fugelheimerson


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